Total Drama: Revenge of the Island: Rebirth
by Woodenshy
Summary: A new season! A radioactive island! 13 teens...and maybe one more! The sequel to Total Drama Island: Rebirth is upon us! Who will suffer crushing defeat, and who will come out on top? Let's find out! (Rated T for violence, sexual themes, and language) NOTE: Please read Total Drama Island: Rebirth before this! It contains lead-ins to this series.
1. Bigger! Badder! Brutal-er!

(Author's Preface [AP?] Guys, since this is going to be a fic based off of Revenge of the Island, there's _only_ going to be 13 episodes. Yeah, this is not _nearly_ going to be as long as the first one. That's both good and bad.

Secondly, some personalities are going to have some radical changes. If you're not a fan of them, this isn't the fic for you.)

* * *

Chris McLean stood, once again, on the Wawanakwa dock. However, it had aged; the floorboards rotted and some sections had collapsed.

"We're back! After one year of letting the toxic waste on this island fester…and settling some long-overdue lawsuits…we're ready to start our second season of Total Drama!"

Chef walked up alongside him, holding a briefcase. He opened it, revealing several stacks of Canadian twenties.

"Yup, the prize, once again, is _one. Million. Dollars!_ " Chris said excitedly. "Very shortly, we'll have thirteen people arrive right here on the island to start this cornucopia of challenges!"

Chef closed the case; none of the money fluttered away this time.

Chris looked at the camera. "With only a fraction of the budget we ha-*ahem* with only half the time to fill, we're going to be upping the ante! Who will take all? Who will fall? Who will drop the ball?"

He looked at Chef. "Uh…did I say something like that last year?"

Chef shrugged.

"Anyway, we'll see you right here, right now, with our first episode of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!"

*cue the theme song*

Episode 1: Bigger! Badder! Brutal-er!

* * *

From off in the distance, a loud honk was heard.

"That's them!" Chris said, looking out over the horizon.

"Ladies and gentlemen, meet our thirteen contestants! First…we have Dakota!"

Dakota took a deep breath and flung her hair back.

"Hey, Dakota fans! I hope that you're ready for…uh…me!"

A rough patch of water splashed up onto her, leaving seaweed and a starfish in her hair.

"OH MY GOSH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

The blonde next to her laughed. "Oh, _man,_ if the batch of contestants are as weak as her, I can coast into the finals, easy!"

"Yeah, sure, Jo!" the redhead next to her smirked. "And _I'll_ be right alongside ya! Well…fairly, of course…"

"Oh hey, it's Sergeant Scott!" Jo glared. "Whatcha gonna do? Fling some mud?"

"He's going to win the million like the rest of us!"

Jo looked over. "Oh hey, Brick for brains, what deep philosophy did you bring back from cadet camp?"

Brick scoffed at her from the ship railing. "Everyone here has just as much potential to win as everyone else. Our mission is to bring that potential out and let that person shine."

Jo rolled her eyes. "Brilliant. Want a Gemmie for that _rousing_ performance?"

"No, but I _do_ want us to be the best we can be, sir!"

Scott chuckled slightly as Brick saluted his rival. "I second that notion!"

Chris sighed. "Moving right along…we have Zoey…and Dawn!"

Zoey scoffed from the top, looking down on the scene below.

"Cis white scum, spreading their patriarchal ideals to everyone. They're the reason that the world's a crappy place to live."

Dawn pouted and put an arm on her shoulder. "You don't have to be like this. I can see it clearly; your aura is screaming to free itself from its horrible prison…"

Zoey wrenched her shoulder away from Dawn, glared at her, and walked off.

Chris smiled. "Next we have Cameron and Lightning!"

Two African-Canadian teens stood on the side of the boat, although one was clearly cowering behind the other, who was not amused.

"C'mon, shorty, I can't have wussies usin' me as a shield!" Lightning groaned. "It's bad for me and my father's image!"

"Well ex- _cuse_ me for having never been out in the wild until now!" Cameron glared from behind Lightning's back.

"Fine, if that's how you want it…" Lightning cocked his leg forward, then kicked Cameron as hard as he could through the window.

"Enjoy your reality, loser!" he cackled, as Cameron's legs dangled from the window.

Chris squinted. "Gotta keep tabs on that guy…"

He looked further down the ship. A chubby girl was chatting to a tanned male in a blue t-shirt.

"…so, yeah! My great-aunt Helen invented boats! Before her, people had to use small planks of wood…"

The teen shifted his eyes nervously. "Uh…yeah, I'm, uh…gonna go over there. See ya!"

Chris chuckled. "Staci and Mike! Aren't they _great?_ "

"Hahahaha, I can't believe I just surpassed my high score in Galaxy Hunter 5!"

"Oh, right…and Sam."

Sam was leaning over the back railing, thumbs mashing wildly on his Game Guy.

"Just a little bit more and I can compete in the new Gamesphere tourney!"

From the next railing up, a large young man in a red hat leaned down, looking at Sam. He cracked a smile and nodded.

"Aaaand, there's B!" Chris said. "And they're all here!"

The boat had finally arrived on the Wawanakwa dock. Chef appeared with a plank of wood, linking the dock with the side of the boat.

"Greetings!" Chris said to Lightning, who strode off the ship.

"Hel- _lo_ , Wawa…Wawak…how _do_ you pronounce that?" Lightning asked, staring as hard as he could at the sign.

"I believe that's Wawanakwa," a voice next to him replied.

Lightning recoiled in shock. "But…but how… _you were on top of the boat!_ "

"Simple," Dawn replied. "I found a shortcut!"

* * *

 **Dawn** : My goal here is to make sure that mother nature is preserved and protected! I've heard all sorts of news about deforestation and climate change, and I feel her weeping more and more each and every day…

* * *

"Anyway… _whoa_." Chris said, gaping at Cameron's cut up body, which B was carrying over his shoulder.

"Don't worry…about me…mommy…" Cameron groaned, before flopping his head on B's shoulder.

"Thanks, buddy!" Chris said to B, patting his other shoulder. "I think he'll heal up fine…especiallysincetheresnoinfirmary *cough* I mean, yeah!"

"AAAAAAAAAAH! GET IT OFF OF ME!"

Chris sighed as Dakota bolted right past him and splashed straight into the water.

"Great, yet another weird one."

"What's _weird,_ " a voice next to him said, "is that you're not taking my hand! Where can I find a man courteous enough to do that anymore?!"

Chris rolled his eyes as Zoey glared at him.

"Well? Aren't you going to take my hand?"

Chris shook his head.

Zoey strode off the ship, fuming. Chris swore he could make out the words "patriarchy" and "entitlement".

"Well, jeez, Zoey's a rude one, isn't she? Back home, she'd receive punishment."

"I know, right, Scott? Heard you really like life on the farm."

"Oh, do I! I learned a lot: shooting kitchen rats with my Pappy, pig calls…my sister was so good at those…"

"Dude, come on, you're holding up the line!"

Scott screamed as he was shoved into the water by Jo.

"Man down! Man down!" Brick cried, immediately hopping over the ship to save his comrade.

Chris winced as Brick's jaw slammed hard against the wood of the dock before splashing into the water.

"I'll give him credit: he tried," he said as Brick groaned.

"Oh, uh, excuse me, pardon me, thank you."

Jo barely paid Mike any attention, as he scurried away to be next to Dawn.

"Oh, hello," she smiled at him. "Your aura is exceptionally bright…well, the aura that's _you,_ anyway."

"Oh jeez, you know, don't you?!" Mike gasped, clutching her shoulders. "Please, please, _please_ don't tell anyone about it…"

Dawn's smile faded. "I won't…but you have to, sir."

"Oh…name's Mike, pleased to meet you."

"Well…Mike…you have to tell someone about your _multiple personalities_ (she whispered the last two words)."

Mike nodded. "I just hope they don't screw everything up again…especially _him…_ "

Dawn pursed her lip. "Yes, I see a strong, black aura, screaming to get free…"

Mike shivered. "As long as he doesn't get out…I'm just afraid any whack to the head will do just that…"

Dawn playfully bopped him on the head. "Aw, Mike, you're just fine!"

Meanwhile, Chris was escorting Staci off the boat.

"…unfortunately, my uncle Bob passed away in a sailing incident, so, ya, I have a crippling fear of tilting the boats…" she yakked.

"HEY!" Zoey snapped. "You'd escort _her_ but not _me?_ "

Chris slit his throat with his finger. " _I don't think she's on our dimension,_ " he hissed.

"Aaaand…that's…uh, Sam? Sam? HELLO?"

Sam was still playing happily on his Game Guy.

"Ah jeez, really, dude? Chef, bring _it,_ please."

Chef wasted no time. He came back in a minute with a fishing rod, with a magnet at the end of the line. Casting out, the magnet grabbed Sam's Game Guy and brought it back to Chef.

"Oh, hey! Hey, wait! Waaait!" Sam cried, running after it. He gasped and panted on the Wawanakwa dock.

"Oh hey, big guy!" he said to Chef, "Can I have that back, please? I wanted to show my high score to the Gamesphere guys, and I can't do that if I don't have it…"

Chef shook his head.

"Uh, _hello?_ Can someone help me up, please?" A hand flailed about, looking for another.

"I'll save you! Heh, maybe I'll get a sweet item as my rew _ohhhhhhhhhh._ "

Sam's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as he pulled Dakota up.

"Uh, yeah, thanks, but now I gotta dry this! Ugh, my outfit's going to _shrink!_ " Dakota pouted, walking next to Zoey.

Chris sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Alright, so that's…"

He did a head count. "…wait, there's only twelve of you. Where's the last one—"

"OUTTA MY WAY, JOIKS!"

"SOMEBODY STOP THIS THING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

A jetski roared onto the Wawanakwa shoreline, with two people riding on top of it. Behind it was a small dinghy carrying their luggage.

"Oh, that's them… _oh!_ We've got one more!" Chris said, clasping his hands excitedly.

The jetski sputtered onto land and the two contestants got off. However, one of them, a brunette with her hair in a ponytail, gigantic glasses, a green scouts dress and pink leggings, collapsed.

"Oh, come on, losuh! I didn't drag your sorry butt over here for nuttin!" the other one scowled.

"Everyone, this is Anne Maria!" Chris said, motioning to the heavily tanned Jersey Shore wannabe. "Oh yeah, and Beth."

Beth stood up, gasping. "Thanks, mister… _OHMYGOSH, YOU'RE CHRIS MCLEAN! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_ "

Chris held his ears. "Alright, alright, now, if the fourteen of you will follow me…"

He escorted the 14 contestants to the campfire.

"If any of you have seen Season 1…" he began, but was quickly interrupted.

" _I_ did," Zoey said, raising her hand. She was shortly followed by Mike and Beth.

* * *

 **Zoey** : Seeing Bridgette's performance in early Season 1 inspired me to follow the growing fanbase it was getting on Bumbler. However, when that jerk _Ben_ started to go out with her, I lost all hope in her; dating a scumbag like that. She should've gone with a much nicer, more generous person who will grovel at her feet!

* * *

Chris sighed "Well, for those of you that only saw smatterings or parts of it…this is our campfire, where we hand out marshmallows to people who are safe."

" _Mmmmm, marshmallowy goodness…_ " Beth drooled. Anne Maria stepped away from her, shuddering.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : No way she's gonna get my pouf. Million dollahs is good, but I'm worth a billion, easy. *she takes out hairspray from her pouf and sprays it*

* * *

Chris groaned. "This season's going to be…never mind! Anyway, due to the lesser number of people here and less production costs, someone's going to be eliminated in _every episode._

"…except one!"

Chris pulled out a gray card.

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Wasn't that the red and green cards that signified each team was safe?" Beth asked, eyes wide with wonder.

"Jeez, way to cut the tension!" Chris groaned, before smiling again. "But yes! Only one team during the season will have privilege to this card, meaning that the other team could be fair game. Simple. Short. Fun!"

The murmuring among the campers increased slightly. Chris's smile dropped faster than the card.

"FINE! So, here's your first challenge! A footrace to the wide open field over there!"

Jo rolled her eyes. "Gee, when he said 'reduced budget', he wasn't kidding."

"I HEARD THAT! First seven people there form one team _aaaand_ get a sweet advantage in part two!

"Now get going…you don't want _any_ of the wildlife hurting you…"

Jo's eyes narrowed. "Oh yeah? Try me."

"Seems like these guys are afraid of…LOUD NOISES!"

Chris blew his signature air horn long and loud. The ground shook and the trees trembled.

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Brick screamed, before he, Jo, Lightning, and Scott bolted for the woods.

Everyone else bolted right along after them, and they were right to do so. An angry, mutated beaver with elephant tusks chased right after them.

"Well, Boney Island fauna came on here in the past 6 months," Chris said, before running in a beeline for the field.

Meanwhile, in the woods, the first four contestants made their way through the thickening trees.

"So…" panted Scott, "Brick, you're a military guy, huh?"

"Born and bred," he replied, sticking his thumb proudly into his firm chest. "Dad really got me into the cadet life growing up, and mom was no slouch either. She helped me write some top-quality reports."

* * *

 **Brick** : Not to mention that their combined parental guidance won me quite a few awards. There's the shortsheeting award, the dirty laundry award, the…

 **Dakota** : *she wrings her hair out, splashing water onto the floor* Noooooo! That was specially permed by my masseuse! *she sniffles* Chris is _so_ mean!

 **Brick** : …the clean room award, and the letters to mom award! I always won that one.

 **Jo** : *she can't stop laughing* Oh, Brick, _dude,_ you're as lame as lame comes! Me, I just used my wits and skills to excel at anything life throws at me! Nothing can phase *a bear paw smashes through the confessional wall, and she yelps. The paw retracts.* Okay…except for that.

* * *

Mike grunted and groaned as twigs and branches slapped against his face.

"Oh, ow, ow! Not fair! Ah, jeez, I don't…"

Dawn, who was right behind him, smacked hard into his back.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll get out of your…you're not Mike."

" _Ah, dangnabbit! Haven't felt this sore since my pop whipped me with that belt back in The Great War!_ "

Dawn groaned. "Yup, this is going to be _real_ fun."

* * *

 **Dawn** : Mike's going to be at eternal war with his auras if he doesn't do something soon! I _could_ try to help him…

* * *

"Um, let's try to bring you back down to earth, Mister…uh…"

"The name's Chester! Been a while since I've been on a walk, eh? Well, been a while since I did something in general…"

Chester stretched, but groaned as he heard a loud crack.

"Ah, dangit, that's the ol'…ol'…oh boy."

Dawn facepalmed.

* * *

 **Dawn** : Dealing with Mike's personalities is going to be tougher than I thought.

* * *

"…well, my great-great-great-great-great Aunt Sue invented running shoes…before her, people had to walk in moccasins, which were invented by my great-great-great-great-great- _great_ uncle Arnold…"

"AAAAAH! SOCIAL ACTIVITY!"

Sam was running for his life, with Staci not far behind. The two of them bolted past Dawn and Chester.

"Say, watch where you're going, _sonny!_ " Chester scowled, shaking a fist at the pair.

"Oh, please, not like you'da done the same!" Anne Maria threw her empty hairspray bottle as she passed the two.

Chester groaned as the bottle smacked straight into his left temple, then collapsed.

"Oh no! Mike! Mike, are you alright? _Mike?_ " Dawn was shaking Mike as Anne Maria grabbed another hairspray bottle from her pouf.

"Oh, relax, wonduhboy's fine! He'll get his revenge when the challenge starts propuh!"

As Anne Maria vanished into the woods, Mike bolted awake.

"Aaah! Oh, Dawn, it's you."

He then bolted upright, screaming.

"Oh _man_ , did Chester come out! Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! I'm so, _so_ sorry you had to see that and—"

Dawn gave him a kind smile. Mike quieted down.

"You, sir, need to tell me and your eventual teammates about this," she said, hooking his arm in hers. "C'mon, let's keep going. We'll take all the time we need."

Behind the rest of them, Cameron stirred awake on B's shoulder.

"AAAH! Not the bubble aga…no, wait…I smell fresh air! Pine trees! It's so beautiful!"

B smiled and patted Cam's back.

"Oh, hello, big guy! You're in the competition too, aren't ya?"

B bobbed his shoulder up and down to signify "yes."

"Not much of a speaker, huh?"

B wiggled his shoulder side to side.

"Oh, that's okay. My mom did most of the talking for the both of us, so I'm similar to you!"

* * *

 **Cameron** : 16 years. 16 years I was in that bubble. I know my mom loves me and all, but _yeesh!_ That's a bit much isn't it?

* * *

Beth and Dakota weren't much further behind.

"So…what…*gasp*…what do you do for fun?" Beth asked her.

Dakota's makeup was smeared with her tears. "Oh gosh, uh, Daddy never lets me talk to ugly people so…uh…bye!"

"But…wait!" Beth reached out in vain as Dakota sprinted ahead.

* * *

 **Beth** : *she sighs* I wasn't that good making friends. I spent _all_ last year since my rejection from Season 1 improving things like my diction, my body language, ooh, and my interests! Dad even took me to take my braces off and that's helped _soooo_ much! Now, I just have a retainer! *she spits it out and shows the camera*

* * *

Beth groaned as she trod on in silence. That silence, however, didn't last long.

"OUT OF MY WAY! OPPRESSED FEMALE AND ALLY OF POC COMING THROUGH!"

Beth gasped happily. "Oh hi Zoey! …Oh. Bye, Zoey…"

A loud roar erupted from the trees behind her. Beth shrieked and bolted.

From behind the trees, a tiny chipmunk hopped along. It roared.

* * *

 **Zoey** : *she grumbles* All this running isn't good for me. My friends on Bumbler and I are pro-obesity. Fatness is beautiful!

* * *

Meanwhile, the four frontrunners made it to the open field where Chris was waiting.

"Congrats! You guys make the first four members of…"

"AAAAAAH! KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME!"

"…my aunt Olga is Norwegian and she helped me learn about _snowshoeing!_ Ah, memories!"

Sam skidded to a halt, but Staci chattered right into the back of Lightning.

"Sha- _hey!_ " he snapped, cocking his fist back to punch her.

"Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" Chris said. "No violence, please! Save _that_ for the challenges…"

* * *

 **Lightning** : Oooh, _no violence._ Well, sha-suck it, Chris! _I'm_ like lightning in a can, let it pop, and I'm off like a bullet! Sha- _bam!_ *he punches the patched up confessional wall, opening a hole in it again* …No matter! Once I win the million, I'll spend _none_ of it on repairing this crusty place!

* * *

"Well, that's six…" Chris said, waiting for anyone else.

"Ah, jeez, we're outnumbered, nine to four," Jo sulked.

Brick sighed. "Bringing up strong vs. weak again? You wouldn't last a minute in my squad."

"Oh, yeah? Try me!"

"Well, maybe I will!"

"Ladies, gentlemen, _please!_ " Scott said, breaking the two apart. "I think that we can all get along just fine if we talk about it over some gruel!

"No!" Jo said, turning away.

* * *

 **Scott** : Well, we're all on the same team, might as well _try_ to build some trust in between us! But _noooo_ , I'm immediately the bad guy! Why do I even try?

 **Brick** : I'm giving Scott credit where credit's due, he's a great mediator.

* * *

"Aaand here comes…Anne Maria? I was expecting B…or Mike…heck, even Dakota!" Chris groaned. "Well, looks like you seven are your own team: the Toxic Rats!"

A green, angry rat flashed above the seven contestants.

"Gee. Great." Sam groaned as Staci chattered on in the background.

* * *

 **Sam** : Honestly, I would've liked to be with Dakota on the same team! She's _sooooo_ pretty…*his eyes sparkle and he slips out of focus*

* * *

"So, the rest of you…" Chris said as he saw Mike, Dawn, Dakota, B, and Cameron approach him. "You're the Mutant Maggots!"

A red maggot hung over the five competitors. None of them noticed.

"Oh look, it's Zoey and Beth! Over with these five, please!"

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Beth said, panting next to Mike.

Zoey, however, kept her distance.

* * *

 **Zoey** : It's nice that we have a female and PoC advantage here, but Mike's a cis white male! He might as well be worthless!

* * *

"Anywho, on to your first challenge. You guys will have to detach these totem poles from these trees using any means necessary. However, since the Rats got the first win: they win climbing gear, including a Swiss army knife!"

He tossed a backpack, a pick, and a harness to Brick, who smiled.

"Oh, I'm all over this!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Climbing sheer rock faces is something I excelled in at boot camp. No stinking tree's going to stop me.

* * *

"As for the Maggots," Chris continued, "you guys get a trampoline! It's at the site of your totem pole…"

"Uh, Chris," Sam said, looking longingly for any game device to play, "how do we _finish_ the challenge? I want my games back…"

"Glad you asked! You'll have to slide along down to the site of your cabins! You'll have to place your pole on the cabin stand before the timer runs out.

"If the timer _does_ run out, well…BOOM!"

Everyone gasped.

"Oh yeah, be sure to get to the luxurious McLean Spa Hotel first. Winning teams will have a _blast_ living in there…"

Some of the contestants groaned.

* * *

 **Lightning** : Aw, sha-sweet! I know that I'll lead my team to victory _each_ and _every_ time! With my own bare hands!

 **Zoey** : I heard that the funding got slashed due to some lawsuits, but I didn't know that the budget was this low because Chris needed to feed his ego! Leave it to _men_ to make dumb decisions like this…

* * *

"Now, _go!_ "

The Rats were off, with the Maggots not too far behind.

"Hey, uh…Brawn, I'll get that climbin' gear off your hands, Lightnin's on the case!" Lightning said.

Brick gave him a look. "Well, mom always said 'share the load', so…here!"

He handed Lightning the backpack, but kept the harness and pick.

"Sha-bye-bye, sucka!" Lightning cackled, throwing the backpack at B.

"NOOOO!" everyone else groaned.

* * *

 **Sam** : Leave it to Lightning to screw things up for us, huh? Well, least I'm not going home first, bro!

* * *

Sam was starting to lag behind the rest of his team.

"Need…games…must…have…entertainment!"

"C'mon, saggypants! Move it or lose it!" Jo grumbled, as the Maggots started to overtake the chubby gamer.

"Can't...go...on!"

"Awww, don't feel bad, Daddy never taught me how to work out much, either!"

"Oh…hey!"

"Hiiii! You're the one that saved me, right?"

Dakota and Sam petered down to a comfortable walking speed, unaware that their competition was far ahead.

Meanwhile, the two teams of six arrived at the sites of the totem pole. The Maggots gathered around their trampoline.

"Thanks, Lightning!" Zoey said, waving happily, "it's nice to have a PoC take advantage of a poor, oppressed, woman!"

"Sha…uh…uh…what?" Lightning's face was scrunched up in confusion.

"No time to waste, let's move!" Brick said, grabbing the pick and taking hold. "We've got a challenge to win!"

"Aw, puh-leeze," Anne Maria scoffed, applying nail polish. "This losuh Lightning cost us the challenge!"

Lightning turned around, flames of anger in his eyes.

"Did. You. Just. Say. _LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE?_ "

"Yeah, what about it? People lose all the time, shawty!"

"NYAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Anne Maria ran for her life as Lightning charged towards her.

Meanwhile, Brick was rappelling up the tree quickly.

"Thankfully, this bark gives me a rough surface to work with," he said to himself.

"Come on, Helmet-head! We're losing big time!" Jo cried in anguish.

Indeed, she was right: B had already attached the rope to the tree and was showing Dawn how to climb it.

"Ah, jeez," Brick groaned, sweating up a storm.

"Ooh, it's raining!" Staci said as drops of sweat fell off of Brick and onto her skin. "My great-great uncle Hugo lived in the rainforest and—"

"WE DON'T CARE!"

* * *

 **Staci** : Gosh, how rude! I do wish they could've spoken up about it…

* * *

"Alright, idiot, c'mere, I'll win this challenge for us!"

Brick yelped as he was being yanked down by Lightning, who was climbing up as fast as he could.

"No time for sha-losers!" he said, as Brick painfully slid down the tree onto the ground.

As Lightning grabbed onto the branch, Brick screamed in pain, loudly.

"Aw, crap! Brick, you alright?" Scott asked, helping his friend back up.

"I think I need something for my arms…" Brick moaned, showing him raw and bloody marks.

"I have just the cure!"

Scott scurried away. Jo rolled her eyes.

"Great, Lieutenant—"

"Hey! I'm still a cadet!"

"Yeah, whatever. Now look what you did. Might as well demote Scott to corporal!"

"What makes you think that, private?" Brick stood up, glaring daggers.

"Well, I've been keeping an eye on Scott. He seems like _just_ the guy to trade off his whole team for the million…"

Brick crossed his arms, an action which he immediately regretted.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Don't worry, buddy! I got some mud!"

Brick gasped as Scott immediately started to apply some muck to Brick's red arms.

"Okay, Lightning, that was _not cool!_ " he yelled at the jock, who had scrambled onto the branch

"Sha-please! You'll all be bowing down to me as you-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Lightning, who was bouncing on the branch, screamed as it gave way.

"Unbelievable!" Jo cried out in dismay. "Also…where are Sam and Anne Maria?"

Thankfully, one of her pressing questions was answered.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, uh, Sam, you're so funny!"

Sam was escorting Dakota to their challenge site. Jo glared daggers at him.

"And where were _you?_ "

"I was escorting _this_ jewel back to her team! Making sure she didn't get hurt, you know?"

Jo groaned. "Great! So half our team is useless!"

Lightning groaned as he came to. "Alright, let's get sha-going!"

He sprinted, carrying the totem, before throwing it, launching himself onto it, and sledding down.

"UNBELIEVABLE!" Jo screeched.

"There's no 'I' in 'team'!" Scott shot at him.

"Oh yeah? There _is_ an 'I' in 'me'!"

Jo stood there, perplexed.

" _WHAT?!_ "

 _WHAM._

Lightning's trip was cut short; his ride had crashed headfirst into a tree, launching him straight through the trunk.

Jo whacked him upside the head when she got there. "Way to go, idiot."

"Wooo…Super Bowl…yeaaaaah…"

"Right. Brick and Scott, can you go check on Anne Maria?"

Scott was still applying mud onto Brick's arms. He shook his head.

"Uh…Gabby Gums?"

"Well, my great-aunt Helen taught me how to make treehouses, so maybe she took some of my wisdom and…"

"UGH! FINE! I'LL—"

"I'll get 'er!"

Jo stood flabbergasted at Sam's volunteer request. "But…you _just_ got back from—"

"Yeah, but now, this time, I won't get in your way! Win-win!"

Jo sputtered, then buried her face in her hands.

"Y…yeah. Fine. Whatever. Go."

Sam sprinted away to find his lost teammate.

* * *

 **Sam** : Well, my brother always taught me that if you want to get the girl, treat her with compassion and respect! Well, my dating sims games could've told me _that_ too, beyond all the tentacles and monsters and…uh…love you, bro!

* * *

Anne Maria was sulking as she hung by her shirt on a tree branch.

"Way to go, Lightning! You sore losuh!"

"…looo..ellllooooo…Hellllooooooo?"

"Ah, crap, it's that gamuh guy."

Sam passed close by to her captive spot.

 _Don't say anything, don't say anything…_

Anne Maria pulled out her nail polish again, but it slipped out her grip.

"CRAP!"

"AHA! I FOUND THE PRINCESS!"

Anne Maria groaned as Sam ran up to her.

"Not to worry, Princess, all I have to do is clear this flagpole…"

Anne Maria groaned.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Unbelievable! That joik's losin' his marbles! Is this whole team crazy or what?

* * *

Meanwhile, on the Maggots, Dawn was climbing up the rope.

"So, you think she'll be okay?" Mike asked, scratching his head.

"Oh, of course!" Cameron piped up, still on B's shoulder. "B fastened that rope securely with the simple, yet elegant, square knot. Combine that with the knife, and we might as well be at the Spa Hotel already."

Zoey grumbled and rolled her eyes.

"Uh, is something bothering you?" Beth asked, leaning closer.

"Leave me alone."

"Oh."

* * *

 **Beth** : *she sniffles* _Why_ does the world hate me?!

* * *

"I got it!"

Dawn was using the knife part of the Swiss Army knife to cut the rope attaching the totem pole to the tree.

"Stay clear! It's heavy!"

Zoey glared over at the other team. "Oh look, Lightning crashed the totem. Whoopee."

Cameron scratched his head. "Shouldn't you be glad about that? It means we get an edge here, and a possible win later!"

B gave Zoey a look. Zoey glared right back.

"It's none of your business if I'm bothered or not! Now then, _leave. Me. Alone!_ "

"CLEAR!"

Dakota bolted as the totem pole slammed into the ground, hard. B, wasting no time, was pushing it over to its side.

"B wants us to get on!" Dawn said, pushing herself off the tree and landing, unscathed.

Everyone gaped.

* * *

 **Mike** : Okay, that was a five-foot drop, easy! What sort of stuff is Dawn hiding?

 **Dawn** : Well, I've promised to be kind to Mother Nature, and, well, nature is kind to me back! Ooh, I can't wait to see some more fauna around! I'm sure I'll be good friends with them!

* * *

"Dakota, come on!" Cameron reached his hand out to the spoiled teen.

"Oh, I…I…okay!"

Dakota screeched as she ran towards Cameron, who grabbed her hand. She then screamed along with the rest (save B) as they rocketed down the hill.

Chris and Chef were sitting outside the two cabins, drinking iced tea.

"Ahhh, it's good being back in the saddle!" Chris said happily. "Oop, here come…the Maggots?!"

Indeed, 6 of the 7 Maggots screamed as they made it to the bottom of the hill, right before stopping in front of the spa.

"Hurry!" Mike cried, straining to lift it.

With enough effort, all 7 contestants lifted the totem pole and slowly started to walk towards the podium.

"Might wanna hurry, Maggots!" Chris said, flipping up his sunglasses. "Only got two…"

 _KLIK._

Thankfully, the timer was irrelevant; the spa hotel was theirs.

"AND THE MUTANT MAGGOTS WIN THEIR FIRST CHALLENGE! I wonder how the Rats are doing…" Chris mused.

"Ow, ow, ow! Hey, losuh! Put me down!"

Anne Maria grunted as sticks and needles lodged in her hair.

"No time!" Sam cried, searching around in panic. "We've got a challenge to wi— "

 _ **BOOM.**_

The entire forest shook as the Rats totem exploded violently. Sam _ooohed_ as he saw the bright explosion.

"STOP WASTING TIME AND LET'S GO!" Anne Maria shrieked, punching his shoulder.

From far away, the air horn blasted. Once again, the forest shook: the fauna was getting restless.

"RATS! I'LL SEE YOU AT THE FIRST ELIMINATION OF THE SEASON!" Chris cried through his megaphone.

Sam yelped and ran, dropping Anne Maria hard on the ground.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Oh, I know exactly who's gonna go! It's that no good Sam!

* * *

Meanwhile, the other five campers bolted (Jo carrying the woozy Lightning) as the mutant animals trampled not far behind.

"Oh crap!" Scott groaned as mud splashed up onto his jeans. "Way to go, _Lightning._ "

"Yeaaaah…go team go…"

"Unbe- _lie_ -vable!" Jo groaned as they saw the clearing ahead. "I knew we were hosed, but not _this_ bad!"

"I know, right?!" The other team members gasped as Anne Maria exited the woods not too far from them.

"Wait…" Brick started.

"…where's Sam?" Scott finished.

"Who knows? Who _cares?_ He's as good as gone in my book, that's for sure."

Meanwhile, Sam was groaning as he came to. "AAAAH!"

A squirrel with vertical eyelids was finishing tying him up.

"Uhhh…what are you guys gonna do to me?"

The camera cut away as Sam screamed towards the heavens, interspersed with punching and whacking sounds.

* * *

The seven Rats looked weary and battered, except for Lightning. He was still woozy from his adventures.

"Rats. I only have six marshmallows on this plate." Chris held it up, then looked towards Chef.

"Now, you might be wondering _why_ this guy's decked out in a radiation suit. Well…"

Chef opened up the small box he was holding. Inside was a glowing, green marshmallow.

"This is the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom. None of you have seen Season 1, but we got… _inspired_ …by the episode it appeared in.

"Now then, to the victors go the spoils, and to the losers…well, you get radiation poisoning."

Everyone gasped.

"Right. These bad boys go to…Anne Maria…Brick…Jo…Scott…and Sam."

Sam gasped as a marshmallow landed in his hands. His smile, however, soon faded.

"I just want my Game Guy…"

"Awww. Don't care. Anywho, you two caused quite a bit of problems today. Staci, you wouldn't shut up and contributed _absolutely nothing._ Lightning, you tried to help your team…well, threw your team under the bus…and completely failed."

Staci balled her hands into fists, sweating nervously. Lightning just murmured slurred, unintelligible speech.

"Tonight's Toxic Marshmallow goes…toooooo…

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…LIGHTNING!"

Chef threw the marshmallow via his set of tongs. It landed squarely on Lightning's head, blanching his hair in a matter of instants.

"Wh…AAAH! AAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Lightning whacked the Toxic Marshmallow off of him; it sank into the ground shortly thereafter.

"Yup! Boat of Losers is that-a-way!"

Lightning scowled as he got on the boat. Chef started the engines.

"Sha-mark my words! You're all going to regret this! Especially _you,_ Scott! Keep your eyes out on him! He's a traitoooooooooo…"

His last words were drowned out as the boat moved out into the thickening fog.

Scott glared at the rest of his team. "Really? After all I've done to help today?"

Jo smirked.

* * *

 **Jo** : Scott being a traitor? Complete bull. But, you plant the seeds of doubt into your team, and they'll bend over to you if you successfully take him out. You're next, Scotty boy.

* * *

"With one Rat down and another following in his footsteps, will Jo succeed in her plan to take out Scott? Will Sam do _anything_ useful? Will Dakota stop whining? Will Staci shut up? Find out on this next episode of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!" Chris grinned as the cameras faded to black.

* * *

(AN: Dang, this chapter came out really quickly, didn't it? Sorry if it did, I just wanted to get _something_ out before I go back to school and whatnot.)

(Right, a few more disclaimers. NO, there will be no immunity idol. Saw what it did in canon and, honestly, it brought up quite a few complications (ESPECIALLY in All-Stars…) I just thought it was wiser to leave it out and have the new guys fend for themselves.)

(Next, any portrayals of MPD may or may not be psychologically accurate. My goal is writing a good story here; if you want accurate MPD analysis, I recommend finding a medical journal and critiquing me as you see fit. I'll see what I can do.)

(Lastly, yeah, only going to be 13 episodes, folks. I don't want to gorge this season with filler, as well as not turning it into Total Drama Action. We all know how _that_ went.)

Toxic Rats: Anne Maria, Brick, Jo, Sam, Scott, Staci

Mutant Maggots: B, Beth, Cameron, Dakota, Dawn, Mike, Zoey

14th: Lightning

Next Up: Truth or Laser Shark


	2. Truth or Laser Shark

(AN: Someone told me not to use the reset button in Mike's mind. Buddy, don't worry, I hated that bit just as much as everyone else.)

 **Chris** : Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, we met our thirteen competitors, plus our reject Season 1 contestant, Beth! Lightning immediately started the show on the wrong foot, giving B the means necessary to win the challenge and severely tick off his teammates. Staci wouldn't keep quiet, Sam was useless, and Anne Maria hung around to have a rollicking good time! In the end, Lightning was the first to receive the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom, and he took the loser boat home. With thirteen left, we'll see what happens to our contestants when they face the inevitable truth: They _stink!_ Seriously, I might bring the original cast back next season to whoop these guy's butts! Anyway, we'll see you right here, right now with Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

*cue the theme song*

Episode 2: Truth or Laser Shark

* * *

Sam tossed and turned in his bunk, thrashing wildly against the sheets. His dreams had never been so vivid.

"Ohhh, Dakota, I've never seen someone so beautiful in my entire life…"

"Thank you, handsome knight," she said, her impossibly long blonde hair fluttering in the breeze. "But…I have something to tell you…"

Sam's mouth opened wide. "What is it, my beautiful princess?"

"I need to tell you…that…I'm…nonexistent…"

Sam reached out in vain as the dream Dakota vanished, only to be replaced with a laughing, grotesque Jo.

" _SURPRISE, SAMUEL…IT WAS ME! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG! AND NOW…I WILL END YOU!_ "

Sam backed away as Jo strode closer and closer, opening her mouth wide, jaw unhinged. She lunged and…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Sam awoke in his bunk, sweating bullets.

"Hah, hah, hah…oh, _man_ , that was horrible!"

"Really, _Samuel?_ "

Sam yelled again, only for Scott to cover his mouth.

"Sssh! Don't worry, I'm only joking. Now, you said you wanted your Game Guy back, right?"

Sam nodded.

Scott twirled an unfolded paper clip around his finger. "Well, Sam, my man, I'll go get it back for you."

Sam's eyes glowed with glee. "You'd _really_ do that?"

"Of course! Besides, it's…only 9 at night. You passed out right after the elimination ceremony."

Sam sat up in bed. The other 5 Rats were giving him odd looks.

"HA!" Jo said, leaning against her bunk. "Looks like you owe me 5, Brick."

Brick grumbled, but pulled out a $5 bill from his pocket. "Well, fair's fair."

Sam took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Wait, what happened?"

"Well, after that joik Lightning got the boot, you ran like hell and hopped into your bunk," Anne Maria said.

"Then I took a bet. Lieutenant Failure over here bet 5 that you'd last the night. Scotty boy didn't; he's 'not a bettin' man'," Jo added.

"Aaand I lost that," Brick groaned.

Sam sighed. Then, he put his glasses back on, confused. "Aand…what did Staci do?"

"Honestly, nothing," Scott said, looking up at her, lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "Said nothing to no one, really. I should see if she's okay."

"I…I'm fine…" came the reply. "Ya, it's just…I don't want to discuss anything with people who don't want to hear it…"

"Oh good," Jo said, flopping into her bunk. "Means we'll get a quiet next few days."

* * *

 **Staci** : One thing I didn't have back home was friends…or attention. So, I got the latter by making up lies about my family tree. Ya, I don't know how much _is_ true, but I do know one thing…*she pulls out an effigy of Jo* my mother taught me voodoo!

* * *

Meanwhile, at the McLean spa hotel, 6 Mutant Maggots were enjoying their dinner of steak, asparagus, and mashed potatoes. All save Dawn, who was eating a garden salad.

"Oh, wow, I've never _had_ anything like this before!" Cameron said, biting into a forkful of potatoes, which was adorned with butter and gravy.

" _IIIIIII_ have!" Dakota said, with her mouth full. Everyone else covered themselves as steak sauce splattered all over the place.

"Whoa, on a scale of one to not cool, that was suck- _tacular!_ " Mike groaned, wiping his shirt clean of the dollops of sauce.

Dawn, noticing his frustration, gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll try my best to help you."

Mike sighed and flopped his upper body onto the table. "Ohhh, I've been trying to fix this problem, and I just don't know how!"

The other 4 looked at him.

"Uhh, what problem?" Cameron asked.

Mike gulped, looking at his team. Then, he cleared his throat.

"Guys, uh…I have Multiple Personality Disorder."

* * *

 **Mike** : Well, I might as well come clean. I mean, hey, how _stupid_ would I have to be to keep it secret from everyone? What's next, a reset button in my mind? Oh, _man_ , ha!

* * *

Zoey scoffed from across the room. "Doesn't change the fact that you, yes, _you_ , are a cis white male who's focused on oppressing us more than we already are!"

"Hey! He doesn't deserve comments like that!" Beth scowled at her. Zoey ignored her.

"Well, as long as we get a good night's rest and a decent breakfast, we'll kill the next challenge, guaranteed!" Cameron said, nudging B in the chest. The big guy nodded and smiled.

"But Daddy said that killing is _bad!_ " Dakota whined, stabbing her asparagus.

Mike groaned and stood up. "I see my big news went over well with everyone…"

Cameron looked over at him. "Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that _she_ (he looked at Zoey and glared) is a big, stinking, mean, _jerk!_ "

Dakota dropped her fork. Dawn stared at him, mouth agape. Beth gave him a weird look. The rest were shocked.

Cameron glared. "Yeah, you heard me!"

* * *

 **Cameron** : *he gasps and covers his mouth* my…my first insult! My first shred of hatred! …it was _so_ worth it! Yes!

* * *

Zoey stomped over to the beds.

"Well, looks like my efforts to win over you PoC people _and_ the oppressed females hasn't gone over so well! I'll say goodnight, but none of you sexist, oppressive pigs _deserve_ it!"

* * *

 **Zoey** : Who needs friends when you have Bumbler? It has all the friends I could _ever_ need or want! Mom always told me to get off of it and make real friends, but how _else_ am I going to read about oppressed females in Canada?

* * *

Cameron looked at the spot where Zoey was.

"Well, gee, what's _her_ damage?"

* * *

 **Cameron** : I think for the first time ever, I've made myself an enemy! Yeah! Woo!

* * *

Dawn yawned and stretched. "I think it's time for all of us to get some res…wait! What's going on out there?"

The other 5 looked out the spa window. It was hard to tell, but they swore they could see a shadow moving in the darkness.

"Any ideas?" Mike asked Dawn.

"Well…that aura seems muddy…yet it seems rather…calming green," she concluded. "I have a hunch that it's…Scott!"

* * *

 **Dawn** : Looking further into Scott's aura, he wasn't really held enough as a child. Also…life on the farm wasn't that kind to him.

* * *

Scott reached Chris and Chef's living quarters.

"If I were a bettin' man…" he murmured, "those Game Guys should be…"

He slowly, quietly picked at the lock, grinning as he heard the _click_.

Slowly opening the door, he noticed that Chef was out like a light. A large sack of Game Guys lay next to him.

" _Bingo!_ " Scott hissed.

* * *

 **Scott** : I never was an electronic doohickey guy. Pappy wouldn't let me get one, even when all the kids at school were raving about the hottest games. In hindsight, I think it built a lot of character.

* * *

Scott tiptoed on the floorboards. He heard a groan, gasping and staying dead still.

Chef rustled in bed, sucking on his thumb and holding his teddy bear.

* * *

 **Scott** : Yeah, I wish I had a, uh…uh…what are those things called, that do the things with the _click_ and the pictures…oh, a camera! Yeah, kids apparently whip out their uh…phone…hickeys…during those events like pep rallies. I wonder why?

* * *

Scott waited a few seconds, then started his trip towards the bag again, slowly but surely.

"Almost got it…"

He swiped three of the bag, then stormed out.

"YEAH! Scott's still got it, Pappy!"

"WHAT'S WITH ALL THE RACKET? UGH!"

Chris slammed the door angrily.

"Chef, someone came in here! You should've been keeping a lookout!"

Chef bolted awake. "Hey, I'm tired! You would be too, if you had to shovel out crap to these dorks!"

Chris sighed. "Yeah, I guess…anyway, I'll see _you_ in bed soon, bub."

"I'll be lookin' forward to it."

Scott slipped and slid throughout the mud as he ran back towards the cabins. A loud shriek caused him to jump, bewildered.

"Wh-who's there? Stop, or I'll…"

The shriek came again, along with something brushing against the back of his legs.

Scott dropped the Game Guys, which sank into the thick muck. Screaming and slipping, he barged back into the loser cabins.

A small raccoon ran into the muck, echoing the same screech. Opening its mouth wide, it swallowed the Game Guys with its prehensile tongue.

The other 5 Rats gave Scott weird looks as he dripped mud on the floor.

"So! Did you get them?" Sam asked, eyes shining with glee once again.

"Hah…hah…I…" Scott started to sweat. "Sam, I'm sorry, but…no. No I didn't…"

Sam looked disappointed. "Well, I guess there's little reason in staying in the competition anymore. Sigh. Goodnight."

"So, what _really_ happened to you?" Jo asked as Sam rolled over in his bed, removing his glasses.

"Well…I had a late-night make out session with one of the honies…" Scott said, smirking.

"Ohhh, is that so?" Jo replied, quirking an eye. "I knew I couldn't trust you!"

* * *

 **Scott** : Yeah, like I would _really_ tell them about my run-in with…whatever that was! Hurting Sam's feelings sucked, but I don't want to be seen as weak by my own team, right? Pappy said that that's not the sign of a real man!

 **Jo** : Well, if there wasn't any more reason to trust Scott before, it's time to knock him down a few pegs now!

* * *

"Soldiers, I'm going to get some shut-eye." Brick hopped into the bunk above Sam. "We want to be ready for anything tomorrow, and who knows what Chris has planned?"

"Yeah, whatever," Jo replied to him. "Just don't smell up the place with your shoes."

But it was too late; Brick had kicked off his army boots. The other 3 recoiled at the stench.

"Yeah, that's gonna peel the wallpapuh off of somethin', that's fuh sure." Anne Maria said, pinching her nose. "Hopefully it won't peel my nails!"

Jo sighed. "I'll take Mudflap here over this." She picked up Brick's boots and threw them outside.

"Ladies, it's time to go to bed!"

Scott thought for a minute before glaring at her.

"HEY!"

* * *

 **Scott** : Tomorrow, or whenever we start our next challenge, I need to work on getting on my team's good side. Jo won't be a tyrant! I won't let it happen…Lord knows that mom was bad enough…

* * *

"…well, there's Chester…he usually comes out when I'm frustrated or annoyed. Honestly, my grandpa was like that, and, well…he complained right to his early grave."

The other 5 Maggots gasped. Dawn's eyes twinkled with tears.

"But, Mike, you never told me this!"

"I know, I just…didn't want to _say_ anything back there, you know? I'm sorry…"

The other 4 gave him mournful looks.

"Yeah…my uncle, grandpa and I were out fishing one day…gramps was complaining about _everything_ : the sting of the surf, the cold sea breezes, how boring everything was, and, well…"

Dawn's eyes were wide. "Please don't tell me…"

"I think my uncle pushed him off. Accident or not, gramps drowned. I was 6 at the time; that was _horrible._ "

The entire room was silent.

"Next, there's Svetlana. She's a…uh…Russian? German? Anyway, she's an Eastern European gymnast. Now _that_ was a good story!"

The other 5 listened, enraptured.

"Right, so, she comes out when I'm under athletic stress, and honestly, she's pretty useful! I like her…but what I really like is _how_ I got her…"

Cameron quirked an eye. "That's not something I expected to hear from a guy with MPD."

"Anyway, I was 5, and my dad and uncle took me to a gymnastics show. Oh, _man_ , there was an Olympic gold medalist there, and she was _great!_ Loved every minute of it…maybe a little too much, heheh."

Dawn smiled. "Simple, yet elegant. They are such beautiful creatures."

"Next, there's Vito. Ooh, boy, he's a nasty one. He's based off of my uncle…real greasy guy who got into brawls with a lot of people. Also worked as a mechanic, that was fun…"

"Why?" Beth asked. "What happened?"

"He took me in one day; dad was at his office job and mom was…well, more on that later. This was a little after I learned about Chester, give or take a month…

"Anyway, he was working under the car, doing who knows what. His shirt was off, it was a scorcher. Well, by some freak accident, the car jack slipped, and…"

Beth gasped. "Oh my God! No one deserves _that!_ "

Mike gave a dry laugh. "Maybe it was grandpa giving him karma, maybe it was an accident…anyway, Vito's activated by, what else, me losing my shirt…bought a wetshirt just for use in the shower."

Dakota looked like she was ready to hurl. "Okay, I, uh, want to get _out_ of this conversation, I can't ruin my lip balm...please?"

"Well, _she's_ over there…" Cameron said, glaring at the dark bedroom. "Judging that we'll sleep in gender-specific areas, you can join her."

Dakota instead ran, covering her mouth, to the bathroom, where loud retching sounds were heard.

Mike sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Ai yi yi, it's been a long night…then, there's Manitoba Smith. He was recent, about a year ago. I was watching Season 1, right? I saw this guy named Ben; he seemed really brave, admitting to his team what was wrong with him…"

Beth nodded, but looked a little forlorn.

"…and there was this other guy, too, Geoff. His hat made me laugh; I wanted to buy one and show my friends. So, I did, and…I don't remember much after I put it on, but he's definitely Australian."

The now 4 contestants hung on to his every word.

"Anyone else?" Dawn asked. "I noticed yesterday that…there's another aura, a black one, trying to free itself…"

Mike nodded, a pained look on his face. "Yeah, that's…that's…Mal."

No one said a word. Dawn put a hand on Mike's shoulder and squeezed it.

"He…He lives to torture; physically or emotionally, he doesn't care which, as long as it gets the job done. He appeared when I was nine and mom came back from one of her trips abroad…"

B nodded and reclined in his chair.

"She's a diplomat. Kept talking about some guy's father, I think the son's name was Alejandro…always kept talking about how _wonderful_ Al was, what a charmer, why couldn't I be more like him…"

Dawn's eyes sparkled. "Go on."

"It erupted one day. Badly. I was playing some games, and she turned the TV off, giving me an enormous stack of diplomatic books. 'You, young man, are going to set an example to the family…'"

Cameron was agape. "You didn't…"

"Well, I went off on her. Badly. Went off on how badly she was stressing me, how badly some of my personalities were taking it…she never believed in my MPD. Always said I was doing it for attention.

"Then, _he_ came out. Came and…and…"

"Yes?" Dawn asked, her nails digging into Mike's shoulder.

"He beat her. Beat her within an inch of her life. I don't remember what he said, but he was angry. I was angry. Extreme anger's what sets him loose. That's all I know. That's all I _want_ to know…"

Everyone gasped. Dawn covered her mouth with her hands.

"Yeah…" Mike continued, "after that, it was off to juvie for me. During that time, my anger and resentment grew to extreme levels…and he ruled me. Ruled juvie, too. Some guy with a green Mohawk got it worst of all, kept trying to invade his...my...territory. Not sure if that was him last season; I'm sure there's a _lot_ of people like that."

The silence in the room was deafening.

"So…yeah. That's me, I guess. Just a guy trying in vain to control his mind and the demons within."

Cameron stood up.

"Yeah…I'm going to sit and think this one over in bed. Goodnight."

B and Beth followed suit.

"Sorry, Mike, but there's just a _lot_ of information to process," Beth said, to which B nodded in assent.

The door closed. Mike and Dawn were alone.

"Well, I thought you were very brave, confessing like that," Dawn said, picking up the left behind dishes. "Your aura seems to have eased…ohhh, this is quite a waste of food…"

She picked up her plate, which was cleaned, right down to the last leaf.

"These cows didn't die to be wasted…" she sighed, before leaving the other plates for the butler.

* * *

 **Dawn** : I have sworn to become vegan, to help sustain the life energy of this beautiful planet. I must say, it's going quite well!

 **Mike** : Yeah, I left a few things out of my story. Like, the psychological therapy I went through at age 10 and continued even after my release at age 11…I was _so_ close to having these personalities at bay, but…Mal's still lurking down there. I _feel_ it!

* * *

At 5 AM the next morning, the Toxic Rats were rudely awoken by Brick's alarm clock, which rung a standard army revile.

"Ahhh, rise and shine, McArthur! Gotta get jogging to the mess hall and back!"

He shook Scott, who awoke, albeit groggy.

"Psst, hey Scott! Can you keep my time for me?"

"Mraaaah, is it feeding time, Pappy? I don't want mom coming around again…"

"Aww, cute! But seriously, soldier, up and at them!"

Brick held his alarm next to Scott's ear and set it for that very second. The revile rang, long and loud, startling Staci and Sam awake.

"Great! Looks like _someone's_ dedicated to their duty!" Jo groaned, hopping off of her bunk.

Brick scowled at her. "Well, maybe I want to help carry the team to a proper victory, ever thought of that?"

Anne Maria awoke, flipping off her eyemask. "GREAT HOITY TOITY, TURN THAT STINKING CRAP OFF!"

Brick hastily did so, but not before being slapped by Scott.

"Yeah, fine, but _never_ do that again," he snapped to the cadet.

* * *

 **Scott** : Ironically, I'm not a "crack of dawn" kinda guy. Now, 7AM, I'm all over. Sun's usually up in the sky by then…unless it's winter. First thing I do is feed the pigs…

 **Brick** : First thing I do each morning is a jog. Keeps me in shape and alert for whatever comes ahead. Although, secretly, I make sure to iron all of my socks out first. *he sighs happily* Nothing like hot pressed clothes.

 **Scott** : …iron out mom's dirty laundry, take care of my younger siblings, and then by that time, it's noon. Maybe I'll get lunch from mom, but that's _only_ if she feels like it.

* * *

"Troops, _where_ are my boots?"

"They're outside! And _keep_ them out there, some of us care about our noses," Jo said, strapping on her laces and running out.

Brick sighed and opened the cabin door. "Yeah, that's something I gotta work with, huh?"

* * *

 **Brick** : I have a foot fungus. Pretty bad, too. Causes my feet to stink something _fierce!_ Pretty sure the constant sweat doesn't help. My parents refused to give me anything for it, they said that it built character.

* * *

"Morning stretches! And one and two, and one and two…"

Scott yawned loudly as he watched Brick stretch.

"So, Helmet Head's off for an early morning run, huh? Classy."

Jo was next to Scott, stretching as well.

"Gonna give you props for _trying_ to help Sam with his problem. Key word being…well, 'trying', ha."

Scott groaned. "Yeah, thanks for reminding me about that."

"No problem, teammate! Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be _just fine._ "

Scott rubbed the back of his neck. "I…I guess…"

"Yeah, I'll take care of him for ya."

* * *

 **Jo** : Seeds of doubt: growing into sprouts. This team's easier to play than soccer.

* * *

Brick hurried back from the mess hall.

"TIME! Scott, how did I do?"

Scott was snoring on the rock he was sitting on, stopwatch ticking away.

"SOLDIER! This is no time for napping!"

Scott awoke with a start, falling off the rock. "Ow!"

"Shave off ten seconds, then. Tell me, what's my time?"

Scott groaned and turned the stopwatch off. "One minute…uh…"

Brick wrested the stopwatch from Scott's hand. "One minute, fifteen seconds! Ugh, not quite good enough!"

Scott yawned loudly again. "Whatcha trying to do? Beat personal records?"

Brick nodded. "In the military, one lap around the track in 2 minutes is key. My goal is to do a similar amount of distance in 1."

"Gee, as if you weren't superhuman enough already…" Scott groaned.

"I know, right?" came a voice from behind Brick. He gasped as Jo put a hand on his shoulder.

"Ah! Um, ahem! And how did you do, soldier?"

"Well, Sarge, I did _my_ run to the communal washrooms in one minute flat!"

"Yeah? Now try that both ways!"

"I'll one-up you and do it backwards!"

"I'll do mine backwards _and_ uphill!"

"Backwards, uphill, and with my legs tied!"

"I'll do all that _as well as_ being blindfolded!"

Jo looked puzzled. "Why blindfolded?"

"I dunno!" Brick's eyes bulged and his mouth protruded out.

* * *

 **Jo** : With just a little word play, I can manipulate Brick into thinking I'm more fit than he is. Truth be told, it was one minute getting there and another getting back, but _he_ doesn't have to know!

* * *

"Can you two lovebirds wrap it up? I'm about to collapse here!" Scott said, laying down on his rock.

"Discharged!" Brick said, saluting his friend. "I'll be going down to the mess hall for some gruel."

"Right behind ya!" Jo said, stretching.

"Yeah, you two do that," Scott yawned, before going back into the cabin.

* * *

 **Scott** : Well, it's half and half. Half our team's rather wimpy, the other half is…us. Hopefully Anne Maria or Staci can pick up the slack. Sam…ah jeez.

* * *

Two hours later, Chris was outside both cabins, holding an air horn.

"Ssssh. These guys are _fast asleep,_ " he whispered. He held up the horn and blew it long and loud.

"Good morning, Rats and Maggots! I hope you guys slept well! Grab your brekky and meet me, Brick, and Jo at the lake in 10."

Dakota groaned. "But I haven't gotten any of my beauty sleep!"

Zoey stretched and sat up. "Well, gee, is it because you're a good-for-nothing lazy, spoilt brat?"

Dakota gasped, flipping up her eye mask. "That…that's _so mean!_ "

"Oh, look, something your tiny little brain can comprehend! Hallelujah, it's a miracle."

* * *

 **Zoey** : Yeah, I changed my mind about this team. PoC and women aside, this team sucks.

 **Cameron** : Ah, another beautiful day! Hopefully we'll get to go swimming! *he gasps happily* Maybe it'll be an intellectual challenge!

* * *

At the mess hall, the 11 campers cringed as Chef doled out plates of white slop.

"Camp tradition!" Chef said happily. He looked over at Scott.

"Extra crap for you! I had a feelin' you were sneakin' around last night! Found these missing game…thingys."

Scott smiled as Chef gave him an extra spoonful of gruel. "That's fine by me!"

* * *

 **Scott** : At the farm, gruel was what we ate most of the time. I'm pretty used to it…although it gives me some severe indigestion later. Oh well, them's the breaks!

* * *

After breakfast, the rest of the campers met Chris, Brick, and Jo. The latter two were sitting on green bleachers, which was elevated above the lake. The Maggots had similar setups, except only in red.

"Good morning, all of you!" Chris said happily as everyone sat down and strapped in. "Today, we're going to build up the trust levels between you and your fellow campers!"

Everyone groaned, especially Jo.

"I thought we were all getting along just fine!" she sulked.

"Yeah, that's not the case, _especially_ yesterday." Chris said.

Beth raised her hand. "Chris, what happened to the challenges being every three days?"

Chris smiled. "Glad you asked! Due to budgetary restrictions and the shorter production times that go along with it, we're making the challenges a daily occurrence now! Well, that and a radioactive island is _pretty_ dangerous…

"But anywho, yeah! Challenges will be every day for two weeks total. Enjoy the raised stakes, folks!"

Another chorus of groans emanated from everyone, save for Brick.

"I, for one, accept these parameters!" he said, saluting the host.

"Well, I knew someone would like it!" Chris grinned.

* * *

 **Brick** : After cadet school, I wanted to prove my mettle and show everyone that I am a capable soldier in the heat of the moment. Signing up for this show was a great idea! Also, making new friends is always a plus.

* * *

"As I was saying, this challenge is called 'Getting to Know You!' Each team will take turns admitting embarrassing secrets about themselves. Those who get it correct will receive a point! Those who don't…splash! Into the lake you go!

"Those who _do_ dive into the lake will get a big surprise…but I'll save that for the inevitable dunking!"

Cameron looked worried. "Chris, I don't think these harnesses are going to do anyone any favors in terms of their physical safety…"

"Yeah, I know, that's because they're child-sized! No need to worry about you though, bubble boy!"

Cameron sighed.

* * *

 **Cameron** : I've had to deal with a lot of jokes relating to my height from house visitors. Well, that, and the obvious bubble jokes. Mom wouldn't let me go to public school; she thought the germ issue there was a nightmare! As for dad, well…mom says he's overseas, but I'm pretty sure he left her.

* * *

"Time to get started! Maggots, since you won the last challenge, you'll go second. Soooo…Rats! Which one of you did _this_ on his or her first…or last…date they've been on?"

A loud farting noise erupted from the speakers next to Chris. Anne Maria cringed, while Jo was in hysterics. Scott and Brick, however, looked worried.

However, Sam was flushing a deep red. He closed his eyes tight and slammed down on his button.

"So, was it Sam?" Chris asked happily. A loug DING erupted, and a green 1 appeared over the Rat's bleachers.

"It was!" Chris beamed. "Well done, Sam. Well done."

* * *

 **Sam** : *he's still flushing a bright red* So _that's_ what that part of the application was for!

* * *

"Next, Maggots. Whose mother calls him or her…'Blank-y-bear?"

Cameron gasped. "No!"

* * *

 **Cameron** : I'm thankful Chris removed names to both make it harder _and_ to protect the innocent. *he sighs* Not that it matters much, anyway.

* * *

"Come on, idiot, fess up!" Zoey grumbled, leaning down as best she could and slapping Cameron upside the head.

"OW!" Cameron grunted, slamming his head into the button.

"Maggots get a point as well! 1-1, first to five wins, by the way!" Chris said happily.

The Rats groaned. "Great, looks like the _wusses_ on our team will screw things up for us!" grumbled Jo.

"Yeah, one of the wusses helped you score a point, soooo…ANYWAY! Which member of the Rats has a bad case of rashes?"

Each one of the Rats looked at each other. _Who could've had that issue?_

Anne Maria, on the other hand, snapped.

"OKAY, BUSTUH, WHO DID YOU ASK TO GET THESE PUHSONAL QUESTIONS?!"

"Only your closest friends and family on the application," Chris smirked. "Lots of unexpected answers, that's for sure."

"Okay," Jo said, unhooking her harness and standing up. "If anyone's going to confess, you'd better do it—"

"TIME'S UP! ENNNT!"

Chris hit the green button, causing the Rats' bleachers to plunge into the icy lake. Gurgling below the water, the Rats watched as Jo floated toward the surface.

"Phew! HA! Take that, McLean! I'll show all of you-AAGH!"

Jo was whacked hard from beneath as the bleachers rose back up again. Scott was screaming, staring face-to-face with a large, mutated shark.

"Oh, looks like Scott's met our friendly shark, Fang! Hopefully, he doesn't bite!"

Scott screamed as he stared right into Fang's maw. Thankfully for him, Jo kicked the shark hard in the snout, causing him to lurch backwards, lose his balance, and chip a tooth against the bleachers as he fell into the water.

"Oop! Looks like Scott has a souvenir from that shark! Also, Maggots get a point; you are _never_ to remove the harnesses at _any_ time. Interferes with safety procedures!" Chris said, motioning to Jo.

Everyone glared at her.

"What? We've _all_ had our snapping moments, right, Helmet Head?" Jo sneered, looking at Anne Maria.

Brick was puzzled. "I, uh, thought that was, you know, _my_ nickname."

* * *

 **Jo** : Yeah, Brick's a pain in the butt, thinking of new, creative names for him. I'll gladly give some of his nicknames to other people if it fits them. Isn't that right, Brick-for-Brains?

* * *

"So, next up is the Maggots. Which of you is secretly hiding _more than one_ of him or her?"

Mike, without hesitation, slammed on his button.

"3-1, Maggots in the lead! Rats, you're going to have to do quite a bit of catching up now!" Chris said, narrowing his eyes.

* * *

 **Mike** : After last night's bonding session, I've got nothing to hide! Although…I still don't really remember filling out that application on the show…nor did dad ever bring up a questionnaire…what gives?

* * *

Jo buckled herself back in the harness, glaring at everyone.

"Right, don't be like Anne Maria and cover your own hide…"Chris started to say, before she screamed loudly.

Anne Maria was glaring daggers at Chris. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA KEEP THAT TO YOURSELF, BUSTUH!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she takes out a bottle of spray tan* Yeah, this ain't real. Had a tough time adjustin' back home in Joisey, bought a bottle of fake tan, haven't looked back evuh since! Plus, it's watuhproof! *she sprays some on her face*

* * *

"Right…anywho, this contestant is known to have a constant…pants wetting problem."

Jo snickered. "Oh, _really?_ Who's it gonna be, Lanky Legs?"

Brick flushed a bright red. "Oh…Oh, crap."

* * *

 **Brick** : I can't believe that mom added that little detail about me on the application sheet! Well, the questionnaire _did_ say that it was for "parents only…" ugh!

* * *

Brick, sweating, slammed his hand down on his button.

"Yup! Rats get another point!"

With a small _ding_ , the 1 changed to a 2.

Jo collapsed on her button, laughing.

"Yeah, uh, Jo, you just earned your team another dunking!" Chris said angrily, pressing the green button again.

The rest of the Rats screamed as the bleachers went under yet again. Three seconds later, it re-emerged, although Scott didn't have his shark tooth anymore.

"Aww, little guy gave it to Fang!" Chris said happily.

Scott rolled his eyes and nodded.

* * *

 **Scott** : Look, if I _kept_ that shark tooth, Fang would be after my butt! I dunno what the fans would think of that outside of TV land.

 **Staci** : You know, if I stayed quiet and out of everyone's way, I could do _this!_ *she pulls out the effigy of Jo and tickles it. She smiles as she hears loud laughing sounds in the distance* Ya, I'm trying to throw the game and get _her_ gone.

* * *

"So, next, the Maggots! Who here's real name is… _Beverly?_

Everyone looked confused. Dawn turned to Mike. "Well?"

"Yeah, no, no other personalities named Beverly…I hope!"

Meanwhile, B was tugging at his collar. Cameron took notice.

"Hey, if I can survive being out of a bubble for a day, you can confess and help our team get a point!"

B looked at him, smiled, nodded, and slammed the button.

"Yup! Maggots get 4 points! One more and they get an advantage in part two!"

Everyone groaned.

"Great! I wanted to be _done_ after this junk heap!" Jo snapped, reaching for her buckle. Thankfully, she set her hands down, albeit a bit suddenly.

From the back, Staci gave a small smile, letting go of the effigy's arms.

* * *

 **Staci** : Taking out Jo is a good idea, but subtlety is _also_ something. I have to thank mom for that, she's wonderful at what she does.

* * *

"Right, Rats! Let's see here…which one of you has worries about supporting his or her sibling, with no parents to speak of?"

Sam started to sweat. Panicked, he pressed the button hard.

"Yes! Rats are now at 3 points _aaand_ they don't have to spend time in the shark tank!" Chris said, turning to the Maggots.

* * *

 **Sam** : Yeaaah, my parents died in an automobile accident when I was 10. My big bro took care of me after that; thankfully he just finished college. It's kind of stressful for him, though, he doesn't even know I'm here, I just told him I went to summer camp…yeah, I added the "farting dates" part myself, it's just another failure to add to my list.

* * *

From the other set of bleachers, Dakota saw Sam slump in his seat, defeated.

"Uh, you…uh, red hair," she said to Zoey.

Zoey glared at her. "What?"

"If I get this heavy feeling right around here…(she motioned to her heart)…is that a bad thing?"

Zoey rolled her eyes. "Wow, you _really_ don't get out much, do you?"

Dakota smiled at her. "No _way!_ Daddy's a very busy man, so he leaves me with the butler and maids! Aww, don't look so mad, it's great! I get to have what I want, do what I want, talk abo…"

Chris looked over at her and yawned. "Right, Maggots. This could potentially be your last question. Who here had a boyfriend…and _threw up_ all over him?"

From the other side, Anne Maria and Staci gasped, while Jo laughed. "Ha! Lame!"

Dakota looked wary. "Yeah, I've never _really_ been in relationships either, so, like…who?"

Beth looked at Zoey. "Same! So…"

Zoey glared at Chris. "WHO TOLD YOU THAT?"

"Oh, no one important. Just your little cousin!"

Zoey gasped and pounded her fist on the button angrily.

"THAT RAT! I'LL GIVE HIM A PIECE—"

"Maggots win the challenge! Thanks to Zoey's temper tantrum, they get an edge in part two."

Zoey screamed, long and loud.

* * *

 **Zoey** : UGH! My cousins were over on the same day that mom was filling out my application! They must've tampered with some of the answers that she filled out; oppressive cis scum!

* * *

"Maggots, Rats, meet me over at the field from your last challenge in 20. We…gotta set stuff up."

Jo unbuckled her harness "Aw, man, _finally!_ Although…I wonder what stopped me from unhooking this thing earlier…"

Staci smiled and pocketed her effigy. _Mission accomplished._

* * *

 **Jo** : Eh, I bet it was some supernatural forces stopping me from doing that. That or my conscience. You won't get me this time, buddy! *she knocks on her head*

* * *

The 13 contestants walked through the woods. Jo rolled her eyes as she saw the shattered tree from the day before.

"So, wasn't voting out Lightning a good idea?" she asked Sam, who was still looking glum.

"Oh, what? Yeah, whatever, woo," he replied, still looking down at the ground.

Jo sighed. "Look, Scott did his best, but…his best wasn't good enough, you know? It's easy to eliminate liabilities like that. Trust me."

Sam looked at her. "You really think so?"

"Hey, if you stick with me, I'll put in a good word with that _lovely lady_ you've got your eyes on."

Sam smiled for the first time that day. "Sweet, thanks!"

* * *

 **Jo** : Game, set, match. Staci and Anne Maria are pieces of cake.

* * *

Chris was awaiting them in front of a long obstacle course. Everyone groaned again.

"Surprise! This time, it's a challenge of physical skill _and_ guts! Here, let me outline each leg of the course."

He motioned to a large, metal boot attached to a wheel.

"This is where you start, or in this case, the Kick Start. Forget caffeine, if this baby doesn't wake you up, nothing will."

He then motioned to a large array of cannons.

"The next leg is going to involve the Cannon Run. Dodge quickly, and get out safely!"

He then motioned to a log roll with a wrecking ball swinging ominously over it.

"Next up: Wrecking Ball alley. Similar to the log roll of the last season, but instead of a bear, we have a ball!"

Chris walked over to a set of rickety platforms. "Fourth is the gangplank. Made with the best quality Monterray Pine imaginable!"

Everyone gasped as one of the platforms buckled under the weak wood.

"Doesn't help that we've got our mutant beaver pals on standby, and they're just _dying_ to gnaw on something!" Chris said, before moving on to the next leg.

"Here, we have the bouncy agony of Double Trouble! Hope you can survive _this_ bad boy! If you fall, you'll get squashed!

"And lastly, we have the Grand Slam! You'll use ropes to fly straight into this catcher's mitt!"

Cameron raised his hand. "Uh, Chris, we have seven on our team."

"Yeah, I know. One of you will be sitting ou—"

"Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Me!" Zoey yelped, bobbing on the balls of her feet, hand raised.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Whatever. The one person sitting out can dictate who's going to be on what leg. You have five minutes to deliberate! Go!"

Jo immediately called the team into a huddle.

"Okay, so here's my strategy. Scott, you're nimble and not to mention quick, you're going first. Helmet Head, how's your hair?"

Anne Maria gave her a look before taking out some hairspray from her pouf. "Hard enough to take whatevuh life brings at me!"

"Good, you're second. Sir Leaks-a-lot…"

"HEY!"

"You're third, I think you can take a wrecking ball to the face just fine!"

Brick scowled at her. "I don't think I'm liking these choices…"

"Ssh! No time to rechoose! I'll take the gangplanks, I'm light enough and definitely nimble, just like Scotty boy here…"

Scott gave her a look. "Yeah, whatever."

"Motor Mouth, you'll take the Double Trouble, I think your…girth…can get you through just fine."

Staci looked down at the ground and nodded.

"Good! Lastly, we've got _you_ , gamer guy. I think you'll be just fine for the last part."

She put an arm around Sam and noogied his head. Sam chuckled.

"Whatever you say, boss!"

Meanwhile, Zoey was sitting on a bench, dictating where everyone should go.

"Yeah, you, shrimpy, you're on the first leg, big guy, you're on second, weird chick, go get hit by a wrecking ball, Mike the cis scum, you're on the gangplanks, spoilt brat, I'll laugh as you inevitably fail on the bouncy bits, and farmer's girl, just like all of your attempts to socialize, you're dead last."

Beth's eyes filled up with tears. "Why…why are you so _mean?_ "

Cameron looked up at the giant foot. "Uhhh…are you _sure_ these are good choices?"

"Do you _want_ to challenge my authority? _HUH?_ I'll tell Chris that you've been causing microaggressions towards me!"

Dakota scrunched up her brow. "What…what do those _mean?_ "

* * *

 **Dakota** : Daddy never really gave me _much_ of an education…well, I bribed my teacher to give me passing grades! *she sighs* those were great…

* * *

Chris sounded his air horn. "ARE YOU READY, CAMPERS?"

The 12 contestants gathered at their assigned spots. Jo was leering over at Brick.

"C'mon, Soggy Mcgee! You gotta pick up the slack for the rest of us!"

Brick groaned. "I still don't think that these are very good choices!" he shouted back.

Jo rolled her eyes. "How ya doin, Body Odor?" she asked Scott.

Scott was clutching his stomach. "Oh, boy, I think that gruel's starting to kick in…"

"He's doing fine!" Jo called to everyone else. Glares from the others were her response.

"Gee, tough crowd," she said.

"Now then," Chris said, motioning to Cameron and Scott, "Chef's coming right over with your relay batons."

Chef was holding two boxes. Both were shaking and snarling; slurping sounds emanated from them.

"You guys will have to pass these babies along to the rest of your teammates," Chris continued. "Also, please try to be quick. Forecast said there'd be showers."

Indeed he was right: dark clouds started to cover the once blue sky.

Cameron gulped. "R…Ready…"

Scott held his stomach. "Ohhhh…"

Chef opened the boxes, Immediately, a mutated, red-eyed rat latched itself onto Scott's face. He screamed and tried to wrench it off.

Cameron, on the other hand, got a large, green, slimy maggot. "Yeah, I wasn't ready for this."

* * *

 **Cameron** : Reality's _weird_ sometimes. Thankfully Lightning's not around to kick me into any more windows, right?

* * *

"Aaaand _THEY'RE OFF!_ " Chris shouted, blowing on the air horn again.

Scott yelped as the metal boot whammed him from behind. Unfortunately, his bloated stomach increased his weight, causing him to fly into the air for a short time.

Cameron, however, wasn't as lucky. The boot hit him square in the face. Screaming in pain, Cameron's rotund head smashed against the side of the plank, throwing up the maggot to B in the process.

B gasped as he saw Cameron splat down hard into the mud, immobile. He motioned to Chris to stop the course.

Chris, noticing this, blew 5 short bursts on the air horn. "CAM DOWN! CAM DOWN!"

B hopped down, leaving the maggot behind. It splurched green saliva down onto Cam's head, where it trickled onto his face.

"Uh, yeah…" Chris said as B held his friend in his arms. "He's not going on any further in this show, I'm afraid…"

B's eyes filled with tears. Silently weeping, he held his battered friend, giving him a big bear hug.

Chris wiped an eye as well. "Poor…innocent…guy. He will be missed. Chef, take him to the Boat of Losers, please…"

Chef rolled up in the ATV. Chris gently placed Cam behind him, making sure to secure his arms around Chef's waist.

As Chef rolled away, Mike scratched his head.

"Uh, Chris, shouldn't you have gurneys? Or an infirmary? _Something?_ "

"Yeaaaah…most of _that_ budget…got used for the…uhhhhhh…hotelllll…soooooooo…yeah!"

"Ugh! Just great!" Mike turned around to see Zoey grumbling angrily towards him.

"What do _you_ want?" he snapped at her, ignoring the rain starting to fall on his face.

"Well, now _I_ have to get involved in this stupid challenge!" she snapped back.

By this point, the other Maggots were gathered around them.

"Uh, yeah, I'll give you guys five more minutes to re-deliberate your roles…" Chris said, but a loud yell from Mike silenced his announcement.

"ARE YOU FOR REAL?! _Nowhere_ , in this _entire show_ so far, have you shown any signs of wanting to work together with your team! What is _wrong_ with you?!"

Zoey scoffed. "Not my fault that the PoC and women on this team are lo…"

" _SHUT UP! JUST…SHUT UP!_ I'm sick and tired of you always going _'ooh, I'm_ sooooooo _oppressed, please feel bad for me!_ ' You're a vile, disgusting human being, and _**I want you to suffer in the fires of hell where you belong!**_ "

Dawn and the rest gasped; the last few words were not Mike's voice.

Zoey gave him a look. "Nice try, but you gotta be more convincing than _that_ , cis scum."

Dawn looked over at Mike. "Mike, are you okay? _Please—"_

" _Who's Mike?_ "

Dawn gasped again. "Oh no, oh no no no! He's out! He's free!"

Everyone else, save Zoey, gasped as well.

"Mike, can you hear me? Mike? _Mike?_ " Dawn was shaking Mike's shoulder.

Mike shook his head. "Wait, wha…oh, _crap._ "

* * *

 **Mike** : Oh, God, he's out! He came out? No, no, no, no, _no!_ Of all the times, why _now?!_

* * *

Dawn looked worried. "Mike…I feel that black aura. It's stronger than ever. It feels…free."

Mike swallowed nervously. "I know. My psychologist was using a lot of different techniques to keep my personalities in check. Actually, during that time Manitoba came around, he was just about to suppress them for good…and now look."

Dawn hurriedly hugged Mike hard. Zoey scoffed.

"Oh, great. _Another_ lovey-dovey talk that's going to get two good people together. Bite me."

Beth's eyes narrowed. "EVERYONE! FRONT AND CENTER!"

Zoey wheeled around. " _What now, useless?_ "

"I'm done with all the arguments and fighting and…everything! Okay, I'll take the boot! Dakota, you take the cannons! B, you're on wrecking ball duty! Mike, you can use Svetlana to get you past the gangplanks! Zoey, _I want to see you suffer!_ Lastly, Dawn, you're for the home stretch!

"Any objections? No? _NOW MOVE OUT!_ "

Everyone's mouths were agape. Beth's chest heaved in and out rapidly.

"Oh, _wow,_ I didn't think that would work!" she chirped happily.

* * *

 **Beth** : I forgot to mention that my dad's a military instructor. He keeps telling me about the group of cadets that he trained for a few years. I wonder if he knows Brick?

* * *

Mike nodded. "No time for arguing," he said to Zoey, who was about to open her mouth. "Let's move!"

As the other 5 Maggots made for their positions, Zoey scratched her head.

"Who the hell is Svetlana?"

* * *

 **Zoey** : Is Svetlana what Mike _truly_ wants to be? Is Mal his evil half? *she gasps happily* Is Mike trans and doesn't want to tell anyone? I was wrong about him!

* * *

Meanwhile, on the Rats, Jo was about to discuss her plan.

"So, I think that we can still do it the same way that we did it befo—"

"Not a chance, soldier! I've seen how badly your way works. Now, we'll do it _my_ way. Sam, what can you do?"

Sam gave him a devilish look. "Well, I _do_ love my platformers!"

"Right, you're on gangplanks. Anne Maria?"

"I think stickin' to the cannons is good, baby!"

Brick gave her a look. "O…kay. Jo, I'm leaving you to start us off…"

"No way! I want to be the big finish!"

"What did I say, _soldier?_ "

"Yeah, yeah, we'll do it your way…"

"I'll take care of Wrecking Ball Alley," Brick continued, "Staci, can you handle the Grand Slam?"

Staci smiled. "I'll try!"

Brick rubbed his chin. "Only problematic part is Scott and the bouncy bits…Scott?"

Scott rubbed his tummy. "I think all that movement will get my tummy movin', if you know what I mean."

Brick smiled. "Done! To your stations!"

Anne Maria was looking at him, her eyes aglow and her lip bitten. She was smiling giddily and fanning herself.

"That means you too, corporal!"

"Aye aye, Cap'n!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : I _loves_ me a man who can take charge! Although, a Joisey boy is best…who knows?

* * *

As the Rats took their positions, Chris's eyes widened.

"OH! I finally remembered what your penalty was! Since you guys _lost_ the race, you guys gotta wear these poor-prescription glasses. Good luck seeing!"

Chris picked up another box that Chef had left beside him. "So _that's_ why he conveniently drove up in that ATV…" he said, as he took out 6 pairs of glasses.

"One for you…you…you…you…you…and you!" he said, throwing each of them to each Rat.

Sam slipped them on. "Aaah! I'm blind!"

"That's the point! Got your animals?"

Jo's rat struggled in her grip, while Beth petted her maggot.

"Aww, who's a cute widdle maggot, who's—"

The maggot regurgitated more green slime on her.

"…I immediately regret this."

* * *

 **Beth** : Back home, I was pretty good with our pet pig. Kinda talked to him more than I did people. *she giggles and snorts* Oops!

* * *

"Now… _go!_ "

The air horn blew and the boot whacked Beth and Jo straight to their next destinations.

"You got this, Helmet Head!" Jo said, passing over the rat to Anne Maria, who screamed as it got tangled in her hair.

Meanwhile, a dripping Beth was holding up her maggot to Dakota, who recoiled.

" _Ewwww! Gross! Keep it away!_ " she shrieked, slowly backing away, off the platform.

Dakota screamed louder as she landed into a big puddle of muck. Looking at herself, she shrieked again.

* * *

 **Dakota** : Ew ew ew ew ew ew! This is _nasty!_ Daddy, why did you sign me up for this?

* * *

Meanwhile, Anne Maria was struggling to both see what lay ahead and untangle her rat simultaneously. The cannons fired, but ricocheted off her hard head.

Jo squinted her eyes to see. "Huh. Helmet Head's not tangle-free. That's something."

Anne Maria had passed her obstacle, while at the same time detaching her rat from her head, throwing it at Brick.

"Here you are bab- _yyyyyyyyyyyyyy!_ "

Brick struggled to see as Anne Maria plummeted into the mud too. "Oh, crap."

He looked ahead at the wrecking ball. "Oh, double crap."

Meanwhile, Dakota had climbed back up to her platform. She groaned as she saw her hands covered in splinters.

"Aww, but I just got these mani-ed…"

The maggot, for a third time, spat green slime, which got straight into Dakota's eyes.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

Dakota bolted straight ahead, shrieking all the while.

"That's it, Dakota! Go for it!" Beth called to her.

B was waiting for her on the other side. Dakota collapsed, throwing the maggot in B's face.

"Take this gross stuff _off_ of me!" she whined.

The maggot slowly slid down B's face, leaving a trail of slime. B was definitely not amused.

* * *

 **B** : *he sighs and rolls his eyes*

* * *

Meanwhile, Brick was still contemplating the right time to go.

"Now! Nonono…uh…now! No, crap!"

He yelped as the wrecking ball swung near him, ducking his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a large shadow jump onto the wrecking ball, using its momentum to swing to the other side.

"Oh… _triple crap!_ "

* * *

 **Brick** : Leave it to B to come up with a simple solution to a problem like that! Gonna give him props, I've underestimated him.

* * *

B hopped off the other side and handed the maggot to Mike. He clicked his tongue and gave him a thumbs up.

Mike nodded. "Okay, easy does it…it's just an athletic challenge…"

He breathed in deeply.

"…vich Svetlana vill do with style und grace!"

B rolled his eyes again. Svetlana paid him no notice.

"Onward, march!" she said, flipping through the air onto each gangplank.

Sam, however, was looking worried.

"C'mon, Brick! What've you got to lose!"

Brick heard this and nodded. "He's right. If you can't beat them, join 'em—AAAAAH!"

Brick's face was slammed into by the wrecking ball. He fell to the ground, writhing in pain.

"Uh, Chris? We might need another injury elimination here!" Sam cried.

"No can do! Only one per episode. Besides, he's getting right back up!" Chris said.

Brick's eyes were facing in two different directions and he was smiling stupidly. "Yeah! Ha ha! Les doo dis!"

He ran across the rolling pin, barely even perturbed as the wrecking ball smacked him on the back of the head.

He flopped right in front of Sam. "Yaaaaay! Ha ha!" he said, tossing the rat towards him.

Sam caught it and closed his eyes. "Oh, young Samuel-san. Use your magical training from Magic Steve's Adventure Ca—"

"Hey! Earth to Sam! Svetlana's got the edge on you! Hope you won't be elimination fodder!" Chris said happily, rolling along below him.

Sam opened his eyes.

"LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He hopped along the platforms, gasping as it gave way.

"Nonononono!"

The beavers slapped their tails as they gnawed on the wood they had craved for so long. Sam yelped as he hopped to the next platform, then the next one.

* * *

 **Sam** : Eh-heh, honestly, all of that was… _blind luck!_ Ah, Harold, you've really rubbed off on me…yeah, he and I go back quite a ways. He even gave me a ride to the boat! Kinda had to leave while my bro was at work so he wouldn't notice and worry about me. He does that a lot!

* * *

Sam passed the rat over to Scott, who immediately jumped onto the bouncing obstacles.

Sam looked back. "Wait, didn't Chris say Sve…whoever had an advantage? Where's Zoey?"

Zoey was looking at Svetlana with an enraptured look on her face.

"AHHHHHHH! You're secretly trans, Mike, I knew it! Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, ohmigosh, I _so_ wish I had a camera! Everyone on Bumbler will _love_ your transformation and your struggles to break free! I'll be popular!"

Svetlana was still standing in front of her, arms outstretched.

"Vat? Svetlana does not understand your…vurding! Just take this _schnitzel!_ Go! Go now!"

Zoey continued to hyperventilate, fanning herself. "Oh, I was _wrong_ about you this whole time! You _beautiful_ trans person, you!"

Svetlana scratched her head. "I'm…confused."

Meanwhile, Scott had gotten the hang of the Double Trouble. Whooping in glee, he hopped off and handed the rat to Staci.

"Aw, yes! That was _awesome!_ " he shouted. "I feel great, too!"

* * *

 **Scott** : Pappy's cure for indigestion? A mechanical bull ride. Only cost a quarter at the local jamborees in town. Gotta say, the bull was harder to handle.

* * *

Staci started to sweat nervously as she grabbed a rope.

"Oh…oh boy…dad said I could do anything if I tried! Anything if I tried!"

Scott noticed her nerves and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's okay if you make mistakes. I gotta say, you've gotten a _lot_ better since you've come here. You learned from the reactions around you and improved yourself!

"Now then, you can either go out there or give up. I didn't see you give up yesterday when you survived elimination. Go get them!"

Staci nodded. "It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to make mistakesAAAAAAAAAAH!"

She screamed all the way as she swung on her rope. She slammed hard against the edge of the mitt, but kept her grip.

"Come on! You can do it!" Scott said, eyes widening.

Staci struggled, throwing her rat onto the catcher's mitt. Scrambling in the pouring rain, she dragged herself up onto the mitt, sighing in relief.

"TOXIC RATS WIN!" Chris said, blowing the airhorn. "Maggots! You gotta vote someone out tonight! Yeah, I _know_ Cameron's gone, but injury eliminations before the merge are also accompanied by a regular elimination!"

Everyone groaned, except Zoey, who was still beaming at Svetlana.

"Sorry!" Chris continued. "Them's the rules!"

Zoey was still oblivious to all of the eyes glaring at her from afar. Even after Mike returned to being himself again.

"Best…day… _ever!_ " she squeaked, before falling off the platform into the mud.

* * *

 **Zoey** : I'll find another time to assert my leadership over everyone! For now, helping Mike accept himself for who he _really_ is is my top priority!

* * *

The 6 Maggots sat in front of the campfire. The rain had stopped, but a few clouds remained.

"Greetings, everyone!" Chris said, holding a plate with 5 marshmallows. "Tonight, everyone gets a marshmallow, even the loser! But, that's one marshmallow they do _not_ want to eat."

Chef opened the metal box to reveal a glowing marshmallow.

"That," Chris continued, "is the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom. Whoever gets that is out of the game."

Mike blew a raspberry at Zoey, who smirked.

"Well, I have faith that my team's going to keep me in. My crusade for women's rights will never end!" she said.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever." Chris said, narrowing his eyes. "It's been a long day, especially with Cameron.

"The following players are safe: Beth, B, Dawn, and Mike."

The 4 campers caught their marshmallows. Mike smiled as he got his.

 _Phew, safe for another day,_ he thought. _Tomorrow, I gotta see about Mal._

"Right. One last regular marshmallow left," Chris said holding it up. "Who's next to go? Could it be Zoey, whose horrible leadership led one of her own on the Boat of Losers to a hospital? Or is it Dakota, who—"

"Well, I know that _I'll_ be safe," Zoey said, standing up. "I'll continue fighting against the male-dominated, patriarchal society that we live in! _I'll_ make sure that people of color, women, and women of color get all the rights they deserve! _**I'll**_ —"

"I know where you're going!" Chris said happily. "Home! Dakota is _safe!_ "

Dakota gave a small smile as she caught her marshmallow. Zoey gaped.

" _WHAT?_ This is an outrage! I demand a recount! I know for a fact that there are PoC and women on my side! I know—"

"Zoey, _everyone else here_ voted for you! Enough of your delusions! You're done."

Chef picked Zoey up and fireman carried her to the Boat of Losers.

"You haven't seen the last of me! You'll hear all about this patriarchal injustice on Bumbler! Prepare to hear from my lawyers! You'll pay! You'll all paaaaaaa…"

Chris sighed happily as her words disappeared as the boat went over the horizon.

"What a day! We've lost two people, one that I already don't miss! Who's next in line on the Dock of Shame? Will Brick become the domineering leader that he was meant to be? Find out on this next episode of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!"

* * *

(AN: Oh man, this was _good!_ It's long though, sadly. Oops. In case you were wondering where I got the idea for Mike's personalities' origins, there's a really interesting bit on TVTropes (pretty sure it's the Nightmare Fuel page for Total Drama) that speculates about it. Therefore, I give them credit for giving me that idea.

(…okay, speaking of TVTropes, I still am waiting for the day that my fic gets a page or a recommendation on there! Oh well, not that concerned one way or another.

(…speaking of fics that are recommended, I noticed that there's another series out there called Total Drama Rebirth. _No,_ I did not mean to nearly steal the title from that series; I never read it. Also, _no_ , I haven't read TheKoboldNecromancer or Total Drama Comeback; I'd rather develop this series on my own. Anything that matches that fic in terms of plot points or development is purely coincidental.

(…oh yeah, Kobold, if you're reading this, one of your favorite characters won my last fic. Woo.

(Lastly, if any trans people are reading this and are offended by this portrayal, I deeply apologize. It wasn't my intention to insult you.)

Remaining contestants:

Toxic Rats: Anne Maria, Brick, Jo, Sam, Scott, Staci

Mutant Maggots: B, Beth, Dakota, Dawn, Mike

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

Next Up: Ice, Ice Baby


	3. Ice, Ice, Baby

(AN: This is going pretty quick, huh? 10 more chapters to go! That's honestly rather relieving to say, as opposed to 23 xD oh well.)

 **Chris** : Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, the teams got to know each other…a little _too_ well! Thanks, friends and family! Sam's confidence dropped to a new low, while Zoey turned downright _nasty!_ The Maggots won the advantage, but that was short lived, as Cameron took a huge boot to the head! Bye bye, sucka! With one man down, the 6 Maggots tried their best to cooperate under Beth's leadership, but, sadly, it was not meant to be! At elimination, Zoey was easily voted out, protesting her cause to the bitter, bitter end. With only 11 contestants left, who will make it into the final 10? Find out on Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

*cue the theme song*

Episode 3: Ice, Ice Baby

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen! I give you a toast to the Toxic Rats!"

"To the Toxic Rats!"

The other 5 members raised their glasses to Brick's announcement, then sipped their glasses of non-alcoholic champagne.

"Here's to a good tomorrow!" Jo added.

Brick chuckled slightly. "Seems like you've adapted to my ways, huh, soldier?"

Jo smirked back. "Well, I might have. Although, I think _someone_ on your _other_ end has."

She pointed to Anne Maria, who was too entranced in Brick to notice.

"Uh, private? Are you alright?" Brick asked, turning his head back.

Anne Maria's eyes glowed and she bit her lip further, as well as dug into her face with her nails.

"Mayday! Mayday! Man…uh, woman down! Woman down!" Brick yelled, causing the other 4 to cover their ears.

Jo quirked an eye. "Nice going, Soggy Pants! Sit down before your ego swells to the size of your pecs!"

Brick glared at her. "I'd like to mention that it was my leadership that got us here. No thanks to you."

Jo glared at him even harder. "Tell you what? _I'll_ take over the reins tomorrow. I'll show all of you that we're _both_ equally capable!"

Scott slumped into his plate of grilled chicken and green beans. "Oh, good gravy…"

"See? He agrees with me!" Jo smirked.

* * *

 **Scott** : Oh, man, that chicken with gravy was…so _good!_ Never had anything like that at home, that's for sure!

* * *

"It's settled then!" Brick smirked. "Tomorrow, you'll be in charge."

Sam gave Jo a thumbs-up. "I got your back!"

Jo patted Sam on the head. "See? This guy knows how it is!"

* * *

 **Sam** : I'm still waiting for Jo to put in a good word with Dakota! I followed her instructions earlier today, after all.

* * *

"Right then, Jo, any strategies for us?" Brick said. "I'd like to get to bed soon…"

Jo smirked. "Aww, come on, Drippy-Pants, you can go to bed late, can't'cha?"

"No can do, soldier. Early to bed, early to catch the gruel! Or…is it the bagel?"

Jo groaned. "You know, now's _not_ the time to get into this…"

"Then tell us, cadet! I need to be up at 0500 hours…"

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. "Good grief, here we go again…"

Anne Maria pulled Sam near her by the ear.

" _Brick's a bettuh man than yew'll evuh be!_ " she hissed at him, before relinquishing her grip.

Sam yelped as he knocked his head against Jo's with the recoil. Jo gave him a simpering smile.

"Whoa! I knew I was a dude magnet, but I didn't realize you were this bad, Sam!"

Sam looked at her, eyes narrowed. "You're going to give Dakota a good word tomorrow, _right?_ "

"Oh yeah, of course! I'm a woman of my word!"

Sam pursed his lip. "I've got my eye on you."

* * *

 **Sam** : If Jo says that she's going to do something, then I'd _like_ her to follow up on that promise. My bro's like that, even though it can stress him out to no end to do so…

* * *

A small _ahem_ emanated from the other side of the table.

"Oh yes, sirs and madams, a small gift from Sir Chris McLean."

The butler was holding 6 boxes of stationery emblazoned with Chris's face.

"McLean brand stationery, sirs and madams; he said 'tomorrow is mail day.'"

Sam looked at the stationery as he caught his. _I really hope he hasn't found out…_

Jo smirked as she caught hers. "Aww, Camp Wawanakwa has an address and a mailing system? Ha!"

"McLean approved mail service, ma'am," the butler replied, before stepping back to his post.

* * *

 **Jo** : *she continuously laughs* oh, jeez, I didn't think Chris was _this_ full of himself! Bumbler gal's right, this _isn't_ the way to slash your budget.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the loser cabins, B was making a loud din.

"Ugh, dude, some of us are trying to get some R & R," Mike groaned, flipping over on his bunk.

Dawn was below Mike, silently watching B work. "It looks like he's making a contraption of… _some_ kind."

B nodded, then sprinted out of the cabin.

Beth took a look at the work in progress. It was pearly white, but had strange, tubelike arms and a head with comedic and sad faces on it.

"I wonder if Chris knows about this thing," she said, before B hurtled back in.

B was sweating in concentration as he put the finishing touches on the robot. He slapped a piece of black fuzz on top of the robot, as well as glasses. He flicked a switch on in the back, and the robot shuddered to life.

Mike was staring at him, slack jawed. "Wait, are you…"

The robot's eyes lit up, but immediately started to flicker. Coughing and sputtering, the machine collapsed in a pile of sparks and metal.

B's face crumpled into an expression of sadness. He gently took the robot and wheeled it away.

Beth gave Mike and Dawn a look of confusion. "Was…he trying to create Cameron?"

* * *

 **Beth** : I don't know what kind of an effect Cameron had on B, but apparently it's enough for him to try to create another him. I don't know if I should be touched or…weirded out.

* * *

The door opened again. Dakota entered the room, smelling like a rose, her skin radiant.

"There you are!" Mike said, giving her a strange look. "After elimination, you bolted straight for the washrooms!"

"Uh, _yeah!_ " Dakota said, wrapping her towel around her hair and body tighter, "some of us need to exfo…ex…get prettier!"

"Well, I think you should've brought a…um…change of clothes with you," Dawn pressed gently.

Dakota looked at the three of them. "Nah! Daddy doesn't mind, so why should anyone else?"

* * *

 **Dawn** : I don't know _what_ kind of life Dakota leads, but it's a very sheltered one for sure.

* * *

"Ladies and…other ladies, if you don't mind, _I'm_ going to use the little girls room!"

Jo pushed her seat back from the table and stood up.

"Sam, my man, you'll have her fawning over you first thing tomorrow! Just you wait and see!"

The door closed behind her. The other five sat in silence.

Brick slowly inhaled and sighed. "Right. There's something I need to get off of my chest, right here, right now…"

Anne Maria placed her head on her hands, breathing intensely.

"Ignore her," Sam groaned, taking another bite of his chicken and gravy. "Oh, aaand ignore that guy," he added, motioning over to Scott, who was drooling on his leftovers.

Brick rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Right, it's about Jo. Has anyone come to realize that it's difficult to trust her?"

Staci shrugged her shoulders. Sam quirked an eye. Scott gargled.

Anne Maria vigorously nodded. "Yes, yes, yes! Anything that this piece of man meat says _must_ be true!"

Brick gave her a look. "Right, here's what we're going to do…"

The night flowed quietly into morning, with the sun gently glowing on the horizon. Chris, grinning from ear to ear, arrived with an airhorn.

"This never gets old," he whispered, before he blew it long and loud.

"Good morning, campers!" Chris said enthusiastically, as Brick ran up alongside him. "Meet me at Mount Looming Tragedy in 10! Tick tock!"

Scott groaned, flopping onto Brick's shoulder. "Great…I needed some more sleep…"

"Aww, Pit Stain, don't look so down on yourself," Jo said, clapping an arm on his shoulder. "C'mon, race you to the mess hall."

Scott looked over at her. "Why should _I_ trust _you?_ "

"Who else is there? Leaky pants? Sam I Am? Motormouth? Face it, Scottie, you've got so few hiding places left."

Scott attempted to snap back, but his eyes drooped. "Yeah…I guess…whatever."

"C'mon, Bricky Bot! I'll race you to the mess hall!"

Brick's face was contorted in a state of confusion.

* * *

 **Brick** : Bricky _Bot?_ I'm not robotic…am I?

* * *

"Made it!" Brick cheered as he pounded the door in victory.

"Not bad! You _really_ need some deodorant, though," Jo replied, punching him playfully on the shoulder.

"She's right, you, uh…kinda…smell," Sam said, walking up the steps.

"Ha! See, he knows!" Jo smirked at Brick. "Besides, you don't wanna end up like Stink Bait over here," she added, motioning to a drooping Scott.

"Hey! That's uncalled for, soldier!" Brick snapped at her, picking up Scott and draping an arm around his shoulder.

"Also, for your information, I _was_ going to shower after breakfast, but seems like _other_ plans got in the way!"

Jo smirked as Brick and Scott entered the mess hall. Sam, on the other hand, stayed behind.

"So, uh, what'd she say?"

Jo looked over at him. "Oh, uh, her? She's _really_ flattered, but, uh…she's not that interested…"

Sam slumped forward in defeat. "Oh…I knew it was all a fluke…"

"Aww, cheer up, buddy! Stick with me, and you can have _any_ chick you want…"

* * *

 **Sam** : Yeah, I _know_ Brick's got a point, but I'll do _anything_ to improve my life right now!

 **Jo** : …Never did it! Ha! Take that, kiddo! I just spent most of my time in the washroom, doing absolutely squat! Next on my list…probably Chatterbox or Iron Woman. Right…they're all that's left! Ha! Go me!

* * *

"Good morning, sleepyhead!" Jo said to an exhausted Staci. "How'd you sleep?"

Staci yawned. "Fine."

Jo looked over at her as she entered the mess hall. "Gee. Not much of a talker, is sh-OW!"

Her arm swung up and smacked her right in the face. Grumbling, she entered the mess hall.

"Hello, teammates!"

Sam chuckled. "Heheh, what happened to your nose?"

"I, uh…just got a cold! Yeah!"

Sam looked puzzled. "But it's pretty warm out for so early in the morning…"

* * *

 **Jo** : Yeah, like _I'm_ going to admit that _that_ happened. But really, who did it and how?

* * *

Brick gave her a stern look. "Sit down, captain! You said you wanted to lead today, then eat up!"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, seems like Chris and Chef had the courtesy to serve us ahead of time today…"

Jo looked at her scrambled eggs and moldy toast. "Oh, great. Part of a balanced, barftastic breakfast."

The door slammed open. "Mail time, dorks! Some of youse gots to reply to these pronto! I'm sendin' your replies back out after breakfast."

Chef dropped envelopes by Sam, Beth, and left a package by Dakota.

"Didn' know we got these," he grumbled at her, "but your _daddy's_ a very rich man.

"Prolly bribed his way here…"

Dakota looked at her package. "Uh, hello? Isn't anyone going to open this for me?"

The rest of her team looked at her. "Well, no," Dawn said sweetly, "that's why the recipient's the one to open those…usually."

Dakota looked mournfully down at her package. "Uggggh, and I know what this is too!"

The other campers exchanged confused glances.

"Uhh, I think I can help with that."

Dakota looked behind her to see Sam sheepishly smiling at her.

"Oh, hi! Uh…you!"

Sam's smile dropped. "Well, gee, good to see you remember me."

* * *

 **Sam** : Well, I was going to roll with Jo forgetting to put in a good word with Dakota, but seeing that she's forgotten about me…yeah, my chances are down the tubes.

* * *

Sam held his hands out. "Being a gamer means you have great thumb muscles! I got this."

Dakota cheerfully dropped the package into Sam's arms. He yelped as he collapsed under its weight.

"Whoa! Heh heh, didn't know you were that strong, Dakota!"

Dakota beamed.

* * *

 **Dakota** : Daddy never taught me how to work out, but one of my butlers wouldn't accept _any_ of my bribes! He's _so_ sweet, though! Taught me the best ways to carry lots and lots clothing! Yay!

* * *

Sam struggled to lift the package onto the table. The rest of the Maggots watched his plight.

"You know, I could help with that if you…" Beth started to say, but was interrupted by a loud _slam._

"GOT IT!" Sam gasped, jamming his thumb in between the package slats. Grinning as he heard the packaging tape snap, he slid his thumb across the length of the package.

Dakota squirmed in excitement. Ripping the package open, she threw the contents every which way, making her way to the bottom.

"Gee, it's not like she's had _enough_ clothes," Mike groaned, as a pair of underwear flopped onto his head.

"You have to admit, this is high-quality material…and organic!" Dawn said, looking at a designer shirt and swimsuit. "But what…"

Dakota lifted the grand prize out of the bottom of the package. "I was _asking_ for this!"

In her hands was a foot massager/warmer.

"Yeah, no, pretty girl, Chris said 'no nonessential electronics!'" Chef snapped at her, snatching it out of her hands.

"Hey, come on! You're so _mean!_ " Dakota wailed, as she fruitlessly pounded against Chef's chest.

Chef rolled his eyes and grumbled. "All of you, go to Mount Loomin' Tragedy! You'll send out your mail later today!"

Sam looked mournfully at Dakota. "Hey, uh…sorry about that…"

Dakota's eyes filled with tears. "NO ONE LIKES ME!" she wailed, and bolted out of the mess hall.

Sam looked at the rest of the Maggots. "Is, uh, is she always like that?"

Dawn shook her head. "Normally she's a lot sweeter and…well…more naïve…but this is something else altogether!"

Beth looked puzzled. "I knew she had a rich family and pampered background, but not like _this!_ "

"So, uh, I'll meet you guys at the challenge! Good luck!" Sam stammered, hurrying after his departing team.

Dawn looked at the departing contestant.

"Did he remember his envelope?"

* * *

 **Sam** : *he slams the confessional door shut* Whew! Time to read this sucker! *he looks at the camera* No peeking! *he covers it with his hand*

* * *

Jo, Brick, and Scott were trooping to Mount Looming Tragedy, with Anne Maria trotting quickly behind, eyes still glowing. Staci took up the rear, continually looking behind her.

"Uh, guys…?" she warily asked, but a glare from Anne Maria silenced her quickly.

* * *

 **Staci** : Yah, just keep fading into the background…

* * *

Jo looked over at Scott, who was drooping again. A small smile crossed her lips…

"Hey, Scottie, you want to be my co-captain?"

Brick gave Jo a look. Scott snapped to attention.

"Wh-wha? Well, uh…I dunno, why should I trust you?"

"Be- _cause_ , Skids, I might've heard Anne Maria and Staci chatting in the communal washrooms about you. Seems like _some_ one's not pulling their weight…"

Scott looked at her warily, but gulped.

Jo smirk grew. _Time to go in for the kill._

"Sooo…they said that you didn't help out much in terms of team effort or leadership."

Scott's eyes narrowed. "How do I know what you're saying is true?"

"Oh, please, I've been watching you, and I can back up those claims," Jo continued, increasing her stride slightly. "Besides, I'm leader, so I'm only trying to bring out the best in us, you know?"

Scott sighed and glared over at her. "Whatever, fine."

* * *

 **Scott** : Maybe she's right, maybe she's not. I mean, hey, it's not like I've been paying attention to Staci and Anne Maria all that much, right?

* * *

Jo smiled before starting to run ahead. "Nice doing business with ya!"

Brick glared at her. "Oh, no you don't!"

Scott looked as the cadet sprinted off after her, then shrugged his shoulders.

"What a team, huh?"

"I know, right?"

Scott gasped slightly as Anne Maria bolted past him.

"Wait…wha…since wh…what?"

* * *

 **Scott** : *he scratches his head* What's gotten into _her_ lately?

 **Jo** : Seems like Scott really isn't familiar with the ol' familiar negotiations trick…well played, Jo!

* * *

"Welcome you two…no, three!" Chris said as the trio arrived at their destination. "Shame that you gotta wait for the rest of your team, though!"

Jo slapped her face with her hand hard. "Oh, _come on!_ "

Brick sighed and hastily looked away at his admirer. "Well, hopefully it won't be long…"

Scott stumbled onto the scene, panting slightly.

"Aww, does baby need a nap?" Chris asked smugly.

Scott gave him a look. "For _your_ information, I've been up since the crack of dawn!"

"Yes?"

Scott jumped as he looked behind him. "But—but you... _how?_ "

Dawn smiled. "I took a shortcut!"

* * *

 **Scott** : You know, I should've seen that coming. Weird girl…

* * *

The rest of the Maggots were soon behind Dawn.

"Nice!" Mike said, stretching. "Didn't know you knew these woods, Dawn."

"Well…I _had_ a little help…" Dawn said, gently stroking a beetle in her hand.

Staci came up from down the same path Scott was on. She saw the beetle and gulped.

"Where…where'd you get _that?!_ " she breathed through her lips.

"Oh, him? In the mess hall, scurrying across the food! Seemed to take a shine to Dakota's clothes…"

Some sniffles and whimpers were heard from further back. B looked back at Dakota's crumpled face, tears streaming down it.

"Don't mind her," Beth said, gently patting Dakota on the back, "she got a _little_ squeamish seeing that after you guys left…"

"I don't think her losing her gift helped much, did it?" Mike said, chuckling.

"Right! Maggots, over here, pronto!" Chris announced in the distance.

Dawn smiled. "Gotta go! Good luck!"

The Maggots trooped over to Chris (although B and Beth had to support a dejected Dakota) to hear their debriefing.

"Right, your first challenge is to get up to the top through _any_ means possible!" Chris said cheerfully. "It's going to be a rough, tough, _grueling_ climb, full of rocks, pain, and torture!"

Mike's smile was immediately wiped off of his face. "Yeah, with a name like that, should've thought so…"

" _But_ ," Chris said, motioning to a pile of debris, "you guys can use this in any way possible to give you an edge up! However, you're going to need to work as a _team_ here, as the last two people eliminated showed…"

Beth nodded. "Least Zoey's gone, so we _should_ have a better chance, right?"

Mike walked over and clapped a hand on her shoulder. "I think you had the right idea yesterday! All in favor of having Beth lead us?"

Dakota shakily raised her hand, followed by Dawn.

"Motion passed! Wait, where's B?"

B, in the meantime, was edging over to the debris pile, looking nervous.

"What's going on over there?" Mike asked him.

B pulled at a small jetpack, but a loud screeching sound cut him short.

"Oh right, forgot to mention, that pile isn't… _unguarded,_ " Chris smirked. "Good luck!"

B slowly, hesitantly, backed away from the noise. Dawn strode up.

"Wait! That sounds like…"

She didn't have to say anymore; a large beetle hopped from behind the wreckage. Shrieking loudly and spitting flames, it slowly skulked over to the shaking contestants.

Dawn, however, noticed her little friend squeaking in what appeared to be delight.

"Oh! Is this your mother?"

The small bug immediately hopped off of her hand and scurried over towards the big one. The mother noticed her child crawling up her leg and gave the closest thing it could to a smile.

Dawn breathed a small sight of relief. "I think you can get the parts now, B."

B nodded and immediately made for the pile. Dawn waved goodbye to the mother and child reunion as they started to go for the Rats.

Mike looked at B gathering parts, an odd look on his face.

"Got any ideas?" he asked Dawn.

"Well, no, but I thought I'd just…let him go at it, he seems to know what he's doing…" she replied back.

B started to put together his contraption. It was medium sized, had the jetpack in the back, and was attached with several handlebars to hold onto.

Dawn looked puzzled. "You don't think…?"

Beth pulled Dakota over. "Is he almost done?"

B quickly attached a rounded ball on top of the contraption, sticking handlebars where the ears would be. Rummaging through the pile, he found the glasses and fuzz from the previous night, and slapped it on.

The other three were looking even more puzzled; Dakota still whimpered.

"Where's the machine from last night, then?" Beth asked.

On another part of the island, Chef was mending the kinks and dents in B's previous attempt. He looked at the camera.

"WHAT? This is pretty good!"

Jo was swatting at the beetle as best she could, while it continued to skulk towards her, screeching ominously.

"Unh! Unh! Hey, anyone want to _help?_ " she snapped at her teammates.

"Well, I _would_ , but you're the leader, aren't you? Give us some orders, a plan, a strategy?" Brick sneered.

"Oh ho ho, softy's got a hard side! Didn't think you had it in—whoa!"

Jo ducked as a powerful jet of flames erupted from the mother bug.

"Uh…c'mon, you two toughies! Let's get this bug outta here!"

Brick nearly collapsed laughing. Scott smirked.

"Oh, man, _that's_ how you save face?!"

Jo glared and whiffed at the bug again. "Shut it, let's get going!"

Meanwhile, Sam was meandering down the wooded trail, poring over his letter.

 _Dear Sam,_

 _I hope you are well. I was wondering what became of you. Three days, Sam? I was worried sick! You know, it started when I got your note on the kitchen table. 'I'm going to Kevin's house.' Really, Sam? You two haven't been friends for years! If you said Harold, you know, the guy who was on that reality show, I honestly would've fallen for it better… Anyway, I started thinking, where might he be? At the end of the first day, I started to get worried about you. Really worried. Like, 'nearly-send-out-a-search-party' worried. Then I thought, 'oh yeah, I can call Harold!' So I did, he didn't really seem to know, but I coerced some information out of him. He told me to turn on the T.V., I do so, and lo and behold, first person I see is you! Why didn't you tell me you were on that Total Drama show? Sam, I appreciate what you're doing, but I don't want you getting hurt out there! Trust me…it's...happened enough around here. Listen, I'll let you stay on the show, but_ _ **please**_ _keep me updated on how you're doing. I worry about you, you know. Aw jeez, look at that, I really am turning into the old man, huh? Anyway, hope to talk to you soon, bud. Keep cool, and win that girl._

 _Your bro,  
Elias_

Sam gave a small smile at this letter. _Least he's not mad._

However, his thoughts were interrupted.

SLAM.

Sam rubbed his head as his eyes drifted in and out of focus.

"Yaaay…we won, Mommy…"

Giggling stupidly, he staggered along the path towards the challenge.

Meanwhile, B had completed his new, improved Cameron. Motioning to his teammates, he grabbed on to the handlebars.

"Ohh, I see what he wants us to do!" Beth said, repeating the motion.

Mike, Dawn, and lastly Dakota latched on to the bars.

B flicked the jetpack's switch so that it was on. With a loud roar, "Cameron" was up, up, and away, soaring towards the top of Mount Looming Tragedy.

Chris whistled as he saw the team zooming upwards. "Well, Rats, what do you have to say for yourself?"

With a loud BAM, the Maggots arrived at the top of Mount Looming Tragedy.

"AND THE MAGGOTS WIN THE FIRST PART!" Chris said happily, blowing his airhorn through the megaphone, scaring away the bug duo. "Come see me for the next part!"

Jo groaned, while Brick picked himself up from the ground. Anne Maria, without hesitation, scurried over.

"Ohmigosh! Are you okay, baby? Let me wipe ya off!"

Brick chuckled. "Thanks, but I'm fine, ma'am! Don't worry about me."

A cacophony of screams erupted as the Maggots shot back down to the ground. Thankfully, B had planned ahead; the bottom part of his Cam-bot opened up to reveal a soft mattress. With a soft _thump_ , the 5 got down on the ground safely.

"Well, saved you a trip down, huh? Nice!" Chris said happily. "Meet me over by the dodgeball court in 20."

B immediately stole to the pile again. Mike, Dawn, and Beth looked at him tossing odds and ends out, while grabbing common kitchen appliances, a magnifying glass, and a few gears and belts.

"Uh, B, challenge is over…we don't _need_ him anymore," Dawn chirped.

B shook his head and pocketed his items. Pressing a button on the robot, B smiled as the mattress collapsed back into Cam.

"Uh, I think we should get going…" Mike said, as B started the Cam-bot up. "The've got an edge."

B's eyes glowed as he saw the robot cough and sputter to life, then pulled out a remote control.

"B?! Are you serious?" Beth asked, incredulously.

B nodded, fiddling with Cam's wiring and controls. He then started to test him out, gasping happily as the robot moved forwards, backwards, and then side to side.

"Alright, let's go…" Mike said, noticing B's thumbs up.

* * *

 **Mike** : *he sighs* B means well, yeah, but Cam's gone! Did he really have that much of an impact on the big guy?

 **B** : *he pets the Cam-bot on the head and writes "Gone, but not forgotten" on its chest*

* * *

"THERE YOU ARE!"

Sam's shirt collar was yanked forcefully up in the air by an irate Jo.

"Where _were_ you during the challenge, Useless?"

Sam laughed stupidly once again. Jo snapped.

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY PAWN AND—"

She looked at the other four Rats, who were giving her strange looks.

"And…uh… _ahem_ , sorry! Sorry! Won't happen again! Right, we're going to the second part of the challenge now, and I need you to pull your weight. Capiche?"

Sam saluted, although his eyes were still out of focus. Jo sighed.

"Onward, team!"

The Rats arrived a little after the Maggots at the dodgeball courts. Only, it wasn't there anymore; it was now replaced by snowmakers and a bundled up Chris.

"Hello, n-ice-cicles!..."

Everyone groaned.

"…and welcome to your next challenge! Since the Maggots won, they're going to take first pick of the forts! Afterwards, you guys are going to either capture the flag or destroy the opposition!"

Beth looked at the options: one fort was looking beaten and was starting to melt, while the other was in pristine condition.

"We'll take that one, Chris!" she said happily, pointing at the latter.

"Excellent choice! Rats, you're going to set up on the crappy side!"

Everyone groaned, while Sam smiled.

"On the bright side, you'll get a _little_ more ammo than the Maggots! If you play smart and utilize teamwork, you _might_ have a chance of winning!"

Scott groaned as he walked inside. "Aww, look at this dump! My hovel's better than this!"

"Yeah, thanks a lot, _Samuel._ " Sam snapped to attention as Jo stepped on his foot.

"OW! What did I miss, guys?"

"What you missed is you being a liability to your team!" Jo grumbled at him. "You're right down there with Motormou…you know, she really hasn't been talkative as of late, huh?"

Brick looked over at Staci, who was just standing there blankly. "I suppose so…"

Jo looked over at the Maggots fort. "Right, here's what I intend to do. Game Guy, Silent but…I'll get back to that, you're on offense. You'll make great meat shields."

Sam and Staci looked at each other nervously.

"Captain Brick and I will be guarding the flag here, and as for you, Stinkoboy? You're on artillery!"

Scott saluted to attention. "Just like shootin' kitchen rats!"

"As for you, Helmet Hair? Eh, I dunno, do whatever! We're better off without you anyway…"

"Hey, I'll join you two guardin' the flag! Besides…gives me moruva chance to be with _him…_ "

Jo rolled her eyes as Anne Maria's sparkled longingly. "Yeah, whatever."

Meanwhile, on the Maggots side, B had set robo-Cam up with a scoop, which was shoveling up snowballs into a small gun. He was now setting up a chunk of ice on top of the fort and was adjusting it based on the sun's angle.

"…so Mike, I think you'd be good on the offensive. I mean, hey, Svetlana can give us a huge boost in getting that flag, right?"

"Aye aye, Beth!" Mike said, saluting.

"Dawn, you and I, we'll defend the flag. B…well, he's our artillery guy! As for Dakota, uh…"

Dakota was shivering violently, snot cascading from her nose.

Beth sighed. "We'll clean you up."

* * *

 **Beth** : You know, I don't think having Dakota here is such a good idea…

 **Sam** : *he groans* Once again, I screwed up for my team! Least I'm trying…right?

* * *

Chris blew the airhorn. The game was afoot.

Almost immediately, Sam ran out of the Rats fort, bellowing as loudly as he could. Little did he know where he was stepping…

 _Sploosh!_

Sam submerged deep into a pool of freezing water, not noticing the thin ice above it. He re-emerged as a thick block of ice.

Staci hurried up alongside him. "Uh…you okay?"

No response.

A loud gasp was heard from the Maggots' fort.

" **SAM!** "

"Whoa, took you three days to remember his name, huh?"

Meanwhile, Brick was stepping further and further away from Anne Maria, who was stepping closer and closer to him.

Jo groaned. "Right, come on, you two! They could be coming any second now!"

Brick moaned. "Please get her away from me…"

Anne Maria grinned. _Gotta primp myself up to woo his shorts off!_

As Anne Maria pulled out her hair spray, Jo immediately snapped to action.

"Hey, Helmet Hair! Take _this!_ " she snarled, throwing the can far, far away into the snowy battlefield.

Anne Maria gasped. "You…you'll be sorry!"

Brick groaned as his stalker sprinted out of the fort. "Thanks! Saved my bacon."

"No time for that!" Scott cried out, "they're charging snowballs like nothing else out there!"

Jo growled. "Fire a counter!" she snapped.

Scott groaned. "But it's _cold!_ "

"No excuse! If Soggypants can do it, so can you!"

" _Hey!_ "

* * *

 **Brick** : Any goodwill Jo might've gained by getting Anne Maria out of my hair…yeah, that's gone.

* * *

Scott groaned as he slowly picked up a snowball. Jo grumbled.

"Seriously? You know, at your farm, you _must_ have had a snowfall or five! Why are you complaining now?"

"I hate the cold! What do you want me to do?"

"Start bucking up and taking charge, team _mate!_ "

Brick sighed. _Jo's not going to stop at this anytime soon, huh?_

Meanwhile, B had finished setting up his sun reflector; he calmly smiled as the rays reflected off of the ice and beamed towards the Rats' fort.

"UND SVETLANA TAKES OFF VITH GRACE UND STYLE!"

Svetlana shot off like a rocket out of the fort, launching herself towards the opposition. However, she misjudged her trajectory ever so slightly, she landed belly first on Sam's ice slab, ripping her shirt open.

"Uh…what?" Staci started to say, but she was quickly interrupted.

"Ey, yo, hands off the Vito!"

"But, uh, I, uh…"

"I said _back off, yo!_ "

Staci yelped as she was forcefully shoved aside by Vito. She groaned as she rubbed her backbone.

"Maybe this show was a bad idea…"

* * *

 **Staci** : *she looks mournfully at Jo's voodoo doll* Small victories aside, I don't think being on this show was a good idea, mom…*she sighs and tosses the doll aside*

 **Jo, in the distance** : OW!

 **Staci** : Might as well give up now…

 **Jo** : Ah, my head! What's going on…*she notices the voodoo doll and picks it up* Wait a minute… _who's behind this?!_ Wait… _STACI YOU ARE SO DEAD!_

* * *

Vito sprinted off towards the Rats fort. _C'mon, gotta get into a tussle with_ someone…

"OOF!"

Vito smacked dead into Anne Maria. "Ey, watch it! I gotta stretch, it's been way too long!"

Anne Maria gasped, eyes glowing. "Ohmigosh. No. _Way._ "

Vito flexed a muscle. "Like what you see, babe?"

Anne Maria blushed deeply. "Ooh…"

Meanwhile, Scott was looking for a target to hit at, although he was cringing at the cold water accumulating in his hand.

"C'mon, Scott! I believe in you! How about this, let's…oh jeez, we're melting…"

Jo scurried out to the outside of the fort to see, indeed, it was.

"C'MON BRICK! SHOVEL LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!"

Jo scooped snow futilely with her hands, with Brick joining in. Scott, in the meantime, found his target.

 _Try to talk your way out of this one, Bev!_

Scott threw the snowball straight and true, whirling, whizzing, straight into B's chunk of ice.

It hit it square on, tilting it downward and into Sam's ice block.

"YES!" Scott cheered, but it was too late: the sunlight partially reflected, but the rest refracted over the smooth surface, glowing directly towards the Rats' fort, melting it instantly.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jo moaned in dismay. Brick gave her a sorrowful look.

"You tried, soldier, but apparently, it wasn't good enough…" he murmured.

Jo snapped her head to face Scott. "You're the reason we lost, smelly! You and Sam! I've got half a mind to get both of you out of here at once!"

Scott groaned.

* * *

 **Scott** : Might as well say my goodbyes. *he sighs* Try to help the team, and this is where it gets me…

 **Sam** : *he looks at his soggy, illegible letter* Eli, I'm sorry, I wanted to save this, but my mistakes…my mistakes…*he tears up*

* * *

"Well, that was a complete fiasco!"

Chris eyed the 6 Toxic Rats with disdain. "Lots of teamwork fails going around, no thanks to a _certain_ gamer guy…"

Sam quickly looked away, face contorted.

" _Also,_ " Chris continued, "it seems like some jockette's had a bit of a swelled head!"

Jo smirked. "Pshaw! If it weren't for me, we wouldn't have lost _nearly_ as badly, Brick-for-Brains!"

"Then there's Scott. Tried your best, and completely melted your team's chances of victory away!"

Scott groaned.

"Anne Maria, two-timing Brick with one of Mike's alternate personalities? Not cool!"

"Aw, c'mon, you _know_ Vito and I were meant to be!" Anne Maria said, eyes radiant.

"Then there's Staci. Seems like you've given up on the competition for good, huh?"

Staci quietly nodded.

"Also, you left something at the outhouse." Jo triumphantly held up her effigy.

* * *

 **Jo** : Never fails! It's always the quiet ones who are plotting to overthrow you! Ah, Jo, you've done it again!

* * *

"Right, so, here's your 6 marshmallows, but only one of them's not safe for consumption. Here we go!

"With no votes against, first three marshmallows go to…Staci…Anne Maria…aaaaaand…Brick!"

Staci caught hers and sighed. Anne Maria and Brick happily caught theirs.

"With one self-vote against, tonight's fourth recipient is…. Sam!"

Sam groaned as he caught his. "I did it, bro…I survived another day…"

Chris sighed. "Right. The person eliminated with three votes against…isssssssssssssssssss…

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…Scott!"

Scott yelped as the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom flew over his head. "Aah! Well…yeah, I _guess_ I had that coming after my performance…"

He stood up and shook Brick's hand. "It's been an honor working with you, lieutenant."

"Likewise, colonel. If we were under better circumstances... (he looked angrily at Jo) …then I think you could've stayed longer."

"See you everyone." Scott said as he trooped out to the Boat of Losers.

Jo smiled and tore her effigy in half, without any pain or wincing. "Sorry, Voodoo Doll, seems like if you're not controlling it, nothing happens!"

 **Scott** : Yeah, that self-vote was necessary. I couldn't live with the fact that I directly caused our loss! *he sighs sadly*

 **Jo** : Right, who's next, who's next...oh yeah, _THE TRAITOR!_

As the boat chugged out over the horizon, Chris turned to the camera. "Ten remain, and ten still have a lot to gain! Who's next to say goodbye? Who will fly high? Find out next time on the next thrilling episode of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!"

* * *

(AN: That's Chapter 3 done! Yes! Quite pleased right now. Hopefully you will be too. Oh yeah, if this series as a whole got a TV Tropes page, that'd be my ultimate dream xD What would it be called though? Hmmm...)

Toxic Rats: Anne Maria, Brick, Jo, Sam, Staci

Mutant Maggots: B (and Robo-Cam), Beth, Dakota, Dawn, Mike

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

Next Up: Finder's Creepers


	4. Finders Creepers

(AN: Getting an early start with this one. Not sure _when_ you guys'll be getting it though…hmmm…)

* * *

 **Chris** : Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, the final 11 had to stretch their creative muscles to climb Mount Looming Tragedy! Sam got distracted with a heartfelt letter from his brother, meaning that his team couldn't do jack squat until he arrived! B took advantage of this handicap, and created a little buddy, which we're naming "Waste of Space!" Or, if you want to be respectful, "Robo-Cam"! Thanks to B's ingenuity, Robo-Cam _easily_ won them the first part of the challenge! During the snowball fight, B became ruthless, planning on melting away the Rats' chances, and Scott made it ten _thousand_ times worse! Sha-boom! In the end, Scott got the dreaded Toxic Marshmallow, but not before Jo found out about Staci's treachery! Viewers beware, you're in for a scare…or a treat! Find out who will drop dead on this spook-tacular episode of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

*cue the theme song*

Episode 4: Finders Creepers

"…so I have half a mind to throw tomorrow's challenge _just_ to see you get the boot!"

Jo angrily stormed the cabin, while Staci looked mournfully down at the ground.

"All because _some_ one didn't like my way of leading!"

"Well, cadet, your methods of leadership were, well…sketchy…" Brick said, hesitantly.

"Not an excuse! It's _always_ the quiet ones you gotta watch out for!"

* * *

 **Jo** : Ugh! Why is Staci still here? You know, if I were the team, I'd have voted her out first…

* * *

"So, soldier, what's the plan? Your strategy got us down one man," Brick said, looking above his bunk.

"Well, Sergeant Soggy, maybe it was due to some _unforeseen circumstances_ (she glared at Sam) that we ended up in this mess, huh?"

Sam stared at the foot of his bed in shame.

Brick sighed. "Well, now that we're more members down, you _might_ want to learn to get along with the team…"

"Can it, soldier! _I_ need another chance here, because _some_ people think they're too good for this competition!"

Anne Maria entered the cabin. "Jeez Louise, I heard your yells from tha bathrooms! Can it, sista! Some peeps wanna sleep!"

Brick looked at his alarm clock. "She's right, it's 11:50."

His eyes widened. "OH CRAP! I'm late for my slumber!"

Jo laughed as Brick hurried out of the cabin. "Looks like he's on his own, huh?"

"Well, I dunno," Sam replied. "Seems like he can use a friend, you know?"

"All I know is that you and Staci are next on the chopping block unless _one_ of you picks up the slack!"

Sam sighed again and flopped into his bed. _Note to self, ask Brick about being bunkmates._

* * *

 **Sam** : With Scott gone, I think Brick needs a buddy! It sucks being alone like he is, you know? Besides, he's seen some potential in me…right?

* * *

Beth was brushing her teeth as Brick forced the door open.

"Make way, cadet! Bedtime protocol is in place!"

"Oh, hi, Brick!"

Brick rapidly started to gargle his mouthwash. Beth stared at him, worried.

"You okay?"

Brick spat it out. "Yes ma'am! My commanding officer said 'Early to bed means you won't end up dead!'"

Beth looked at him. "Sounds like something my dad would say…"

Brick looked back at her. "Was his last name Pelham, by any chance?"

Beth gasped. "No. _Way!_ YOU KNEW MY DAD?!"

"Seems so, soldier! Now, I'd love to stay and chat, but my bed's calling me and—"

 _HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK._

"EVENING CAMPERS! THIS IS THE START OF YOUR MIDNIGHT CHALLENGE!"

* * *

 **Beth** : Figures! They did this once or twice last season too! Well, if it ain't broken…

* * *

Anne Maria grumbled as she applied more hair spray. "Some of us were tryin' to get our beauty sleep!"

"Yeah, yeah, always a shock, teens will be teens. Anywho, this is the start of your cluefinding challenge!"

Dakota groaned. "But _I_ was trying to put on my nighttime makeup!"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Wow. _Thrilling._

"So, here's how it works. Each team will find a clue located in three distinct areas. I have two clues for you guys here. Note, however, that these clues will _not_ direct you to the same areas each time, so you're on your own!

"Team with the _most members_ at the finish line wins. Good luck!"

Dakota gulped. "Wait…what does he mean by…"

"No time for questions!" Chris said, tossing a card to her.

Dakota yelped as the card prodded her finger. "AAH! SHARP!"

Dawn swiped the card from Dakota's grasp as the latter sucked on her finger.

"So, it seems like our first location is…"

"Up up up! I haven't said go yet!" Chris sneered.

Jo glanced at her team's card. "Alright…"

"Aaaaand…GO!" Chris said, blowing his airhorn.

"Right, team, here's how it's going to work. First clue's 'in the ives, find the beast with nine lives! Aw, that's easy! Here, kitty, kitty!"

Brick rolled his eyes. "Alright, you do what you have to…"

* * *

 **Brick** : Don't get me wrong, I _still_ don't trust Jo. But, even though I can try, she won't wrest that leadership out of her clammy, cold hands.

* * *

"So our first clue is…'Head east, and be confronted with a killer beast; look for the being that has one eye, and beat it to bits until it surely dies.' Gruesome."

Mike took the card from Dawn. "Yeah, she's got a point. But what would _hide_ such a clue?"

Moving the card down, he gasped. "Oh, _man,_ it's Geoff's hat!"

Giggling happily, he put it on his head. "Aww, look guys, I'm _g'day, capn!_ "

The other four Maggots stared at him.

Dawn was the first to speak. "Uh, Mike…?"

"The name's Manitoba Smith, l'il kookaburra! If there's treasure afoot, I'm your guy!"

B pondered for a short while, then his eyes brightened. He waved to the other contestants and hurried towards the cabins.

"Uh, where's he going?" Beth asked.

"No need to worry, mate! Means _I_ get to spend some more time with the lovely ladies."

He clasped his arm around Dawn, who shivered.

"Oh…joy…"

* * *

 **Manitoba** : Yup, it was me who signed that bloke Mike up for the show back during season 1. Poor guy didn't notice until it was too late, ha!

* * *

B scurried back, holding his remote, the Cam-bot wheeling along. It had on a deerstalker, a monocle, and had a pipe in its "mouth".

"Ohmigosh, that's _so_ cute!" Beth squealed, as B gave her a thumbs-up.

"Right, mates, here's how it works. I'll lead, you kits just…do things!"

"Come on, Manitoba, it's a _team_ effort…" Dawn started to say, but Manitoba was already trooping ahead.

Meanwhile, Jo was dragging her reluctant team along the path.

"So what are ives? Anyone know?"

Staci shrugged. Brick looked confused. Anne Maria's eyes still glowed with radiance.

Sam, however, raised his hand. "Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Me!"

Jo rolled her eyes. "And if I trust you, do you _promise_ not to make a complete ass of yourself _and_ the team?"

Sam vigorously nodded.

* * *

 **Jo** : This time, it's take-no-prisoners! I'm going to take down each weakling one by one, until it's just me left! No more joking around!

* * *

"So, if I'm remembering right, I'm thinking about the poem St. Ives…where a guy met a guy with 7 wives…and…cats…and kittens?"

Jo sat down on a nearby tree stump. "Well, _gee,_ Game Grump, we're going to be here all night!"

Brick joined her, quickly followed by Anne Maria, while Staci stood alongside Sam.

"Well, traitor? You gonna join too?"

Staci shook her head.

"Figures. You're thinking, no, _scheming,_ of a way to kick me outta here!"

* * *

 **Staci** : Jo's a bad rat. Ha! See what I did there? Anyone? _Anyone?_ *she sighs*

* * *

"C'mon, you cheeky bastards—"

"HEY!" Beth snapped at Manitoba.

"Aww, bleedin' 'ell, that's a term of endearment!"

Beth sulked as the Maggots entered the woods.

Dakota looked around. "Uh, guys…?"

A beep from the Cam-bot interrupted her. B snapped to attention.

"Looks like he's on to something!" Dawn said happily. " _Finally_ , Manitoba, put those sleuthing skills to…oh boy."

Manitoba came back, holding a rather bloody card. "There we go, me mates! Got our next clue!"

Dawn gasped. "Wait, what did you _do?_ "

"Simple! Found a right cheeky bloke with one eye. Smacked it around, got this beaut, there we go!"

He quickly read the card. "'Go to the site where the dead slumber, next clue's in a piece of lumber.' Can't go too wrong with that."

Dakota gasped. "But that's…that's…Happy Land!"

Beth facepalmed, hard.

"UGH! I'll go on ahead!"

Manitoba strutted next to her. "She's a right bludger, ain't she?"

"Keep away from me!"

"Yeesh. Tough one, she is."

* * *

 **Manitoba** : Haven't met a gal that I haven't charmed. Ah well, she'll find someone as feisty as she is!

* * *

Beth wandered further and further into the woods. The underbrush nicked her face and tore her clothing.

"Ugh! Dakota's a wimp, Manitoba's annoying, and now it's up to me and B to bring some order around here!"

"What about me?"

Beth jumped 5 feet in the air, yelping. "AAH! Oh…oh, it's…hi!"

"Am I not being useful? I've tried, but nature can be a fickle friend…"

"Oh! Uh… _no!_ It's just, you're so preoccupied with Mike and Mal and whoever…"

"Please, don't worry about him. He's focusing on his own problems…"

Beth breathed a small sigh of relief. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Want to help me find the next clue?"

"Well, B and Cam-bot are working on finding the next area, Manitoba's leading them…well, 'leading'; he's more likely freaking Dakota out."

Beth giggled. "She means well, but…"

Dawn nodded. "I don't think this competition will be too kind to someone like her…"

A loud rustling from behind shocked the two females to the task at hand.

"Oy! C'mon, ya wild dingoes! We've got a clue to catch!"

Beth and Dawn shared an eye roll before joining Manitoba with the rest of the group.

"Wow, this fauna's pretty wild out here! Nuthin' like in the outback, though! Now then! This smarmy robot's picked up our next clue!"

Whacking away the underbrush, Manitoba grinned.

"You sneaky devil…"

Beth, Dawn, and Dakota gasped. B's eyes widened.

In front of them was a cemetery, adorned with old, decrepit gravestones, cobwebs a-plenty, and copious amounts of mist.

"Wait…this _isn't_ Happy Land?!" Dakota wailed.

* * *

 **Dakota** : Every pet I've ever had has… _disappeared_ at one point or another! Daddy told me that they went to Happy Land, and that they're singing and dancing and having such a good time! *she bawls hysterically*

* * *

"Now then, we gotta find ourselves somethin' with wood…" Manitoba said, perusing the gravestones carefully. "Huh. 'Here lies Whiskers, a lovable friend and com…'"

He vigorously rubbed the dirt off of the gravestone, trying to read the rest of the inscription. This turned out to be a major mistake.

 _WHUMP._

Manitoba was thrown backwards by a wooden casket springing up from the ground. He groaned as he thudded hard onto the ground.

"Ouch! Spring loaded booby trap, that was…how's about we examine this beaut…"

 _POW._

Manitoba was thrown backwards as a thick boxing glove shot out of the casket, slamming square into his forehead. He collapsed on the ground, twitched slightly, and stopped moving.

Dawn gasped and sprinted over. "Mike! Oh gosh, Mike! Mike, come on, please hear me! Mike? _Mike?_ "

From beneath the bedraggled, messy hair, an eye opened. A demonic, ominous red eye.

" _ **Hello.**_ "

Dawn's hands immediately clapped over her mouth. "Oh…God…"

* * *

 **Dawn** : Mal's out?! Oh gosh, is this…permanent? I don't understand…he was hit in the head before!

* * *

"How do you do, suckers? Name's Mal, and I'm here to stir up some trouble!"

Beth had trouble holding in her giggles and snorts from behind her hand. "Pfft! Great first impression, eh, _Mal?_ "

Mal's eyes glared daggers. "Right. I don't like you. Or you. Or you. Or it (he kicked the Cam bot). And _especially_ not you (he looked menacingly at Dawn). Just stay out of my way and _maybe_ I'll consider keeping you…alive."

He then punched the boxing glove back into the casket with enough force to slam it back underground too.

"There. All set for the next unlucky loser."

He then kicked dirt over it and set the tombstone back into its default position.

"C'mon. I can't _wait_ to see the looks on everyone's faces…"

* * *

 **Beth** : *she's still giggling and snorting* Geez, Mal's like a _really_ bad supervillain! I do want Mike back, though…

 **Mal** : Those repeated blows to this guy *he thumps his head* brought me out at long, _long_ last! Shame, Mike, you were _so_ close to having me sealed away for good, and then Manitoba shows up, and _bam_ , you're on this show. Hmm, I wonder if his psychologist knows…

* * *

"Well, St. Ives was a town…somewhere in…uh…uh…wait, where are you taking me?"

" _Some_ place where you'll be useful for once!" Jo snapped, carrying Sam over her head.

She forcefully threw him into a graveyard pit, which was sizzling. Sam yelled in pain as bubbling and more sizzling sounds were heard.

" _Now_ that he's out of the way, what next, _team?_ " Jo snapped, whipping herself around to the other two.

Brick winced as a splurt of hot grease spluttered from the grave. "Well, the clue's _definitely_ not around here…ah jeez. SAM! YOU ALRIGHT DOWN THERE?"

"Ohhhh…it feels like pain and bacon down here…smells good, though!"

A loud gasp was heard from across the cemetery.

"SAAAAM!"

"Oh, brother…"

Mal rolled his eyes as Dakota sprinted to the pit. "Oh, gosh! Are you okay?"

"Mmmm…I think I can taste my spine!"

"Take my hand!"

Jo's eyes widened as Dakota bent down and reached out to the burning gamer.

Dakota strained as she pulled Sam up, up, and out of the pit, with him flopping next to her.

"Oh man…thanks, Dakota, you're a life-saver!"

"Aww, you're welco—AAAAAAH!"

Dakota leapt up and continued shrieking at Sam's red, welted body.

"Aww, c'mon, Dakota, it's not _that_ bad! Look, I can still move! And one and two and one and—OW!"

"Jeez, Sam, way to go! C'mon, everyone, let's leave the sack of useless and just keep going."

Brick glared at Jo. "Not a chance! _Never_ leave a man behind!"

He looked behind him. "Speaking of which, _where_ is Staci?"

"Who knows, who _cares?_ Means she won't backstab me-I-I mean the team."

Brick winced as he saw Sam writhing on the ground. "You okay, buddy?"

"Ohhh…my back…"

Brick picked up Sam and supported him on his shoulder. "Right, we're not leaving a man behind here…"

Jo was storming forward, forcefully elbowing Dakota out of her way.

"Way to go, _team!_ First it's Sam, now it's Staci, who's next? Anne Maria?"

Anne Maria was still gazing longingly at Brick, who was trying more and more to pick up the pace.

"Ain't'cha gonna whip our team into shape?" she cooed at him, ignoring the slight whacks from Sam's hand burning her forehead.

Brick sighed. "I wish I could, private, but Jo's making this awfully confusing…"

"Well, have her see sense! It's what you did with me!"

"I did _nothing_ of the sort! Besides, aren't you...uh…interested in that _other_ guy on some other team?"

Anne Maria smirked. "Aw, psh, he's _nuttin'_ compared to you!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Yeah, I have _no_ idea if Anne Maria's interested in anyone else anywhere…I'm kinda fleeing for my life from her, remember? She's *he whispers this word* _weird._

* * *

A pair of nearly blind eyes loomed at Staci's snoozing body on the stump. With a quiet growl, it rushed over, clamped her in its maw, and scampered off to a different area of the island.

Cam-bot beeped once more. B patted him gently on the head and tapped Dawn on her shoulder.

"Cam's found something!" she chirped happily, but was greeted by the mother of all death glares from Mal.

" _He_ stays out of my way if he wants to live…" he scowled.

B gaped and clutched the Cam-bot in his grasp, much like a father protecting his child.

Dawn pursed her lip. "C'mon, what do you say we go find it…" she murmured softly to the mechanical whiz, who quietly nodded.

Mal rolled his eyes. "Well, _fine,_ go ahead with your stupid "blah blah blah bonding crap. _I'm_ going to the finish line…"

Beth stayed behind. "Well, I don't know about you, but _I'm_ going with these guys. Unlike _you_ , they're my fr—"

She was immediately lifted from the ground by Mal, whose irises were nearly slit-like at this point. "You listen to me. I don't give a _shit_ about you or anyone else here. Every fiber of my being's screaming, longing, to crush one of your stupid skulls, but given the…circumstances…that won't fly…yet."

Beth choked and gagged, tears filling her glasses before trickling down her face. She vigorously nodded.

"Best thing is to stay out of my way. Got it?"

He forcefully threw Beth down to the ground, then stalked off.

B immediately helped Beth up before burying her in a massive hug.

Through her slight tears, Beth moaned, "this…easier…is it?"

Dawn gently rubbed her shoulder, and Cam-bot raised an appendage, rubbing her leg. B put her down.

Beth slowly took a breath in, then exhaled, a determined look crossing her face.

"Where's Dakota?"

Dakota was walking slower and slower, trying to keep an eye out for Sam.

"…doin…bu…right?"

Dakota gasped happily. Brick's voice echoed from over the hill.

" _Sam!_ " she squealed as she saw him appear into view. "Oh gosh, are…are you okay?"

"Shouldn't you be with the other team, miss?" Brick said, wincing a bit at Sam's burns.

"Well, yeah, but things have gotten so dys…dis…kickey…punchy…hurty…that I don't want to be around them!"

Brick sighed. "Things aren't much better here…mainly because Little Miss Know-it-all decided she was too good for this team…"

Dakota gasped. "She's actually _smart?!_ I need to go talk to her!"

Brick facepalmed. Anne Maria swooned.

* * *

 **Brick** : I know Dakota's two women short of an entire squadron, but _come on!_

* * *

"Stupid team…throwing me under the bus…I'll get that Motor Mouth…"

Jo was scowling on a rock, away from anything and everything.

"Now, might as well solo this victory…now, what was it…'find the beast with nine lives?' Right, we were going to find a cat!"

 _Grrrr…_

"Oh hey, is that you, Soggy Pants? Knew you'd miss—"

A fierce slash from behind cut off her words.

"Well! Seems like you're a feisty one, Mister…"

She rotated herself around, only to find herself face to face with a mutated gopher. Blind, dribbling with saliva, and growling daggers, it advanced towards Jo.

"Well, _that's_ something you don't see every day…"

Jo put her fists up, ready for a brawl, but was promptly interrupted by the ground giving way from beneath her.

"Aah! Well, _that's…_ uh…"

With one loud growl, the gopher tackled her from above, leading to pitch blackness.

* * *

 **Jo** : *she's bandaged up* Yeah, I could've taken those guys on. I mean, they're animals, right? Easy peasy!

* * *

Mal was storming through the underbrush, knocking aside mutated squirrels, birds, and frogs.

"Hmm…if I were some idiot with a penchant for torture, where would I hide?"

He looked around him. In the distance was a cave. He sniffed the air.

"Well, seems like _some_ one's having a bloody feast in there…" he murmured, before slowly advancing. "Seems a little… _dangerous._ "

He sniffed the air again. A different stench was starting to overtake the coppery one. A rather foul one.

Mal shivered. "Whoever _that_ is must be dead. That's a recognizable sten—"

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud, long shriek from deep within the bowels of the cave.

Mal's eyes widened slightly. "Well, that's reason 2, and…"

He examined several of the openings. Many of them were caved in by a rock slide, while others had the smallest openings.

"Strike three, he's out."

* * *

 **Mal** : *he sniffs himself* Ugh, I smell like _Beth._

* * *

Beth was looking around warily, following B and his trusty robot. The latter's beeping sounds were getting more and more pronounced.

"You alright?"

Beth jumped, her heart leaping straight to her neck. " _Oh!_ Well…well, uh…maybe?"

Dawn put a hand on Beth's shoulder. "I know it's…different, having him here, but I promise you, we _will_ find a way to get Mike back!"

B looked at the pair and nodded in assent.

However, their trek was interrupted again. Cam-bot's beeps were getting louder and quicker.

Beth gasped. "Quick! Check under that tree stump!"

B wasted no time. Effortlessly, he lifted the tree stump, roots and all, from the ground. Dawn saw the card sticking in one of the roots, and seized it immediately.

"'Well done team, your search is at an end. Finish line's located where the river bends.' We're almost there!"

B flashed a thumbs up and put the stump down with his other arm. Cam-bot's eyes started to dull, its role complete.

The three contestants started to make their way down to the riverbanks, unaware of their missing companions…

* * *

Dakota was listening intently as Brick and Sam chatted amongst themselves.

"…well, I mean, my bro and I, we go _way_ back," Sam said, looking less pained with each step.

Brick chuckled. "Siblings, huh? Yeah, I've had my run-ins with my family…especially my sis."

"Yeah?"

"She was tough on me, got it from mom. Kinda freaked me out from women, but…"

"But what?"

Brick chuckled. "Never mind, it's not that important."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Maybe while you're here you'll find a woman who'll treat you right."

Brick smiled. "I wonder…"

* * *

 **Brick** : Never really had an interest in women, even before my sister. They're nice and all, but I've got better things to do. *he smells his socks* Ahh…smells like boot camp!

* * *

"Aww, babe, don't be so tough on yaself in terms of tha ladies!"

Brick jumped slightly. "Okay, I _completely_ forgot you were behind me."

Anne Maria was looking at him again, an even bigger expression of radiance emanating from her face. "You just gotta find tha right one, that's all!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she's blushing deeply* Okay, so…I maybe like Brick. A _lot._ But then there's Vito…*she groans* what's a Joisey girl to do?

* * *

Jo awoke with a start from the drips above her. "Aaah! Jeez, talk about a wake-up call, huh?"

She looked over on either side. She could barely move; her injuries and some tight webbing impended her movement.

"Yuck! What's with these crawling creatu—"

She looked as high up as she could. She gasped, then gagged as another drop landed in her open mouth.

" _GROSS!_ Watch where you're leaking, Soggy Mouth!"

Staci grunted, then snapped awake with a start. "Wha! Wh-Wh…oh, it's _you._ "

Jo groaned. "It's going to be a _loooooong_ night here in…wait, where _are_ we?"

Staci gasped happily. "We're in a tree! Not just _any_ tree, but it's a tree that my Aunt Helen used for her treehouses! Also, my great great great uncle James invented log cabins, so that we wouldn't be stuck in the trees and falling out and…"

Jo groaned. "Scratch that, _this_ is going to be terrible."

* * *

 **Jo** : She's…she's _gotta_ go!

* * *

Dawn, B, Cam-bot and Beth finally arrived at a bend in the river running through Wawanakwa. Cam-bot's eyes lit up; the finish line was near.

"Way to go, B!" Beth said, patting the big guy's back. "Who knew you were so good with machines?"

B gave her a thumbs-up and smiled.

"Aaaaaaand Maggots make it…minus two people!" Chris announced, as the team crossed the finish line.

The three contestants cheered and high fived (the latter only in B's case) and waited for the rest of the contestants.

Meanwhile, Mal was whistling through the woods, causing the mutated creatures to scarper.

"What a wonderful night for fun…" he murmured to himself, licking some small droplets from his fingers.

He looked at the camera. "What? It's just berry juice."

* * *

 **Mal** : Thanks to Manitoba living inside my head, I know _all_ about the flora, fauna, what's safe to eat and what isn't. Shame _Mike's_ stuck with Chester and Vito…continuously tormenting him for the rest of his days…

* * *

Mal sniffed the air as he approached the river.

"Hmm, _metal._ Rest of the losers must be up ahead…oh?"

He hid behind a tree. Brick, Anne Maria, Dakota, and Sam were making their way down the river, their chatter blending in with the nighttime noises.

" _Perfect._ "

He slowly, confidently, followed them, trying his best to be as silent as possible.

"…your bro…like?"

"…he…ice…gone…"

Mal glared. _Stupid animals_ _! I might've had something to go on!_

"Aaaaand the Rats _also_ make it…give or take some stowaways!"

Chris sighed. "Right, can I see your clues? Gotta see how many each team got!"

Sam handed the only clue they found over. "Why do we gotta do this, Chris? All the Maggots came over…"

"Not initially! Remember what I said at the beginning? 'Team with the _most members._ ' You guys each had 3 cross the finish, so Mal and Dakota, you don't count."

Mal smirked while Dakota clung tightly to Sam. The latter winced as the diva's grip tightened.

"Well, well! Rats, how _did_ you get here with only one clue?"

Brick smirked. "Simple! Dakota mentioned that the rest of the team was up ahead. We decided to follow the river when we met it, since that passes right by the campsite…"

Chris sighed. "Well, we gotta find Jo and Staci and bring them to the fire. You lost, based on you not even completing the challenge!

" _However,_ Maggots, you're not quite in the clear…you're going to join them!"

Everyone but Mal and B groaned. The former grinned and the latter rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Whoa whoa whoa, I never said you _lost._ I just want you there to face the judgment of your fellow campers."

* * *

 **Mal** : Well, _that_ was a victory. Not a well-earned one, though…needed more carnage. *he sucks the juice from his fingers* Seriously, I'm not going to wantonly _kill_ the animals and face the consequences! I'm not Duncan; I'm _definitely_ not stupid.

* * *

Jo groaned as Staci chattered on and on about possibly existing relatives, ignoring that their assailants had left the scene.

"Oh, _great_ , will someone just put me _out of my misery already?_ "

"Well well well! Looks like you guys are going to the bonfire tonight! Enjoy! Also, be lucky that the mutated gophers and the gigantic spider decided to leave you alone thanks to _her._ "

Jo's pupils shrank to small points; her teeth gnashed against each other.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

* * *

 **Mal** : My goal on this island is to stir up chaos, to whoever, become top of the heap. Well, that and figure out _how_ Manitoba came to be in the first place…hats don't magically give you Aussie accents.

 **Brick** : *he sniffs himself* It's a miracle! Spent the whole night in the dark and not once did I pee myself! *his eyes shift over slowly to the camera in front of him* ...You weren't supposed to know that.

* * *

Jo glared at the other 9 contestants, reserving the coldest for Staci. Chris beamed.

"Well, looks like the 10 of us have had a _great_ night out, huh?"

"Can it, McLean," Jo snarled.

"Only four marshmallows are normal, and one's toxic," he went on, gesturing to Chef, decked in his radiation suit and carrying the traditional lead box.

"Let's get started! Brick, Anne Maria, and Sam are the ones safe tonight!"

Staci sighed, while Jo glared further.

"C'mon, just _give_ me that last one already!"

Chris sighed. "Final marshmallow tonight goes to…

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...Jo!"

Staci breathed a sigh of relief.

"Chef! Show her what she's won!"

Chef flipped open the box. Staci and the rest gasped.

Inside the box was a gray card.

"Yup! You're safe for another day! …Or are you?"

Staci started to sweat nervously.

"I've noticed over the past couple of days that the teams at present seem…rather disjointed. So, my decision was to take the weakest members of each team and swap them! Which means, I'm picking one member from the Maggots to switch with Motor Mouth here.

"That person…issssssssssssssssssssssss…

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...Dakota!"

Dakota gasped happily, immediately hopping out of her seat.

"Oh, _yay!_ Sam, I promise I'll treat you great!"

Sam smiled painfully and gave her a big thumbs up. "Ow!"

As Dakota and Staci settled in to their new teams, Chris turned to the cameras.

"What a night and what a challenge! What will the next few days bring for our new teams? Will that cave _ever_ be explored? Who's living in there? Is it dead? Is it… _alive?_ Find out on this next thrilling episode of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!"

* * *

(AN: FINALLY! I'm so sorry this took so long to get going. Thanks to everyone for being so patient with me. I hope you enjoyed this!)

Toxic Rats: Anne Maria, Brick, Dakota, Jo, Sam

Mutant Maggots: B (and Robo-Cam), Beth, Dawn, Mal, Staci

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

Next Up: Backstabbers Ahoy!


	5. Backstabbers Ahoy!

(AN: It's so unreal that I've gotten through nearly a 3rd of the fic already. Starting out with 26 episodes will do that to ya. Anyways, here we go!)

 **Chris** : Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, the two teams went on a treasure hunt! However, what they received was a cruel wake-up call. Mike, or in this case, Manitoba, got off to a strong start, but then was pummeled by the pet cemetery, transforming him into the odd, yet vicious, Mal! Staci flopped for the Rats, contributing absolutely _nothing._ Dakota did likewise for the Maggots, and in the end, the two swapped teams! How will Staci fare with her new posse? Will Dakota buck up and take charge? Find out on Total…Drama…

Jo yawned. "Well, _jeez,_ way to blab to _everyone_ here."

Chris groaned. "Can't we edit this in post?!"

*cue the theme song*

Episode 5: Backstabbers Ahoy!

* * *

"Well, after you guys _ruined_ an awesome opening, I have an announcement to make.

"Tomorrow is all yours!"

Everyone cheered (save Jo, B, and Mal); the toll of the constant challenges was showing on their weary faces.

"It'll be fun! Chef'll make a decent meal for once, you guys can just hang out, swim, what have you, _aaand_ don't forget to write a letter with the McLean brand stationery! We're sending those out!"

Dakota beamed at Sam, who sheepishly grinned.

"So, campers, get to bed! You're in for some fun tomorrow!"

The 10 contestants left the bonfire, and Chef put the flames out.

"Not a bad night, huh?" Chris asked him.

"I've had worse. Compared to last season, especially."

Chris sighed. "Do you think…?"

Chef glared. "Chris, don't let him cloud your thoughts. Lord knows I've had trouble keeping _him_ out of my mind…"

"Yeaaaah, you're right. Bed in five?"

"You know the drill."

At the cabins, Dakota immediately hopped into Sam's bunk.

"Hey, I sleep there!" he groaned.

Dakota frowned. "Aww, but the top one's _taken!_ How close do I have to be to sleep near you?"

Sam rubbed the back of his neck, an action he immediately regretted. "OW!"

Sheepishly grinning, he continued: "Well, Staci had a bunk to herself and _she_ (he motioned to Anne Maria, who waved) doesn't have anyone above her…and it's next to mine…sooo…"

Dakota smelled the air. "Eww, that smells _horrible!_ "

Anne Maria's smile quickly faded. "Tough breaks, toots! You gotta look _good_ to impress the hunks!"

Sam looked at her quizzically. "Uhh, I don't think— "

"Hey, the things you don't think about can fill a _book!_ Hubby's comin' back from the toilets soon and I gotta look _supoib!_ "

Sam stared at her, slack-jawed.

"Hubby?"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : What? Peeps back in Joisey said it all the time! Not my gals tho, we were tight!

* * *

"C'mon, c'mon…"

Jo squinted her eyes through a pair of binoculars, looking in the outhouse.

"Sergeant Soggy's up to _something_ , I know it. Why else would he and Four-eyes keep laughing like that?"

"…and, and, and, that's why each year, Dad _always_ involves us in the 'Pelham Olympics!'"

Brick was laughing harder than he ever had in his life. "Oh, _man,_ I can see where that tough attitude during drills came from! Oh, _please_ tell me he wore that Speedo!"

Beth was giggling too, interlaced with snorts. "Every swimming competition. People who passed by called him 'Smell-ham'; that thing hasn't been washed in _years._ "

Brick cringed slightly, still wiping the tears from his face. "A family heirloom, huh? Brings good luck…oh, man…"

"He was always a little nutty…" Beth said, smiling.

The toilet next to them flushed, to which Staci walked out afterwards.

"Oh," she murmured. "Goodnight!"

Beth stood at her, mouth agape. "Wait! Aren't you the one with the crazy family stories?"

Staci shrugged. "No one wants to hear them, do they? They're mostly…made up…"

"Aww, you're our teammate now! I'd _love_ to get to know you!"

Staci's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah! Brick an…well, mainly me, were going to just stay up after all this and just…chill!"

Brick's eyes darted from side to side. "Negatory, soldier. I've already messed up my regular bedtime schedule, and I _need_ to be up at 0500 hours each morning, keeps me in good shape."

Beth smirked. "Did Dad give you that philosophy too?"

"Well, no, that would be _my_ parents. Mom was rather strict on me, as was my sister. Former really started grilling me in my teenage years as to why I didn't get a girlfriend and all that, so…"

Beth looked at him. "You never really seemed to be _interested_ in them, if you don't mind me saying…"

Brick nodded. "Yeah, never really saw them like that. My guy friends understood, had some great people in boot camp and…oop, never mind!"

* * *

 **Brick** : *he sighs* I _want_ to tell people about who I am, but…it's…y-you know, right? Least _you_ understand me, confessional…

 **Beth** : That was _really_ interesting! *she looks straight at the camera* Wait, Brick can't be…*she gasps* ohmigosh, what if he is?

* * *

Jo groaned. "Jeez, if only I could _hear_ anything going on in— "

"What'cha doin'?"

Jo yelled and fell off the cabin roof. "OW!"

"Aw, suck it up, toots!" Anne Maria called at the struggling jockette. "Spyin' on my hubby?"

"Wait, what? No!" Jo spat out some leaves. "Why would I do that?"

"You've been _really_ shifty to the rest of us lately, ya know? I think a lot of us can't trust ya!"

"Pshaw! Motor Mouth's gone, which means I'm pretty much good on targets…"

"Nope! You've had your eyes on a _lot_ of peeps here and…"

Anne Maria sniffed. "Hey, do you smell that?"

Jo did likewise. "Yeah…that smells _rank…_ "

The camera shifted over to the neck of the woods. A certain emo lookalike was whistling "In the Hall of the Mountain King". A bonfire in front of him, he was spinning a spittle slowly, which had meats on it.

"Ahh, _perfect._ Killing the wildlife to fill my… _cravings._ "

He saw the camera and glared.

" _GO. AWAY._ "

The cameraman wasted no time, cutting the feed, which turned back on inside the spa hotel.

B was patting Robo-Cam happily on the head, while Dawn was eating some salad.

"I must say, for a non-organic life form, he's been quite useful," she said, to which B nodded in assent.

Robo-Cam's eyes lit up, signaling that a task needed to be done. Immediately wheeling to the table, he picked up Dawn's empty dishes and wheeled out the door.

B gave Dawn a thumbs-up. Dawn smiled peacefully.

* * *

 **Dawn** : Having machinery do the work we would normally do is perplexing, but Mother Nature has a flexible mind.

* * *

As the moon rose over the Wawanakwa shores, Staci and Beth sat near the shoreline, looking up at the stars.

"So, I never heard about _your_ family!" Beth piped up, gazing at the Big Dipper. "Are they interesting?"

Staci sighed, looking over at the geek. "Promise you won't laugh?"

"Of course not!"

"They're… _really_ boring. Only points of interest are that my mom's into voodoo and my dad's a stockbroker…okay, that last part wasn't really interesting…"

Beth looked over at her. "Wait, what were those rumors I heard about you having a really elaborate family about then?"

Staci looked at her. "What rumors? Did you read our bios?"

Beth gasped. " _We have bios?!_ Well, no, I didn't but…heard Jo grumbling about them some mornings when we were on our way to breakfast…"

Her expression changed. "Wait…you said you never saw the show, did you?"

"Ya, about that…mom signed me up for the show, said I 'needed more friends', needed to 'get out of that lying habit'."

Beth put a hand on Staci's arm. "Really? That's _terrible…_ "

"Well, I mean, lying was the only way I could get attention…even if it wasn't _always_ positive…I mean, it nearly got me eliminated, right?"

Beth gaped. "But you're still here, aren't you?! Don't _say_ things like that! I can tell you from experience that Dakota didn't give up on her time here, and neither should you!"

* * *

 **Beth** : Come to think of it, I'm actually _really_ worried about how Jo will treat Dakota…I mean, people like Zoey didn't help her here, right?

 **Staci** : I read the bios after mom signed me up for the show…figured I might as well see _who_ my competition was. That one guy, who doesn't talk…he's _odd._

* * *

Beth smiled at her new friend. "Don't feel bad! I know that my life's pretty dull too…I mean; I talk to pigs more than people!"

Staci looked puzzled. "Wait, your dad's a military guy, right? Then…"

"He was _totally_ okay with mom's passion of living on a pig farm! I mean, how _else_ would he earn that name?" She giggled and snorted again.

Staci laughed too, a little weakly. "I understand that…hopefully!"

Beth took one last look at the sky, then stood and stretched. "Hey, it's getting late! What do you say we get to bed?"

Staci nodded. "Being out too late gives me the chills. My aunt taught me that one."

Beth giggled. "Are you lying?"

"Of course not!"

The two friends entered the spa hotel, greeted with a friendly _beep_ from Robo-Cam. B waved as they came into the dining hall, while Dawn was busy meditating.

"Where's Mal?" Beth asked, to which B shrugged and Dawn shivered.

"H…he's not here…" Dawn murmured to no one in particular. "I feel his auras…they're…struggling…"

"So, Manitoba, tell me a little about yourself…"

"Well, cap'n, I'm Manitoba Smith, and I'm Aussie, born and bred."

" _Duh,_ anyone with a functioning brain can tell that…" Mal swallowed a bite of mutated squirrel.

"Aw blimey, don't tell me that's a right beaut there on the barbie!"

Mal wrestled back into control. " _Focus!_ What I'm eating, you're eating, but that's beside the point! _How_ did you come to exist?"

"Well, bloke, do you remember about Mike's l'il trip to the Australian outback?"

Mal's face was frozen in a look of confusion. "…Go on."

Manitoba came to the forefront again. "Sit back, cap'n, cuz this is goin' to be one heck of a tale!"

He took a raccoon from the spittle, crunching into its innards ravenously.

"Mmm- _mmm!_ That's a right toasty l'il critter! Anyway, Mike went to the outback when he was the ripe ol' age of six. D'you remember?"

 _No._ Mal's voice echoed inside his head.

"Ah, right, you're a relative newbie. Anyway, when he was 6, his parents took him to Australia for two reasons. One, his mum had an important diplomatic job there, and two, his grandfather had kicked the bucket."

 _Oh, great, was that around the time Vito and Chester…_

"You betcha! Now, a young'un like him needs to pass the time somehow, right? Well, there was this gal there, a l'il younger than he was, and…ooh, crikey, he was enraptured by her accent."

 _Whoopee. Any other miraculous news you'd like to tell me?_

"Well, I'm just tryin' to remember the lass's name…was it Charlene…Jennifer…Chas? Definitely seemed to be named after a plant…right beaut, she was, but her accent made the l'il guy laugh somethin' fierce."

 _Continue._

"Well, around then was when I came to be…lass gave him a certain hat, that definitely was the trigger."

 _That explains_ _ **so**_ _much._

"Unfortunately, he had to give it back at the end of the journey, his mum went ballistic on him about 'lice'. Sore bugger, she was."

 _Can I come back out now?_

"In a minute, I want to have just one more bite…" Manitoba bit hungrily into his frog's leg. "Scrumptious!"

 _Fantastic, someone with a stronger stomach for the weird than Mike ever had._

"Actually, got a question for you, mate. How did you know about the other personalities floatin' around in Mike's head?"

 _Please. You don't lie dormant for all those years and not learn anything from his sob stories—_

Mal's voice vanished, only to be replaced with another.

 _Hello?_ _ **Hello?!**_ _Manitoba, are you there? Oh God, help me,_ _ **help me—**_

 _SILENCE, you worm! Back to the dark recesses of your mind, where you belong!_

Manitoba sucked on a raccoon claw.

"Crazy mind, that Mike, eh?"

 _You're telling me._

The rest of the campers decided to get some sleep, although some had a more fitful night's rest than others.

"How'd you sleep, Dawn?" Beth chirped at breakfast the next morning.

Dawn flopped her head down on the table, missing her breakfast of plain oatmeal. "Mal…was clouding my usual thoughts last night…zzzzzz…"

* * *

 **Dawn** : *her eyes shift in and out of focus* It's worse than that…it's like he was… _trying_ to invade my aura zone…cloud my thoughts…is it any wonder I couldn't sleep?

* * *

In the mess hall, Sam was trying to get Chef's attention.

"Uh, hello? _Hello?_ Earth to Chef! I've got a letter I want to mail!"

The cook whipped his head around extremely quickly; the _snap_ it made caused Sam to yelp.

"It'll be when breakfast is _over_ , son!"

Sam groaned and rejoined his team.

"So, Thumbs-for-brains, how'd rejection go _again?_ " Jo sneered.

"For your information, he was writing a letter to his brother!" Brick snapped at her. "Don't you have _any_ family that you'd want to contact?"

"Nah, that's for chumps! Besides, we just got here, didn't we?"

Brick stood up, furious. "We got here 3 days ago, soldier! People are going to be homesick, some of them might never have traveled far from their homes! I've seen it _all_ in boot camp, and believe me, you wouldn't last a _day_ in my squadron!"

"Why? Would everyone be whimpering in the dark, unlike _some_ wuss I know?"

"Night-vision goggles exist for a reason! Besides, your way of 'leadership' has sunk this team more times than I can count! Mark my words, I _will_ lead us to victory!"

Sam whimpered slightly and looked down at his letter, addressed and stamped, the Chris head grinning at him smugly. In his head, he went over the letter once more, as he had during the several re-writes the previous night:

 _Hey bro,_

 _Glad to hear from you, heh. Didn't expect you to find me on TV so easily. Guess that's another mistake to add to my list._

 _I'm just trucking along here though, met this sweet gal named Dakota. She's_ _ **amazing**_ _, and she just got transferred to my team! Doubt I'll get a shot at her though…you know how I am._

 _Do me a favor next time, will ya? Don't reply to this letter…not like I'll stay long enough for you to send it._

 _Hope you're doing better than me. I mean, hey, anyone's better than me, right? Haha._

 _Much love,_

 _Sam_

After breakfast, Brick and Jo immediately left the mess hall, glaring daggers. Sam was just about to stand up, before a tap on the shoulder came to his attention.

"Your _letter._ "

Sam sighed and handed it over to him, quickly followed by Dakota.

"Hey, what're you sending out there?" Sam asked.

"Just a quick little note thanking Daddy for the gifts that I couldn't keep!" Dakota said brightly.

"You don't seem too hurt about it, hehe."

"I've got something _better!_ " Dakota hopped up into Sam's arms. "Carry me!"

Sam yelped and collapsed on the floor. Dakota giggled.

"Other way around?"

* * *

 **Dakota** : *is carrying Sam bridal style* All these years of lifting those shopping bags has finally paid off!

 **Sam** : …Did I win, bro?

* * *

Mal, in the meantime, was dousing his fire.

"Aah, that was _wonderful_ ," he smirked, licking his lips. "Who's on tonight's menu?"

A small, mutated bird, eyes glowing, peeped loudly and fluttered away.

"I thought so."

* * *

 **Mal** : I don't _sleep_ , per say. One eye open at _best._ How do you explain these? *he points to the bags under his eyes*

* * *

Brick and Jo changed into their swim gear.

"I need to cool off! _Some_ people just don't have the team spirit!" Brick snapped at her.

"Well _some_ one hasn't bathed recently, so this is a good start!" Jo snapped right back.

With a loud _splash_ , both were off and away, swimming vigorously around the island.

Beth and Staci, on the other hand, had exited the spa hotel and were watching them.

"Think they'll make it?" Beth asked her friend.

"Beats me," Staci replied, "depends on who flounders first."

"Well, I think…*yawwwwwn*…that…that…mmm…."

Beth and Staci listened as Dawn slumped back into her slumber on the top floor balcony.

"You know, weird as she is, she needs that rest," Beth mused.

Staci gave her a look.

"What?"

 **Staci** : I'm not a _fan_ of being called weird…that's what motivated me to, ya know, start lying about everything…

Something bumped hard against Beth's shoulder. "Ouch! What gives?" she asked a sulking Anne Maria.

"My hubby missed me lookin' poifect!" she said, snapping her head back, revealing a face full of more make-up than usual.

"Uhhh…" Beth and Staci looked at each other, worried.

"What? You gotta work hard to get the best man!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : I've seen Brick and that joikface Jo getting' into hissy fits more and more often! Back in Joisey, it's the bickerin' ones who get together, and that's…*her eyes well up* that's not fair! *she starts sobbing*

* * *

Sam and Dakota were taking a rowboat out on the open waters. The former was still looking at the latter, mesmerized.

"So, uh, that was pretty cool, what you did with Chef back there," he commented.

"Aww, _anything's_ easy when you have the means to pay for it!" his love interest replied.

Chef was fanning himself with a small stack of Canadian twenties.

"Hey, I ain't cheap!" he snapped at the camera.

Sam gazed longingly into Dakota's eyes. She wasn't oblivious to this.

"Do I have something on my face?" she asked him.

"Well, uh, no, it's…just…you're _beautiful._ "

Dakota smiled. "Thanks! Didn't you say something like that on the first day?"

Sam laughed. "Yeah, I remember that all too well…"

The cameras cut to a flashback of the first day. Sam and Dakota were walking down the forest path, one chatting animatedly.

"So, uh, Dakota's your name…right?"

She nodded.

"I'm, uh, Sam! Sam…Sam-u-el. _Elllllll…_ Samuel-san!"

Dakota gave him a very confused look.

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine! Uh…uhhhhhh…you're _so_ pretty…"

Dakota started to speed up slightly. "You're, uh, starting to creep me out…"

"No, no, wait! I want to tell you about myself, senpai! I'm an 8th level black belt in _Fisticuff Combat 5!_ I have a brother named Eli and— "

Dakota immediately clamped a hand onto his mouth. "Sssh! _There's cameras._ "

Sam quirked an eyebrow. "Muhrm?"

"We have to _act natural…_ "

"Merhur."

"…AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, uh, Sam, you're so funny!"

The cameras cut back to the two on the boat. Sam's face was contorted into an amalgamation of confusedness, embarrassment, and happiness.

* * *

 **Dakota** : Things have changed _so_ much between us since then! I mean, I'm actually … _liking_ him!

* * *

In the hotel, B and Cam-bot were busy cleaning the area up, the latter setting the mood with some energetic music.

B looked over at Dawn, a look of concern plastered on his face. He walked up over to her and tapped her shoulder.

"Oh! Good…mmmaaaaaaaawwwwwn…"

Dawn's eyelids fluttered, her trying to stay awake. B, noticing this, hoisted her up onto his shoulder.

"Oh…thank you…Beverlllaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmnnnnnn…" Dawn murmured quietly as B escorted her to her bed.

Tucking her in and patting her head, B set back to work. He motioned to Cam-bot, who immediately _beep_ ed his way down the stairs.

* * *

 **B** : *he's looking mournfully down at the ground, and silently sighs*

* * *

"Almost made it one lap around the island, ha!"

"Well, I can smell you from here, so…uh…double ha!"

Brick had a commandeering lead over Jo as the two finished up their swim. The latter's stamina was starting to fade fast; her strokes were getting more and more labored.

* * *

 **Brick** : Stamina was key both at home and at boot camp! Nothing says "prepared" like an ironclad core!

* * *

Climbing onto the dock, Brick smirked at his adversary.

"Care to let _me_ lead this time?"

"Not a chance! I know that you're going to do _some_ thing to stab our team in the back!"

"What, like you?"

Jo gnashed her teeth in rage.

* * *

 **Jo** : This _bites!_ *she slams the confessional wall with the last word, creating a large crack in it* Brick's _sooo_ goody two-shoes, someone like him could _never_ lead a team to victory! That challenge win was just a fluke!

* * *

Dakota and Sam watched the two rivals storm into the washrooms.

"So, what's _that_ all about?" Sam asked quietly.

Dakota shrugged.

Soon after, Chef rang the lunchtime bell. Only Beth, Staci and Anne Maria showed up.

"Pretty quiet, don't you think?" Beth mused, looking over at Anne Maria sulking into her meatloaf.

Staci shrugged. "Everyone's off doing their own thing, I guess."

Beth looked from the grumpy Jersey Shore reject to the door. "Hey, have you seen…"

As if on cue, the door slammed open, hard.

" _Ladies."_

Beth and Staci gasped. Anne Maria didn't react.

Mal was grinning devilishly; his hand dripping with oil. Cam-bot's head was sizzling with electricity, more oil dripping from its forcefully wrenched off neck.

Beth jumped to her feet, glaring at her adversary as best she could.

"Wh…why would you do that?!" she shrieked at him. "B's going to be heartbroken!"

"Well, _Bev_ 's busy prancing about upstairs, with his little robot buddy cleaning up below! I'm surprised he doesn't have any security system on it, or else he'd— "

Mal's speech was interrupted with the loudest, hoarsest, gut-wrenchiest cry that anyone had ever heard.

" _N—N—NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

" _There_ it is."

Beth and Staci sprinted out of the hall, leaving their lunch behind. Mal sniffed it, put a finger in Beth's minestrone, and licked it.

" _Ugh,_ lacking in essential…nutrients…Chef! I'll take a barbecued squirrel, fresh off the grill."

Chef wheeled around, glaring fiercely at him. "You'll eat what I _want_ you to eat, boy! You're not the boss of me!"

Mal smirked, laying an arm on the counter, propping his face up with it. "Since when did that stop me in prison, _Warden?_ "

Chef shook with rage, his knife rattling in his grip. "If the cameras weren'— "

"You'd _what?_ Kill me, like you didn't have the heart to do back there? Who would that save? Would it have saved Mohawk-guy?"

" _Duncan_ 's more of a man than you'll _ever_ be, maniac! Just you wait. I've got my _eye_ on you…"

"Please! You wouldn't do anything then, and you certainly wouldn't do anything now…I'm off, your service was lousy…and remember…"

Mal left, but not before slamming Cam-bot's head onto the lunch counter.

Chef shuddered. "Rat's gonna pay…"

* * *

 **Mal** : Break everyone's spirits one by one. The prize money's in my hands…but not before I eliminate Mike…

* * *

Beth and Staci slammed open the spa hotel door. Faintly, they heard whimpers and sobs.

"B? Are you okay?" Beth asked, hesitantly entering the building.

Staci pointed at the disheveled robot near the window. Sizzling at its point of decapitation, it spluttered out a little more oil.

Beth walked up towards the fallen hero. "Hey! Don't you think something seems…uh…out of place?" she asked Staci.

Her new friend peered at its empty chest cavity. "You're right! Looks like…a cassette player of some kind?"

Beth looked at her. "How did you _know_ that? Those things are ancient!"

* * *

 **Staci** : *she shrugs* Mom was a little dotty. Okay… _more_ than a little dotty…you saw that voodoo! Kept some old knick-knacks around the house, including a cassette player…with nothing to play!

* * *

Beth ventured in further, taking care not to make too much noise. "B?"

The sniffles lessened slightly, followed by the distinctive sound of a cassette tape rewinding.

"You okay?" Beth asked once more, motioning to Staci, who silently crept up alongside her.

" _No Daddy, no, no, no, please— "_

" _Shut up, boy! Why did we keep you, you miserable failure?"_

" _I didn't mean to—wh—wha—what did I do— "_

" _You damn know what you did, you disgusting freak!"_

A loud _slap_ emanated throughout the hotel, followed by loud whimpers.

" _One wasn't enough for you, eh? Let me get my belt. Then we'll see who will triumph over those machines…"_

" _Daddy, no! Stop! Stop, please!"_

" _Shut up, brat! You break my pocketwatch, I'll break your stuff too!"_

" _Mommy said it was oka— "_

A louder, more sickening crunch was heard, followed by wails and sobbing.

" _Cry, cry, cry. Always crying, you sensitive soul. Sickens me that you're nothing like your old man…"_

The tape ended with loud footsteps growing fainter and fainter. Afterwards, a rattling sound came from further in; the tape was being removed from its container.

"B?" Beth asked one last time, creaking open the closet door.

B looked a dreadful mess. His face was streaked with tears and his eyes were extremely bloodshot. In his lap was a cassette player slick with oil. In his shaking hands was a tape labeled _My Greatest Failure_.

"B…was that…?" Beth asked, reaching a hand out.

B gasped and slapped it away, recoiling in horror. Whimpering silently, he snuck a glance around Beth's waist.

"Come on! You can tell us! We're your _friends._ "

At Beth's last word, B bolted out the door, slamming hard into Beth upon his exit.

"Ow! That's…is he okay?" Beth asked, rubbing her side.

"Doubt it. That's a look of repressed feelings, I'd say," Staci replied, pulling Beth back up from the ground.

* * *

 **B** : *he's shaking in the confessional, at risk of dropping his cassette tape in the toilet*

* * *

Beth bolted up the stairs, while Staci stayed below, prodding the robot.

"Dawn! _Dawn!_ Da—oh jeez."

Dawn was still in a state of slumber, gently snoring.

* * *

 **Beth** : I'll give her credit for snoring, but who could sleep through _that_ racket? In other news…why did B have a cassette player on hand? Why keep it in that robot?

* * *

Chef was cooking the day's dinner, ignoring a mutated squirrel falling into the vat.

"It's a livin," he said to no one.

Looking out the window, he noticed the door was ajar.

"That's odd…"

Whimpers and sobs echoed throughout the mess hall, capturing Chef's attention.

"That's odd _er…_ "

Looking at the slop, he shrugged and left it boiling over the pan.

"Who's there?"

A pair of eyes greeted him from underneath a table. Chef knelt down and stared right back.

"You okay?"

A small whimper was his only response.

Chef sighed and rolled his eyes. "C'mon, come out…"

As Chef reached in, he was swiftly slapped away.

He groaned. "Gonna be difficult, huh?"

He stood up and was ready to leave, but was quickly stopped.

"Oh, come _on._ "

A shaking hand was clenching his ankle tightly, digging into his skin.

Chef looked back at B's tear-stained face.

"C'mon, kid. We'll get you some help."

* * *

 **Chef** : I've got a _lot_ of makin' up to do for my time in prison. Was I too hard on some? Well…yes. But I'm a changed man, and I can't say no to a person in need. Not after…that.

* * *

The sun's orange hue shone across the sparkling lake and the mess hall nearby. The dinner horn sounded, and 8 contestants plodded to retrieve their grub.

Dawn hungrily shoveled the less disgusting-looking slop into her mouth. Her teammates (sans Mal) watched with interest.

"Boy, fighting off evil auras must be hunger-inducing!" Beth said, spoon dangling over her bowl. "You alright?"

"Oh, much better!" Dawn said happily. "I fine-tuned my auras so that Mal can't interfere as badly! It's draining, but what can you do?"

* * *

 **Dawn** : I've had to do this a few times with some past boyfriends, if only to keep them around…*she sighs dreamily* the sex was amazing…

* * *

B looked in his cooking pan, filled to the brim with his concoction. Chef smirked as a small chipmunk fell in, squealing in pain.

"I think you've got a knack for this sorta thing, boy," he said, putting an arm on B's shoulder. "Much like I should've done with _some_ other guy…"

* * *

 **Chef** : There's a _lot_ of stuff I regret not doin' in my life. What I wouldn' give to do it over again…

* * *

Brick watched Jo shovel her dinner into her mouth.

"Well, _some_ one's still got a mean streak," he murmured to no one.

"Mfff! …Well, if _you_ didn't get all _competitive-_ y, then we wouldn't be here in the first place!" Jo snapped back, gulping it down. "What's tomorrow going to bring, huh?"

"Probably a win for _our_ team…no thanks to you!" Brick said, slamming a fist down on the table.

"Oh yeah?" Jo was face-to-face with her adversary, glaring daggers at him.

"Oh, I know it!"

The other table had stopped eating, staring at the argument taking place. From outside, a pair of glaring eyes was doing the same.

"Aww, those two lovebirds might as well get the boot…" Mal chuckled to himself. "How to break them down and cause them to lose the game?"

* * *

 **Mal** : Tomorrow, that's when I'll strike.

* * *

"Oh, _there_ you are!"

Beth ran up to B, who was trying to sneak back to his cabin.

"Are you okay? Why weren't you at dinner?"

B shifted his eyes rapidly. He put a finger to his lips, then showed her his dirty undershirt.

Beth gasped. "Ohmigosh! You helped Chef make dinner?!"

B quietly nodded.

"Did…did it help at all?"

B nodded again, then thrust his thumb at the cabins.

"Ohhh…okay! Should Staci know about this?"

B looked at her and shrugged his shoulders.

* * *

 **Beth** : Good on B for finally feeling better! I'm _really_ hoping he'll pull through in tomorrow's challenge!

* * *

Mal looked at the other 9 trooping back to their cabins, a mutated bird on the grill for tonight's meal.

"Mmmm…pheasant."

* * *

 **Mal** : Or it could be _anything_ else…I'm no bird expert…maybe Manitoba might…

* * *

"So…anyone have any interesting stories to share? Any…strategies? I'm not bunking with _them_ tonight."

The only response was the gentle crackling of the fire.

"Fine! Then you know what? Might as well cause some heads to roll…I'll be all over this…"

He stood up and extinguished the fire with his foot.

"Come on out, other me…"

A small silence followed, and then…

"AH! Oh God, oh God…what _happened?_ "

 _Easy, there. You're only out here to stir up some trouble…_

"No! No way! I like these guys, and I won't let you…h-hey!"

Mike's body involuntarily started to move.

 _Remember who's in control here._ _ **Always.**_

* * *

Dawn was looking out from the spa hotel.

"Does anyone else notice that Mal's acting a little…odd? I sense his aura, but his body looks like…no!"

Beth and Staci pressed their faces up against the window.

"Oh, gosh, you're right! He's coming this way!"

Staci looked more closely at him. "Doesn't his walk look a little…odd?"

"Yeah," Beth said, nodding. "Seems like he's a…puppet!"

Staci looked over to the last camper unaccounted for. "What _are_ you doing, B?"

B put a finger to his lips hurriedly. He had the door ajar and was putting heavy tools on top of it.

"B, _no!_ I don't know what Mal did to you, but it's not worth a concussion!"

Dawn was hurrying over to fix the problem, but she was too late.

"Hey, everyone, I'm ba— "

SMASH.

Mike's entrance was interrupted by all the equipment clattering, crashing, onto his head.

B flashed a thumbs-up. Beth and Staci winced. Dawn gasped.

"Oh gosh, _no!_ Mike, are you okay? Mike? _Mike?_ "

"Okay, schmuck, _**what's the meaning behind this?**_ "

Mal was up in a flash, breaking some of B's gizmos on the way.

"Ohhhh," he said, smirking at his attacker, "you thought you could _fix_ me…little knock on the head like that's not going to do you jack squat!"

* * *

 **Mal** : Yeah, you get knocked around a _lot_ when you're in juvie. Poor Mike had to get some major mental work done on him…and look how that went! At this rate, it'd take death to get me to part…*he cackles*

* * *

"Uh, uh…do you think we should go to bed?" Beth said, stepping in between the commotion.

"Aww, Bossy-Pants thinks she can control her team! Look at you, a coward trying to whip things into shape! Last I checked, weren't you the losing team that day?"

Beth choked and spluttered. "But that was Zoey's awful leadership, not me! I actually _tried_ to do something!"

Mal chuckled. "More than can be said for _this_ waste of space…" (he pointed at Staci) "…she's barely done anything of note since she got here…"

Staci glared at him, but didn't say anything.

"Aww, what's wrong, precious? Cat got your tongue? Can't find a way to _lie_ out of this situation?"

Dawn's fists were clenched and shaking in rage. "Just you wait, Mal…I'll…I'll…"

"You'll _**what?**_ Try to rescue your _boyfriend_ before it's too late? Listen closely…he's never coming back. I'll be sure of it…what a naïve fool."

Dawn gnashed her teeth, hissing under her breath. "Just you wait, Mike…"

"As for _you_ ," Mal finished, punching B's shoulder, "I'll find a way to break you down more later, but until then…"

He started his way up the stairs, then glared at his four teammates.

"We're going to kill some rats."

* * *

 **Mal** : Scott would be proud. *he lightly chuckles* Thanks for the memories, Mike!

* * *

Brick and Jo argued into the night, and at 5 the next morning, they were at it again during their morning training exercises.

" _I_ say your leadership's been lacking since we've been on this island, not to mention you causing morale to drop like a rock!" Brick said, running ahead of his rival at a brisk pace.

"And _I_ say that you're too soft! Especially your pants-wetting, that'll never fly in any platoon worth their salt!"

Brick glared back at Jo. "That's what _night-vision_ goggles are for!"

"That's what _better bladder control_ is for!"

Brick screeched to a stop, causing Jo to slam right into him.

"OW! What gives?"

Brick pointed at the ominous figure that, as if by magic, moved to block them.

"Aww, _lovebirds_ , you don't have to fight like this…" Mal cooed at the two of them.

Jo gagged, pointing at her tongue. "Please, _never_ do that again."

"Of course not! I've seen how you two have fought, even as Mike…"

Brick narrowed his eyes. "If you're playing some cruel trick Mike, this can end now."

"Oh, please! Mike's…indisposed. I'm all Mal, all the time. _Anyway,_ before you two _so_ rudely interrupted me, I was going to say, why not make it a game?"

His two listeners exchanged quizzical looks.

"Huh?"

"Whuh?"

"Yes…a competition _within_ the competition! This time for the ultimate prize, your elimination."

Jo was the one to narrow her eyes now. "What are you getting at? If you're manipulating us, I can easily re-arrange your face."

"Oh, Jo, no manipulation here! Just a good, clean game of backstabbing each other! It's basically what you've been doing all along!"

Brick and Jo looked at each other again. "Go on…"

"Here's the catch, whoever successfully gets thrown under the grinder is the one who has to vote themselves out tonight. No questions asked."

The two folded their arms at him. "And if _you're_ the one who loses?"

"Oh, I'll have _more_ than enough of a target on my back. I'll play too! Keep an eye out, be a referee, what do you say? You game?"

He reached his hand out for a handshake. Jo immediately grabbed and vigorously shook it.

"You're on!"

Brick, on the other hand, wasn't so sure.

"How do I know that what you're saying is legit?" he asked Mal.

"Listen, I'm not on your team, and I _barely_ know the extent of this…quarrel. I just want it to _end,_ so that your team can have a lot less competitive weight on their backs, and be lead to a victory yet again. What do you say?"

Brick stood there, silent and in thought.

"C'mon, chicken. It's just a game." Jo scoffed at him.

Brick glared at her, He looked back at Mal's hand.

"Alright. But, you _will_ keep your end of the deal."

"Oh, _please,_ Brick, I'm a man of my word." Mal hissed, shaking the cadet's hand.

* * *

 **Mal** : …but who said I'd be losing today? *he cackles, which then goes into a full-blown laugh*

* * *

Later at breakfast, Chris blew his air horn through the megaphone, causing all the contestants (sans Mal) to jump slightly.

"Is this something we'll get used to?" Staci asked.

"Sssh!" Chris said, making the redundant gesture on his lips. "After brekky, you're going _back_ to your cabins and putting on your swimsuits! This challenge is going to be _brutal._ "

* * *

 **Beth** : Yeah…brutal. Woo. *she sighs* Least the day off was nice! Sort of...

* * *

The 10 campers were now standing on the decrepit Wawanakwa dock. Since they had arrived, it was looking more decrepit than ever. Small fragments of wood splashed into the water below.

"Welcome to today's trust-building competition!" Chris said, holding up two old, rusty, scuba outfits.

"We're going to start by having an underwater scavenger hunt! One volunteer from each team will put these on and take the plunge! However, air is a _necessity,_ and these bad boys don't have the capacity to hold their own!

"So!" Chris motioned to two nearby bicycle pumps and a hose connecting them to the suits, "each other team member will volunteer to pump air for them!

" _However!_ These pumps will _not_ supply the required amount of air if you're going at a normal pace. So, you're going to have to work double-time to keep your teammates alive! Haha…ha…hahaha!"

Brick glared at Jo, who did likewise.

"So, what's the plan, _leader?_ " the former snapped to the latter.

"You pump, I'll jump."

On the Maggots, there was no need for deliberation.

"I'll be in and out, pronto," Mal sneered, slamming the helmet on his head. "I _might_ need you to pump for me. I'll letcha know."

B glared at him and balled up his hands. Dawn was quick to notice.

"Ssh, ssh, it's okay…it's okay…" B sighed quietly as he accepted Dawn's hand in his.

"Aww, Mike, look at this! Looks like you have a little competition!"

Mal's features grew static for a slight moment, but then…

"Aah! Oh God, guys, help me, help me, _please!_ He's got me under his control, and…Dawn?"

Mike's face contorted as tears started to stream down his cheeks. "How…could…"

His face grew static again. "Time's up! That's enough to prevent _him_ from getting in my way again!"

Meanwhile, Staci was chatting animatedly to Chris.

"So, ya, wait, weren't you _all_ about our safety a few episodes ago? You know, with the points to the Maggots and the...uh…uhhhh…"

"Wow, you remember your family, but fail at naming things? That's pretty wack." Chris's eyes slumped in boredom.

"Uh…Blank-y Bear! Ya, that's it! I mean, _now_ look! We've got these old suits and crusty bike pumps and…and…"

"Jeez, do you ever get tired of yourself? Besides, Mal's just about to jump in…"

"But you're not _listening_ to me! We already _did_ a trust-building challenge earlier! The obstacle course?! Don't you remember?"

Chris snapped his head back towards her, glaring. "Right. Did you _ever_ think about anything outside your own perspective?"

Staci was agape. "Well…n…not…recently, no…"

"Yeah, I thought so. Even after that challenge, tensions on both teams ran high, especially between Jo and you. That's why you switched teams, to get to _know_ them better and possibly contribute your strengths better, too."

"But…but…"

"What other crafty lies are you going to come up with now, Staci? C'mon, I'm pretty sure everyone on the Rats is pretty pleased you're out of their hair."

* * *

"UGH! Pump faster, darn it!" Sam strained as he pulled the rusty pump handle up to take in air.

"Let me try!" Dakota cooed, as she bumped Sam out of the way with her hip.

"Aaaaah!" Sam cried out as he fell into the water.

* * *

 **Sam** : Okay, underestimating Dakota's persistence is a _very_ dangerous idea.

 **Chris** : Yeah, those budget cuts _really_ got to the show. Heck, we're lucky we got 13 challenges out of all this! *the Total Drama theme starts playing, and his pocket starts buzzing* Hold on, let me take this. *he puts the phone to his ear* Hello? Oh, other producer! Hi!

* * *

"G'day, mates! I've got this one!"

The other four Maggots rolled their eyes as Manitoba took over Mal's body.

"Time me!" Manitoba said, taking a deep breath and taking the plunge.

"Oh, great, _another_ switcheroo…" Beth groaned. "You'd think Mal would be…consistent!"

B looked over at the air pump, which was lying dormant. So was Dawn.

"I…I think I'd like to…" she started to pipe up, but was shot down.

"NO! Let that jerk live?! No thanks! Not on my watch!"

Dawn stared at Beth, who was glaring at her.

"No, please! I might as well pump for him!"

* * *

 **Beth** : *she gasps* ohmigosh! I didn't mean to say that! …maybe Zoey's starting to rub off on me…

* * *

Underwater, Jo craned her eyes to see what she could find. _Chris never told us what we were looking for…_

A brown flash swept past her left side. _Hey!_

Manitoba, breath still held, was searching to and fro for any glints or rare objects on the beach floor.

 _C'mon, kookaburra, I need somethin' to give back to my team…_

Mal's voice echoed from deeper within. _Yes, and I can't afford to lose this one…_

A slight crackling sound emanated from within the scuba suits. _"Hello, you tw-! I fo-ot to me-on wha- -u'll be lo-king fo-! 'Searc- for a k- in the s- so bl-, f- ne- cha- you'll be w- too!'"_

Jo groaned. "Great, can't afford some quality sound equipment, can't you?"

" _No-! Sa- w- ai-! Talki- is a r- -ad id- -own here!"_

Jo rolled her eyes and gave a tug on the tube behind her.

"Pump faster, soldier!" Brick said, looking at the sweat forming on Dakota's body. "If you're tired, I'll take over…"

" _That's_ my hubby I know and love!"

"I'm…going to ignore that…"

* * *

 **Brick** : Out of all the people to fall for me, why Anne Maria? She's barely contributing to the team, other than being a liability. *he vigorously shakes his head* Snap out of it, soldier! 'Everyone has potential, even the weak ones!'

 **Jo** : Honestly, I'm just wondering where and how there's a radio in those crusty hunks of junk. I mean, if I were Chris, I'd go all out with those designs! Make 'em aerodynamic _and_ fashionable!

* * *

Manitoba, in the meantime, had spotted a glint in the water.

 _Ah, there she is. What a beaut._

Immediately turning his arms into wheels, he burrowed into the ground, deeper and deeper, until he popped out, shiny object in hand.

Jo rolled her eyes again _Jeez, what a way just to pick up…_

"Aww, bugger! Just a rusty ol' key!" Manitoba shot out more bubbles as he realized his mistake

 _Now's my chance!_ Jo rushed at her opponent, Manitoba, however, was too nimble. He dodged expertly out of the way, and then…

"Ey, yo, take this, ya greasin' monkey!"

Jo blasted out a shower of bubbles as Vito punched her suit hard in the stomach. She winced even more as she felt the point of impact start to grow wet. Then wetter. Then…

 _Oh God, please don't tell me I'm drowning._

* * *

 **Jo** : What a way to die! Drowning at the bottom of a potentially radioactive lake! Ain't _that_ the pits! Least it wasn't Staci doing me in, now _that's_ humiliating!

* * *

"Oh! Can I interest you in an authentic Chris McLean voodoo doll?"

"Ugh! Don't care, Staci…wait, I see bubbles!"

In a flash, Vito had resurfaced, splashed onto the dock, and was taking off his scuba gear.

"Eyy, host! Gotcha this hunka metal!" he said, throwing the key at Chris.

"Oh! Looks like he's found the keys to our _stunning! Rusty! Fishing boat!_ " Chris said, flashing a thumb at the vehicle. "Shame! We had a _much_ better boat, complete with homing missiles! Oh well!

"So, Maggots, follow me to your next part of the challenge! Rats, you'll have to wait until Jo finds something down there, but hey! Chef'll supervise for you!"

The camp cook slammed down a plastic lawn chair on the dock, causing more fragments and splinters to fall into the water. "C'mon, that air's not pumping itself!"

Sam and Dakota had collapsed pumping air. Brick groaned.

"Well, it's for the good of the team…fine, my turn!"

He soon started to pump air through the creaky pump himself, only to find…

"That's odd, there should be a lot more give in this…"

Sam groaned as he rubbed his lower back.

"Glad to see _you're_ of help," he said, looking over at Anne Maria.

The latter, however, was drooling over another piece of eye candy.

"Ohmigawd! Vito, babe! How's it goin'?!"

"Ay babe, I'll definitely be all over ya after we coast to a victory!"

Anne Maria fanned her face as sweat started to form. "Oh, I can't wait! I promise ya, you'll like what ya see…"

Beth gagged as Anne Maria blew him a kiss.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Aw yeah, it's a two-for-one sale on hot guys! Mmmm…*she bites her lip, then winces* Ow! Drew some blood!

* * *

Brick growled as he continued pumping air.

"Aaaagh! C'mon, team, put your weight into it!"

Looking out at the water, he noticed that the bubbles forming at the surface were getting less and less frequent.

"Oh, _crap._ "

His eyes narrowed.

"Right, change of plans! Anne Maria, can you take over for me? I've got to save a comrade in need."

Sam and Dakota looked over at the Jersey beauty as Brick immediately dove into the water.

"Yep, she's not comin'." Sam groaned.

"Ugh, _more_ work?!" Dakota gasped.

* * *

 **Dakota** : *she looks at her hands and shrieks* EEEEK! My hands are all red and sticky and painful and gross and…and…*she covers her face with her blistered hands in full view* DON'T LOOK AT ME!

* * *

 _C'mon, Jo. It's just a stinking key! Don't let the lack of air deter you!_

Jo was slowly making her way, looking for any glints through her increasingly blurry view.

 _Aw crap…this can't be the end now!_

Jo lurched forwards majorly. "Glub?"

Brick had smashed his head into the back of her scuba outfit by mistake, causing another crack to appear. Jo started to gurgle a little more pronouncedly as water started to fill in at a faster rate.

Brick rubbed his head as a small bit of red flowed into the water. He opened his eyes and looked down.

There, buried in the sand, was a glistening silver key.

He grabbed the key in one hand, and embraced Jo's body with the other. He started to struggle upwards, feeling the dead weight immensely.

 _Come on, come on, I hope I'm not too late!_

* * *

Meanwhile, the 5 Maggots were on the rusty fishing boat, ready to start the next part of the challenge.

"Right, you guys are now going to start manning this boat through an obstacle course designed to keep you on your toes, both as a team _and_ as individuals. The finish line is on the other side of the dock. You'll have to shoot some targets on the way, as well. Three, as a matter of fact!

"There's a _lot_ at stake here, so you're going to need to have all your wits around you. Good luck!"

Mal immediately hopped in the driver's seat. "Right, who's shooter?"

"Aww, I wanted to shoot some frisky dingoes!" Manitoba took over.

Mal was back in a flash. "Quiet, you! What I say, goes!"

* * *

 **Mal** *he's rubbing his head* Right. Manitoba's ready to become the dominant one in charge, huh? Not while I'm around…might as well get him and Svetlana trapped in that same prison with Mike and the gang. *he chuckles to himself* Yeah…easier on _me._

* * *

"Aaaand GO!" Chris sounded the air horn, and Mal immediately revved the engine.

Beth wailed as she held on tight to the crude seagull gun, "IIIIIII'lllllll taaaaaaaaaake thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!"

Dawn nodded, feeling the choppy waters. "I'll take care of our obstacle needs!"

B pointed to the engine, which was spewing out thick, black, smoke.

"Hey! Wait for me!" Staci called out from the water.

"Ohhh, someone's facing a pretty big penalty if their team loses!" Chris said, chuckling.

* * *

 **Staci** : Why is Chris getting so hard on me _now?_ See, I can remember names!

* * *

"Ooh…Mother Nature's crying out in fear and pain again…" Dawn said, putting her hand in the rushing water. "Ouch!"

"Well, gee, who'd've thought putting your hand in whipping water like this would _suck?_ Grow up, nature freak," Mal scoffed at her.

B, on the other hand, continued to watch the smoke rise into the air. He smiled.

* * *

 **B** : *he shrugs his shoulders and whistles a jaunty tune*

* * *

" _C'mon,_ " Mal hissed, revving the engine a few more times. "There's a target! Beth, fire!"

Beth turned up her nose at him.

"Oh, I _will,_ cap'n!" Manitoba flashed out of his seat, pushed Beth out, and fired straight and true at the target.

"Ay!" Vito exclaimed, pushing B out of the way, too. "This is _my_ joint!"

B rubbed his shoulder and glared at his enemy fixing up the engine in record time.

"Und Svetlana will take us all to the finish!" Svetlana cartwheeled out and started pushing the boat with pure skill alone.

Dawn gasped. "The rudder! It'll cut you alive!"

"Aw, bah! The world needs a little pain und suffering!"

Beth gasped as she caught her breath. "Somebody steer!"

B grabbed the wheel, set to give Svetlana some major pain.

"Oh, my, zis water's a little choppy, no?" Svetlana looked out on her left side, seeing what was up ahead.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

BONK.

Svetlana crashed headfirst into a stationary target. "Ow, owwww…Zat hurt, you dummkopf!"

Flipping herself back on to the boat, she glared at B, who glared right back at her.

" _Alright, brat,_ " Mal seethed, back to being himself again. "It's _my_ time to sh- "

RIP.

The third target was torn through, and Mal and B were wrestling for the controls.

Dawn gasped as the finish line grew closer and closer, ignoring the debris accumulating behind them. "EVERYONE! LOOK OU— "

SMASH.

The Maggots looked down as water started to flood into their boats, slowly sinking.

"Well, that's a wrap!" Chris said from the nearby shoreline. "Unorthodox a win it may be, the Maggots have won again!"

In the distance, a voice could barely be heard. "WHAT?"

* * *

Meanwhile, Brick was struggling to swim towards the dock with Jo and key in hand. However, he didn't notice that the air bubbles had started up again…

"AAAAAH! GET MY SECOND WIND FOR DAKOTA-SAN!" Sam bellowed, pumping air at an accelerated rate, sweat flying.

"Go, Sam!" Dakota cried out, before whimpering at her blisters.

"Ugh, yeesh, keep it down!" Anne Maria snapped, turning back at the pair. "Where's my hubby?"

"Down there…" Dakota said, pointing at the bubbles.

"Yeah, it's-*huff*-been a-*huff*-while!" Sam gasped in between breathing and pumping.

Anne Maria looked at the water, and then at herself. "Nu-uh. No way!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : This body's made for tannin', _not_ swimmin'! I mean, what if my secret came out?

* * *

"Alright, that's enough."

Chef put down his binoculars, and immediately jumped in the water. Within 10 seconds, a panting, bedraggled Brick and Jo were flopped on the dock, the latter spitting out copious amounts of water.

"*gasp*-hey, that wasn't…*pant*…so bad of ya, Brick…"

Brick chuckled weakly. "Thanks…"

* * *

 **Brick** : Huh, I think that's the first sign of respect Jo's ever given me. Progress!

* * *

Chef splashed up alongside them. "You guys lost! Gonna have to deliberate on who's getting' the boot tonight…"

Sam collapsed again, panting and sweating. "Ow…"

* * *

After dinner, the Rats cabin was quiet.

"Any minute now…" Brick said quietly, checking his watch.

"Uh, hey, Sarge?"

"Speak, Jo."

"That was, uh, pretty noble thing of you to do…although you nearly made it worse, heh."

"Not a problem," Brick said back, smiling at her. "Unfortunately, there's Mal's 'rules'."

Jo sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah…about that, uh…I'm voting myself off tonight."

Brick's eyes widened. "What?! But I was going to do the same!"

Jo looked confused. "Really? It was my near-drowning that brought us to lose. If it were you down there, I think things would've been different…"

"You sure? I didn't succeed in following my own code…"

Jo nodded. "I'm also going to leave the team to decide which amongst us they want gone…oh, hey, sugartits!"

Anne Maria glared at her. "Stop. Talking. To. My. _Babe!_ "

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Ooh, that sneak Jo's goin' down the tubes! First she throws tha challenge, then she's conspirin'! She's gone!

* * *

"Well, well, well, look at what we have here!"

Chris was holding a plate of four marshmallows, with Chef responsible for the toxic fifth.

"Right, this was one of your _worst_ team performances I've ever seen! Didn't even make it out of the gate before something went wrong, eh, Jo?"

Jo rolled her eyes angrily. "Could've happened to anyone! Especially that rat _Mal._ "

"Then, there's Brick! Dove to save Jo's skin, but nearly died doing it. Will it be you on the Boat of Losers tonight?"

Brick sighed and hung his head in shame.

"Next, there's Anne Maria. Didn't contribute anything to the team, and spent the day deciding which boyfriend she'll have all to herself."

"Hey! They're both hot!"

"Which means," Chris concluded, "that the first two marshmallows go to the people with the best performance! Dakota, Sam, you guys really pulled through to try and save Jo's bacon."

Dakota winced as she caught her marshmallow, while Sam beamed.

"Next one safe with one vote is…Anne Maria!"

Anne Maria gasped. "Who voted for me? C'mon, speak forevuh or hold your…uh…"

" _Sssssh!_ Tonight's loser with three votes against him or her is…

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…Jo!"

Jo sighed as she dodged the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom. "Whelp, it was only a matter of time anyways!"

* * *

 **Sam** : Voting Jo off? Yeah, that was a _little_ rough. But with Dakota by my side, I can do _anything._

* * *

"Jo! Waaait!"

Jo turned around to see Sam running towards her.

"Oh, hey, it's Gamer Geek! Come to see me off?"

Sam panted. "Y…yeah! I wanted to say I'm sorry for voting for you…"

"Nah, are you kidding? With everyone here, save your girlfriend, hating me?"

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, I guess that _is_ true…"

Jo smirked. "So long, squirt! I've got a feeling that you'll be leading our team to victory a few times here and there! Continue my legacy!"

The boat started up, revving its engine.

"You can do great things, Sam! I'll be back one day, though, Wawanakwa…just you wait…just…you…waaaaaaa…"

Jo's voice grew fainter and fainter as she disappeared over the horizon.

Sam sighed, a little dejected, but then, a peck on the cheek brightened his spirits.

"Come on, sweetie, we can finally sleep close to each other!"

Sam giggled as Dakota picked him up, bridal-style!

"Hi-ho, princess, awaaaay!"

Chris smiled as the two made their way back to the loser cabins. "Well, that's another episode down and one Jo down and out! Will this be the end of the Rat's losing streak? Will Mike _ever_ regain his control? And, worst of all, what was in that cave last episode? Haha…ha-ha…ha…anyway, we'll see you here with another exciting episode of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

* * *

(AN: Yeah, this wasn't going to be done before New Year's. I'm so sorry for making you wait for so long! Hopefully this'll be worth it…not sure when the next chapter will be, though…)

Toxic Rats: Anne Maria, Brick, Dakota, Sam

Mutant Maggots: B, Beth, Dawn, Mal, Staci

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

10th: Jo

Next up: When There's a Mal, There's a Way (YES, I know the actual title. And _no,_ I don't think it'll fit so well with what I've got going on here…there's no cameo or anything. Oops! Spoilers!)


	6. When There's a Mal, There's a Way

(AN: Hi all! Been a good winter break, but I want to get more chapters out to you guys. If you have any speculations about this season or things that could be improved; heck, thoughts in general, feel free to drop a line! Thanks!)

 **Chris** : Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, the teams had a nice day off…well, for some, it was! B's traumatic past was finally revealed…that's becoming a trend this season, huh? Anywho, B lost his good robotic buddy Cam-bot, Mal started to psychologically break down his competition, and Brick and Jo's rivalry reached new heights! Thankfully, the two transfers, Staci and Dakota, hit it off well with their new teams, with the former finally making a friend! Aww…the next day, it was a time to rekindle the team's trust, and thanks to Mal's scheming and alternate personalities at his disposal, it was a Maggots victory and a Rats failure. In the end, Jo was the one to get the boot, but in this case, she honorably discharged herself! 9 remain, and we're bringing on the pain. Find out who sinks and who stinks here on Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

*cue the theme song*

Episode 6: When There's a Mal, There's a Way

* * *

Early the next morning, Brick was out of his cabin, on his morning run.

"Right! Since Scott's gone, and there's no rivalry with Jo, I must monitor myself each day! You can do it, McArthur!"

"Good morning, Brick!"

Brick yelped as he screeched to a halt in front of the spa hotel. "Beth! Wasn't expecting you to be up and about this early!"

"Well, I heard you outside a few times, so I thought I might as well meet you one day!"

Brick chuckled. "Want to join me?"

Beth looked behind at the other three competitors, fast asleep. "I'll have to be quiet…" she whispered, before tiptoeing out of the balcony.

* * *

 **Beth** : Actually hanging out with Brick is nice! Kinda wish him, Staci, and I were on the same team! One can dream…*she happily sighs*

 **Brick** : I've been thinking about Mal and what his plan is after Jo's elimination. What's his deal?

 **Mal** : *he whistles to himself* Another one bites the dust…

* * *

Within a few minutes, Beth was out the door by Brick's side.

"Right! What's on the list today, captain?"

Brick could barely stifle a laugh. "We're going to run around the island 3 times in 8 minutes! Got it?"

Beth nodded. "Will do my best, _sir!_ "

Four minutes had passed and the two were barely halfway around the island.

"P…*gasp*…per…permission…to…stop…please *gasp*!" Beth said, before collapsing on the sand.

"Permission granted!" Brick said, rubbing the backs of his thighs. "Wasn't expecting this trek to be so long and grueling!"

* * *

 **Brick** : …wasn't the best at leading the pack at cadet camp…that's probably why I wasn't squad leader much, heh. But hey, with Jo gone, victory for us is all but assured!

* * *

" _Hey!_ Can't a guy use the great outdoors in peace?!"

Beth gasped. "Mal? Wait, no, Chester?"

"The very same, missy!"

Chester's head peeped out from behind some bushes.

"Don't come anywhere in a five-meter radius, squirts! Do you have _any_ idea what radioactive animals do to your colon?!"

Brick fanned his nose. "Yeah, that's _duly_ noted…"

In the distance, an air horn sounded. "GOOD MORNING, CAMPERS! MEET ME AT THE FAR SIDE OF THE ISLAND IN 10!"

Brick winced. "Do you think he noticed us?"

"Oh, be quiet, ya young whippersnapper! Mal's sleepin' like a baby in here! 'pparently, he's got me out on those times he can't stay awake!"

* * *

 **Chester** : Yeah, Mal's a stinkin' liar! If I were in there, I'd sock him one, _pow!_ Right in the kisser!

* * *

Beth and Brick left Chester to finish his business. Up ahead, they saw Chef setting up two canoes.

"Mornin', runts! Get your rears in gear! Chris is choosin' captains when he gets here!"

Brick and Beth looked at each other. "What?"

* * *

 **Brick** : Captains? Seems like things are heating up…

* * *

"Ahhh…good morning, losers…"

Beth squirmed as a familiar voice entered her ears. Brick flinched slightly.

"Uh…hi…" the former said to the now awake Mal.

"Sorry about that little…disturbance…earlier. He comes out at night sometimes when I simply _need_ my rest…trust me, I don't like it either…"

* * *

 **Mal** : Did you _really_ think I'd kill myself by letting myself not get actual sleep like that? Heh, cut me a break. I'm not dumb…well, maybe in another universe, I am…

* * *

"Good morning, you two! Oh…hi."

Dawn was next to the group, fully dressed and smelling like fresh pine and autumn leaves.

Beth gasped. "Wait, what?! You were asleep when I found you, and-and-when Chris called you!

Dawn giggled slightly. "Mother nature never kisses and tells!"

* * *

 **Dawn** : The island's been so kind to me since I arrived here! Although, I'm worried about that dirty aura underground…

* * *

Within 10 minutes, the other campers had made it to the far side of the island. Some, like Sam and Dakota, were refreshed and ready to go, while others, like Anne Maria and Staci, looked groggy.

"Good morning, all of you!" Chris said, motioning to the 9 in front of him. "I see _some_ of you slept really well!"

Dakota giggled. "I know, right?"

* * *

 **Dakota** : Sleeping next to Sam was great! His snores are _so_ cute! *she giggles again*

* * *

Chris looked over the 9 contestants standing in front of him. "Jeez, some of you definitely seem different today…huh! Anywho, let's get started with today's challenge!"

Dakota clamped an arm around Sam and pulled him closer to her. "I'm ready to take anything on today!"

Sam looked at the blisters on her hands. "Uh, you sure you're okay there?"

"Aww, don't worry about me! With you by my side, anything's possible!"

Sam smiled sheepishly.

* * *

 **Sam** : Honestly, all that's left is to ask the girl out! Unfortunately…uh…I'm awful with that! Heh, that one date was out of pity!

* * *

"So, today, you'll be taking a trip to Boney Island!"

Beth raised a hand.

"Yes, Beth, I'll get back to you in a minute. I know what some of you are wondering, 'what _is_ Boney Island?' Well, it's…well, was…a place full of wild animals! However, due to some…unfortunate…circumstances…"

Dawn looked over to see Mal glaring at something in the distance, towards the dirty aura. _Could that be?_

"…all of the fauna fled! So, you guys are going to have to go over there, find any animal left, and bring it back here! Simple, right?"

"No!" most of the campers said.

"Aww. Don't care! Budget cuts caused us to do more simplistic challenges. So, anyway, whoever arrived to the beach first is captain! So, Brick and Beth, lead your teams!"

"Aren't you forgetting _someone?_ " a voice hissed to Chris.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Mal. But, you technically weren't near Chef, so, gotta listen to _her._ " Chris said, motioning to Beth.

The latter had a confident smirk on her face. "Alright, let's do this!"

* * *

 **Beth** : Another chance to be in the driver's seat! Oh yeah!

* * *

"Alright, so let's get going!" Chris said, clapping his hands.

Brick stepped into the front of the canoe. "So, we'll try to distribute this weight evenly. Sam, you're in the middle, don't try to rock the boat too much."

Sam smiled and saluted. "Aye, aye, General Pepper!"

Brick quirked an eye. "Uhhhh…"

However, Sam's were starting to drift in and out of focus. "Haha, yaaay…gotta go on boooats…"

* * *

 **Brick** : Oh jeez, he seemed fine just two minutes ago, right? Uh…oh crap.

 **Sam** : *he's making video game sounds with his mouth* Bleep, bloop, bleep bleep bloop! Dadadada!

* * *

"Heyyy, snap out of it!"

Sam was slapped back to reality by a frustrated Dakota. "Ow! Uh, sorry! Dunno what came over me…"

* * *

 **Sam** : Okay, I know…it's definitely game withdrawal…*his pupils start to grow bigger* heheh, yaaay, I'm in a cockpit!

* * *

"So, Dakota's behind me, she'll spot anything that I miss. You good with that?" Brick continued.

Dakota smiled and nodded.

"So, that leaves Anne Maria to bring up the rear guard! Alright, Anne Maria? Anne Maria?"

The tanned girl glared at the other three.

"You okay?" Brick asked her.

Anne Maria's eyes narrowed to slits.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Okay, I wanna know _who_ that one joik was that voted for me last night! Barely slept a wink, I was so upset! Was it Brick? *she gasps* my hubby wouldn't do that! *she slaps her face several times* Gaaah! Focus!

* * *

"No way am _I_ goin' on this hunka junk with _you_ losuhs!"

Brick facepalmed. "Come on, can't you get over it? This is your…ugh, I can't believe I'm going to say this… _hubby_ …talking."

Anne Maria looked over at Brick, who was trying to look positive while keeping the disgust off his face.

"Yeah?" she finally asked him.

"Yeaaah…you can, uh, even…be in front of me!"

Anne Maria cooed. "Ooh! Now _that_ I can get all ovuh!"

Brick sighed. "Means Sam's behind me and Dakota's behind him. Everyone, grab an oar. We've got a challenge to win!"

Meanwhile, Beth was on the other side, directing her team's roles.

"Okay, so who wants to be in front? As long as it isn't Mal!"

Dawn raised her hand. "My aura sensing can be quite useful if I'm up there, although I'll have to tune it a little…"

Okay, so I can be behind her, unless B wants to…"

B didn't hear her; he had a toolbox open, and was hard at work, tinkering with nuts, bolts, and other small pieces.

"B? What's up?" Beth asked.

B, in his haste, accidentally threw a screwdriver by Mal's feet. He wasn't ignorant of this fact.

"Oh, _hello,_ " he said, picking it up. He smirked as he saw everyone else was focused on B's work.

* * *

 **Mal** : I think this can be a ticket to my victory. *he chuckles and twirls the screwdriver in his hand. However, it smacks his temple* Ow!

* * *

"So, that leaves Staci and…ugh, Chris, do we _have_ to bring our entire team over?" Beth asked.

Chris had set up a lawn chair for him and Chef; both were sipping pina coladas. "Yup! It's another challenge meant to build team support, after all!"

Beth groaned. "Then, Mal, you'll be behind B, and Staci, you'll keep an eye on him. Got it?"

Mal grinned. "Yes, ma'am."

In a flash, he had turned to Svetlana and had gracefully taken the position near the back.

"Now zen, ve vill coast to victory!" she announced to the rest of the boat.

Staci got in next, causing a severe tilt towards the stern. "Uh, guys, can we all get in please? The Rats are already on their way…"

Indeed, they were, although not smoothly; Brick had a steady hand, but Anne Maria was lying in his lap, with her legs stretching out of the boat. Dakota, in the meanwhile, was gingerly holding her oar, while Sam was splashing wildly.

"Ohhhh, I was _never_ good with boating games…" Sam groaned to no one.

Beth took the bow, oar in hand. "Alright, Dawn, B, we got a challenge to win!"

However, the other two were still on the beachfront, the former still looking at the latter's work.

"What are you doing there?" Dawn asked the mechanical whiz.

B triumphantly held up his completed device; a small, easy-to-use outboard motor.

Dawn gasped happily. "It's eco-friendly! Mother Nature is pleased!"

* * *

 **B** : *he gently pats his heart with his fist, and then holds it up to make a peace sign*

 **Dawn** : I'm so glad that a lot of our team is devoted to protecting the environment and saving the world! Now, my next goal is to gain better trust and friendship amongst everyone here! I've been a little…*she shudders and bites her lip*…deprived…

* * *

B attached the motor to the stern of the boat. As he was in the process of showing Staci how to operate it, Dawn half walked, half floated, her way to the bow area.

"Ready, ma'am!" she said, before giggling a little.

"Ready, B?" Beth said.

B looked up and gave a thumbs up sign. He then carefully moved to the middle of the boat, finally evening the weight.

"Right, let's go!" Beth called out, and the 5 were away on their mission.

* * *

 **Beth** : Okay, so, like, being a leader again is _great!_ All that's left is to keep Mal in line!

* * *

"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!"

Brick called out the directions as he and Dakota paddled around the island's shores. Sam, in the meanwhile, had given up paddling and was making whale noises.

"Ugh, right, Sam! _What_ are you doing?" Brick stopped paddling momentarily so he could talk to his teammate.

"Dooo doo doo _doooooooooooooooooo!_ Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Sam said, laughing stupidly.

* * *

 **Brick** : Okay, this was _not_ how I wanted this challenge to go. Oh God, I hope we don't lose tonight…

* * *

"Sam, honey, wake up!" Dakota called to him from behind.

"Ooh…ooooooooooooh! I'm a dog! Woof, woof!" Sam said, throwing his oar into the air. "All I need to do is draw us some wind!"

He started to splash some water towards the boat, struggling to loop it around. "Ugh! Uuuuugh! C'mon, Ammy! You've done better than this!"

Brick facepalmed. Dakota started to shake her near-boyfriend.

Sam snapped awake again. "Aaah! What…what happened?"

Brick sighed. "We're seriously going to need to get your games back. Those withdrawal symptoms are killer…"

Dakota gasped. "They're gaining on us!"

"Pshaw!" Anne Maria scoffed. "It's nice up here! Well, save for this guy's softuh than a Twinkie!"

Brick cringed. "I, uh…what?!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Is my billion dolluh look not good enough for my hubby? I've tried _everything_ : makeup, advances, flirting…what's left?

* * *

Svetlana was glaring at the other team.

"Right! Svetlana's had enough! Time to coast us to victory!"

She backflipped out of the boat and made her way to the back. Shattering the motor, she started to swim with her usual, powerful, speed.

Beth yelped as the ship gained traction. "Aaah! Why?!"

Dawn shivered as the boat splashed along the water. "Uh, guys? There's land ahead!"

Svetlana narrowed her eyes and started to pump her legs faster.

"Guys! Come on, turn right, so we'll hit the ground more evenly!" Beth gasped, straining to paddle on the left side of the boat.

Dawn and Staci followed suit; B, on the other hand, glared at his adversary.

"B!" Beth called. "This is no time to hold on to your demons! Be angry lat—"

Her words were interrupted by a loud _crash_. The 5 Maggots crashed on the beach, unsure of their surroundings.

Dawn stood up first. "Right…let's see where we've ended up…"

"Aw, dangnabbit! I'm out again! Stinkin' Mal can't get his precious head hurt too much more, huh?"

Beth groaned. "Fine, Chester, fine, I'll come get you from…uh…where'd you go?"

"Under the stinking boat, sorta…kinda…buried in the sand, nincompoop!"

Beth strained to flip the canoe over, groaning as she saw it was bent out of shape and adorned with scratches.

"At this rate, it'll never float back! Ugh! Svetlana!"

"She's stuck in Mal's head, missy! Apparently, I'm some sort of 'panic button' or some doggurn crap!"

* * *

 **Chester** : That dang ol' Mal's a sissy! Back in the ol' days, knocks on the noggin were considered character buildin'!

* * *

B picked himself off of the sand next, pausing to help Staci up. As he did so, he peered around, wondering where the contestants were.

Staci groaned as she got to her feet before reaching into her pocket. Pulling out a voodoo doll of Chris, she tore part of its arm off.

In the somewhat distance, a loud "OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" was heard.

"Well, we're still on the island!" she said, perkily.

* * *

 **Staci** : Ya, I've been making voodoo dolls of _all_ 14 of us since we've arrived here. *she nods* Chris and Chef too! Knew it'd come in handy someday. Thanks, Mom!

* * *

Sam had given up on singing his whale song and trying to summon wind for the boat. He had instead started humming a tune that no one had heard of.

Anne Maria groaned with each long note that Sam held. "Good Lawd, can't that guy shut up?"

Sam barely heard her, and started putting his own words to his song.

"RIVALS, RIVALS, RIVALS, RI-VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALS! RIVALS, RIVALS, RIVALS, RI-VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHLS!"

Anne Maria had heard enough, "Awright, I'm goin' back there and shuttin' your dumbass face up for good!"

"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV-AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! OW! OW OW OW! AAAAGH!"

* * *

 **Dakota** : Oh, gosh, Sam! Please…please come back!

 **Anne Maria** : I've had enough of these stinkin' competituhs screwin' up our team spirit! Next chance, pow! Gamuh Guy's goin' home!

* * *

The Maggots quickly turned towards the water as smacking, thwacking, and cracking sounds emanated from nearby.

"Aw, jeez, someone's getting' a major whuppin', that's for sure," Chester mused.

Beth winced at every sound. "I _really_ hope that someone's okay…"

Everyone (including B) gasped as the Rats canoe slowly slid past, showing Anne Maria beating up a woozy Sam, with Dakota struggling to split the two apart.

"No, please, haven't you done enough?!" she shrieked across the open water.

"Not a chance! I've had enough of all of yas screwin' our team up and causin' us to lose 3 times in a row!" Anne Maria yelled back.

Dakota glared. "Well…you're…mean!" she yelled at her rival, throwing herself at Anne Maria.

Brick yelped as the canoe jostled dramatically behind him. "Guys, I can only do so much up here…"

However, all rowing behind him was forgotten, as Dakota and Anne Maria struggled for control.

"You're…strong…for…a…blonde!" Anne Maria sneered at Dakota.

"And…and…and… _you're_ …tan…for a…tan person!" Dakota yelled back.

* * *

 **Dakota** : *she looks at her hands* Eek! I'm cut! Ooh, Anne Maria's a fake! Fake nails, fake tan, fake _everything!_

* * *

Brick strained to row the increasingly rocky boat. "Guys, we've got the lead!"

Anne Maria whipped her head back angrily. "I'll get to _you_ latuh, _hubby!_ "

* * *

 **Brick** : *he sighs* even with Jo gone, the feuding just won't stop! I hate to say it, but Anne Maria's contributions to the team are getting more and more…violent!

* * *

"Ey yo, babe! How ya doin'?"

Anne Maria snapped her head 90 degrees towards the beach, gasping happily. "Ohmigosh! Vito! Babe!"

The greasy Italian stereotype flexed a muscle in her direction. "Why don't ya get past _these_ losuhs and join me ovuh here!"

Anne Maria immediately made to get off the boat. "Oh, thank Gaw—"

Brick grabbed the back of her shirt's neck, while also holding her legs with his oar. "Not so fast! No leaving a man or woman behind!"

From behind, Sam murmured some unintelligible words. Dakota gasped.

"Ohmigosh! Sam? Sam! Are you okay?" Dakota clamped onto Sam tightly, sniffling slightly.

"Ohhhh…hi, Dakota…" Sam murmured.

* * *

 **Sam** : *he's wobbling slightly* Did we win? *he falls over in the confessional*

* * *

"Listen, if you don't buck up today, I'll guarantee that it's your butt going home tonight, and you won't _ever_ get to see your _hubby_ , again."

Anne Maria gasped, tears starting to enter her eyes. "Oh Gawd…no way…"

* * *

 **Brick** : *he gasps* I've _never_ had to be that stern in my platoon, ever! Ugh, dammit, Jo, you're bringing out the worst in me, and you're not even here!

* * *

Anne Maria glared at Dakota, tore out her hair spray, and started to spray her pouf and tan.

"Fine! I'll play!" she said, glaring at Dakota and Sam.

Brick sighed in relief. "Very well then, team! Onward!"

With that, Anne Maria got back into her position on the boat, oar in hand. She, Brick, and Dakota started to paddle away from the Maggots.

"Aw, dangnabbit! We could've caught a ride with 'em! That's how I got onto Ellis Island!" Chester moaned.

* * *

 **Beth** : Okay, how old _is_ Chester, anyways?

* * *

Mal wrenched his body back into control. "Right. Seems like we're _stuck_ here." He kicked the canoe, making a big hole in a weak patch of wood.

Beth gasped. "But that's our only way back! Mal, did you seriously sabotage us?!"

"Surprise, toots, I'm freaking _evil!_ What were you expecting?"

Beth sighed. Staci put a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, I'm sure we'll think of something!"

* * *

 **Staci** : *she holds out an effigy of Mal* only a matter of time before I have the rest completed! Although, I need to ask Beth how many there are _exactly…_ one wrong move, and everything's for naught!

* * *

Beth sighed. "Alright, change of plans! I say we find a small animal that's around here somewhere! It might not be part of the challenge, but if we get back before the Rats, we _might_ have a chance of winning!"

Staci and B nodded. Dawn gave a small smile. Mal rolled his eyes.

"Right, what're we looking for, oh _captain_?"

Beth's confident smile faded from her face. "Oh, right…that's where I'm lost…"

* * *

 **Beth** : *she sighs heavily* being captain with someone like Mal potentially sabotaging you is actually really tough! I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'll take _Zoey_ over this!

* * *

"There, up ahead! I see Boney Island! It's…oh boy…"

Brick pointed up at the smaller island. However, nearly everything on it looked either dead or run-down; the 6 months weren't kind to it.

"We'll make land up ahead," he continued, "then we need to find anything we can find."

Anne Maria sighed in relief. "Thank Gawd, bein' on here with you guys is seriously bad for my health!"

She shook her spray can and continued spraying vigorously.

Dakota glared at her from afar.

* * *

 **Dakota** : Ooh, I'd _love_ to see her go next! After what she did to my baby!

* * *

Brick dismounted from the canoe as it grew closer to the shore. Pulling it along, he found a sandy spot for the team to dismount.

"Well, we're here!" he said, looking around at the landscape. "Now to find an animal!"

"Ugh, finally!" Anne Maria scoffed, shaking her spray to apply more of it. "Now I'll keep myself away from _you_ joiks!"

Dakota's eyes flashed for a brief moment. "That is _it!_ I've had it with you being cruel and mean to everyone on this team! Take _that!_ "

In an instant, she had swiped Anne Maria's spray and threw it far, far out into the water.

Anne Maria gasped, then started growling. "You…you…YOU CHICKEN-SHIT!"

A burst of laughter erupted behind her. She turned back to see Brick trying his best to remain upright, bawling with laughter.

Something in her finally snapped. "That. Is. _It!_ I've had it with you losuhs laughin' at me like everyone at home has! I _will_ win! _I MUST WIN!_ "

Dakota gasped as she saw Anne Maria dive into the water.

* * *

 **Dakota** : Okay, _who_ would've seen that coming?!

 **Brick** : *he's still crying with laughter* Oh, oh man, Anne Maria, that's easily the _lamest_ comeback I've ever heard in all my years, in and out of cadet school!

 **Anne Maria** : *she's dripping onto the confessional* Ugh! These guys are a pain in my butt! I'll do one more try with my hubby, but then, it's time to get my revenge!

* * *

The five Maggots were trudging along through the woods.

"Ugh, ugh, _ugh!_ " Beth groaned, kicking a rock as they went, "We were doing _so_ well, until _you_ (she pointed to Mal) screwed _everything_ up for us!"

Mal chuckled. "Well, make lemonade from lemons, toots! I'm not here to hold your hand! Mainly stir up the trouble…"

Beth quirked an eye. "Uh…"

* * *

 **Beth** : Is it just me, or is Mal acting a little more like Chester?

* * *

Beth craned her eyes around the immediate area. "Nothing here yet…"

Staci, however, had her mind on a different activity all together. "Right, just put this thread here…"

Dawn was still feeling the dirty aura close by, and kept stealing glances in its general direction.

B had his toolbox open and was starting to build a different contraption.

Mal rolled his eyes. "Right, _I'm_ going to leave you goody-goody two shoes alone. Good luck winning the challenge without me!"

With that, he strode off deeper and deeper into the woods.

* * *

 **Beth:** I _could_ have called him back, but we're going to get along a _lot_ better with him not in the way!

* * *

Anne Maria spat some water out as she splashed back onto the shoreline. She growled as she saw her spray can had broken open, spilling out all of its contents.

"Awright, that's it! There's no mo' reason to continue on this show! I've had it! I've had it with you, Dakotuh, I've had it with yo' lack of love, hubby, and I've especially had it with _**you!**_ "

At those last words, she hurled the broken spray can at the bedraggled Sam, smirking as it hit him square in the back of the head.

This turned out to be her fatal mistake.

As if a video game rage meter had reached maximum, Sam whipped his head back to look at her, glaring more fiercely than he had ever had.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…."

Dakota hesitantly took a few steps back. "Easy there, Sam…please don't…"

Brick gulped. "Sam? You alright there?"

Sam took a deep breath inwards. Then…

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Trees shook. What little bird life there was flew away. Anne Maria sniffed at her adversary.

"Whatcha gonna do to me? Make more bleeps and bloo—"

But Sam was already tearing down towards her, arms raised, ready to push her deep, deep into the water.

Brick, however, was even quicker. Straining hard as he braced himself against Sam's might, he slowly started to push the two apart.

Dakota gasped. "Sam! No!"

"Dakota, help me!" Brick gasped, sweat pouring down his face, his feet slipping. "He's…he's too much for me to handle!"

* * *

 **Brick** : I'll never see anyone with that major an adrenaline rush, mixed with pure, unbridled rage, ever again. Sam, that's an ability we need to start pushing ahead! I'm proud of you!

* * *

Dakota started to push against Brick's body, straining as her great arm strength combined with Brick's powerful core started to push the gamer back.

"Come…on…Sam! Don't…be…like…this!" she gasped, sweat starting to form on her face as well.

With one more mighty heave, the two managed to flip Sam onto his back, panting and wheezing.

Sam, however, was finally starting to calm down. "Whuh…what happened?"

* * *

 **Sam** : *he repeatedly slaps his face* Ugh, I needed my Game Guy, like, yesterday!

* * *

Brick sighed as he helped Sam to his feet. "Alright, guys, someone support him. I'll see what I can do in terms of finding an animal. Anne Maria, can you guard our boat, please?"

Anne Maria _tut_ ted. "Meh, what if I don't feel like it?"

"You know damn well what'll happen."

Anne Maria grumbled and sat by the boat. "Fine, I'll keep myself dry anyways…"

* * *

 **Brick** : It was tough, but I think the three of us can do some good here. Victory, here we come!

* * *

Brick, Sam, and Dakota made their way further inland. The further they went, the deader everything appeared.

"Right," Brick sighed. "Not sure if we should split up to cover more ground or what. It seems pretty safe…"

Dakota grunted as she shifted Sam's weight. "Could you slow down, please? He's heavy!"

"Use your core!" Brick called back at her.

"But I'm not hungry!"

Brick groaned in exasperation. "Hang on, I'll switch with you!"

He picked up Sam's body and supported him as best he could. "Ungh, right, I say we keep our eyes peeled. There could be really small critters hiding in the underbrush…"

Dakota scratched her head. "In the _what?_ "

* * *

 **Dakota** : Now that I've got a…uh…boyfriend? I mean, uh…anyway, the only thing I need now is to get more smart!

* * *

Beth peered under some bushes into the woods. "Nothing here! Now what?"

Dawn was continually shifting her eyes towards Mal's general direction. "I, uh, I think I'm going to follow him…he's getting close to _another_ aura…one I fear is far dirtier than Mal's ever will be…"

The other 3 Maggots looked at her in confusion.

"Wait, what?! Why didn't you tell us that before!" Beth groaned.

"It didn't seem very important at the time," Dawn replied simply.

* * *

 **Beth** : Unreal! That's _another_ thing to dread on this godforsaken rock! Thanks for the heads up, Dawn!

 **Staci** : *she's still working on making voodoo dolls of Mal, Chester, Svetlana, and the rest*

 **B** : *he's tinkering away in his toolbox, then flourishes a magnifying lens*

* * *

"Mike? Mike! _Miii-iiiiiiiiike!_ "

Dawn hurried along through the woods, ignoring the slight scratches and scrapes she was getting from the flora.

Mal, however, was quite a way ahead, on his way to his new destination.

 _Yes, I think we'll have a new accomplice sooner or later…_

He found his way to the cave that he saw a few days prior.

 _Bingo. Seems like that smell's stronger than ever, too…_

He started to tap the sides of the cave, feeling his way for any vulnerabilities in the rock.

"Hmm, doesn't seem to _be_ anything out of the ordinary…however…"

"Ey, ya stinkin' rock! How's it hangin'? I'm here to bust some moves on ya!"

* * *

 **Vito** : *he kisses his arms* These bad boys right here've taken a _lot_ of crap over the years, ey? Tough as pistons pumpin', that's for sure!

* * *

Dawn hurried along the path that Mal had unintentionally left. _I feel them! They're close by!_

With one last burst of strength, Dawn finally arrived at the clearing.

" _Mike! Come out here! I…_ I need to talk to you…"

Vito groaned audibly and punched a rock as hard as he could. He grinned as it started to cave in.

"I think that'll do, buddy!" he chuckled, before Mal took over once again.

* * *

 **Mal** : Ensuring that everyone's tethered to my internal prison was a smart move. Although, Chester's starting to slip out…why? Was it that whack to the head yesterday?

* * *

Dawn soon found Mal on the other side of the cave.

"Mike! I—"

"I told you before, the name's _Mal!_ "

"But that's not who you truly are inside! Please! I can help you, Mike! I can…save you…"

Mal chuckled. "Look, lady, haven't we been over this before? He's stuck in there. It's all me, all the time. And besides, I don't think he wants to talk to you after the crap you pulled yesterday…"

Dawn took a hesitant step closer. "I can feel Mike in there! Can't you at least let him out for a while?"

Mal took a step back. "Not a chance. Why should I sate your ego?"

Dawn glared. "Why did _you_ take full control over him, huh?"

"Because, sweetheart, Mike's a teenager with poor control over his emotions! Hell, he had _worse_ control over them when he was younger! Only a matter of time before his anger and resentment took root in me, wasn't it?"

Dawn hissed at him. "Okay, _Mal_ , I'm going to get Mike out of there, and I'll use _any_ means to do it!"

Mal smirked, his steps backwards growing brisker. "Oh? Going to throw me off a cliff, are you? Good luck trying _that._ "

At that, Mal was off in a flash, sprinting as only Svetlana could.

Dawn growled slightly. "Get _back_ here!"

Beth noticed the birds flying away through the woods en masse.

"Okay, uh, we need to get Dawn back," she said to the other two. "Something's definitely up…"

B nodded, putting his magnifying glass away. Staci, however, didn't hear her.

Beth knelt to see what she was doing. "Uh, Staci?"

"Not now! I need to know how many personalities that fifth guy has! My voodoo doesn't fully work until it captures the true essence of a person!"

"There's a total of five, but I'll explain who's who later! C'mon, B, let's go!"

* * *

 **Staci** : I've got four out of five, so I'm almost there…*she attaches a loop of string from Mal to Svetlana, and then from Mal to Chester, and again for Vito* There! I think that's pretty accurate! *she bops the Mal doll in the face*

 **Mal, in the distance** : OW!

 **Staci** : Not quite there, but it's working!

* * *

Brick groaned as the hot summer sun shone nearly directly above him. "Guys? How long have we been searching?"

Dakota fanned her face. "Don't know," she moaned. "It just smells like…stink and, uh…feet."

Brick's eyes narrowed. "Psst! There it is…dead ahead!"

In the distance was a small, innocuous, chipmunk.

Dakota breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness! We can just get it and…"

Brick groaned as he saw the chipmunk scamper off at their presence. "Okay, we need a strategy, guys. What say you and I try to—"

Sam awoke with a start on his shoulder. His pupils were dilated and he was starting to drool.

" _Fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood…_ "

He started running towards the chipmunk with the same ferocity he did Anne Maria.

Brick and Dakota stood there, agape, as Sam yelled out a war cry that carried over the island.

"Or we can do that…" Brick finished.

* * *

 **Brick** : We really need to work on some triggers for Sam here. That ability can prove _extremely_ useful when used correctly…

* * *

Chris and Chef lounged on their lawn chairs as a gust of wind blew past them.

"You doin' alright, Chris?" Chef asked, rubbing the host's shoulder for the umpteenth time.

"Yeah, better now… _ah!_...but it's still a little sore," Chris replied. "Thanks for asking!"

Chef sighed and laid back in his chair, hands behind his head. "What a season, huh?"

"You're telling me! I just got Jen on the line yesterday telling me about ' _Staci's got sensitivity issues, don't hurt her feelings, nyeh nyeh!_ '. Honestly, I'm just waiting for Tom to call us back saying that Justin's turned into Godzilla somewhere or something."

"C'mon, Chris, get that crazy Justin crap outta your head. Mal's been a _lot_ more civil compared to him…"

Chris cozied up to the camp cook. "Yeah, you're right, Chef. Thanks!"

Chef chuckled as Chris gave him a peck on the cheek. "Tonight?"

"Tonight."

* * *

 **Chris** : Thanks, you two producers! You rock!

* * *

Brick and Dakota ran after the ravenous Sam; the former was going much faster than the latter.

"Sam! Come on, we need you right now!" Brick called out.

"Honey! I need you!" Dakota yelled from further behind.

" _Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…_ " a voice called from afar,

A small squeak followed shortly thereafter, along with several, quieter, grunting noises.

"Sam! How'd you do?" Brick asked as the two Rats caught up with him.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm…" Sam said, holding the chipmunk in his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Sam! Come here!"

Dakota grabbed Sam's shoulders, whipped him around, and kissed him sloppily on the lips.

Sam's eyes bulged out, his grip loosened, and his body finally relaxed.

"Whoa…oh, hey, Dakota! Nice, seeing you here!"

* * *

 **Dakota** : *she's hyperventilating* Ohmigosh, that was _horrible!_ I'm never doing that kissing stuff again _without_ practice! …you guys won't tell him, right?

* * *

"Oh, hey, we caught one!" Sam said, noticing the chipmunk in his grip, who was too tired to do anything.

"Hand it over to me…" Brick said, holding his arms out. "I'll get this one back to Chris, pronto."

Sam did so, high fiving Dakota in the process. "Let's go back to the beach!"

* * *

 **Sam** : *he laughs* Man, what happened back there? *his stomach rumbles* Oh right, I forgot! My appetite's pretty…major under pressure. Gamer's cred, right there!

* * *

Brick hurried along towards Anne Maria, with Sam and Dakota right on his heels.

"Anne Maria! Catch!"

Brick threw the woozy chipmunk at Anne Maria, who shrieked.

"Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, ohmigosh, get it away from me!"

The chipmunk smacked against her face and landed on the ground, where it twitched slightly.

"I've got it!" Dakota yelled, picking up Anne Maria's broken spray bottle.

Sprinting ahead of the others, she scooped up the chipmunk and slammed the top over it. "Yes!"

"Whoa, way to go, Dakota!" Sam said, a large grin on his face.

* * *

 **Sam** : Hey, that's our win, hopefully! *he notices his mouth is slightly wet* Uh, what happened here?

* * *

"Now, let's hurry and get this back to Chris!" Brick said, running alongside the canoe, bringing it into deeper waters and ready to cast off.

Anne Maria hopped in the front, and Dakota helped Sam into the back before climbing in herself. Brick finally splashed his way onboard.

"Forward, team!" he said, grabbing an oar.

* * *

 **Brick** : *he looks down at his soaked shorts* Ha! If Jo were here, I'd _never_ hear the endof it!

* * *

Svetlana had sprinted her way up the massive Total Drama hill, with Dawn trying her best to keep up.

"I'll come get you, Mike! I'll save you!" she panted.

* * *

 **Dawn** : I've never had a _need_ to work out, per say; nature's done a lot of the hard work for me!

* * *

"Give up, veakling! You vill never catch up vith the great und powerful Svetlana!" Svetlana called out, steps from the top of the hill.

"Yes…I…will!" Dawn gasped, finally starting to catch up.

Meanwhile, B and Beth were running through the woods, trying to find the whereabouts of Dawn and Mal.

"B! Did anyone leave any trace behind?" Beth asked as the latter pulled out his magnifying glass.

B stared intensely through it, waiting for any indication of activity. He silently gasped as a slight purple hue appeared in the sky.

"Oh! Okay, onwards!" Beth said as B pointed in its general direction.

* * *

 **Beth** : In hindsight, I _really_ should've seen what the heck that thing did…stupid me!

 **B** : *he facepalms*

* * *

B and Beth ran, panting and heaving, onto the Wawanakwa beach.

"No way!" Beth called out, seeing the hill nearby. "B! Can I see that?"

B handed her the magnifying lens. Beth peered out and saw the pink substance.

"B! That's nuclear radiation! It's really light, but it's definitely there! Ugh!" Beth groaned, throwing the lens on the ground. It shattered instantly.

B gaped, sinking to his knees. Tears filled his eyes.

Beth gasped. "Oh gosh! B! I…I didn't mean to!"

"Oh, hi! What'd I miss?"

Beth yelped as Staci's voice rang in her ear. "How…how did you even do that?!"

* * *

 **Staci** : Well, my ancestors were part of the crews of the major Atlantic adventurers, so ya, they've had books on their methods. Basically, if there's a major wind and you smell the sea, it's nearby, so go headwind! The library's a wonderful place!

* * *

Staci gasped. "Look up there!"

Beth held her hand above her glasses to block out the sun. She gasped.

"No! Dawn!"

Mal had Dawn in a choke-hold, and was dangling her off the cliff.

"I think I've had _more_ than enough of you snooping around, trying to save your lost love! Bye-bye, sucker!"

Dawn strained to speak, a tear entering her eye. "Mi-…Pl…."

She reached a hand to Mal's face and pressed against it.

Mal yelped, apparently in pain, his eyes wide open, his face contorted.

"…Dawn?"

Mike's voice now came out of his mouth. Dawn barely mustered a smile.

"Dawn!"

Mike released his grip.

" _See ya._ "

The very last thing Dawn heard before her drop was Mal's cackling.

* * *

 **Mal** : _HAHAHAHAHAHA!_ I thought Mike would love to see his lover one last time before things got worse! Aw, poor guy…but hey, that's the breaks of sharing a body with me!

* * *

The three remaining Maggots audibly gasped as Dawn plummeted down, down, into the water, causing a big splash.

"Dawn!" Beth called out, as B was already making his way into the water.

* * *

 **Beth** : Gghhhh! Shit! Mal, consider your ass _toast!_

* * *

The four Toxic Rats were paddling with all their strength towards Chris and Chef.

"I see them, dead ahead!" Brick said, to which Sam and Dakota cheered.

Anne Maria, however, remained silent and sulky.

"Oh! Here they are!" Chris said, readying his air horn.

A loud blast punctuated the air as Brick threw the spray can at Chef, who caught it.

"That's it, Chris!" he said, pulling the chipmunk out. "It's not even mutated or anything!"

Chris pulled out his megaphone. "AND THAT'S A WIN FOR THE TOXIC RATS!"

Further up the shoreline, Beth and Staci groaned as they heard the news.

"Agh!" Beth groaned, punching the ground. "I'll get you, Mal! We all will!"

* * *

 **Staci** : So, I've finally finished with these effigies...*she holds up Mal, who's connected by a string to Mike, Vito, Chester, Svetlana, and Manitoba* ...hmm, seems like there's six total. Oh well, no hard feelings, Beth!

 **Chester** : *he spits on the floor of the confessional* Real swell teamwork, _Mal!_ I'll git you outta Mike's head if it's the last thing I'll do!

 **Svetlana** : Ah, such style und grace! Mal strikes again!

 **Vito** : Don't care, just here for the babes.

 **Manitoba** : That's some real pragmaticism there, I tell ya what! Interestin' plan, Mal!

 **Mike** : *he's shaking in the fetal position* No…nonono…no…

 **Mal** : Aww, Mike's completely destroyed. Next up is Chester…he's an old man, how hard would it be to mess with him? Huh, gramps?

* * *

The sun was setting along the Wawanakwa shoreline. B, Beth, and Staci were around Dawn, who was still unconscious.

"Dawn! _Dawn!_ Come on!" Beth groaned, pumping her chest for the 10th time that afternoon.

"She's still breathing…" Staci said, feeling her heart and lungs. "I think she's just _really_ scrambled up inside…"

B was hard at work, making a breathing apparatus for Dawn.

"Oh!" Beth exclaimed, as she saw some water being expelled from Dawn's body. "Finally!"

Coughing and spluttering, Dawn slowly, but surely, sat up. "…Mal?"

"No, no! He's not here! He won't bother you again!" Beth said, before embracing Dawn in a hug.

Dawn barely had the strength to return it. "Thank…you…"

"Mutant Maggots, please make your way to the voting confessionals! Mutant Maggots," came the loudspeakers.

Beth sighed. "So, let's do this."

* * *

Meanwhile, on another part of the island, a certain caved-in entrance finally gave way. One could swear they heard growls and roars inside…

* * *

 **Beth** : So, it's _pretty obvious_ who my vote's for!

 **Staci** : Yeah, Mal's a goner.

 **B** : *he has a crude drawing of Mal, then tears the paper in half*

 **Dawn** : *she's laying her head against the confessional* Ohhhh…

 **Mal** : *he's holding a rusty box* _KEEP AWAY._ *he punches the camera as hard as he can, shattering it and cutting off the feed*

* * *

"So, Maggots, this has been your quickest round of voting in Total Drama history!" Chris said happily, holding the standard plate with four marshmallows atop it. "So, in spirit of this monumental occasion, I'll _try_ to be quick with this elimination."

Chef opened up the Toxic Marshmallow box, where the loser's prize awaited, glowing a sickly green.

"So, Beth, B, and Staci are the first three recipients of regular marshmallows!" Chris said, throwing the first three out.

Beth and Staci breathed a sigh of relief as they caught their sweet treats. B wiped a bit of sweat from his forehead.

"Oh, and Staci," Chris continued. "I forgot to mention that I got a call from our female producer, Jen, yesterday. I need to formally apologize to you, what I said to you yesterday was _not_ cool."

Staci shrugged. "Okay."

Chris was slightly taken aback. "Oh-kay…anyways, that leaves Dawn and Mal. Dawn, it seems like some people think you're either too weird or not pulling your weight enough. Mal, you know why you're here…"

"Oh, thank you, Chris, you're too kind," Mal snickered.

Chris held up the final marshmallow. "This bad boy here goes to...Mal!"

All of the Maggots gasped as Mal caught the final marshmallow. "What!? This is unbelievable! None of us voted for Dawn!" Beth cried out in exasperation.

"Ya, and I _definitely_ know that she wouldn't screw around with the votes..." Staci continued.

B only had a look of confusion and revulsion on his face.

"Sorry," Chris said, smiling. "Can't do any revotes this season! I should've mentioned that. Comes with the budget cuts."

* * *

 **Mal** : *he's twirling B's screwdriver in his hand, whistling 'In the Hall of the Mountain King'* Thanks, _Bev!_

* * *

Dawn winced slightly as the Toxic Marshmallow bounced against her head, before it sank into the ground in front of her. "Ohhhh…"

"Chef, I think she'll require some assistance getting into the loser boat," Chris said, to which the cook obliged.

"C'mon, screwy chick, here we go," he said quietly, gently taking Dawn's arm and supporting her to the Boat of Losers."

Mal chuckled, following the both of them. "So long, sucker…"

Dawn threw her head back at him, glaring like no one had ever seen before. " _You will be defeated in due time, fiend most fierce! Your days are numbered, I promise you that!"_

After that omen, Dawn nearly collapsed onto the Boat of Losers, were it not for Chef.

"Ah, jeez, I think she needs a long rest…or a hospital visit…" he said.

Beth spluttered to form words. "Chris!" she finally exclaimed. "Since Dawn's unconscious right now, doesn't that mean that someone else goes, too?"

"Nope!" Chris said happily. "She was _definitely_ conscious before the elimination ceremony. Doesn't count!"

Beth gritted her teeth. "Mal…you're next. Just you wait!"

* * *

 **Beth** : Next time, he's dead. I'll promise you that, Mal!

 **Staci** : So, now the teams are even again…not sure about our chances of winning with a saboteur on our end…

 **Mal** : Well, that was easy. Keep swapping around the votes, and the competition is putty in your hands. Here's to you, Chris.

* * *

As the Boat of Losers headed away from the dock, Chris turned towards the cameras. "What a turn of events! Will Mike ever regain control of his own body? Will Staci _ever_ finish her grand masterpiece? Will Beth get her revenge? Find out on this next episode of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!"

* * *

(AN: Sorry for the elimination in advance! I like Dawn a lot, but this is what I had in mind with her for a long while…oops…But hey, we're more than halfway through the season now, so feel proud about that!)

(AN 2.0: Reference list! In case you were curious about what the heck Sam was doing/singing, the first bit with the whale and the "Ammy" is from the game _Okami_ , the song in question is called Orca's theme. It's pretty great, check that out. Also, about the Rivals song, uh...okay, so in the game Final Fantasy 8, there's a tune in there that's named, funnily enough, Rivals! It was stuck in my head at the time of writing it, so I tried to put the tune in there. It's also really great. Heck, FF8's my favorite video game soundtrack...sorry, getting sidetracked there, ha!)

Toxic Rats: Anne Maria, Brick, Dakota, Sam

Mutant Maggots: B, Beth, Mal, Staci

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

10th: Jo

9th: Dawn

Next Up: A Mine is a Terrible Thing to Waste


	7. A Mine is a Terrible Thing to Waste

(AN: I want to start pushing these out just a _little_ more quickly now that I have time to spare. Thanks!)

* * *

 **Chris** : Last time on Total Drama, the two teams headed over to Boney Island to catch a wild animal! However, Mal, or in his case, Svetlana, completely sabotaged the team and led them to further up the island! Brick's solid leadership and Sam's mad skills clinched them a victory, and unfortunately for Dawn, an elimination. Now that Mal's successfully broken Mike's spirit, how much longer will he last? Will we ever get down into that newly-opened cave? *he turns on and off a lantern* Well, we'll have these answers for you right now on Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

*cue the theme song*

Episode 7: A Mine is a Terrible Thing to Waste

* * *

"To the Toxic Rats!"

"The Toxic Rats!"

Brick led the toast in the spa hotel that night, to which Sam and Dakota reciprocated happily. Anne Maria just rolled her eyes.

"And here's hoping we won't have to sleep in those crusty old cabins ever again!" Sam said, chuckling.

"I know, right? It feels _so_ good to get some proper sleep for once!" Dakota said, stabbing her grilled chicken with a fork.

"All I know is that you guys better not keep me up too late! I need my beauty sleep!" Anne Maria groaned, shoving some mashed potato in her mouth.

* * *

 **Brick** : Yeah, yeah, Anne Maria, "beauty" sleep. I mean, come on, what _are_ you going to do to help us out tomorrow?

* * *

In the other cabin, Beth paced angrily.

"Okay, so we _all_ know that Dawn was unfairly voted out, right?! Why couldn't Chris have revoted? It's not _that_ expensive to do, right?!"

Staci was looking at her newest creation. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I finally finished this…"

She showed Beth her star creation: effigies of all of Mike's personalities. "Unfortunately, only I can do anything with it, so..."

Staci casually gouged out Mal's eyes.

Meanwhile, by his normal campfire, Mal howled in pain.

* * *

 **Beth** : *she carefully cradles Staci's effigies in her hands* Okay, so I'd _love_ to have fun with this stuff here, but I know _nothing_ about voodoo, so...*she slams open the confessional door* Staci! _Sta-ciiii!_

* * *

"Oh God, oh God, it _hurts!_ " Mal wailed, clutching his eyes. "Chester! Get your scrawny ass out here! What's the meaning of this?!"

"Aww, shucks, didn't you notice that lady makin' an effigy of you earlier?" Chester said, chuckling to himself.

 _Why are you telling me this_ now?!

"Don't ya get it! I hate you, ya durn idjit! I'll get Mike back out here, least _he's_ civil," Chester continued.

 _Oh, no. No, nonono…where the hell are you, Chester, I swear to God I'll get you back under my control._

"I think that bump on the ol' noggin really helped us become closer, Mal! Maybe brain-buddies, whaddaya say?" Chester snickered.

 _That's…that's not how it works. That's not how_ anything _works! I'll find you, Chester!_

"Oh yeah? You and what eyesight? Ha, now ya know what it's like to be me, chowderhead!"

 _I swear to God, you're going to pay for this._

"Oh yeah? You and what army?"

" _This_ army, you dumbass!" Mal growled, wrenching himself back into control again.

 _Heheh. Sucker!_

"Oh, can it," Mal snapped, turning his roast bird on the spittle.

* * *

 **Mal** : Definitely having some Chester problems lately. *he rubs his eyes* Gaah, that smarts…

* * *

"Oh, Beth! There's one more thing I'd like to try!" Staci said, looking carefully at her design. "Here we go, swap that around and…"

"Aaah! It's not even bloomin' morning yet, ya bloody wanker!"

Staci fistpumped. "Perfect!"

* * *

 **Staci** : So, using those strings was a real risk, but I think with this by my side, Mal might as well be history…*she switches strings with Mal and Vito*

 **Vito, in the distance** : Huh? It's frikkin' night out! Ey yo, Mal, there better be a good reason behind this!

* * *

Brick checked the clock behind them.

"2 to midnight. It was worth staying up late, but this is _far_ past my bedtime…"

His speech was interrupted by a loud blast of the airhorn.

"EMERGENCY, CAMPERS, EMERGENCY! PLEASE COME DOWN TO THE CAVERNS TO START YOUR SECOND NIGHTTIME CHALLENGE! WE'LL HAVE SIGNS DIRECTING YOU THERE!"

Brick rubbed his temples. "Ah, dangit, Chris, here I was hoping to get some sleep…"

"Don't feel bad, babe!" Anne Maria said, patting his wrist. "We just gotta do this challenge right quick, then it's off to bed!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Yeah, Chris is testing our mettle. Good! I'll take the challenge…even if it bites me later today…

 **Anne Maria** : So, I might as well try my last resort plan on hubby tonight! Here's hopin' it works!

* * *

"Hey, uh, Brick? Can you do me a favor?"

"Now, of all times, Sam?"

"Yeah! Can you go over to the hosts' cabins and grab my Game Guy for me? It'll be empty and not too far out of the way…"

Brick sighed. "Alright, Sam, but I _really_ hope this won't be too distracting for you…"

Sam grinned. "Of course, it won't!"

* * *

 **Sam** : So, I need my Game Guy to function on a pretty regular basis. Bro never monitored me that much, he was usually looking out for our finances, heh.

* * *

Brick was out of the spa hotel first, making a beeline for the dimly lit hosts' cabins.

 _Alright, McArthur, you've been trained in night recon. All that's missing is the goggles! You can do it!_

Brick darted from tree to tree, making sure that no one was looking. Within 5 minutes, he was right by the front door of the cabins.

 _Bingo! Now to…wha?_

From inside, Brick could barely hear voices moving around.

"C'mon, Chef, can't we do it _now?_ In celebration of the big discovery?"

"No means no, Chris! How 'bout durin' the challenge?"

"Awww, but I haven't had my quality time with you in a few _days!_ "

"Chris, 'quality time' for you means sloshing grease into that mane of yours! C'mon, the runts are waiting at the location now!"

"Fine, _fine!_ We'll do it _after_ elimination. Savvy?"

Brick slowly exhaled and started to tiptoe away.

 _I think I'll come back later…_

* * *

 **Brick** : Whew! That was _too_ close! Unfortunately, getting Sam's gear back runs the risk of those two noticing me during their special bonding time, but it's a necessary risk!

* * *

Sam perked up as he saw Brick sprinting to the cave.

"So, did you get it?"

"That's a negative, Sam! Sorry to say. Chris and Chef were having an argument up front and a point of entry was impossible."

Sam's delighted expression faded from his face. "Awww…but I'll be a liability in this challenge!"

"I disagree there, Sam! We'll work on getting you and your…abilities…worked on! Besides, I'll get your gear _after_ this challenge is over!"

* * *

 **Sam** : Alright! I get my stuff back! …given I don't get eliminated this episode, heh, heheh.

* * *

Chris and Chef arrived moments later, both carrying 8 backpacks.

"Hello, all! So, after _someone_ (Chris looked at Mal) punched open an opening to the cavern entrance, I decided to call the producers and they decided we need to clean house down there!"

Everyone groaned. "Was it worth a midnight challenge _again?!_ " Beth asked.

"Ssssh! Anywho, I told Chef 'the sooner the better'…"

"No, you didn't," Chef said under his breath.

"…so, we decided to have you guys be our cleanup crew! It's cheaper _and_ safer!"

"Uh, Chris?" Staci asked, catching her backpack. "Aren't child labor laws in effect for a reason?"

"Well, you're all 16 years of age," Chris said, throwing the remaining backpacks to the rest of the campers, "so it's all good! Your contract stated that physical labor wouldn't be objectionable, after all."

Staci groaned. "Guess you're right…"

"Okay, so!" Chris continued, "I need you guys to open the smallest zipper pocket of your backpacks and put on what's in there."

The 8 campers did so, and soon, lantern hard hats and arm straps adorned all of them.

"Those babies are killer! You'll get light to see down there _and_ a free radiation detection device! I'll give you guys two hours' tops, then one of us must come rescue you. Capiche?"

The 8 contestants groaned again. "Fine!" Brick said. "So, what are we doing, exactly?"

"You guys need to put those backpacks in a certain pre-destined spot. Don't worry, you'll have a way out once you reach there. Once _all members_ of your team have come out of the cave first, you'll win immunity and a free relaxation day later! Losers will send one of their own home."

Beth strained under the weight of her backpack, as did Sam and Dakota. "Okay, Chris, what's _in_ here?" she said, starting to sweat.

"That's a secret! Also, _please_ don't take them off, or you'll be suffering a penalty!" Chris said to her.

"Oh yeah, Chef, if you could, please?"

Chef threw 8 walkie-talkies to the contestants. "Just a way to keep communications up if you get separated!" he said. "Chris and I have our own, too."

"And lastly, Toxic Rats, since you won the challenge yesterday, you guys get a 10-minute head start! Aaand, _go!_ " Chris said.

Brick led the pack into the cave entrance, sighing in relief as the lights on the hats switched on automatically.

"Oh, forgot to mention!" Chris shouted at them. "Bonus points if you find anything _important_ in there! Won't contribute to a victory, but oh well!"

Brick screeched to a halt as he saw a steep slope leading downwards.

"Alright, ladies, men," he said, gulping, "seems like this used to be an old mining area. Notice the railroad tracks."

Sam squinted, struggling to see in the darkness. "Ooh, minecart madness!" he finally exclaimed.

"Ugh, c'mon, losuhs!" Anne Maria said, butting past the other three. "We've got a challenge to win!"

"Uh, wait— "Brick started to say, but his teammate was already whooping down the tunnel, her voice growing fainter and fainter.

Brick turned to the other two. "No time like the present. Let's go."

And with that, the other three followed suit.

* * *

 **Sam** : Woo-hoo-hoo! That was _awesome!_ I'd totally do that again, bro!

* * *

Mal's foot tapping was getting more and more rapid with each passing second.

"Alright, how _long_ has it been?" he groaned. "I've been waiting for this moment for _months…_ "

"Whoa, cool your jets there, buddy," Chris said.

Chef rolled his eyes. "Pot callin' kettle black there…"

Chris checked his watch. "So far, I've got four minutes off their time, so in another 6, you're good as cleared."

Mal sighed. "Good. Finally, the justice I've been waiting for…"

* * *

 **Mal** : You _all_ know who I'm looking for. The only one who could make _me_ look civil.

* * *

The three Rats landed uncomfortably at the bottom of the hill.

Brick rose first. "Anne Maria? Anne Maria! Where are you?"

"I'm ovuh here!"

Anne Maria's light flashed through several different openings; a few flowed with radioactive ooze, and one had a repugnant smell to it.

"Let's _avoid_ that one," she said, as Brick, Sam, and Dakota came up beside her.

A loud roar echoed throughout the mine, causing the cavern to shake and some small rocks to fall.

Brick shivered slightly, but noticed something on a closer inspection. "'This way to the computer room.' What does _that_ mean?"

"I dunno 'bout you, but I'm stayin' _far_ away from that place!" Anne Maria scoffed, taking the left-most path.

"Whoa, wait!" Brick called out, running after her.

Sam and Dakota were now left all alone. "So, now what?" the gamer asked his love interest.

Dakota started to pull him towards the middle path. "C'mon, we'll go this way! It'll be quiet and alone!"

* * *

 **Dakota** : *she's hyperventilating with joy* Okay, so, I _really really_ _ **really**_ like Sam…but how do I admit it to him?

 **Sam** : Oh yeah, bonding further with the girl of my dreams was great! I mean, sure, the slobbering and roars in the background was distracting, but once you got past that, it was fantastic!

* * *

Brick hurried along down the left-side path, gasping as his light passed over several smaller entrances.

He finally met up with Anne Maria further down, amidst an opening with several smaller paths.

"So, hubby, whatcha gonna do?" she asked him, clamping his hand in hers.

Brick was now starting to sweat. "I, uh, I dunno…"

* * *

 **Brick** : Pressure. That's a tough one for me…although, from what I heard from Beth, last season, a guy peed himself when he was under pressure. Thank goodness, I'm not _that_ bad, haha!

* * *

Brick examined every opening he could. "All of these look the same, and…oh, there's claw marks here!"

Anne Maria noticed that indeed there were. "So, what's it mean?"

"I think whoever did this is making an extensive tunnel system down here. The only questions are 'who' and 'where'…"

Anne Maria gasped and pointed up. "I see some moonlight! They're diggin' from the surface!"

Brick rubbed his chin. "Even more odd…"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she squees for a short time* I'm gettin' on his good side, I'm gettin' on his good side! _Yes!_

* * *

The walkie-talkie went off. " _Rats! Your ten-minute head start is officially over! Maggots are making their way in riiiiiight…now!_ "

Anne Maria groaned. "Dammit! We were doin' so well too, and…hey, do ya hear that?"

A rumbling could be heard from all around them. Screeches and squeaks were steadily growing louder.

Brick gulped. "Okay, we definitely should _not_ be here—"

However, his last thoughts were interrupted. Blind, mutated, gophers erupted from every opening and every passage, making a beeline towards the two campers.

"Okay, this is bad," Brick said. " _RUN!_ "

He picked Anne Maria up and ran, carrying her bridal-style. "I won't leave you behind, ma'am!"

* * *

 **Brick** : All in all, bringing her along was a good idea. Didn't want to be *he air quotes* 'the guy who sacrificed his team'. Man, can you _imagine_ me getting eliminated over that? *he wrings out his wrist* Ugh, wet…*he sniffs it*…please tell me this is pee…

* * *

Mal had just reached the bottom before the other Maggots members, but was greeted by Brick and Anne Maria running in the other direction.

"Oh, _perfect_ ," he said, clasping his hands together. "Time to see what the deal is."

Mal strode forward towards the three paths. The mutant gophers all made a conscious effort to avoid him as he stared at each one.

"Hmmm… _this_ is the one I want…" he said, sniffing the air. "Yes, smells like bloodshed and… _other_ things…"

* * *

 **Mal** : Finally, the moment I've been waiting so long for is nearly here! Mwahahaha, haha, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

Beth, Staci, and B finally made it down, but weren't near the entrances yet.

"Okay, uh, are these gophers _living_ down here?" Beth asked, watching the stampede go by.

"Ya, I know, it's where Jo and I were stuck ages ago…although it was _much_ closer to the surface," Staci replied, looking at their surroundings. "I'm just as lost as you down here…"

B, however, had his toolbox open, parts flying out of it.

"B?" Beth asked. "Whatcha doin'?"

In a flash, B was holding up a crude GPS system, which was already beeping their location.

Beth nodded. "Got it! I'll leave you to it, since I'm _pretty_ sure you know how it works!"

* * *

 **B** : *he salutes*

* * *

By this point, the gopher stampede had died down. Beth shone her light around the general area.

"Okay, so, there's three entrances over there to our left, or we can keep going to the right and explore this large cave further. Any ideas?"

Staci shivered. "If I was a gopher, I'd be coming from over _there_ (she motioned to the left-side path further down), and the right-side path stinks. I say we go to the large cavern on our rights."

B nodded in assent.

"So, it's settled! Onward, Mutant Maggots!" Beth said, leading the pack.

* * *

 **Beth** : It's _so_ much easier without Mal screwing us all up! Whew!

* * *

Mal, in the meanwhile, was whistling his way down the right-side pathway. The pungent smell of blood and excrement was growing with each step he took.

 _Yes, this is it…_

"Ah, dang nabbit, this smells like the trenches in Verdun!"

 _Oh, God dammit! Not again!_

"Yeah, whas'sup, _Mal!_ You're gonna have to deal with me for getting' rid of my grandkid!"

Mal fought for control. "Okay, so, I'm _seriously_ going to have to, like…ugh!"

Chester got the control back, albeit for a short time. "Let's try _this_ out!"

Mal roared as he finally got control back, but was unaware of what Chester had done.

Until…

"Uh, Mal? Whatcha doing over there?"

Mal flinched. " _Beth?_ Okay, no, no, nonono. We're shutting this thing off _now._ "

"Not on your life! This is the only way I know of to bring Mike back!" Chester yelped, temporarily taking control.

"Mike's _gone,_ Chester! So is Dawn! Next I'll get those wastes of space Staci and Beth, and it'll all be—"

" _Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…"_

Mal flinched slightly. "Okay, what was that?"

He was standing right next to a collapsed entrance. The smell of something burning had joined the other two smells; the ground was scorched.

"Okay, so let's fix _this_ shindig up!" Mal said, getting ready to punch the wall. "I've got more important things to do!"

Beth and Staci were gathered around the walkie talkie. "Staci, do your thing!" Beth said, as the former pulled out her grand effigy.

"Take _this!_ " she shouted, swapping Mal with Mike.

" _OW!_ Okay, no, this is not cool, Mal! Mal? _Mal!?_ Get out here! You have a _lot_ to answer to!"

"Eyy, Mike, this ain't your show, capiche? Let me do this!"

Beth gasped as Vito smashed the rock entrance open. "Okay, you gotta switch him, _now!_ "

Staci rapidly switched over to Chester.

"Ahh, _much_ better! Thanks for lettin' me out, you guys!"

Staci gasped. "Wait, you _know_ about this effigy?"

"Heh, I do _now!_ "

* * *

 **Chester** : In the ol' days, nothin' kooky couldn't be explained by a little bit of magic! Heh, speaking of magic, how the heck are we doin' these confessionals right now? This makes absolutely _no_ sense! Anyways, thanks for keepin' me in check, Staci!

 **Staci, just outside the confessional** : No problem!

 **Mal** : Ugh, curse you Chester! *he rubs his forehead* Why did I put him on a weaker tether than the others? Gaah, _why_ did I think he'd be easiest to control! *his eyes narrow* That's it. I'm going to find a way to end this crap, once and for all…

* * *

Mal finally wrestled back into control.

"Ugh, my mind's a cesspool of odd creations and half-baked memories…that's _easily_ Chester's doing…oh, _hello._ "

On all fours, in front of him, was a completely feral Justin. He was panting and rapidly stamping his rear leg.

"C'mon," Mal continued. "Let's shed some better light here…oh, seems like I don't have to."

Adorning the walls were several sticks of uranium, coating everything in an eerie glow. A small rat skittered underneath the large computer, which had several loose wires and gears spilling out of it. Nearby it was a completely caved in entrance and the remains of some technological gizmos.

"Not bad," Mal said, taking a deep breath. "Whoo! What have you been _doing_ with yourself?"

Justin bounded over to a dank, dark corner of the cave, which smelled strongly of human waste. He sniffed the pile and gagged.

"Please don't tell me you've been eating that…" Mal said, taking a closer look at the walls. He noticed that they were stained in rich red blood.

"Huh…looks like you've had a hell of a time…" he continued, as Justin bounded back towards him. "Let me size you up.

Justin, since his exile on the island one year ago, looked even worse for wear. His hair was bedraggled and misshapen, his face had several scars and was covered in dirt, and a thick beard lined his lower jaw.

Mal looked further down to see a near lack of clothing on Justin's body. His shirt had completely vanished, showing a body full of cuts, bruises, and a deeply infected hole near his vital organs. His pants were ripped, bloody, and threadbare; his shoes and socks were all but gone.

Mal finally looked at the most well-lit wall in Justin's abode. On it were a list of names, scrawled in blood.

"What's this?" he asked, walking closer. "Katie's circled, Eva's circled, Noah's starred, there's Trent, there's a host of all the other contestants' names…and Beth's right down there."

Mal was correct; Beth's name was below all the rest. Justin bounded over, bit his finger to let the blood out, and started sloppily circling it.

"Huh, Chris _did_ mention that at the start of season one…" Mal mused, looking over the names once again. "Seems like you've had this written in a notebook somewhere…oh."

Mal looked over at the dark corner again. The light shone upon several ripped and torn pages of Justin's old notebook, which was used for cleaning himself.

 _The life of a feral idiot_ , he thought to himself.

Beth and Staci gagged as they heard Justin's roars and growls through the walkie talkie.

"Okay, that is _not_ cool!" Beth said, glaring at nothing. "And what's worse is that Justin, on his time on the show, is _easily_ the worst villain here!"

* * *

 **Beth** : Oh yeah, I said it. Even if Mal's been breaking everyone's minds, _nothing_ he's done can top Justin's inhuman treatment of Katie! And that's _before_ getting into Eva…

* * *

Chris heard every word of Mal's conversation. "Whelp, he found him."

Chef groaned and shook his head. "Didn' want it to be like that, but with someone like Mal at the wheel, who's stoppin' him?"

Chris flipped open his phone. "Okay, I'll be right back. Got some calls to make."

Back underground, in the second path, Dakota and Sam were chatting animatedly on a flat rock.

"…I know, right?! Daddy really _was_ looking out for me back then! I just wish I took his advice seriously!"

Sam chuckled. "Never too late to start, Dakota! I bet if you went home and asked him, he'll gladly give you the education you feel you need!"

Dakota sighed. "But that was _really_ expensive! I mean, I'm starting to get worried about how Daddy's spending that money of his…and on what…"

* * *

 **Dakota** : Okay, so, ever since Sam and I have been…talking…I've been starting to, uh, think about _everything_ that I know! I mean, I don't even miss that foot massage thingy!

* * *

"Hubby? What _are_ you doin'?"

"Creating markers to ensure that Sam and Dakota know where we are," Brick said. "I have faith that the Mutant Maggots won't mess this up for us."

He finished scratching out an arrow pointing in the direction of mine tracks. "There! Now we're away!"

Anne Maria peered over the side. "Okay, _look_ at this mess! There's a ton of these crazy things!"

Brick looked at the mine carts that were on the track. "Then it's simple! We'll take these and see where it goes. Oh, hello!"

B, Beth, and Staci had joined the two Rats.

"Ssh! What's he saying?" Beth hissed to Staci, who had the walkie talkie in her ear.

"I can't really make it out too well…" she murmured, before B wrenched the device from her.

"Might I ask what you're doing?" Brick said, crossing his arms.

"Okay, so, Mal's meeting up with this weird dude named Justin and all he does is roar and scream and I think that's why this whole place reeks and—"

"At ease, Staci," Brick said. "Listen, we're about to get into one of these carts, and you're more than welcome to join us. Never leave a man behind!"

"But what about Sam and Dakota?" Beth asked, already climbing into the front car.

"That's what the arrows are for," Brick said. "Besides, this _might_ be a way to test Sam's mettle in the clutch."

* * *

 **Brick** : Risky, yes, but seeing what Sam could do yesterday, I think he can handle a _little_ pressure.

* * *

" _Campers, you've reached the half-hour mark! Be careful, your radiation devices should be changing right…about…now!_ "

Chris's announcement could not have been better timed. The five contestants gasped as their bands turned from green to yellow.

"There's no time!" Brick said, getting ready to push the cart. "Alright, guys, let's go!"

They were off and away down the tracks now, whoops and hollers echoing through the large cavern.

"A junction, dead ahead!" Brick yelled, pointing at two sets of rails. "We need to either stop or—"

But there was nothing they could do as the rattled onwards, straight ahead.

* * *

 **Brick** : Yeah, leaving all of that to random chance was dicey. But, hey, wars got some elements of that too, doesn't it?

* * *

The gravity of moving uphill slowed the cart down immensely, until finally, it coasted to a halt at a plateau.

Brick quickly stepped out. "Right, seems like _that_ (he pointed to another caved in entrance) is the way forwards. But here is…"

He took Beth's walkie talkie and spoke into it.

"Okay, Chris, where _are_ we?"

B was looking intently at his GPS. He gasped and started to dig away at the rock wall.

"Hello, all! Good news! You've reached the detonation site!" Chris said, his voice crackling through the cave.

Everyone else gasped now. "Really?!" Brick asked.

"Really! Time to take off your packs! Unfortunately, they're set to go off in 5 minutes after you do, so, act fast!"

Staci groaned. "But I already took mine off!"

Brick started to sweat nervously. "Okay, so I think it's best if we took these off here…I mean, a blast from just one could be dangerous enough...and the lighter load means easier work."

Beth grunted as she threw her pack on the ground. "Finally! I thought I'd _never_ get out of that!"

The other campers followed suit. Brick turned on his own walkie talkie as the rest of the contestants started to dig.

"Sam! Hey, Sam! Dakota! Mal? Mal! Get out _now!_ This place is scheduled to blow in a few!"

However, Sam and Dakota ignored the squawking of their walkie talkies; their backpacks were also off, perched on some rocks.

"Hahahaha! Seems like you've got a pretty interesting family situation, Dakota!" Sam said, reclining on his rock.

"I know, right? Daddy's _very_ sweet! I'm sure he'd like it if I brought you over! You know, to…help me learn…and stuff!"

* * *

 **Sam** : So, I don't like to say it, but schoolwork wasn't _quite_ my specialty. The gaming addiction led to a poor work ethic, heheh. But I still passed everything, booyah!

* * *

"Alright, so, Justin, are you ready to l—"

Mal's words were interrupted as the entrance he had carved out collapsed, trapping the both inside.

"Well, _that's_ a problem right there…"

Meanwhile, Brick was digging double-time, and the results were starting to show.

"Got one!" he said, punching a small rock out, which compromised the rest. "Ah, here we go!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Simple physics! You're only as strong as your weakest link. Which can go for some _other_ aspects of the team…

* * *

"Okay, entrance is cleared, let's—" Brick started to say, but then…

 _BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM._

The combined force of the backpacks shook the cavern fiercely, freeing several large chunks of rock.

"Guys, we need to get going, _now!_ " Brick called, as the rest clambered in.

He looked up. "Oh, boy…the way out's all uphill…SAM! SAM! COME NOW!"

From the other side of the cavern, Sam noticed a rumbling sensation emanating all throughout the cavern.

Something finally went off in his head. "Only 100 time left! Let's go, Dakota!"

"I-hey!" Dakota gasped, as Sam picked her up and carried her out of the quickly collapsing cave system.

Meanwhile, outside, Chris and Chef exchanged some hot cocoa.

"You think I should've told the Rats that since they won the previous challenge, their backpacks are full of stuff to help them navigate the caves?" Chris said, smirking at his partner.

Chef chuckled. "Nah!"

Mal's expression had changed to something he had never felt before. Fear.

"Okay, so, if we don't do something, we're all going to die," he told his feral comrade.

Wasting no time, Justin growled at the back entrance, clawing at it fiercely.

"Not going to work!" Mal growled, getting ready to switch. "Manitoba, now's your time to shine!"

Nothing happened.

"Manitoba?"

The cave started to shake more fiercely.

"Oh, _shit._ "

* * *

 **Mal** : What happened in my head?! Is anyone in there? Vito? Svetlana? _Anyone?_

 **Chester** : Surprise, bucko! _I'm_ the dominant personality now! Thanks for givin' me time to set up my turf in there!

 **Mal** : *he's struggling to break free* Oh God, oh God, _no. No, you didn't!_

 **Chester** : Sorry, pal! Did all this to save my grandkid!

 **Mal** : No. No. _Nooooooooooooooooooo!_

* * *

Mal's eyes were wide as dinner plates as he witnessed the cavern collapsing.

Meanwhile, Sam had thrown Dakota into the minecart and was pushing it onto the rails. "Let's do this! Aaaaah!"

Dakota gasped as Sam didn't jump in; he continued running, faster and faster, so that the cart's momentum was much faster than Brick's prior attempt.

"Sam! Are you okay?!" she asked, as they rattled through the junction.

"Oh, yeah! Just in pinch mode!" came the reply, as Sam dug his feet in to make them climb over the hill.

Brick and company heard a rattling noise behind them. "Everyone, get in!" Brick called. "This one's going to be wild!"

"Way ahead of you!" Beth called out, with her, Staci, B, and Anne Maria already on board.

Sam roared as he slammed into the other mine cart, straining slightly as he pushed them up, up, and away, through the rest of the cave.

Brick looked at him in admiration. "Nice going, Sam!"

Anne Maria was looking at Brick in admiration. "Ohmigosh, you _saved_ us! Yes!"

Brick gasped slightly, but not before Anne Maria had locked her lips with his.

Gasping through the kiss and writhing his way free, Brick stared at her, eyes wide.

"Okay, no! No, no no! We need to get one thing straight here. I don't like you! I _never_ liked you! That…that act there, that was completely uncalled for! What were you _thinking_!?"

Anne Maria's eyes filled with tears. "Oh…Oh Gawd no…"

Anne Maria's scream filled the cavern as Sam gave them one last push.

"Guys! I see the flagpole!" he shouted, doubling down for one last effort. "Hang tight!"

With a loud _CRASH_ , he had shoved both minecarts out of the cave, with all 7 contestants screaming until they hit the ground.

"Sam!" Dakota cried out, rising quickly to her feet. "Are you okay?"

"Now that I've freed the princess from the evil Koopa wizard, only one thing remains!" Sam cried out. He then grabbed Dakota and kissed her fiercely on the lips.

"Dakota Milton, I love you! Will you be my girlfriend?"

Dakota gasped. "Oh my gosh, _yes!_ "

* * *

 **Dakota** : *she's squeeing for a longer time now* Dreams really _do_ come true!

* * *

Sam, sweating and panting, gave a thumbs-up.

"Flawless victory."

He then collapsed on the ground, grinning.

Chris strode up to the 7.

"Awesome job, Rats, victory is yours," he said, holding out a large Thermos of hot chocolate. "McClean brand, patent pending, and all mine."

Dakota hurriedly gave a large cup over to Sam, splashing some over his face.

Sam stood up with a start. "OW!"

"I should've mentioned to Sam and Dakota that the penalty for taking the packs off early _doesn't_ apply to them," Chris said, grinning. "For, you see, that heavy stuff in there was a GPS, a pickaxe, a small shovel, aaand…"

He pulled out a remote from his pocket and pushed the button.

"…a small remote explosive! Perfect for navigating your way further in!"

A small _boom_ sounded in the distance. Chris chuckled.

"Just to ensure that there's no survivors," he said.

* * *

 **Chris** : So, I talked to Jen and Tom, and my idea's a-go! However, we need to see _how_ things will go with our last contestant!

* * *

Mal had sank to his knees, watching everything he had worked for go up in smoke. But then…

"Hey, chowderheads!" Chester called into the walkie talkie. "Do me a favor, and _keep me out and running!"_

Staci heard this. "On it!" she shouted, pulling the knotted effigy out of her pocket. "Oh, crap."

Beth gasped. "I'll help you out! I'm good with knots!" she said.

B, however, sprang into action before anyone else could. Within a matter of seconds, Chester was up in front, with the other 4 personalities pulled as far back as the string would allow them to go.

"Wait, B!" Beth called, reaching for it. "That's too much! The string'll…"

"Don't!" Staci called out, grabbing the back of it. "Let me! You're not in control, and it'll be all for…"

Everyone on the Maggots gasped as the strings snapped.

* * *

Chester's ears rang as he heard the smaller explosion come from next door. _Oh, good gravy, it's just like the Somme…_

From deep in his mind, Mal was writhing his way free.

 _Damn you, old man! How did you find the means to free everyone else?!_

Chester had a smug grin on his face. _Don't you know? My mind's all sortsa fragmented bits 'n pieces! Freeing Mike 'n the others was a piece of donut!_

 _Mark my words! I'll get out of this prison, and then I'll—_

Chester felt a flood of negative energy fill his brain, but that feeling didn't last long.

Justin smacked the nonagenarian out of the way of a falling rock, but little did he know that another was right about to fall on Chester's head.

Chester looked up to see his last sight. _This is it, Mal! Mike, I'm sorry, but—_

"But nothing!" Mal had taken control one last time. " _I'm the one in charge here!_ _ **Me! I'll kill you! I'll f—**_ "

But Mal's last words stopped as the large rock slammed onto his head.

Mal's mind flashed. Vivid memories from Mike's entire life started to play in his final moments.

* * *

"Ah, dangnabbit, Vito, I lost the worm again!"

An old, wrinkled grandparent was in front of the field of vision, with a younger, greasier man next to him. The boat the three were on bobbed up and down in the water.

"Oh, c'mon, Chaz! That's the third one you've lost today!"

"Hey, you know how my eyesight's been gettin'! I'm lucky if I can see the toilet in the mornin's when I gotta drain the ol' hose!"

"Yak, yak, yadda yadda. You'ze all talk, oldie! I'm gonna' give you what for one day!"

"Aw, cannit! Is that a way to speak to your ol' man!?"

"Naw, but _this_ is!"

With an especially rough surge, the younger man had rocked the boat enough to send the older one out into the water.

The older one choked on the salty tang, struggling to keep afloat. "C'mon, Vito! Why'd you think that was okay?!"

"'Cause, pops, I'm done wit' your crap!" The younger man shoved his hand into the water, causing a frothy bubble storm to rise to the surface.

He turned to the memory's point of view. "You didn't see this, capiche?"

The point of view shakily nodded.

"We'll get ya some ice cream after this," the younger man continued, watching the bubbles grow less and less plentiful.

The memory stopped, only for a new one to start…

* * *

"Introducing, from the Siberian peninsula, the expert gymnast, Svetlana!"

The point of view watched Svetlana come out on stage. She looked radiant; her pale skin clashed magnificently with her pinkish-red lipstick and blue eye shadow.

"Thank you, thank you!" she said, bowing to the crowd. "Und now, ve perform vith quality never before seen!"

Mal cringed as a flood of emotions swept all around him. _Oh, God, he's actually enjoying this crap…_

Svetlana gave the crowd a wonderful show, exhibiting an array of backflips, somersaults, and ending with a flourish from the uneven bars.

"Zank you, zank you, ladies und gentlemen!" she said, bowing to the standing ovation.

"Ha! Now _that's_ a way to recover from gramps, eh, Mike?" a voice next to him said.

The point of view turned to see the younger man, Vito, applauding vigorously.

A wave of sadness washed over Mal. _Come on, get to the good stuff!_

* * *

The scene changed again. The air smelled like grease and oil, and an array of whirs and dings were in the air.

"Hi, Mike!" A cheerful, blonde woman came to look down at the point of view. "Welcome to 'Take-Your-Child-to-Work' day! Vito's going to be busy, so why don't we take a look around and see how we do business?"

The point of view meekly nodded, and Mal was washed with another wave of sadness, and of nervousness.

 _God, Mike, what a wimp…_

The memory of the tour was slightly hazy; Mal rolled his eyes as the lady explained the machines and what they did.

 _God, this is boring. What an end of life experience!_

"And, here, we have—OH MY GOD!"

The point of view's vision darted over to see a large engine block slam down onto his uncle's head, a snapped chain above it. Blood gushed everywhere; his body became limp and lifeless right away.

"I—I—Oh god! Uh, Mike, we're calling your dad! He'll know what to do! Call the morgue, call—call—I—I—"

A massive surge of emotions swept around Mal. Relief. Sadness. Panic. Nervousness. Anxiety.

 _Drama queen,_ he thought.

* * *

The scene shifted once more. The hot Australian heat bore down on Mal's body. _Oh great, where is she…_

"G'day, kiddo! Name's Jasmine!"

The point of view turned a sharp 180 to see a rather tall girl grinning down at him.

"Uh, hi!" the POV said. "You're very tall!"

A wave of embarrassment washed over Mal. _Oh, lord, he must think she's cute or something…_

"What's your name?" she asked the POV.

"Uh, Mike," it replied.

"Aw, Mike's a cute name! You're so cute! And small!"

"Heh, thanks…"

The memory faded away, only to be replaced with a few sporadic flashes.

"That there's a kookaburra…"

"Ayer's Rock! Dead ahead!"

"You bleedin' goofball!" she said, ruffling his hair.

The memory finally became whole again.

"I'm gonna miss you, you bloke!" Jasmine said, giving the POV a massive hug.

Another, larger, wave of nervousness and embarrassment washed over Mal.

"Hey! Take this hat for me, will you? I've got several like it, so I won't miss it."

She gave the POV her hat. The POV looked down at it, flushing red.

"Just use that any time you might miss me, okay? Take care, l'il guy! Bye!"

The memory faded away, only to be replaced rapidly with another one. However, something was off about this one…

* * *

The sound was distorted, and the visuals were splotched in darkness. From what Mal could see, Mike's mother had slammed a stack of books onto the desk, but even that was getting more and more difficult to see…

Mal's eyes widened.

"What… _what?! What's happening? I demand an explanation for this!_ "

"You don't get it yet, do you, Mal?"

Mike's face appeared in front of Mal's spirit.

Mal's face contorted in rage. "No. _NO!_ WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"I did what you couldn't do, Mal. I've finally learned to accept my personalities for who they are."

Mal gnashed his teeth. "What… _what?!_ "

"Believe me, Mal, those flashbacks you kept giving me was an interesting form of therapy. I gotta thank you; never would've been here if it weren't for you tormenting my soul."

"This isn't your game to play! I'm in control here! I—"

"You're nothing, Mal. No thanks to you, I've gained friends, learned to appreciate what I had in life again. You're nothing but a conglomeration of all my hatred and suffering."

Mike's face vanished, only to be replace with one final memory…

* * *

"…so, you decided to call him Mal?" a warm, male, voice asked from a chair on the other corner of the room.

"Yeah," Mike's voice said. "It's a name, after all, isn't it? And, also, I just wanted a simple, but effective name. Malevolence, evil, darkness…he's the personification of it all."

"Well, yes, I've seen his behavior throughout juvenile hall, especially to this one Duncan kid. Care to elaborate?"

"I'll try," Mike said, "but it's rather hazy…"

On that last word, the memory faded away, but was quickly replaced with a similar scene.

"…this will be our final 'pick your brain' conversation before we finish our psych sessions," the same male voice said. "Do you have any concerns involving any…goings-on in your head, Mike?"

"Well," Mike said, "I'm just relieved more than anything. Mal was a scourge. A scourge to get rid of. That's why I named him that as well. It's a name that's short, effective...and can be erased pretty easily.

"I can feel it. He's almost gone. Gone for good."

The male smiled. "Then, I think that'll do, Mike. It was a pleasure to get to know you throughout all these years."

* * *

The memory vanished, leaving Mal drifting in the void.

"I won't lose, Mike! You _and_ your shitty personalities…"

"I don't think you get it, Mal." Mike's head appeared again, and it was glaring at him.

"This is my body, and you're not part of it anymore."

A powerful sucking sensation came from beneath Mal's feet. His eyes widened.

The void vanished as Mal screamed, heading into an infinite abyss of darkness and turmoil. The void then slowly started to turn white…

* * *

"Chef!" Chris said, as the former put on his climbing gear. "Can you do me a favor and find Mal and possibly Justin? Just want to make sure they're okay!"

Chef saluted and headed towards the newly opened entrance made by the smaller bombs.

However, he didn't have to go far to find one of his answers.

Justin bounded up and out of the cavern entrance, breathing in deeply the first breath of fresh air he had had in months.

" _Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…_ "

Chris and the other contestants fanned their noses. "Pee- _yew!_ " Chris said. "You're going to need a shower after this elimination ceremony. You stink!"

Beth gasped. "But, Chris! You know who he is and what he'll do! Why can't you send him away in a straitjacket or—"

"Up, up, up, Beth! All of your concerns will be answered in due time," Chris said. "Oh, hey, Chef's got Mal!"

Chef rappelled up as fast as he could, Mal's limp body resting on his shoulder.

"He's out like a light, Chris. Can barely feel a pulse on him…" he said.

Chris sighed. "Well, that guy's got 8th place. Maggots! Meet me at the Dock of Shame!"

Beth and Staci groaned, while B facepalmed.

Justin was still gulping air hungrily.

* * *

 **Justin** : *he's lapping up the confessional toilet water ravenously* AAAAAAAAAAAAYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

* * *

"So, Mutant Maggots, here once again, but you're down a player!"

Mal was on a gurney, being wheeled onto the Boat of Losers.

"However," Chris continued, "I _did_ say that you'd get a bonus if you found something cool down there. Justin's _definitely_ a very cool thing, so I talked to the producers, and even though they said we had to keep him on a _very_ short leash, he's on your team again!"

Beth gasped. " _No!_ "

Staci winced.

B just shrugged.

"So, you four! Get to voting" Chris said.

Justin cocked his head at him.

"That means you too, dude!"

* * *

 **Beth** : So, this one's really easy. Justin!

 **Staci** : Ya, it's Justin.

 **B** : *he shrugs*

* * *

"So, I have the results of your votes right here!" Chris said, holding up a damp piece of paper.

"The people safe tonight are…Staci…B…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnddddddd…Justin!"

Beth gasped as Justin caught his marshmallow in midair.

" _What?!_ This is an outrage! I can't be going home already!"

"Yeah, sorry, Beth! Like I said earlier this evening, _no revotes!_ Go join Mal on the Boat of Losers! You're done.

"Also, sorry for the lack of a Toxic Marshmallow, Beth, but Mal's safety is a _bit_ more important in this case, villain or not."

Beth sadly trooped onto the boat, trying her best not to hold in her tears. However, her trek was short lived.

" _Vito, babe! Noooooooooooooooo!_ "

Anne Maria sprinted onto the Boat of Losers, clutching at Mal's limp body.

"Oh Gawd, no, babe, no! You can't be dead! I won't let it happen!"

She started to pump Mal's chest, tears filling her eyes.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Chris said, as Anne Maria was about to take a big breath. "He's in a coma! No amount of CPR will save his bacon!"

" _Beth!_ " Brick, Sam, and Dakota were standing further behind the mourning teen.

Beth turned around and gasped. The three of them were giving her a salute, and Brick had his alarm clock going off.

"I'm sorry that this tune wasn't more fitting, but it was an honor to serve with you, _ma'am!_ " he said, smiling.

Beth wiped a tear from her eye. "Thank you, sir!" she said, stepping on the boat.

"Wa-wa-wait!" Anne Maria said, hopping on the boat as well. "I wanna join these guys! I quit the competition!"

Chris chuckled. "Sorry! Two eliminations per episode maximum, and only one quitter per episode! I say give it some sleep and see how you feel tomorrow!"

Anne Maria glared at Brick, harder than she had ever had before. "This is all _your_ fault!" she shrieked at him. "You and your…evil…disgustin'…two-timin' ways!"

Brick's arms went limp. "I…I…what?"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Oh yeah, you heard me! I've had enough of bein' a team playuh! I'm gonna get Brick outta this game, even if it's the last thing I'll evuh do!

 **Justin** : *he wrenches the rusty voting box open, eating the paper votes inside* _Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeethhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…_ *he scrawls a crude name onto his voting slip, drooling on it*

* * *

"Well, guess this is goodbye, Beth! And so long, Mal!" Chris said, as the boat roared into life.

" _ **You said this was your body, Mike?**_ "

Beth gasped, as did the others. One of Mal's eyes opened wide, revealing the bloodshot eyeball underneath.

" _You haven't seen the last of me! I promise you! One day, this island will be mine! All mine!_ "

Chris beamed. "Well, if that doesn't make things even better! Chef, you know where you're putting him!"

"You got it, Chris!" Chef said, starting the boat forward.

" _You heard me, Mike! Vito! Svetlana! Chester! Manitoba! All of you pieces of crap out there! My name is Mal, and I'm here to stay! You all will bow under my unyielding—_ "

He was quickly shut up by Beth smacking him hard in the head.

"And _that's_ for all the crap we had to put up with for 4 days, you son of a bitch!" she snapped at him.

"And _that's_ a wrap!" Chris said, watching the boat head out into the fog. "7 remain, but only 1 will win! What will Staci do being the _only_ person who can talk left on her team?"

"Hey!" Staci said, but thought about it for a minute. "Oh, you're right!"

"Find out on this next installment of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!" Chris said, as the cameras cut away.

* * *

A few minutes after the episode ended, Staci was back at the cavern entrance again. She took out her master effigy and sighed.

"Well, mom, looks like all of this hard work wasn't a waste…"

She threw it down into the entrance, where Justin had once lived for the past year and a few weeks.

"Now I just need to find a way to cause this team to win!" she said, before walking away.

* * *

 **Staci** : Being the last person who can talk on my team, I guess it's up to me to be a leader…

* * *

On another part of the island, all one contestant saw was pitch darkness. Then…

"Testing, testing, one, two, three!"

Chef appeared in front of the field of view, surrounded in a slight blue and orange tint.

"Oh, good! It's up and workin'! Startin' next season, with a few modifications, you'll be our helper!" he said, polishing off the front.

 _What? What's going on?_

"Aww, don't feel bad, kid! It's only karma for you tormentin' one of your own throughout the season! Now you're stuck in one of his excellent contraptions!"

 _No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

* * *

(AN: I'm finally done with this one! Sorry if you do or don't like this chapter. I had something different in mind for the ending, but I kinda wanted to see how the heck a feral contestant would fare on a season. Think Ezekiel in the canon All-Stars, except a lot less wasted…)

Toxic Rats: Anne Maria, Brick, Dakota, Sam

Mutant Maggots: B, Justin, Staci

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

10th: Jo

9th: Dawn

8th: Mal (injury)

-Justin returns-

8th: Beth

Next Up: The Treasure Island of Dr. McClean


	8. The Treasure Island of Dr McLean

(AN: With this last elimination, all canon ROTI contestants that made the merge are officially gone! Well, except for one…)

 **Chris** : Last time on a thrilling episode of Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, the teams had an emergency midnight challenge through the mysterious caverns! Mal immediately made a beeline for the season 1 villain Justin, in order to…uh…I dunno! Possibly free him? Anyway, Brick showed solid leadership _and_ earned him a massive smooch from Anne Maria! Haha, dude _totally_ didn't like that one! Sam earned his hero's wings as he saved nearly everyone from impending doom _and_ got the girl! *the cameras cut to him kissing Dakota* Aww, so _cute!_ Unfortunately for Mal, he remained unconscious until _just_ after the elimination, preventing him from continuing in the competition! However, the show must go on, and after speaking to the producers, Justin took Mal's place! To cap off the night of drama, we had to say goodbye to Beth, who was voted off by a _very_ hungry competitor! 7 campers left! Will we reach our merge anytime soon? Find out today on Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

*cue the theme song*

Episode 8: The Treasure Island of Dr. McLean

* * *

Brick and Dakota toasted their victory. Sam's snores permeated the area. Anne Maria was nowhere to be seen.

"I'd say that was a pretty solid win in our favor!" Brick said, drinking his water.

Dakota giggled as she took a sip of sparkling grape juice. "I know, right? Honestly, I don't think we'd be here if it weren't for Sam!"

* * *

 **Dakota** : *she sighs happily* I can't wait for him to wake back up! Aww, _why_ do we have to be apart!

* * *

Brick snapped back to attention. "Oh, crap, his Game Guys!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Even though all of my senses are yelling at me to go to sleep, getting Sam's games back is a higher priority.

* * *

Brick cautiously opened the spa hotel door, looking around for any signs of life. Seeing that there was none, he sprinted out and away, back to Chris and Chef's humble abode.

* * *

 **Brick** : The first time going there was rough. But, take 2, now _that's_ a whole different can of worms! If Chris and Chef are fast asleep, then I've got nothing to worry about. Well, except for finding the things…*he chuckles nervously*

* * *

Within 2 minutes, Brick was listening intently for any noises at their home.

 _Almost there, Sam…_

He slowly, silently, creeped up the stairs, noticing some faint light in the windows.

He finally reached the front door and put his ear to the screen, listening for any noises.

His eyes widened at what he was hearing.

* * *

 **Brick** : So, uh, _that's_ the special time that Chris and Chef were talking about…*he rubs the back of his neck nervously* I, uh, I didn't know they were into each other like that! Honest!

* * *

Brick felt the rhythmic thumps as he had his back to the wall, waiting for a perfect moment.

 _Come on, come on, how long will this take?_

The thumps started to get slightly faster. Brick smiled.

 _Let's go._

He slowly creaked open the door. The inside of the cabin was roasting, and a smell of sweat filled the air.

 _There's gotta be a closet back here somewhere…_ Brick thought, as he tip toed through the living area.

Around him were entryways to other parts of the house. One door was closed, and from there, the thumping was most pronounced.

 _Might want to avoid that one…but if I knew Chris and Chef, that's where they'd be…_

Brick saw a slightly ajar closet in the room right in front of him.

 _Might as well start there…_

He crept to the closet, keeping his eyes peeled for any signs of Sam's Game Guys.

 _Wait…_

No question about it, there was Dakota's foot massager. However, it smelled like it was used, by both a host with too much skin lotion, as well as a chef who didn't know the definition of clean feet.

Brick's eyes widened. There, next to the massager, was a sack full of Game Guys and games.

* * *

 **Brick** : Gotta hand it to Sam, I'm glad he came prepared with extra systems!

* * *

Brick picked up the bag and stole to the front door.

 _Sorry, you two. Hope you two have a good night's rest!_

He quietly closed the door behind him. He sprinted away from the house now, making sure to jump down the wood steps, to prevent them from creaking.

As Brick _thump_ ed down onto the ground, a bleary-eyed Chef opened the closed door slightly.

"No one's there, Chris…" he said, adjusting the towel around his waist.

Chris sighed. "Good. Now, come here, you big hunka meat…I'm not _done_ with you, yet…"

Brick gasped as he splashed through some mud. _Can't fail now, we're so close!_

He wrenched open the spa hotel door, then slammed it shut behind him. He stood there, clutching his chest, gasping and panting.

"So! Did you do it?" Dakota asked cheerfully.

Brick triumphantly held up the sack. "Mission accomplished!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Scott, that was for you. You'd make a fine soldier in my squadron. I mean, if you ever joined the army, heh.

* * *

Brick crept into Sam's room; the gamer was still snoring away, collapsed on the bed.

 _Happy challenge win, you goof._ Brick gently put his prize next to Sam's bed.

"Well, that's done, then," he said, gently closing the door behind him.

Dakota smiled. "He's _such_ a sweetheart, isn't he?"

Brick rubbed the back of his head, chuckling slightly. "Yeah, it's…not every day that one saves us from an exploding mine."

* * *

 **Brick** : Could you imagine if Sam did something _after_ the fact to screw us up? I mean, what if it were an eating challenge and he stuffed some food into his pockets? Kind of negates the cool factor of it, you know?

* * *

Anne Maria punched the communal bathroom mirror as hard as she could, shattering it instantly. Ignoring the blood trickling down her arm, she continued to glare at the blank wall behind it.

"Well, seems _hubby_ didn't think I was all hotness, huh? I'll get 'im! Him and his crappy team, too!"

The door behind her slammed open, followed by a series of growls and roars.

"Oh, it's you," she said, seeing Justin bound around out of the corner of her eye.

Justin went over to the showers, sniffing the floor, the curtain, and the showerhead. He gagged.

"Yeah, it's nothin' special, but it gets the job done!" Anne Maria said, crossing her arms at him.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : I heard Justin was a real piece'a'work, but I dunno, he seems like an innocent l'il puppy to me!

* * *

Staci sat at her bunk, looking mournfully down at the ground. B sat across from her, looking at her.

"Yes, B?" Staci asked, finally looking up.

B was holding up a crude drawing of Beth.

Staci sighed. "Ya, I miss her. More than some people know…she was a real friend to me, you know?"

* * *

 **Staci** : B's certainly a kind soul, but I _still_ can't trust him not talking, sad backstory or not!

* * *

B nodded slowly and made gun figures with his hands.

Staci looked at him. "I…uh… _what?_ "

* * *

 **Staci** : Aaand then there's the times when he still continues to baffle me…

* * *

B shrugged and started to set up his bunk for sleep.

Staci looked over at Mal's bunk. Then…

"Wait a minute…"

She ran over, reached under the covers, and pulled out B's screwdriver.

"Ah- _ha!_ Here you go!"

B's eyes widened as Staci handed the object to him. He pulled his toolbox out from under the bunk, and started rooting through it.

"B?" Staci's face had a slight twinge of confusion on it.

B gasped silently. He looked at his screwdriver, then at the toolbox again. He immediately stuffed it in there, put everything back to how it was prior, and closed it.

"I, uh…"

B turned around and gave Staci a salute. He then did the finger-gun motion again and clicked his lips.

* * *

 **Staci** : Oh, gosh…B isn't having the hots for me, is he?!

 **B** : *he's scratching his head and making the finger gun signs again, clicking his lips. He then shrugs his shoulders*

* * *

Meanwhile, Chris and Chef had finished their intense bonding time. Chris picked up his mobile phone. He gasped, nearly dropping it.

"What's up, Chris?" Chef asked, wiping off the sweat with his towel. "Somethin' happen out there?"

Chris shook his head. "No…it's worse."

He shakily handed the phone over to Chef. He started perusing through all of the notifications.

"Photo, photo, photo…wait, isn't this that crazy Sierra chick?"

"Keep…going…" Chris said, collapsing on the couch.

Chef continued onwards. Hundreds of photos of Sierra, along with more than a handful of selfies with her and an unconscious Cameron.

"Uh, Chris? Didn't you get a new number and all that?" he asked the host.

"Yeah…how did she _get_ that!? And disgracing Cameron like that! Unbelievable!"

"Chris, this chick is crazy!" Chef said. "I mean, look at all the applications we had to sort out from her!"

He uncovered a tarpaulin to show Chris a massive stack of contracts, all filled out in Sierra's scrawl.

"Don't remind me…" Chris said, rubbing his forehead. "See, Chef, this is why I like having you around. Creates a _lot_ less stress for the both of us."

The phone in Chef's hand started to buzz. "Oh, crap, she's calling!"

"Just answer it, Chef, she'll clog up my voicemails in no time…" Chris moaned.

Chef held the phone up to his ear. "Hello?"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEE- _EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_ " OHMIGOSH, hi, Chef! Where's Chris?! I want to tell him _all_ about my adventures with Cody-Cam!"

Chris cringed. "Is she _seriously_ that deluded?"

" _I hear him over there!_ Chris? Chris, hello?! Hello? Earth to Chris! I want to tell you _why_ I'm going to bring a fresh change to the show!"

Chef put the phone on speaker. "He's here!"

"Hi, Chris! Oh-em-gee, it's been _so_ long! I've been trying and trying and _trying_ for _months_ to reach you! How are you?! Where's Cody?"

"Ah, jeez, what time is it…well, I'm goo—"

"The time is currently 3:14 AM, Eastern Standard, or 2:14 Central, _or_ 1:14 Mountain, _**or**_ —"

"I get it, Sierra! Ugh, I'm ready for bed at this rate…"

"Noooo! I'm not even _close_ to being done showing you my adventures with Camody! He's the greatest! _Especially_ when he's knocked unconscious!"

Chris cringed. "Geez, laying it on thick with the assault vibes here, aren't you?"

"Oh, Chris, _nothing_ like that! All I did was give him foot rubs, and rocked him a little in my arms! He _oohed_ a little in his sleep, Chris! Like a cute widdwe baby!"

"Sierra! _Focus!_ How'd you get the address of that hospital, anyways? I thought I didn't disclose that to anyone outside the island! Also, doctor-patient…or in this case, host…confidentiality…"

"So, I made some posts to my blog about Cam's condition and how _tragic_ it was and to see if anyone could help him, and, and, and, someone came back, said they knew a guy, and gave me the address! _Eeek!_ "

Chris rubbed his eardrum. "Sierra…can't it wait until morning?"

"Noooo! Chris, I'm livestreaming this conversation to everyone on my blog right now! The views are going through the roof!"

Chris groaned one last time. "Chef, end the call. I don't care how; my data is backed up."

"Noo, Chris! Oh, I'll hack into that data and get _all_ of your glorious hostly beauty! It'll be so… _awesome!_ "

Chef crushed the phone, causing sparks to erupt out of it. "There. Hopefully that'll get her out of our hair for a while…"

"I kinda doubt that, Chef…"

* * *

Anne Maria watched Justin yip as he felt hot water for the first time in ages.

"Aw, c'mon, chicken, I'll go grab my stuff! You wait here, I'll bring an extra towel and some hair stuff!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Hey, if I work my charms on the new guy, he could be a great babe! If not that, then definitely an alliance membuh!

* * *

Staci was breathing slightly heavily as Anne Maria opened the cabin door.

"Thanks for lettin' me sleep here tonight, but I don't think I'll be here long…" she said, going to her bunk and picking up her duffel bag. "I think after a nice hot showuh, I'll be sleepin' with the winnuhs again."

Staci immediately bolted up in bed, hopped out, and shook Anne Maria by the shoulders. "No! Please don't! I need someone to talk to! Someone who can talk back!"

B glared at her.

* * *

 **B** : *he blows a raspberry and gives the camera thumbs down*

* * *

Anne Maria grunted as she lifted the bag up. "Some guy down there's gonna need a majuh makeovuh!"

Staci groaned. " _Now_ what am I going to do?!"

"Easy! Speak to that Justin guy! He seems pretty nice!"

Staci gagged.

* * *

 **Staci** : No way will I speak to _that_ monster! *she immediately gets to work on making a voodoo effigy of him*

* * *

Anne Maria slammed open the door. Justin was still yelping as he felt the water.

"C'mon, it's easy," Anne Maria said, getting her towels out. "I'm gonna give you my shampoo and conditionuh and you'll be a clean babe in no time!"

Justin flinched and turned at those words. " _Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabeeeeeeeeeeeee…_ " he gurgled, spilling a little drool.

Anne Maria yelped slightly as the drool made a hole in the floor, much like acid.

"Oh right, radiation…" she murmured.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : I mean, hey! Guy's been stuck in there for…what, a year? *she shrugs* he's gonna take some time to get civilized again, am I right?

* * *

Justin's yelping had finally stopped; Anne Maria had finally gotten out of her bathroom stall, towel around her.

"See? That's how _civilized_ people use towels!" she said, handing him one. "Be sure to put it on tight!"

Justin sniffed the towel he was given. "Arrh?"

"Yeah, all ya gotta do is take off what's left of your clothes! Just like me!"

With that, Anne Maria whipped off her towel, revealing her body to Justin. He started panting vigorously again, whimpering slightly, his foot tapping crazily.

"Yeesh, I've still got my undies on!" Anne Maria groaned. "I'm not _that_ dumb to show ya the goods!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : I'm not like those other guys back home with the crop tops 'n the baggy pants! *she looks down at her shirt* Uh, the baggy pants! Anyway, goin' around naked isn't my style! Besides, I had to show him how to propuhly showuh!

* * *

Anne Maria finally got in. Justin continued howling as he stepped in the shower, feeling the water flow.

"That's it, you're doin' fine!" she told him.

Anne Maria watched her slightly dried blood drip down into the drain. _Why are my teammates such complete joiks?_

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : I'm contemplaitin' either switchin' teams or quittin', but the million's gettin' that much closuh…*she balls her fists up* Gggh! Now what!?

* * *

Within 15 minutes, Anne Maria was dressed again and out of the shower. She heard Justin's water still going.

"Jeez, I knew you were dirty, but not _that_ crusty!" she giggled, hearing for any contented yelps or moans.

However, what she did hear disturbed her a great deal. The unmistakable sound of Justin lapping up the shower water entered her ears.

" _Ew! GROSS!_ You don't know where that's _been!_ "

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Vito's gone and Brick's a dick, so I'll take the other guy who'd look hot if he cleaned himself up! Hey, I'm not choosy!

* * *

The sounds of water lapping stopped, and the sounds of whistling and scrubbing with soap replaced it.

"Huh! Seems like he's getting' better," Anne Maria said, getting some spray tan from her bag.

Within 10 minutes, Justin had stepped out…sans towel.

"Hey, nudist! Put that on!" Staci said, jabbing her finger in the direction of the towel.

Justin looked slightly sad, but did so.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Aw yeah, I got a look down there. *she whispers to the camera* _Nice._

* * *

Justin had on his towel and was scrambling through Anne Maria's bag.

"Whatcha lookin' for, there?" she said, ruffling his wet hair.

Justin pulled out what he was looking for, some chapstick. He started to lather it on his lips copiously.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!" Anne Maria said, snatching it out of his grasp. "I think Chris gave you _your_ stuff back somewhere!"

Both contestants left the outhouse and made their way to the loser cabins.

"See, there you are!" Anne Maria said, pointing at Justin's duffel bag. "Smells a l'il used, but what can ya do? Anyways, I'm goin' to the winnuh's circle! Goodnight!"

Justin waved and growled out a hoarse goodnight.

Anne Maria strutted back to the spa hotel, satisfied with the night's events.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Now I can rub it in Brick and all those other joiks faces! _Ha!_

* * *

"Oh! Hi, Anne Maria!"

Brick turned around to greet her as she walked through the door.

"Hey, not-babe! I got a new babe out there, he's super nice, 'n appreciative, and he's good at bein' told what to do!"

Dakota gagged slightly. "But he smells so… _bad!_ "

Anne Maria had her mouth open. "Okay, how did you know I was talkin' with that Justin kid?"

* * *

 **Dakota** : It's not hard to tell! The only other guy on that team is B, and I don't see him meshing with her, like, at all. *she gasps happily* Hey, I said something…smart!

* * *

Brick stretched and yawned.

"Well, guys, I'm going to get some shuteye. We might not have much of anything going on tomorrow, but I'll definitely be making the most of it."

Dakota nodded. "I wish I could sleep next to Sam, though…just once…"

Brick sighed. "No can do, Dakota. Butler's keeping a close eye on our rooms and making sure they're separated."

Dakota stacked the plates up for the butler to take away. "Aww…maybe one day…"

The butler stepped forwards to take the dishes away. "Oh, yes, tomorrow is mail day, sirs and madams. Please tell the last one when he wakes up tomorrow. You will receive your letters at breakfast and send them out the day after that."

Brick saluted. "Can do, sir!"

The butler astutely nodded. "Pleasant dreams."

As the night wore on, Justin's snores grew louder and louder. He continually mumbled in his sleep, and loud farts filled the cabin.

Staci groaned. _How can I sleep with all this noise and especially the smell?_

* * *

 **Staci** : I'm going to _try_ to not and go insane! Right, Beth? Yeah? *she's holding up an effigy of Beth* 'Ooh, that's right, Staci! I'm going to play with my pigs now! Oink! Oink!' …okay, that was a _really_ bad impression of her.

* * *

Brick was out of the spa hotel early that morning.

"Double time, Brick! You need to make up for Beth's loss!"

Justin stirred slightly as he heard Brick making his daily jog. "Mrrhn?"

* * *

 **Justin** : *he's furiously lapping up the water* _WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAGH!_

* * *

Brick soon came to a halt after 10 minutes, panting. "Alright, that's 10 trips to the mess hall and back, let's see about—"

" _Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…_ "

Brick jumped slightly, yelping. "Oh, good morning, new opponent! What, uh…what brings you out here?"

Justin sat on the steps, fully dressed in his normal outfit. Were it not for his bruises, scars, and misshapen face, one could believe that he was fully back to normal.

Brick continued to look at the season one contestant, who was breathing in the fresh morning air.

"Well, if you're just going to sit there, might as well continue! Take care!"

Justin smiled an actual smile as Brick went past. " _Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…_ "

Meanwhile, in the spa hotel, a loud whoop of joy burst from the men's area.

" _My Game Guys!_ " Sam said, happily looking through his collection.

His smile faltered for a minute. "But…I'm missing one rare edition Game Guy Advance GX and 3 super cool games!

"Oh well, you win some, you lose some! Might as well start over on _Catch'em all Metal Version!_ "

Anne Maria woke up to the sound of Sam's games blaring away. "GREAT HOITY TOITY, TURN THAT CRAP OFF!"

Sam didn't hear her, he was far too immersed in his own little world.

"Hey, be happy!" Dakota said from the bed across from her. "If it weren't for my honey, we'd still be in that cave!"

"Nah, Brick could've don… _ngggh!_ Get your mind off that traituh, Anne Maria!" Anne Maria hopped out of bed.

"I'm gonna get ready for the day, unlike _some_ smelly gamuhs."

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : That's it, everyone on this show sucks! From that losuh Sam to the traituh Brick to the dumbass Dakota and, last but not least, that n-bleep!- Bevuhly!

* * *

At breakfast, Justin ate everything on his plate ravenously. Picking it up, he half-bounded, half-sprinted over to Chef.

"Nyaaaaaaaaaaeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Chef sighed. "Really, kid? Fine…"

He was just about to give Justin a second serving, but Justin was too quick. Leaping up onto the counter, he started to gobble up all of Chef's food.

"HEY! Get offa there!"

However, by the time Chef could push Justin away, the pot was nearly empty.

Justin licked his lips and smiled. "Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkssssssssss…"

* * *

 **Chef** : Ugh, he _still_ makes my skin crawl…

* * *

Justin then bounded out of the mess hall, back towards the cabins.

Staci sighed. "Does anyone have any idea what he's doing?"

B shrugged his shoulders.

"'Ooh, I know!'" Staci had pulled out a brand-new Jo effigy. "'He's going to backstab the team, just like I did, because I'm so _gosh darned evil!_ Mwah hah hah!'"

B looked at Staci and dropped his spoon.

"'No, Jo! I'm totally going to love you and then hate you because I have _sooo_ many conflicting feelings about you! Bricky-pants to the rescue!'" Staci then dropped the Brick effigy on the floor.

"Ow! My tailbone!" Brick cried out.

Staci was looking more and more unhinged. "'Hey, guys, it's okay because video games. Bleep, bloop, blop. Extra life. Marry me, Dakota.'"

Sam looked over at Staci messing around with an effigy of him. "I dunno if I should feel offended or proud that she's doing this."

Staci was now having trouble keeping all her effigies in her hands. "'Ooh, I'm the Dakotazoid! Roar, roar! I'm so mean and angry! Kill Chris! Oh wait, no, that's who I _want_ to be because Daddy would never let me go outside and have a boyfriend of my own, so I attached myself to Sam because he's the only one who noticed me! This is sad because there are obviously so many other, better, guys out there just for me! Tee hee hee!'"

Dakota's eyes filled up with tears. "That…that's not true at all!"

Sam took her hand. "C'mon, I'm getting freaky alien vibes from here. Hey, I can teach you how to play _Invaders from Outer Space, Volume 1!_ It's a classic!"

The two left the mess hall, leaving 4 contestants watching Staci's descent into madness.

Staci pulled out, albeit with some difficulty, an effigy of B. "I'll find a way to make you talk to me! Come on! _Come on!_ "

Staci continued stabbing her fork into the effigy, and the effect was immediate: B clutched the stabbed areas, writhing and contorting in pain.

"Come on, Bev! I"ll make you speak to me! _I'll have somebody speak to me like she did!_ "

Staci cackled and sprinted out of the mess hall.

Everyone, including Chef, stared at where she just left.

"Oh, good, she left me immune!" Anne Maria chuckled.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Ya know what? I'll switch teams! Staci seems like an upstandin' gal, and Justin…*she fans herself* when he gets clean, _he gets clean_ , ya know what I mean?

 **Staci** : *she's continuing giggling to herself* I've got all the friends I need right here, right, Beth? *she pulls out the Beth effigy* 'Oh, yes, Staci, you're my number one best friend in the whole wide world! Hee hee hee, snoooooooooort!' Oh, you understand me so well, Beth. *she starts making out with the effigy*

* * *

Meanwhile, on a coach bus on the way home, Beth felt an odd, wet, sensation pressing against her lips. She gagged slightly and tried to ignore it, but it wouldn't go away.

"Oh, come on! First an elimination that's unfair, and now the voodoo spirits are after me?! Ugh!" she groaned.

Everyone on the coach bus stared at her.

The sensation finally went away. "Phew! For a second there, I thought I was becoming Zoey," Beth said, chuckling.

The people on the bus still stared at her. Beth looked around at them.

" _WHAT DO YOU WANT?!_ "

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the mess hall, the other 4 contestants had hesitantly gotten back to eating.

Chef rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'll talk to Chris 'bout getting someone who can talk on that team…"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Waitaminnit! Staci and Justin seem all good, but then there's _him_. The n-bleep!-. I wouldn't touch _him_ with a 10-foot pole!

* * *

Chris entered the mess hall. "Morning, ever…where _is_ everyone?"

Chef came out from behind the counter. "So, Chris, that tan chick over there's thinkin' of swappin' teams! She's not satisfied with her current one."

Chris chuckled. "Aw, Anne Maria can't take some insults to her face? Shame, because after the first week, all teams are final! Sorry!"

Anne Maria shrugged. "Meh. No big deal. Least there's no one like _him_ (she motioned towards B) ovuh here."

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Well, there _was_ Lightnin', but everyone hated his stupid, loud guts. He's, like, 'Ooh, sha-bam! Sha-Lightnin'! Me me me!' *she huffs angrily* I should ask Staci to make an effigy of him!

* * *

"So, I'm just here to remind all of you that there's no challenge today, due to the mines being the midnight challenge!" Chris said, clapping his hands together.

He looked around warily. "Speaking of mines, where's Justin?"

His answer came sooner than later. Justin, screaming, half running, half bounding, finally splashed off the Wawanakwa dock, clad in only his swimsuit.

"Huh. Guy just needed a swim," Chris said, smiling slightly.

* * *

 **Chris** : I'm mainly following everyone around to make sure that Justin does _not_ do anything drastic to any of them! Thankfully… _hopefully_ …he'll behave himself this season! I mean, Jo changed after a near-death experience, why shouldn't Justin?

* * *

Anne Maria sprinted out of the mess hall. "I'm comin', babe!"

Chris winced. "Oh, right! The reason I'm here. Mail time!"

He pulled out several envelopes and one package. "Yeah, can someone make sure to give one of these to Sam and Dakota?" he asked, passing over one envelope and the package to Brick.

He nodded. "Can do!"

"Oh, and a small letter from your parents…" Chris passed over another envelope.

"B, hand this to Staci whenever she gets a chance to calm down," Chris said, passing a tattered, odd, envelope to him.

B nodded, made the gun motions, and clicked his tongue.

A loud yell came from outside. Everyone there turned to see Staci, sprinting out of the confessional, starting to take her clothes off.

Brick sighed. "If there was anything I _didn't_ need to see today, that would be it…"

* * *

 **Brick** : Huh. Didn't know Staci was that mentally unstable…

* * *

Back at the spa hotel, Dakota was silently weeping into her pillow, with Sam gaming beside her.

"Heheheh, made it past Level 5!" Sam said, mashing the Game Guy's buttons. He looked over at Dakota. "Oh…"

* * *

 **Sam** : *he rubs the back of his head/neck* Jeez, I'm _really_ awful at this 'boyfriending' thing…I mean, this _is_ my first real relationship with the girl of my dreams and…oh. *he slumps down in shame*

* * *

"Why are people _so mean_ sometimes, Sam?" Dakota asked, wiping her tears and looking at him.

Sam sighed. "Dakota, that's a question I've been trying to answer myself for the past 10 years."

* * *

 **Dakota** : Being left in Daddy's mansion for my whole life has left me…*she's reading a piece of paper*…uh…'socially…stunted…' Oh, hey, I'm sounding more smart! Thanks, Sam! *she giggles*

* * *

Sam put the Game Guy down and rubbed Dakota's shoulder. "I wouldn't listen to people like her, heheh. You're pretty great, Dakota. I've always thought that since you came to my team!"

Dakota gave a small smile. Then, her eyes flashed slightly. "Um, Sam, there's, uh…something I've wanted to try…"

Sam cocked his head. "What is it?"

"Just a sec." Dakota soon found the butler and said some words that Sam couldn't make out. Then, she came back in and closed the door, locking it.

"He said it's okay! Well, I mean, I _had_ to give him a little money…"

* * *

 **Dakota** : *she scoffs* more like 200 dollars! I mean, I don't _need_ it, but that's a little high, don't you think?

 **The butler** : *he's fanning himself with the remainder of the money and looking at his luxurious watch* Ah, the good life…

* * *

Brick carried Sam's letter and Dakota's package to the spa hotel, but stopped when he saw the butler standing in front of the door.

"Uh, what happened up there?" he asked him.

"Sir, I'm afraid that Mr. Samuel and Miss Dakota are…copulating…" the butler said. "I'll be more than pleased to take the gifts up to them when they are done, sir."

Brick sighed. "Affirmative." He handed the two gifts over to the butler.

"I shall see you later, sir," the butler said, nodding.

* * *

 **Brick** : Huh, wasn't, uh, expecting Sam and Dakota to, uh…do that so soon. Yeah…

* * *

Brick cringed as he heard Staci screaming behind him.

" _None of you understand me! I'll make you all love me!_ "

Brick sighed. "Please, for the love of all of us, put your clothes back on."

* * *

 **Brick** : I knew Staci would go insane enough to take her clothes off! …thank God I never saw that…

* * *

Anne Maria tapped her foot impatiently.

"Justin! _Juu-uuuustin!_ C'mon, babe, come to mama!"

Justin, however, was too far out to hear her. He continued swimming vigorously, feeling every inch of the pleasantly cool water all over his body.

Anne Maria sighed and rolled her eyes. "Want me to join ya?"

Justin ignored her.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : The important thing is that he's enjoyin' life again. *she gasps happily* his tan is _so_ cute! And _not_ racist!

* * *

The day went on without too much happening. Sam and Dakota had finally finished their bonding time and had received their packages.

"So, what's yours say, Sam? I think I have an idea on what mine is…" Dakota said, as Sam inspected his letter.

"Hey, it's another thing from my bro!" Sam said, chuckling. "It's basically saying 'hey, glad you got the girl and are leading your team to victory. Looking out for you, Eli. P.S. get her number and we'll have her over for dinner.'"

Dakota smiled. "Well, _I_ got this!" She pulled out an array of pieces, parts, and instruction books.

"It's a DIY massage chair! I know exactly where I'm putting this…"

With little effort, Dakota had packed everything back up, took the box down the stairs, and knocked loudly at Chris and Chef's door.

"He- _llo!_ " she said, bobbing on the balls of her feet. "Is anyone in there?"

Chef opened the door, looking bemused. "What is it?"

"Well, I have this massage chair kit, and I don't really _need_ it, so it's yours!"

Chef looked surprised. "I would've taken it anyways!"

"Yeah, but this time, I'm, like, _giving_ it to you!"

"Well then, thanks, spoiled girl!" Chef took the package inside.

* * *

 **Dakota** : *she looks at the carefully wadded amount of money in her pocket* Daddy always said to have an extra $1,000 in case of em…errrrr…gen…cies… (she breathes a sigh of relief) but I'm honestly wondering, do I _really_ need the million?

* * *

Anne Maria and Justin were sunning near the loser's cabin.

"So, hunky, how'd today treat ya?" Anne Maria said, noticing the sky turning more and more orange.

"Myeaaaaah!"

"Aww, babe, that's good! I'm upset that I can't switch teams, but the merge is comin' up and we'll have _all_ the time we need to ourselves!"

Justin turned on his side and looked at her. "Mwehehehehe!"

"Aww, thanks, doll, I love you too."

From afar, Chris looked over his male modeling magazine.

"Hey, lovebirds! I hate to break the romantic tension, but Justin's actually 23! Also, he's on some kind of sexual offender list! Just thought you ought to know!"

Anne Maria scoffed. "Good! I like my men mature!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : The SO list doesn't bother me none, either! I mean, hey, when you're 7 years old and your Uncle Bob gives you some *she air quotes* 'fun times' for nearly a year straight, you become desensitized to some crazy stuff!

* * *

"All campers, please report to the mess hall for dinner! All campers."

6 contestants walked (and bounded) over to the mess hall.

As B was about to make his way in, Chef whistled him over towards the back.

"You're gonna help me cook, not-Cody!" Chef said, handing him an apron.

B looked confused.

* * *

 **B** : *he shrugs his shoulders, still in a state of confusion*

* * *

"Dinner time, dorks! Tonight's meal: roasted turkey! Made from the finest plu-uh-smoked turkey meat the island's ever seen!"

As the other campers came to get their grub, Chef turned to B.

"Do me a favor and taste this for me?" He held out a small piece of turkey. "Jus' wanna make sure it's cooked 'n all that."

B obliged, eating the piece of turkey in one bite. He smiled and gave Chef a big thumbs up.

"Good!" Chef said, happily. "Let me give these guys their grub, then one more thing I gotta take care of…"

Within 5 minutes, the other 5 contestants were eating away at their (surprisingly) generous portions of turkey.

"Wow!" Brick said, biting into a drumstick. "These are surprisingly top-quality!"

Anne Maria was happily sharing her portion with Justin; the former model scarfed down everything he had, and then some.

"Oh, good grief, save me some!" Anne Maria groaned, as she ate at part of a breast.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Yeah, bein' from Joisey originally, my family was a buncha big eatuhs. Sadly, I don't get to see much of 'em anymore due to movin' up here when I was 8! Stinkin' Uncle Bob!

* * *

Chef finally found Staci huddled in the back of the loser cabin. She had a roll of toilet paper wrapped herself and was squirming around.

"Y'know, at this stage, doin' this is a mercy," he muttered as he shot a tranquilizer into Staci's neck.

Within seconds, she was out like a light…

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the mess hall, the other 6 competitors had all dozed off, too, deep in a seemingly infinite sleep…

* * *

Anne Maria gasped awake. The slightly salty smell of the sea filled her nostrils.

"Hey! Wake up, babe! Everyone else!" she yelled, standing up.

However, she didn't know where she was standing; the raft she was on rocked violently and she splashed into the water.

Justin, on another raft, snapped to attention. Roaring, he bounded off his raft and dove deep into the water.

Brick, Sam, and Dakota were stirring as Justin splashed back up to the surface. He threw Anne Maria back onto her raft, before splashing up on his.

"Aww, thanks, ya wonderful man, you!" Anne Maria said, blowing a kiss at him. However, when she put her hand to her lips, something felt off.

"Huh?" she wondered as Staci opened her eyes.

Staci gasped. "Oh gosh! It's the cancerous soul of my third great aunt thrice removed Beatrice! Aaah! The power of voodoo compels you! _The power of voodoo compels you!_ "

She pulled out an effigy of Anne Maria and held it in front of her for protection.

"You'll never get on our raft! _I refuse to let that happ—_ "

B immediately came to the rescue by slamming a spare frying pan onto Staci's head.

"Ahhh…maybe today _isn't_ a school day…" she murmured, looking around at everyone woozily.

Anne Maria, frustrated, pulled out a small makeup mirror.

The ensuing scream echoed all around the island, causing any nearby fauna to scarper.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she's covering the lower half of her face, speaking in a muffled voice* Dnn't lkkk 't mmmmmh! (Don't look at me!)

* * *

Anne Maria looked wildly around for anything that could cover her face. "Hello? _Hello?!_ Sam? Dakotuh? _Anyone_ help me?!"

Justin splashed over to the Rat's raft as Anne Maria started to hyperventilate. He gently patted her shoulder, not noticing the small amount of drool falling onto her clothes.

Anne Maria, however, did. "Aah!" she yelped, rubbing her shoulder. The saliva had burned through her clothing and had stopped at her actual skin, taking the tan with it.

Anne Maria looked at the now pale flesh. " _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_ "

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Justin's hazuhdous to my _health_?! Who could've told me that!?

 **Staci** : *she's holding up the Beth effigy* 'But, wait! If Justin's saliva is corrosive, how come his sabotage paper didn't immediately dissolve?' Hahaha, I dunno, Beth, _you're_ the one always coming up with the continuity errors! As did Chester! Ha…ha ha…hahahaha *she starts slamming the Beth effigy against the wall* _REACT TO ME, DAMMIT!_

* * *

Meanwhile, back at her home, Beth sighed and rolled her eyes as she felt blows against her head.

"Oh, great, _more_ voodoo action. Is that you, Staci?!" she groaned.

She turned on the TV. Footage from a few minutes' prior was showing. Beth watched the turkey being eaten, the tranq entering Staci's neck, and the competitors waking up.

She threw up her hands in exasperation. "This is from Season 1! What, next there's going to be a challenge about getting home, or, God forbid, a scavenger hunt?! God, I'm glad to be _off_ that f-bleep-ing show!"

She looked at the lone camera filming her. " _MY LIFE ISN'T FOR YOUR BENEFIT, GOD!_ "

* * *

Back at the rafts, Chris and Chef flew down to greet the teams via helicopter.

"Good morning, sleepyheads!" Chris shouted through his megaphone, while Chef chuckled silently. "This is the start of your next team challenge!"

Everyone who could groan groaned; Anne Maria continued to search for any form of facial cover.

"Aww, did _someone's_ toxic spit contaminate the water when he tried to rescue you?" Chris said, chuckling at Anne Maria. "Kinda serves you right for your racist comments towards our good friend B yesterday."

Everyone looked at Anne Maria. "I don't care! He's still a pile'a shit, and I'm sure glad I didn't get over on _that_ team!" she said, before covering her mouth area again hastily.

Chris _tsk_ ed. "Well, while the rest of you are processing that…disturbing…information, your next challenge is to find the treasure of Camp Wawanakwa!"

Everyone looked at him.

"Okay, so, a little context. Chef and I hid something important _some_ where on the island while you guys slept! We then decided to put you on these rafts far, far away from the island!"

Dakota cocked her head. "Uh, Chris? Why, uh…uh…oh, never mind…"

* * *

 **Sam** : *he gasps* she came _so_ close to questioning Chris's logic! She's growing up so fast…*he sniffles happily* Uh, _don't_ ask how the, uh…ca-noodling went earlier…that… _wasn't_ so hot.

 **Dakota** : *she sighs* I'm still distracted by the, uh…fun times we were having! The making out was great, but the actual…uh…*she attempts to make the 'index finger going through the thumb/index finger of the other hand motion' but fails*…that… _wasn't!_ It was 2 minutes of trying and nearly an hour of Sam crying afterwards. Hey, it was both of our first times, you know? We'll get better! *she gasps* I need to ask Daddy for books on that!

* * *

"Anywho, your first task is to get back onto the island shores using any means possible," Chris said, the helicopter still whirring in the background. "Along the way, you'll find all sorts of things! Some junk, some legitimately helpful!

"First team there gets a super-helpful advantage in part 2! Last team…really doesn't!"

The helicopter started to hover higher. Chris's face momentarily registered an expression of surprise.

"Oh! Nearly forgot, campers! There's going to be obstacles all throughout your scavenger hunt! Some good, some suck-tacular! See you later!"

The helicopter whirred its way back to the island. Brick immediately made for the back of the raft.

"Okay, so I think—"

"Don't worry about it! I've got it!"

Dakota immediately swan dived into the water, Brick stared down at her, as she reemerged and started pushing the raft from behind.

Brick looked down at the scene that had just unfolded. "Okay, that wasn't what I was expecting!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Dakota, using physical skill? Ha! That'll be interesting. Although, she could definitely use a helping hand…

* * *

"You're not alone, Dakota!"

Brick dove into the water too, helping her push from behind.

"Sam!" he called. "You're in charge of finding anything along the water and guiding us, alright?"

Sam saluted. "Yes, sir!"

Anne Maria sniffled. " _I'm_ goin' to the other team! Also known as away from _you_ losuhs!"

She motioned for Justin to paddle the Maggots raft over as far as it could go, then stepped over.

"Later, wimps! Good luck winnin' without me!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Chris usually says that the first _full_ team to arrive gets the advantage or the win! So, maybe I'll start sabotagin' and, _bam!_ Into the finals!

* * *

Brick and Dakota used everything they had to start moving forwards.

Staci gasped and splashed into the water.

"No, no, _no! I'M NOT GOING TO STAY WITH THESE PEOPLE THAT CANNOT TALK!_ "

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : She didn't notice that I was on their raft! Humph!

* * *

"To your right! I see something that looks awfully like a shovel!"

Dakota paddled harder as Brick turned in that direction. "Got it, Sam!" both said, high fiving each other.

* * *

 **Brick** : Gotta hand it to Dakota, ever since she got together with Sam, she's getting a _lot_ more useful. I'm impressed!

* * *

"Awright, so first things first, _you_ need to get off," Anne Maria scoffed to B, who gave her an offended look.

Anne Maria smirked. "Don't care. Baaaa- _aaaaaaaaabe!_ "

Justin immediately smashed into B with his shoulder, throwing him off of the boat, right near Staci.

"Good, _good! Restore sanity where there once was none!_ " she cackled, swimming faster and faster away from B.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Yeah, so the Maggots ain't getting' their full team ovuh first, but I gotta stick to my principles! Tan at the darkest! *she looks at her lower half of her face and winces* _Aaah!_

* * *

Sam pulled out the shovel with a little effort. "A little rusty, but it seems good!" he called to Brick and Dakota from below. "Onwards!"

* * *

 **Dakota** : *she sighs happily* it's _so_ nice to be the one helping Sam for once! Honestly, at this rate, the competition could be ours!

* * *

Sam kept his eyes peeled, looking for anything useful.

 _A gamer's work is never done, Harold-san! You taught me the powers of keen observation and keeping in touch with your inner ch—_

A tentacle slapping the front of the raft interrupted his thoughts, but at the same time, it launched him straight into the air.

" _Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!_ "

Dakota did her best to hold on as the back half of the raft flew into the air.

Brick, on the other hand, wasn't as lucky. "You should _let go, Dakotaaaaaaaaaaaaa!_ "

Dakota gasped as she saw her two teammates fly off towards the island shore. Unfortunately, her shock was short lived.

The tentacle was soon joined by another, then another, and another, until slowly but surely, a giant monster squid was staring eye-to-eye with Dakota.

"Ewwww! What happened to his _other_ eye?" Dakota asked.

The squid's other eye was missing; the only sign of it was a copious amount of blood.

* * *

 **Dakota** : *she struggles not to puke*

* * *

Dakota slowly climbed onto the raft, ignoring her splinters. She noticed the Toxic Rats sign on another edge of the raft.

 _I could try to use this…_

But before she could do anything, Staci slammed into the back of her raft, rocking it forwards.

Dakota struggled to keep her balance. "Hey! Don't you know _anything_ about being polite!?"

Staci continued to swim harder. "No, no, no, _you people will talk to me! All day long! AAAAAAAAA—"_

Thankfully, B had his trusty frying pan on standby. Swimming up behind her, he slammed on her head again.

Staci swallowed a massive amount of water as she calmed down. "Huh, two for the price of one, grandma?"

B struggled to get Staci on the raft as he took over swimming duties. With one last effort, he finally managed to get Staci on.

Anne Maria wasn't amused. "C'mon, toots, wake up."

She kicked Staci. "I said _wake up!_ "

Staci made some incomprehensible noises.

Anne Maria sighed and continued kicking her. "If I keep at this, it should work…"

Justin, however, had sprung into action against the giant squid. He leapt onto the tentacle, sprinted up the arm, and socked the squid in the other eye.

The squid visibly flinched, flailing its tentacles everywhere. Justin growled and tried to keep on, but it was no use.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA- _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_ "

Justin slammed into the front of Dakota's raft, launching her skyward.

"But I was just _abouttousethiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissss…_ " she called, carrying the Toxic Rats sign in her hand.

* * *

 **Dakota** : Being a hero is worth _every_ splinter! *she sighs* although, I should thank Justin for the save later…

* * *

Dakota landed near the shore, skipping slightly like a rock before washing up on the sand.

"Oh, hey, wondered when you'd show up!" Brick said, who was leaning against a tree. "Sam's either looking for Chris or, uh, calling back to nature."

Dakota splashed onto the shore, taking care to wring out her hair. "Huh?"

Brick strode up to her, whispering in her ear.

Dakota's eyes widened. "Ohhhhhhhhh!"

* * *

 **Dakota** : There's still so much I need to learn! *she pulls out her wad of cash, which is now all wet and crumpled* Do I really need this anymore?

* * *

Chris strode up to the 3 contestants. "Well, looks like Anne Maria's not around, is she?"

Sam shrugged. Brick shook his head. Dakota sighed.

"Well, she switched over to the other raft because she hates our guts, so…"

"Aww, too bad! Can't get an edge unless every member's here! Oh, and speaking of which…"

Justin was swimming furiously, being helped along by B. Staci was in a crook of the former's shoulder, while Anne Maria was on his back.

"Faster, babe, faster! I'll let you win!"

Justin growled and narrowed his eyes. Tossing Anne Maria off, he, B, and Staci clambered onto the shoreline.

"Nice going!" Chris said. "Although, you're down a raft, and Sam and Dakota are holding pretty useful things for the next part of the challenge!

"But, since all of you are here first… (he looked at Anne Maria grinning smugly on the shoreline) …you get an advantage in part 2!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she pumps her fist* Yes! Revenge is _so_ sweet!

 **Brick** : Does Anne Maria know that if she sabotages us, she's gone? I mean, all of us pretty much hate her right now, myself included. And, as many of you know, it takes a _great_ deal of frustration to make it to that point!

* * *

Chris handed B a map, compass, and backpack.

"Here you are! A treasure map, a compass, _and_ some digging tools! Might as well get ready to vote someone off, Rats!"

Brick, Sam, and Dakota groaned, while Anne Maria chuckled.

"Way to stink, _losuhs!_ I mean, lettin' your own playuh do her thing with the other team's pretty bad sportsmanship, eh, Brick?"

Brick glared at her. "If my opinion of you wasn't so low, I'll…"

"You'll _what_ , huh?"

Brick clamped his mouth shut.

"Aww, such _romantic_ tension!" Chris said, wiping a tear from his eye. "So good, makes you want to _kiss_ someone, eh, Brick?"

Brick growled at him, mouth still shut.

"Hey, don't feel bad! You get a consolation prize!" Chris said, tossing a dirty rucksack at him. "In there are some _really_ old school navigation devices! Good luck!"

Brick caught the rucksack and picked through it.

"Oh, great! A sundial…and a stick! Now what?"

Sam took the stick. "Well, if I were Kolink from _Kolink's Magical Adventure_ , this is either a sword or it could be a divining rod…"

He broke the unnecessary branches off of the stick, revealing a Y-shaped twig. "Yup, definitely a divining rod!"

Brick looked at the sundial. "Well, if I wanted to tell time, I'd have a use for it, but now…"

Anne Maria strutted past them. "See yas at elimination, dorks!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Might as well pull a Vito and sabotage the votes! I mean, hey, Chris said they didn't count yestuhday!

* * *

B had the map out and was reading it carefully. Justin, however, was getting tangled up with Staci.

"Hey, c'mon! It's not like _you_ took the cat out yesterday, _mother!_ " she said, laughing manically. "This way, Charlie! C'mon!"

B looked over at Justin, worried.

Justin looked right back at him. "Mrawh?"

* * *

 **Justin** : *he rubs his chin* Eh?

* * *

B pointed in the direction of the treasure, showing Justin the map in the process. Justin gave him a thumbs-up and nodded, smiling.

* * *

 **B** : *he's shifting his eyes in the confessional, thinking of some way to express what he wants to say. He puts his hand on his chest, then shakes his head. He then fiddles with his fingers, trying to make any symbol for what he wants to say. He fails and facepalms. Finally, a bead of sweat coming from his baseball cap, B takes a deep breath. The camera, blinking 'low battery', turns off*

* * *

"After them, soldiers! We might be at a disadvantage, but quitting isn't in my rule book!"

Brick ran through the woods, looking back at Sam.

 _Now, why would Chris give us a stick?_

Meanwhile, Sam felt a slight rumble on the stick. "Hey, guys, I think I got a bite here! Ha!"

Dakota, who was behind the rest, smiled slightly. "Good job, honey!"

"We're taking a left!" Sam said, as the team reached a fork in the woods. "Dakota, you got the shovels?"

Dakota, who was slightly weighed down with the two items, nodded.

* * *

 **Dakota** : I didn't _mind_ carrying both, I mean, it's good exercise either way, right?

* * *

Meanwhile, Anne Maria was continuing to mosey around the woods.

"Aw yeah, this gal's got it _made!_ "

She saw the spa hotel. "There it is!"

Running harder than she had all competition, Anne Maria thrust open the door, went inside, and slammed it shut behind her.

* * *

B, Justin, and Staci had reached a clearing in the woods. B looked at the X and scratched his head.

Justin, carrying Staci piggyback, looked over B's shoulder. "Mawrh?"

B pointed at the general location of the X. Justin pondered for a minute. Then, his eyes brightened.

"Myeaaaaaaaaaah!"

He sprinted westwards, towards the lowering sun. B shrugged and followed him.

* * *

 **B** : *he shrugs again and makes the 'cuckoo' motion with his hand around his ear*

* * *

Brick checked the sundial again, this time more closely. He noticed an ever so small notch on the bottom part of the circle.

The sun was directly in front of them now, causing long shadows to emanate behind them. This also went for the dial; the shadow it cast was right on the notch.

"Guys, straight ahead!" Brick said, doubling down on his running. "I think it's near a patch of wa… _oh._ "

They had arrived in a smaller clearing, right near the bend in the creek.

Sam's stick was vibrating heavily. "I think it's around here, guys!"

Dakota had finally caught up, panting slightly. "Yes?"

Brick took the shovel and dug into the ground. "Let's get started!"

* * *

Justin was far in the lead, ignoring Staci's yelps and yips as her hair and face got slapped and stuck with tree branches. B tried his best to keep up.

"Ohh, dad, I don't _want_ to hear about whatever's going on at the Canadian Stock Exchange…even _if_ it's recession season…" she moaned, drooling slightly.

B facepalmed and ran faster.

* * *

 **B** : *he flaps his hand in a manner like that of talking, as well as mouthing 'blah blah blah', then slits his throat*

* * *

Justin finally led B and Staci to their goal. He flourished at the caverns they had just exited.

"Ta-da!"

B walked over to the cavern wall and started slamming his forehead against it.

Justin stood there, confused. "Wha?"

* * *

 **Justin** : *he shrugs* Henh?

* * *

Brick and Sam dug more and more quickly; Dakota stood guard for anyone who could possibly be coming.

"Ah- _ha!_ " Brick said, feeling a _thump_ on his shovel. "Here it is!"

He switched over to digging with his hands, tossing the shovel over to Dakota. Immediately, she started to help widen the hole.

"Might as well be of _some_ use to the team, right?" she said, giggling at Sam.

"Yeah, you could try a new game I got before coming here; it's called _Digging Force Alpha!_ " Sam replied, scooping away some dirt.

"YES!" Brick called, triumphantly holding the treasure box up in the air.

A loud honk on the air horn signaled the end of the challenge. " _THE TOXIC RATS WIN AGAIN!_ " Chris called from the loudspeakers.

Anne Maria, who had just applied a third coat of fake tan, fell over from the sound vibrations. " _WHAT?!_ " she shrieked, pounding the floor.

" _MAGGOTS…YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO…_ "

Staci gurgled.

B just continued hitting his head on the wall.

* * *

"So, I have two marshmallows here on this plate!" Chris said, holding one up to the unlucky Maggots that night.

The Toxic Rats looked over at their competition. Dakota fidgeted in her seat slightly.

"Rats, I'll explain why you're here in a moment," Chris said. "You've all cast your votes. Chef's got a Toxic Marshmallow with your name on it!"

B gulped.

Justin drooled happily.

Staci laughed loudly.

"So, team Increasingly Dysfunctional Maggots, which one's going home tonight?" Chris said, cutting the dramatic tension. "Well, _I_ know it's not going to be B!"

B breathed a sigh of relief as he caught his marshmallow.

Anne Maria _hmph_ ed and rolled her eyes.

"Last marshmallow, gang! Staci, you've gone _completely nuts!_ And Justin, you made a _complete_ fool out of yourself! Tonight's unlucky loser, from the 3 votes I see here, is…"

"Chris?"

Chris sighed and lowered the marshmallow. " _What_ , Dakota?"

Dakota stood up. "Well, I've been doing some thinking since the end of the challenge, and I've come to a decision…

"I'm quitting!"

Sam gasped, as did Brick. Anne Maria rolled her eyes angrily.

"Oh, _great,_ the dumbass is gone…" she muttered under her breath.

Chris looked at Dakota. "Oh-kay…I'll allow it! As long as your reasoning is solid, I'll completely respect your decision!"

Dakota started making her way towards the Dock of Shame. "Well, I don't really _need_ the money, do I, Chris? I mean, look at who my father is! He's Chris Milton! He's been a great father to me and, honestly, I need to learn some stuff under him!"

Chris smiled. "Hey, sounds good to me! Also, bonus props to him having my name, too! Take care, Dakota!"

Sam, mouth still agape, finally managed to make out some words. "Wait, Dakota! No!"

He ran after Dakota, who was just about to get on the Boat of Losers.

"Aww, I _knew_ you'd see me off!" she said, as Chef started up the engine. "Don't worry, Sam, I'm not leaving forever! It's just…I don't think I'm qualified enough for the show right now!"

Sam gave a small gasp. "Wait, you're using the word flashcards I'm giving you?"

Dakota giggled. "Of course! I need to get stronger, and smarter…I mean, hey, if I _really_ wanted to be useful, might as well become a mutated monster, right?"

Sam still looked dejected. Dakota put a hand on his shoulder.

"Aww, don't be so miserable! Just think of it as a better chance to earn the million! You and your gaming math taught me about that! Although, percentages is something I still don't _quite_ understand…"

"Oh, yeah!" Chris said, walking over to the two of them. "Chef, do you have the Toxic Marshmallow?"

Chef shrugged. "Nah, it's somewhere over by the rest, though!"

Chris rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You know where to put that when you get back, right?"

"Of course I do! I'm not dumb!"

Dakota looked a little sad now, but was still smiling.

"Thanks, Samuel-san…you've been great to me…"

She pulled out Sam's word paper and wrote some numbers on the back.

"Give me a call when you win or get eliminated, okay? I want to hear how my sweetie's been doing…"

" _Psst!_ " Chris hissed, holding out a pen of his own. " _Can you give me your dad's number? He'll be great for getting us out of this financial hole!_ "

Dakota ignored Chris's plea and looked deeply into Sam's eyes, rubbing his shoulder with her hand, before moving it to his chin. She gently held it there and drew in to kiss him passionately. She held the kiss until Chef started moving the boat out.

Sam held the kissing face for a while until opening his eyes. They filled with tears as he saw Dakota waving at him, moving out over the horizon…

* * *

 **Sam** : *he's weeping silently* There goes the girl of my dreams… _whyyyyyyyyyyyhyhyhyyyyyyyyy!_

 **Brick** : *he sighs* Losing Dakota? Yeah, that smarts, but she does have a point. I don't know how much longer she'd last in a show as cutthroat as this, _especially_ with Anne Maria doing her thing…

* * *

Chris put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "C'mon, buddy, back to the campfire."

He led Sam over to the rest of the Toxic Rats, where the latter collapsed onto a tree stump.

"So, you 6 have had a heck of a competition!" Chris said, smiling at them all. "And now, I've got some special news for you!

"What will it be? *cough _merge_ cough* What will happen to you all? Find out on the next exciting episode of Total…Drama…"

"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"…Revenge of the Island!... CAN SOMEONE QUIET SAM OVER THERE, PLEASE?!"

* * *

(AN: Well, here we are, once again, at the end of a chapter! Hope you guys enjoyed this one! Writing these long chapters really gets me going! Here's to a good final 6 and eventually 5!)

Toxic Rats: Anne Maria, Brick, Sam

Mutant Maggots: B, Justin, Staci

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

10th: Jo

9th: Dawn

8th: Mal (injury)

-Justin returns-

8th: Beth

7th: Dakota (quit)

Next Up: Grand Chef Auto

(P.S. if you were wondering who the big loser was in the Maggot's voting ceremony…2-1 vote against Staci. Whoops!)


	9. Grand Chef Auto

(AN: Took us long enough to finally get here! Ayy!)

* * *

"Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island," Chris said, looking at the cameras, "our two teams had a scavenger hunt somewhere around the island! Anne Maria schemed, and was _totally_ racist! Staci completely lost her marbles, and B was the only one fit to lead the team, albeit in his own, unique way! Dakota showed her true strengths, and her, Brick, and Sam led the Rats to a decisive victory, no thanks to Justin completely misunderstanding maps! In the end, Staci was set to leave, but Dakota up and quit the competition…"

"DON'T REMIND _MEEE-HE-HE-HEEEEEEEEEEE!_ " Sam wailed.

Chris sighed. "Alright, fine, I won't! So, we're down to 6, and I've got news for both teams sitting right in front of me! What will it be? Stay tuned to find out on this exciting episode of Total…Drama—"

"It's the merge, ain't it?" Anne Maria asked.

"Yes, it'—CAN. _IT._ *ahem* …Revenge of the Island!"

*cue the theme song

Episode 9: Grand Chef Auto

* * *

"So yeah, always a shock," Chris said. "Turns out your teams are merging tonight!"

Anne Maria whooped, while Brick looked concerned. Sam just continued weeping.

On the Maggots, Justin stared lovingly over at Anne Maria, while B just shrugged his shoulders.

Staci was eating an effigy of Zoey. "Mmm! Tastes like failure and oppression!"

* * *

 **Staci** : *spits the effigy out* Wait, _what_ was I doing all this time?! Huh, maybe eating someone insane makes you sane…that made zero sense, I apologize.

* * *

"So, my second announcement," Chris continued, smiling at them all. "Due to the merge, _all_ of you are going to enjoy the spa hotel tonight! Consider it my treat to all of you!"

Everyone cheered; Justin whooped, and B smiled and gave a thumbs up to Chris.

"Oh!" Chris said, eyes widening. "Lastly…Brick, do you still have the treasure chest from today's challenge?"

Brick nodding, motioning to it in his lap.

"So, do me a favor, will you, and open that sucker up? I think you'll enjoy what's in there!"

Brick opened the treasure chest without too much effort. Inside was a card decked in gold.

" _SURPRISE!_ " Chris said, blowing a noisemaker. "You've just earned an invincibility ticket! If you're going to get eliminated, play it, and bam! You're safe and the person with the next most votes is outta here!"

Brick stared at the ticket for a long while. Then, he looked at Sam, who was still looking depressed.

"Here," he said to him, passing the card over. "I think you'll need this more than I ever will."

Chris grinned and crossed his arms. "Ooh, a power play! Interesting choice, Brick! You're going to need everything you can get now that we've merged!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Giving that to Sam? Yeah, that's risky. But, I see him as a small fish in a big, _big_ , pond. I'm worried for his safety, adrenaline rushes or not…

 **Sam** : *he looks at the ticket* Awww, _it reminds me of Dakota's hair!_ *he sobs even more readily*

* * *

"So, go to the spa hotel! I've taken the liberty of adding in a complete massage area for those who need to… _unwind_."

Chris chuckled as he saw the 6 contestants walk up to the spa hotel area.

 _Tomorrow's gonna be rough!_ He chuckled to himself.

The 6 contestants entered the spa hotel. Justin gasped, his eyes twinkling.

There, in front of him, was a massage chair, a lady setting up a mud bath station, and a steam room.

He immediately slid into the massage chair, moaning happily as his muscles were de-tensed for the first time in months.

"Oh, hello, sir! We're from the Big Kahuna Modeling Agency, an—"

The lady's eyes widened.

"Oh. My. God. Oh my God! _OH MY GOD!_ "

The other 5 contestants held their ears as the shriek emanated throughout the spa hotel.

" _Justin! Baby!_ It's been _forever!_ We've been _so_ worried about you, _aah!_ We're going to get you spiffed up in no time flat! You're going back to how you once were! Oh wait, no, first, I need to call everyone else and tell them the—"

A grumble from Justin snapped her back into reality.

"—oh, yes! Priorities, Judy! He comes first! He always does…"

* * *

Chris sighed as he and Chef watched the spa hotel footage.

"Yeah, Chris, just as I thought, it's a self-fulfillin' prophecy over there…" Chef said, rubbing Chris's shoulder.

Chris looked over at his partner. "Well, yeah, but I wanted to bring these guys over…just to see what's going on with their…' _kid_ '." He gagged slightly as he said the last word.

"You did the right thing," Chef continued, kissing Chris on the cheek. "They're happy. He's happy. Maybe tomorrow, things'll get better!"

Chris looked down at the ground. "I guess, but… _you know_."

* * *

"Okay, Justin, so say this word to me: _mo-del._ "

"Maw- _deleeeeeeeeeeah!_ "

"Very good!"

Anne Maria rolled her eyes as Judy taught Justin some rudimentary English.

"Look at him, learnin' the English language all over again," she whispered to Staci.

Staci chuckled slightly. "Aren't you, like, in love with him?"

Anne Maria shifted her eyes quickly.

"Listen to me," she hissed, holding Staci up by the top of her shirt, "things have changed since we merged. I still like him, but I gotta keep on his good side. If he starts learnin' English again, that's it, bam, I'm done!"

* * *

 **Staci** : *she shrugs* Is Anne Maria on her period? I mean, it seems like she's doing that PMS stuff, right? Well, I've got an effigy for that! *she starts rooting around through her pockets* Oh, wait, that's not it!

* * *

"By the way," Anne Maria said, opening the girl's room door, "would you like to be in an alliance with yours truly and my baby?"

Staci plopped onto an empty bed, taking out some effigies. "Well, sure. It's not like I've got anyone else to be around, right?"

"Sounds good!" Anne Maria said, lazily sifting through her effigies. She noticed one in the shape of Lightning, although it was very crudely constructed. "What's this?"

"Oh, that's just a really early work I made. I barely remember what he looks like…"

"Can I take care of him?" Anne Maria asked, unzipping her suitcase.

"Well, sure!"

Anne Maria picked up a small pair of scissors. " _DIE, N_ -bleep!- _, DIE!_ "

Everyone stopped what they were doing and perked their ears at Anne Maria's assault. Even Justin and Judy.

" _STUPID N_ -bleep!- _! NO ONE WANTS YOU AROUND ANYMORE, YOU DUMBASS!_ "

* * *

Meanwhile, at a football stadium on the Canadian border, Lightning was ready to kick off for his team.

"Aw yeah!" he said, cocking his foot back. "Kickin' shrimpy over on the show's gotten me _good_ at—OW! OW OW OW! _AAAAGH!_ "

He clutched his chest, collapsing in pain. " _LIGHTNING'S DOWN! SHA-AAAAAAAGH!_ "

* * *

Anne Maria had finally stopped stabbing the effigy; stuffing was leaking out of all of its holes.

"Feel better?" Staci said, taking it back.

"Eh," Anne Maria shrugged. "Think he felt it?"

"Not while I'm in control, he won't!" Staci said, chuckling.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lightning was being escorted to the infirmary by stretchers.

"This isn't how the Thunder-man's goin' down! Sha-ow!" he cried, clutching his chest again and fainting melodramatically.

"Hey, think I'll get a Gemmie from that performance?" he said, opening an eye and grinning.

* * *

Sam was looking mournfully at his ticket in bed.

"Hey, she'll be okay, Sam!" Brick said from the bed opposite him. "If she felt inadequate for the competition, then let her make that choice!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Back on my squad, there's been some soldiers that have left service, due to pressure or inability to complete their tasks. Now, those were the ones I worked with the _most_ , you know, to get their potential out there, but the point still stands…

* * *

B hopped into the bed beside Sam. He waved at him and gave him a smile.

"See? There's a lot of nice people left in the competition!" Brick said happily, lying back on his pillow.

"Yeah, but they're _not_ Dakota…" Sam moaned.

* * *

 **Brick** : I didn't _just_ give the ticket to Sam just because he's my friend! Anne Maria would use it to sabotage _some_ one, B would probably politely refuse, Justin's a wack job, and Staci, well, let's just say she's got a weird knack for surviving eliminations that she probably shouldn't…

 **Staci** : I _probably_ shouldn't have survived all the way to the merge…if this were a _saner_ show, with a possibly dumber cast, I'd be voted out first thing!

* * *

The 6 campers went to sleep soon afterwards, save for Justin. He and Judy stayed up all night, teaching the season 1 competitor how to become more civilized again.

Anne Maria woke up early. "Ahh, finally, a good night's sleep!"

"You're telling me!" Staci said, pushing the effigies away from her pillow. "Been forever since I've been back here!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Oh yeah…we kinda wrecked 'em in those challenges back there! Huh!

* * *

Brick, Sam, and B were already getting ready as Anne Maria and Staci walked to the breakfast table.

"Wonder what we're having for breakfast?" Staci said, looking hungrier than usual. "I've had enough of Chef's crappy food…"

"Aw, don't worry, toots! You'll get something wonduhful, guaranteed!" Anne Maria said back, sitting at the head of the table.

B burst out of the men's room door, holding a tattered letter. He ran over to Staci and placed it into her hands.

"Oh, thanks!" Staci said, tearing it open. "Oh, right…these stamps…I'd recognize _this_ anywhere…"

* * *

 **Staci** : A lot of these stamps are pretty much worthless now! I mean, if it was that rare 1900's upside-down airplane stamp, that'd be a different story! Here's it's all Pogs and first-gen Dragons and Dungeons and all that stuff! *she sighs* Way to feed your hoarding habit, mother.

* * *

Sam was scratching his back as he followed Brick out of the men's sleeping area next.

"Whatcha got there?" he asked Brick, who was poring through his letter.

"Oh, this? Just something from my parents," Brick said, handing it over to him. "It's nothing special, they're just wondering if I'm keeping up my exercise and eating right and…"

"'Meet any cute girls over there?' Huh, you never seemed interested in girls!" Sam said, reading the letter through.

"Ahh! Give me that!" Brick immediately swiped the letter out of Sam's grip.

* * *

 **Brick** : I'm…*he sighs slowly* Okay, I'm not ready to come out of the closet yet…*he gasps* Nonono! Give me that, give me that tape! *he reaches for the confessional, but falls over, hitting his nose* OW!

* * *

Justin yawned and came up from downstairs.

"Oh!" Anne Maria said, noticing him. "What's up, babe?"

Justin shrugged. "Me sleep _grr_ oood!"

* * *

 **Justin** : Speak bee _reeeeeee_ tter!

* * *

The butler arrived. "Good morning, all. Mr. McLean has decided to make your challenge start right now.

"Before we begin, does anyone have any letters they'd like to send out?"

No one said a word.

"Very well, then, sirs and madams. I will let Mr. McLean know momentarily. In the meantime, he wants you out in the mess hall posthaste."

5 of the 6 campers were out the door in seconds. Only Sam trudged behind, looking dejected.

* * *

 **Sam** : With Dakota out of the game, what's left for me to fight for? I thought we'd make it to the finals together! *he starts sniffling again*

* * *

Brick was the first to arrive in the mess hall. "Alright! Daily practice has paid off in spades!"

He saw a note on the table. "Good morning, everyone! Chef's decided to give you a little taste of military life! First things first, you need to find 6 keys hidden around the kitchen and dining area! However, some _other_ places are booby trapped! Good luck!

"…Love, Chris. And there's a heart next to that."

* * *

 **Brick** : *he cringes slightly* I _think_ I know why Chris is in a more cheerful mood today…as much as I'd like to forget…

* * *

Anne Maria had immediately sprinted to the back of the kitchen, flinging open cabinets and throwing pots and pans aside.

"C'mawn! Give me the dang key already!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : The key here now that we're merged is immunity! Either me, babe, or Staci's gotta win it, and by Gawd, that's what I intend to do!

* * *

Sam had finally trudged into the mess hall. "Well, might as well employ my gamer skills to-WHOA!"

Justin had shouldered him out of the building, causing Sam to yelp as he fell down the stairs.

"Ohhh…" he moaned, laying at the bottom and rubbing his head.

* * *

 **Sam** : Hopefully the physical torment won't last throughout my remaining time on the show. Could you imagine an _entire season_ dedicated to that?!

* * *

Justin rooted through the closet, sifting through any miscellaneous items he could find.

He gasped. Lying there, tangled in the mop strands, was a silver key.

* * *

 **Justin** : _Yeaaaaaaaaaaah!_ Ha ha _ha!_

* * *

Anne Maria climbed onto the counter and started throwing bags of flour, sugar, and other assorted materials everywhere.

Brick caught one of the flour sacks. Inside was a solid gold key.

"Huh! Thanks, Anne Maria!"

* * *

 **Brick** : I know _exactly_ who's getting this!

* * *

Sam, rubbing his head, hesitantly entered the mess hall, only to be tackled by Justin as he ran out of the building. Sam yelled as he bounced and toppled down the stairs once again.

" _Ow!_ Why does the world _hate_ me all of a sudden?"

Brick walked over to him, holding the golden key. "Here! If it makes you feel any better, I insist!"

Sam took the key. "Yeah, I guess…" He sighed and stood up again.

* * *

 **Sam** : I'm glad Brick's helping me out here, but it's like, why _bother_ at this point? I'm due out this episode, merge or no merge! Dakota leaving's thrown me off my game, and even playing a video game's bringing up some bad memories!

 **Brick** : *he sadly breathes through his nose* How long do I have to carry you through these challenges, Sam?

* * *

Justin looked around for anything that might seem out of the ordinary. He gasped as he saw an array of go-karts, just sitting there waiting to be ridden.

A crackling of the loudspeakers filled the area. "I see _someone_ 's found a key! However, getting' to these karts won't be easy…just wait until ya get past the security systems!"

Chef cackled through the loudspeakers, making Justin flinch.

"Good luck, campers!" Chef said, closely followed by the sound of a switch being flicked.

An array of machine gun turrets activated, followed by a laser gate. A muffled _beep_ ing sound emanated from underground.

Sam gasped as he stepped outside.

* * *

 **Sam** : Won't that _kill_ us?!

 **Brick** : Okay, so, does Chef know what he's doing with this stuff?! Underground mines, a laser gate…cartoon logic can only get us so far!

* * *

Justin rubbed his chin, looking at the elaborate setup. Anne Maria soon joined him outside, holding a key.

"Hold on, babe, I got this!" she said, standing near the turrets. They started to whir, then shot a cavalcade of bullets.

Anne Maria just stood there, looking bored as the bullets ricocheted off of her hair.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Well, whaddaya know? My hair _is_ bulletproof!

* * *

Within a minute, the turrets had run out of ammo, and were whirring loudly.

"Well, c'mon! Someone's gotta turn this stinkin' thing off!" Anne Maria said, motioning to the laser gates and the mines.

Brick ran out, holding a key of his own. "Hey! Anyone good at climbing?"

Justin had already read his mind. He shimmied up a pillar of the laser gate, wrenching a turret from its holding area. Ignoring the sparks flying from the frayed wires, Justin noticed an electrical computer panel glowing green.

"That's it!" Brick said, running closer to the general area. "You can do it! I'll let you know where the mines are... _oh._ "

Justin was now primed to attack the computer. He shot off the edge of the pillar like a rocket, fist cocked back, ready to strike.

Staci and B were still in the mess hall when they heard a loud _crash_ outside.

"What was that?!" Staci asked, running out.

B looked out through the window, clearly surprised.

Justin pulled his bloody hand out from the sparking computer, which was glowing red in what was left of the LED screen. He gave a thumbs up to the rest of the competitors, smiling as the laser gate went down.

Brick saluted him. "Alright, let's get at these babies!' he said, running to a go-kart and putting his key in the ignition.

* * *

 **Brick** : Driving may or may not be one of my strong suits. I wasn't _quite_ old enough to learn that in cadet camp; I was going to try this year, but my parents said that this competition for the million was a _little_ more important…

* * *

Sam sat in the kart with the golden ignition. He turned the key, sighing as it started up as smooth as butter.

"Hey! Gamuh guy! Give me that!" Anne Maria said, sprinting towards him.

Sam gasped. "NO MORE PAIN!" he yelled, stomping his foot on the gas.

However, in his haste, Sam didn't notice the mine he ran over.

Brick's mouth was agape as he saw Sam and his go-kart go flying through the air, the former screaming his head off.

Everyone winced as Sam slammed down several feet from his starting position.

"Sam! You okay over there?" Brick said, making sure to steer around the remaining mines.

"Well, I can taste my spine again!" Sam said, chuckling slightly. "Tastes like gaming backbone!"

* * *

 **Sam** : _Dakota_ would've laughed at that joke! *he sighs*

 **Brick** : Fingers crossed that Sam doesn't become a pain magnet for the rest of the season. I'd _love_ to see the guy win; Dakota gave him a chance to go on further…although, if the Maggots ceremony had played out, just how different would things be?

* * *

Justin was also off and away in his kart; Anne Maria, however, was struggling to start hers.

"C'mon, c'mon! _Move,_ you stinkin' contraption!" She growled as the ignition brought no results.

B was next to hurry out with a key. He sprinted to the nearest kart he could find, starting it up flawlessly.

Anne Maria growled at him. "Hey, asswipe! Gimme that hunka junk! Mine won't go!"

B glared at her, ready to accelerate away. Anne Maria, however, was too quick; she had latched onto B's kart, trying to push him off.

B glared at her harder, unable to step on the gas due to Anne Maria's foot being on the brakes. He stood up, ready to exact his revenge.

"Finally! Knew someone would make room for this tanned chi—" Anne Maria started to say, but B was starting to push against her.

Anne Maria gritted her teeth. "Get…yo'…stinkin'…hands…off…me…ya…damn…dirty… _ape!_ "

B ground his teeth against each other, deeply inhaled, and then…

" _NOOOOOOOOOOOO!_ "

Anne Maria gasped as B picked her up, brought her back to her kart, and slammed her down, as hard as he could.

"OWWWWWWWWW!" she screamed, struggling to get free of the pile of metal surrounding her. "See, _this_ is why n-bleep!-s like you need to stay _out of our way!_ "

B flipped her off, slammed himself down into his own kart, and drove away quickly.

* * *

 **B** : *he has a crude drawing of Anne Maria in front of him. He turns around, unzips his pants, and starts peeing on it. He turns his head around, glares at the camera, and flips the bird again*

* * *

"Oh God, Anne Maria! Do you need me to get revenge on him?!"

Staci sprinted out of the mess hall, no key in hand. Anne Maria finally freed herself from the junk pile, snatching her key from what was left of the ignition.

"No thanks! I'd rather take him down with my own two hands!" She spat into her palms, rubbing them together, then clenching them into fists.

Staci looked confused. "Then…do you need me for anything?"

"Well, I'd like your vote of confidence to get _him_ out tonight! The fate of the competition rests on it!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she giggles derisively* No, it really doesn't, but does _Staci_ need to know that?

* * *

As some of the competitors were driving down a path outlined to them, a crackling noise emanated from radios on the karts.

"Good, you've finally managed to get some of those suckas from my cold, clammy, hands! Next, you've gotta take these to two checkpoints along the way and do a mini-challenge there…then go up to the top of the Wawanakwa hill and give those two things to me! First one to do that gets themselves immunity!"

Sam was casually motoring along, not caring to see Justin, Brick, and even B roar past him.

"Sorry, man, but immunity is on the line! You understand, right?" Brick called to him as he passed.

Sam shrugged. "Doesn't really matter to me, does it?"

* * *

 **Sam** : So, show of hands, who thinks I'm gone next episode, _after_ this ticket gets used up? *he pulls out the immunity ticket* All of you? *he sighs* That's what I thought…

* * *

B passed Brick on the way to the first checkpoint, which was marked on a GPS. As he got there, he noticed Justin was reading a card, scratching his head.

B read the card from over Justin's shoulder, noticed an archery set with target, and started setting up.

Justin's eyes widened as he saw what B was doing. "Oooo _ooooh!_ "

* * *

 **Justin** : *he pants and vigorously nods his head* Heeee- _eeeey!_

* * *

Brick was third to arrive. He saw B immediately launch an arrow towards the target, then the card nearby.

"' _Welcome to your first checkpoint, maggots! Here's part one of your test; get a bulls-eye_.' Well, seems simple enough!"

Brick ran over to the third available bow and arrow set. He primed the bow and was ready to shoot.

Justin, however, wasn't as lucky. With a loud _twang!_ his bow string snapped due to his immense strength.

B sighed as he saw the arrow land slightly to the left of bulls' eye. He got his bow set again, aiming more to the right.

Justin had given up on the bow all together and was now throwing the arrows. He gasped as he saw one land directly in the middle, which caused the target to open up wide, revealing a compartment inside.

Brick groaned as he saw Justin sprint over to collect his prize: a set of dog tags.

* * *

 **Brick** : Dog tags?! Yeah, those are extremely important in any platoon. They're especially helpful to identify those who might've…*he starts sniffling slightly*…I need a minute…

* * *

Chris and Chef were at the top of the Wawanakwa hill, looking at the mayhem going on below.

"Well, Justin's took the lead," Chris said to Chef, as they watched him jump back into his kart and ride off. "You surprised?"

"Nah!" Chef said. "He had potential, and that stint in the mines strengthened him but good, that's what I think."

B was next to claim his prize; within a minute, he was on the road again, examining the kart's GPS for the next target.

Brick was getting steadily more and more frustrated. "GAAH! Stupid arrow! Let me _get_ this prize!"

Sam slowly rode up in his kart. "Hey, best buddy, how goes it?" he said, dejectedly.

"AAAGH! THAT'S THE FIFTH TIME! Take that you dirty, stinking…"

* * *

 **Sam** : *he looks at an arrow dismally* This looks just like something from _Kolink's Friendly Bow Camp_ for the Swii…*he starts sniffling again* but that's _2-player co-op_ _ **only-hy-hy-hyyyyyy!**_ *he starts sobbing again*

* * *

Sam set an arrow of his own, ready to shoot. He half-heartedly let go, causing the arrow to shoot forwards before landing on the ground a few feet from him.

Brick noticed this out of the corner of his eye, but was too engrossed in his challenge to continue.

" _Yes!_ " he shouted, finally hitting his mark. The compartment opened and Brick sprinted over to receive his prize.

"Aww, there's _nothing_ on it!" he groaned, picking up his dog tags.

He ran back to his kart and got in, driving away. "Sorry, Sam! Good luck!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Hate to say it, but I've done _everything_ I can for that guy…he's on his own now.

* * *

Anne Maria and Staci sprinted towards the first checkpoint. The former noticed Sam was still working on his challenge.

Anne Maria whispered unintelligible words into Staci's ear, who smiled and nodded.

Anne Maria hid beside Sam's kart, while Staci crept into the bushes. The former gasped as she saw the key still in the ignition.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Well, well, _well!_ Hey, in the military, takin' the dead guy's stuff is acceptable, right?

* * *

Staci pulled out an effigy of Sam, and started to mess around with it.

Sam noticed, but didn't care, about his form suddenly becoming much better, causing him to get a bulls' eye instantly.

"Yaaay…" he moaned, as the compartment opened.

" _NOW, STACI, NOW!_ " Anne Maria said, hopping into Sam's kart and starting the engine. Staci sprinted over, collected the dog tags, and was on her way back to her comrade's kart.

"Wait, stop…come back…" Sam said, barely attempting to stop either one of them.

* * *

 **Sam** : *he sighs* Yeah, all my energy's just gone, like, _poof!_ *he crudely does the Mario game over theme and sighs again*

* * *

Staci hopped into the back of Anne Maria's kart; this proved to be a bad idea. With all of the weight shifted towards the back, the kart had trouble moving forwards.

"Ugh!" Anne Maria groaned, shoving Staci off and taking the dog tags from her. "Good luck losin' tonight!"

Staci's heart sank as she saw Anne Maria drive off without her.

"But…what happened to _'alliances must stick together?'_ " she groaned at her advancing partner.

* * *

 **Staci** : Honestly, I'm rethinking this alliance thing…now I need to find a way to make my voice heard…

* * *

Justin and B had reached the second, and final, checkpoint. In front of them were 6 chests, each with a different contestant's name on it. Surrounding the chest were keys, lumps in the ground, and some caltrops.

" _Welcome to part 2!_ " the card read, " _Here, you gotta find the right key for your own personal ID tag! Your closest comrade will be immortalized in your dog tag for all eternity._ "

Justin was already rooting through the keys, searching for anything that could fit his lock.

B, on the other hand, had a new and improved magnifying lens in his pocket, and was scanning for any matching key to his lock.

* * *

 **B** : *he pulls out a sound recorder and presses a button on it. The Mario 1-up jingle plays*

* * *

B, when he had scanned the lock, noticed that it was a radioactive green color. He looked at any keys that matched the lock color; which was a small handful.

Justin gasped as he saw B pick up 3 keys and run over to the lock. " _Nooooooooooooooo!_ "

* * *

 **Justin** : *he's grumbling incomprehensible words, interspersed with censor beeps throughout*

* * *

Brick drive up just as B heard a _click_ on his lock. Opening the treasure chest, he gasped as he saw the information being given to him.

His mother's name, religious affiliation, and blood type shone out at him. Included inside was an etching device. B immediately started to copy the information down on both tags.

* * *

 **B** : *he pulls out a locket from his jacket pocket, opening it to show his mother's image. The other side is blank. He looks at it and wipes a tear from his eye, smiling*

* * *

Within a few minutes, Justin and Brick had found some keys to try as well. The latter had better success at first, however; the first one he tried opened his chest.

" _Yes!_ " he said, pumping his fist and waving at B, who was driving off. "Now then, let's see who… _whoa._ "

The information given to him was short and brief. There was only one first name on the tag, and unknown anything else.

 _Raymond._

* * *

 **Brick** : *he gasps* Raymond, my pal from cadet school?! Oh, dude had a heart of _gold,_ he did! Also, uh, he was…he was my first boyfriend…and then he got deployed…and now he's MIA…*he starts to sniffle*

* * *

Brick had etched his information onto the dog tags as well, and was ready to drive off, when an ear-splitting yell from Justin stopped him in his tracks.

" _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

Justin had opened his lock and was looking at his information. On it were 3 very stark words.

 _Katie. Rape victim._

Justin continued screaming, louder and longer. It carried over the island, through the mine caverns, and even reached Boney Island.

* * *

Chris sipped a bit of McLean brand hot chocolate as he heard the yell. "He found it, didn't he?" he asked to Chef.

"Mm- _hmm!_ "

"Yeah, he should _never_ forget about the suffering and anguish he caused her. _Ev-er._ "

"On a brighter note, B's on his way up here!"

B was doing two things at once. He was starting up the Wawanakwa hill, driving with his knees, but his hands were constructing a box and rocket for his dog tags.

B snapped his fingers in triumph, looking at his completed creation. He threw the rocket box as hard as he could in front of him, gasping happily as it sparked to life.

Chef noticed the rocket coming towards him, and with great dexterity, caught it as it passed. He opened the box.

" _B takes the immunity home!"_ he said through the car radios. " _However, even though he won first, the rest of you need to step up your game! Order of completion matters here!_ "

Brick was driving as fast as he could up the Wawanakwa hill, his eyes on the prize.

" _Yes!_ " he shouted, as he drove to Chris, Chef, and B, handing his dog tags over.

Chef nodded, then turned on the radio again. " _Brick's got second! Might want to kick it into high gear here!_ "

Justin, in the meantime, had etched his information and was driving up the hill, too. Back at the second checkpoint, Anne Maria had arrived in Sam's kart.

"C'mon, baby, let's get at it!" she said, sifting through keys to open her chest.

" _Pretty boy Justin's got third place!_ " Chef said. " _C'mon, this is gettin' close!_ "

Anne Maria groaned as she found a handful of keys to try with her lock. "C'mon, _c'mon…_ the n-bleep!- won, what's the point in _anythin'_ now?!"

B and Brick were enjoying the breakfast buffet laid out beside Chris and Chef, while Justin ate anything he could get his hands on. The former two were watching the live feed.

"Huh, squawky chick's sprintin' to the second leg, dog tags in hand, while Sam's…he's given up," Chef said quietly to Chris.

"Ah, love," Chris said, shaking his head. "The more obsessive, the more it hurts when they're gone."

Staci was gasping and panting as she arrived at the second mini challenge. Anne Maria was trying, and failing, to open her chest with a key.

"C'mon, _c'mon! F_ -bleep!- _THIS CRAZY SHOW!_ " Anne Maria said, still trying to open her lock.

Staci, on the other hand, picked up a key, put it in her lock, and smiled as she heard the _click_.

Anne Maria screamed. " _AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! COME AWN! THAT WAS PURE F_ -bleep!- _ING LUCK AND YOU KNOW IT!_ "

Staci etched out her information and sprinted off towards the finish.

Sam, in the meanwhile, had just jabbed an arrow in front of the target. He sighed as he collected his dog tags and half walked, half jogged, to the second part.

He squinted his eyes. _Is that my vehicle?_

* * *

 **Sam** : Huh! Either Anne Maria's got some really bad luck or I'm hallucinating! *he pinches himself* OW! Definitely bad luck…

* * *

Sam picked up a handful of keys and started to work on his lock.

Anne Maria gasped. " _You?!_ "

She was in such a state of shock, she didn't notice the mine until it was too late.

Sam looked up as he saw his rival fly into the air, his golden kart key falling out of her pocket in the process. He snatched it and put it in his own pocket.

* * *

 **Sam** : *he looks a little more cheerful* Huh! Maybe natures got a way of dealing you a better hand!

* * *

Sam took his next set of keys, tried the first one, and heard a satisfying _click_.

"Aw, yeah! C'mon, bro!"

He etched in his brother's name and information on the dog tags, and started to sprint towards his vehicle.

" _OH, NO YOU DON'T!_ "

Anne Maria had picked up her treasure chest and was running towards Sam. " _I won't letcha get ahead of me! Nevuh! Not in a million years!_ "

Sam, by this point, had started the kart up. He was just about to floor it when Anne Maria started to grapple him for control.

"First the n-bleep!-, now you! I won't let myself get bested by peeps _lesser than me! This game is mine!_ " she howled at him, digging her claws into his face.

Sam, for the second time against her, snapped. "AAAAAAAAAAA- _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!_ "

He picked her up by the scruff of the neck, lassoed her around his head, and threw her far, far, away down the island.

Anne Maria screamed, but this was soon muffled. She skidded along the earthy ground, plowing a dirt mound with her chin along the way.

"Mfff! _Mfff mf mfffffff! MFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!_ " she screamed, muffled by the mound.

Sam was now gunning for the top of Wawanakwa hill. " _SHE'LL NEVER BEAT ME! NOT WHEN I'M THE MASTER OF STAR FORCE 8!_ "

"And Sam's got the second-last place spot!" Chris said, high fiving him and taking the dog tags. "Which means, Anne Maria's got a penalty vote for coming in last! Ouch!"

Sam sighed happily, but the smile on his face still vanished.

* * *

 **Sam** : I've still got it, but at the same time…why bother?

* * *

At the mess hall that evening, an air of tension surrounded the 6 campers.

"Ooh, that Sam is _so_ dead!" Anne Maria yelled, wiping her face with a napkin. "I _still_ feel dirty from that crap!"

Justin vigorously nodded and gave a thumbs up at her. Staci looked concerned.

"You've got at _least_ a vote against you for coming in last, you know," she said.

Anne Maria smirked. "Well, I'll make sure that that's the only one I'll get!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Well, that's prawbably two votes against me; the n-bleep!-'s probably hatin' my guts right about now! I mean, why wouldn't he; I'm hot, he's a buncha shit!

* * *

"So, who's your vote for, Sam?" Brick asked his friend.

Sam sighed. "Well, I was _seriously_ considering voting myself off, but this ticket… (he pulled it out) …would negate anything like that! So, I'm deciding to vote off…"

He whispered in Brick's ear. Brick's eyes widened, but he nodded.

"Huh! That makes an awful lot of sense! Let's do it!"

The two of them high-fived.

* * *

The campfire was quiet that night. Chris walked up, holding a plate of five marshmallows. Chef was decked in his usual suit, holding the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom.

"Well, campers, can't say it was the _best_ first merged challenge out there!" Chris said, looking at all of them. "Sam! Seems like you've given up before things even started!"

Sam slumped in his seat. "Don't remind me…"

"Also, Anne Maria? This racism crap against B _needs to stop._ I don't know how to put it more simply."

"Aw, puh- _leez_ ," the Jersey Shore reject said, flicking her hand. "It's not my fault he chose to be a n-bleep!-"

Chris sighed. "Then, there's Justin. Hope you enjoyed that blast to the past, huh?"

Justin was mumbling incomprehensible words, interspersed with censor bleeps, once again.

"Aww," Chris said, smiling. "Don't care!

"So, anyways, let's hand these out. The first three people who are safe tonight…B, Staci, aaand…Brick!"

The three smiled as they caught their marshmallows.

"Next safe, with two votes against, is…Anne Maria!"

Anne Maria rolled her eyes. "I know _exactly_ who voted fuh me!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : It was the stupid n-bleep!- He can't handle my hotness!

* * *

"Which leaves Sam and Justin! Sam, this was easily your worst challenge performance today…well, that or the one which sent Scott packing…"

Sam slumped further in his seat. " _Really_ don't need to be reminded of that one…"

"And then, there's the outcast himself. Justin, how do _you_ feel about your chances tonight?" Chris said, looking at him.

Justin opened his mouth to speak, but was quickly silenced.

"Ohhh! Don't need to hear you speak, ever again, _ev- **er**_! With 3 votes against, you're outta here!"

Justin gasped, then slumped forward sadly. "Awwww…"

"Yeah, can't say I'm surprised, _especially_ when Staci over there voted for you…"

Anne Maria gasped and whipped around, glaring manically.

" _YOU WERE SUPPOSED TA VOTE FOR THA GAMUH! AT LEAST LET 'IM USE UP THAT TICKET!_ "

* * *

 **Staci** : Honestly, I needed to break up that…disturbing relationship…before it even began! However, I _know_ Justin would've slaughtered me if Anne Maria got the boot…

 **Sam** : Voting for Justin? Yeah, that was weird. But a lot of my pain today came from him! If he goes, I can finally see if nature hates my guts or not tomorrow…

 **Brick** : Sam told me about his plan. It's weird, but, honestly, I gotta help him out whenever I can…

* * *

"Justin, the Boat of Losers aw—wha…" Chris started to say, but the sight before him silenced him instantly.

The Big Kahuna's yacht was on the Wawanakwa dock. Funky music played from it, and shrieks emanated from inside.

" _Ohmigosh, it's Justin!_ "

" _Yeah, Justin! That's our best model!_ "

" _We'll patch you right up for next season! No one will know you were a feral beast!_ "

Justin's eyes twinkled as he entered the boat, disappearing into the light. Funky music still going, the Big Kahuna's boat chugged out over the horizon.

Chris looked over at Chef, who still had the Toxic Marshmallow in his set of tongs.

"You know, I _seriously_ need to remember to give these to these guys…" Chris said to himself.

"I'm seriously wonderin' if this you can call this a happy endin'!" Chef said, incredulous.

"Well, maybe happy for _these_ guys…" Chris said, sighing. "Honestly, I'm just glad Justin didn't possess anyone while he was here…"

Anne Maria gasped from her stump. "Wait! _I nevuh got my kiss from him! Nooooooooooooooo!_ "

"And that's a wrap for another episode!" Chris said, looking at the cameras. "Catch us right here where our final five become the fantastic four! On Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!"

* * *

(AN: Well, that was an episode! Sorry if this one was a little short compared to the others, I didn't have _too_ much to input this episode…eh. Final five though, baby, woo!)

Remaining contestants: Anne Maria, B, Brick, Sam, Staci

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

10th: Jo

9th: Dawn

8th: Mal

-Justin returns-

8th: Beth

7th: Dakota (quit)

-merge-

6th: Justin

Next up: One if by Air, Two if by Sea


	10. One if by Air, Two if by Sea

(AN: Finally, finally, _finally_ we're at episode 10! I hope you're alright with alternate episode titles; with the way things are going in this fic, I don't think Heather's going to sabotage anyone in a zeppelin today…)

* * *

 **Chris** : Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, the teams became one, and Justin became hot again! The final 6 competitors had to book it by car through Chef's military training! Unfortunately, the budget cuts made things a _lot_ tamer than we would've liked, so it was a smooth trip for everyone! Well, save Anne Maria; her car wouldn't start! Ha _ha!_ Sam nearly gave up, until a second wind caused him to throw Anne Maria to the curb! Staci _further_ humiliated her by voting out her beau, Justin! With only 5 left, it's anyone's game, here on Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

*cue the theme song*

Episode 10: One if by Air, Two if by Sea

* * *

"So, B!" Chris said, flourishing to the challenge victor, "I forgot to mention that since you got first today, the spa hotel is all yours.

"Furthermore, if you feel like you really want to, you can bring any other competitor with you!"

B furrowed his brow and rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

His eyes settled on Sam. He pointed at him.

"Oh! Looks like B's taking the noble choice and bringing Sam back to the hotel with him tonight! Well, happy trails!"

Sam was taken aback at the gesture. "Wha?"

* * *

 **Sam** : Well, huh! Didn't know B had that much respect for me.

 **B** : *he's drawing a tally chart of the two teams and how much each member contributed to a win. He has Sam marked for the final 3 team challenges, as well as a half-mark for the underwater scuba race. He shrugs his shoulders*

* * *

B and Sam stepped upstairs into the spa hotel. Sam breathed in the smell of cinnamon; the butler had just pulled out some cinnamon rolls, fresh from the oven.

"Ah, good evening, sirs," he said, opening the icing pack. "These are for you, if you choose to have them."

Sam smiled. _Maybe this won't be so bad after all._

* * *

 **Sam** : So, I'm still not quite sure on how to feel right now, but I think I should do my best in the competition from here on out! For Dakota! *he pounds his fist into his open hand*

* * *

Anne Maria dragged Staci away from the loser cabins by her ear. Brick peered out of the window as he saw Staci's mouthed "ow, ow, ow's" as the pair drew further and further away.

He sighed. "Well, I can either get ready for bed or get some nightly practice in…"

* * *

 **Brick** : Daily routine is tantamount in my mind! If I can't exercise in the mornings, then I can try again in the evening, nighttime, or whenever I have free time! No excuses!

* * *

Brick set out of the cabins, sprinting to and from the mess hall.

"One and two and one and two and…"

" _Why did you do that to me?!_ " Anne Maria hissed shrilly at her alliance partner.

Staci looked away and rubbed the back of her neck. She gulped nervously and took a deep breath.

"I can't see you two together, like, at _all_ ," she said. "Furthermore, Justin wasn't the most…helpful of team members…"

Anne Maria slapped Staci across the face, leaving a visible mark. " _How dare you?!_ Who said you were tha master of my love life! F-bleep!- you for stabbin' me and kinda-babe in the back!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : I'm not gonna fuhget what she did to me! She'll pay!

* * *

Anne Maria calmed down. "Now then…who's next?"

Staci looked confused. "Wait, what?"

"Hey, I fuhgive you! I see whatcha talkin' bout and you're prolly right!

"Back to my question tho, who do you wanna get out next? I mean, you're the one who's influencin' these eliminations indirectly!"

Staci leaned back against the confessional outhouse and thought about it.

"I…I don't know…"

* * *

 **Staci** : Anne Maria's obviously got something out for B, but if we're not careful, either Brick or Sam can sneak up from behind and eliminate us! Not good…unless…*she pulls out the Brick and Sam effigy* Time to kick things up a notch…

* * *

Anne Maria and Staci were resting on their bunks as Brick came back in from his nightly routine.

"Good evening, ladies!" he said, saluting them. "It's a pleasure to sleep with you tonight, _ma'ams!_ "

Anne Maria rolled her eyes and flipped herself over on the bed. Staci ignored him.

"Well, gee, that's a greeting…" Brick muttered to himself as he got ready for bed.

* * *

The night changed to daylight quickly, and by 9:00, all of the contestants were in the mess hall awaiting their challenge instructions.

"Good morning, everyone!" Chris said, pacing in front of the 5. "Today is going to be _quite_ a day! Expect to spend most of the morning and afternoon completing this doozy of a challenge!

"Chef's out by Route 400, getting everything set up for your 3-way race to the finish here on the island! You're going to be flying, swimming, _and_ racing your way in three legs!"

Everyone groaned. "But we did something like this last time!" Staci said, crossing her arms. "What's different about this one?"

"I'm _so_ glad you asked!" Chris said. "For one thing, there's no vote tonight, meaning that the invincibility ticket Sam's holding might as well be useless!

"That's right, last place loser is _going home!_ "

Everyone gasped. "Well, _that's_ a twist…" Brick said under his breath.

"Furthermore, the race rankings from yesterday's challenge will determine your starting position! First place has first pick, second place goes next, and so on and so forth!

"Lastly, we've left a few piles of junk around, _just_ in case you want to modify any pre-existing vehicle! You'll have 10 minutes' max to make your changes each leg, so think quickly _and_ on your feet! …or in this case, wheels."

A loud whirring sound greeted the contestants from outside. "Oh, there's Chef!" Chris said happily. "He'll explain more on the way over!"

However, the whirring sound drowned out anything that the contestants might have heard. " _What?_ " Brick asked.

* * *

 **Brick** : So, I proved myself in the driving competition the other day…but none of us have pilot's licenses _nor_ a boating license! Now what?!

* * *

Within a few minutes, the helicopter had touched down near the highway. Next to it were an assortment of flying vehicles: a small, rusty, twin-prop plane, a hot air balloon, a pair of wings, an old, run-down jetpack, and the grand prize: A Piper Cub, freshly fueled and engine humming.

Next to all of that was a pile of parts, presumably dug up from the scrapyard.

"So, big guy, since you won yesterday, you've got first pickins'…" Chef said, crossing his arms. "Now get to it! Next person's choosin' in 30 seconds!"

B immediately made for the Piper Cub. He examined every piece of the dash once inside; it had been modified so that any normal 16-year-old could fly it reasonably well.

"And he's off!" Chef said, as B closed the cockpit and taxied for takeoff. "Next!"

Brick immediately went for the hot air balloon. He pulled the chain and smiled as the hot air lifted it up, up, and away.

"Well, that's 2!" Chef said, as Brick got rid of the sandbags slightly weighing the balloon down. "Another 20 seconds to go!"

Meanwhile, B was leaps and bounds ahead of the competition; he whistled a jaunty tune as he flew in the general direction of the next leg.

What he didn't expect, however, was the obstacles.

B gasped as he saw cages and cages of Canada geese open up as he flew past. He tried to steer out of the way, but it was no good.

Some geese got caught in his engine turbine; the shower of blood they left was gruesome. B looked over to see smoke coming out of one side of the wing.

However, just ahead, although slightly hazy, B could see the boats for the next leg.

* * *

 **B** : *he plays a sound on his sound recorder. A Jaws sting plays, and he wipes his forehead*

* * *

Meanwhile, Staci had taken off in the rusty twin-prop. She looked at the low fuel gauge and grimaced.

* * *

 **Staci** : So, I'm thinking that this plane hasn't been maintained in years. It's a miracle it still flies!

* * *

"You're next, gamer kid!"

Sam strapped on the pair of wings. "Hey, I'll take my chances!"

* * *

 **Sam** : Yeah, the jetpack could've been a better pick, but look at that thing! It'll probably break under my weight! *he chuckles* Besides, I can accomplish my dream of being one of those _Fowl_ _Hunter_ birds! Heheh, hopefully no dog will be my undoing today!

* * *

Sam was struggling to keep himself afloat; he hadn't accounted for his weight while flying in the air.

"C'mon, c'mon! Dakota's happiness depends on it!"

All of a sudden, a blur of pink shot past his right side, followed by a searing amount of pain.

Anne Maria's jetpack had left a great gash in Sam's shoulder, which further hampered his ability to fly.

"Aw, _man!_ " Sam groaned, doubling his flight efforts.

* * *

 **Sam** : For a minute, there, I thought I wasn't going to make it! Whoo-wee! Thankfully I didn't have that dog derisively laughing at me, hahaha.

* * *

Brick was lazily floating along, barely making a sound. However, his silence was soon broken.

The unmistakable sound of Staci's twin-prop plane started to come closer and closer behind him, closely followed by Anne Maria's jetpack.

"Oh, boy…" he said, looking more and more nervous. "Where's Sam?"

Anne Maria, however, went too fast to see him. She rocketed past and was gone. However, Brick swore he could barely hear a goose getting skewered.

Brick looked once more behind him. He sighed in relief; Sam was starting to gain more ground.

* * *

 **Brick** : The _last_ thing I want to do is have Sam go home after getting so far! I mean, that's what a friend is for, right?

* * *

Brick was ready to ascend higher to avoid Staci's approach, but there was a problem. His arm wouldn't move to pull the chain.

 _Wait, what?! What gives here?_

Brick tried his other arm, to no avail. His eyes widened as he saw the flock of Canada geese coming straight towards him.

Meanwhile, creeping up from his left side, Staci smiled as she had effigy-Brick's arms pinned down.

* * *

 **Staci** : So, Anne Maria said get rid of Brick and Sam, huh? Sam's a pushover; Brick, now, he's the one to worry about!

* * *

Brick gasped as the two-pronged attack of Staci's right-side propeller and the geese punctured his balloon in no time.

 _No, no, no!_

Brick screamed as he started his descent. _C'mon, there's gotta be something I can do!_

"Brick! Jump on!"

Sam flapped his wings as hard as he could below him.

Brick gasped as he jumped from the sinking balloon. "I don't think you can support both of us!"

"Oh, buddy, believe me, that's a risk I'm _more_ than willing to take!"

* * *

 **Sam** : Hey, it builds good arm strength, am I, right? *he attempts to make a muscle, but frowns as it's all flab*

* * *

Sam gasped and flapped faster than he had ever gone. Supporting Brick to the end of the first leg was a daunting task.

Meanwhile, B's Cub was shaking more and more vigorously; the turbulence and the faulty engines were taking its toll.

He sighed in relief as he saw the boats coming up through the haze, and dipped the plane for landing.

His relief, however, was short-lived.

"TAKE THAT, YA DIRTY N-bleep!-!"

Anne Maria zoomed past his right side, tearing through his wing completely in the process. B's eyes widened incredulously as his plane dipped.

* * *

 **B** : *he's holding a diagram of Anne Maria's hair, with an arrow leading to the wing. Below the diagram reads "+ speed = ?" He looks up at the camera and shrugs his shoulders*

* * *

Anne Maria smashed into the dockside. Coughing and spluttering, she threw off her jetpack and examined her choices.

In front of her was a luxurious yacht, a crusty speedboat, a rubber raft, a decrepit rowboat, and a plank of wood with no paddles to speak of.

"Well, it's been a good life!" she snickered, hopping onto the yacht. Sighing in relief as the yacht started instantly, she started the second leg of the race.

" _And Anne Maria takes the lead for the first time this challenge!_ " Chris's voice said, carrying throughout the entire challenge area. " _Better be careful, gang, she's definitely out for blood!_ "

B, in the meantime, was panicking. His cockpit rocked as he made his descent. He looked over at his wing, which was now smoking.

He wiped his forehead and gunned for the water in front of him.

" _Seems like B's going for a daring dive into the drink!_ " Chris's voice echoed again, " _and here he comes, going down…down…wait for it…_ "

B braced for impact. The plane smashed hard into the water, as if the latter were a solid wall.

B's head smashed against the pilot stick, his seat belt saving him from launching out of the plane.

He sighed in relief as the plane slowed to a halt, but panicked again as he started to feel it sinking.

" _B's getting outta there!_ " Chris said, " _…and it looks like the other three aren't too far behind!_ "

Staci hit the "eject" button on her plane. "Gosh, honestly, every plane should have this!"

Sam and Brick watched as Staci shot high into the air, before falling straight down like a heavy rock.

The two winced as she slammed hard into the dock, shattering it and setting the boats free.

"Oh, boy…" Brick groaned.

Sam just continued to gasp and flap.

* * *

 **Brick** : Kudos to Sam for holding out for this long!

* * *

Staci wearily popped her head above the water. "Ohhhh…is it breakfast time yet?"

B, however, went straight for the rubber raft, since it was closest to him.

" _Well, here we go!_ " Chris said. " _B's already getting started with the second leg! It's still anybody's race!_ "

* * *

 **Staci** : *she's wobbling around the confessional* In hindsight…should've checked for…a parachute! *she gasps and falls forwards, slamming into the ground*

* * *

Sam was next to collapse onto the remains of the dock. Brick hopped off, looking around for anything left.

"Sam! Take the rowboat!" he yelled as the titular vehicle bobbed near his friend. "I've got the plank of wood!"

Staci, in the meantime, had latched onto the speedboat and was struggling to get on.

" _Up! Here we go, campers! Anne Maria is way ahead of any of you, but B might have a trick up his sleeve!_ "

Indeed, he did; B attached a large rocket to the back of his rubber raft. Turning it on, he braced for the speed.

" _And he's off!_ " Chris shouted, as the rocket launched B forwards. " _C'mon, campers! Don't leave me hanging!_ "

B, however, had failed to notice that the rubber raft was dragging against the water, causing him to slow down dramatically.

* * *

 **B** : *he pulls out his toolbox and shows an array of rockets he's made, large and small. He gives a thumbs up and pulls out a sheet of paper. On it is only one word: "speed". *

* * *

Sam groaned as he started to row; Brick could only paddle with his hands.

* * *

 **Brick** : This might not have been the best hand I was given, but staying near Sam ensures that he'll be okay…at least!

* * *

Staci had finally collapsed onto the speedboat. She started the motor, coughing as the smoke entered her lungs.

" _Looks like everyone's getting ready for the second leg!_ " Chris said. _"Be careful of obstacles!_ "

Sam's arms burned with every stroke, but he had to push on. _Dakota…Dakota…Dakota!_

* * *

 **Sam** : Rowing each step of the way for Dakota was the only way I was going to make it, heh. Score one for the Game-meister!

* * *

"Hey Sam, how ya holdin' up?"

Sam was straining to row forwards; his arm wound was bleeding copiously. "I'm okay…I guess."

Brick winced as Sam continued to strain his muscles, re-opening his arm wound in the process. "Okay, I think I should take over here, and…"

He was too late. A few drops of blood landed in the water, and before long, a group of sharks were snapping and biting at Sam's boat.

Sam looked down, shocked. "Well, that's different!"

However, the sharks weren't alone. One swam up and splashed into Sam's boat. He yelped, as did Brick.

"FANG?!"

The titular mutated shark waved and tied a bib around his neck. He then opened his mouth wide, revealing rows upon rows of teeth.

Sam yelled and tried to escape, but it was too late. The other sharks finally bit a hole through his rowboat, which immediately started sinking.

"Sam! _No!_ " Brick called out as his friend was soon attacked by the group of sharks.

* * *

 **Brick** : *he's weeping loudly* Sam! You were one of the few I ever really trusted… _especially after Ray…_ *he's blubbering inelegantly, unable to speak*

* * *

Sam burst out a cloud of bubbles as the group of four sharks dragged him below. Fang pulled out a knife and fork, ready to feast.

 _It's not over yet, Samuel-san!_

Sam burst out some bubbles. _Harold?_

 _It is I! I'm here to give you the support you need!_

 _Harold, it's too late for that now! They've got me…I'm…dying…_

 _It's never too late! Focus your chi and do what you do best!_

Sam's eyes narrowed. _It's on._

With a mighty, bubbly, roar, he socked Fang straight in the snout, causing him to flinch. He then wrenched himself free of the other sharks, performed a swift roundhouse kick to all of them, then used Fang as a springboard to rocket up to the surface.

Brick was ready to dive off the wooden plank, but he had no need to. With a froth of bubbles rising to the top, Sam splashed back up onto the remains of the rowboat, gasping and spluttering.

"Sam!? How…" Brick started to say.

"No time for that, Harold-sama! I _must_ win, just like I did in _Old Man's Uprising,_ crisis mode! _Aaaaaaaah!_ "

Sam paddled with every ounce of adrenaline-fueled strength left in him, leaving Brick in the dust.

He gasped. "Oh, crap! Can't lose now!"

* * *

 **Brick** : Sam, you just earned yourself a new rival, heh heh. I mean, friendly rival! You're definitely not Jo.

* * *

Sam squinted his eyes to see Staci weaving in and out up ahead. However, due to his several bloody cuts and injuries, this was becoming more and more difficult.

 _C'mon, c'mon, nearly there…_

However, he didn't see why Staci was weaving around until too late.

Staci heard an enormous explosion behind her. She gasped as she saw Sam flying through the air in front of her, yelling his head off.

"No. _Way!_ " she gasped.

* * *

 **Staci** : But…that's impossible! Even with the random chance factor of the boats being in our favor, he should've collapsed _ages_ ago!

* * *

Sam slammed hard onto the water further up, belly first. He gurgled as he slowly started to sink.

" _Ooh, looks like Sam's just about to bite the big one! …wait a minute!_ " Chris said, as bubbles formed from underneath Sam.

Staci's eyes were as big as dinner plates as she witnessed Sam being carried along by Fang and his posse, who were looking beat up.

* * *

 **Staci** : Okay, that's it, this show is rigged! I mean, how _else_ have I been staying on all this time, huh? _Huh?!_

 **Fang** : *he looks at his chipped tooth in a mirror. He gives a thumbs up to the camera, wincing slightly as he does*

* * *

Meanwhile, Anne Maria had reached the shoreline of Wawanakwa. However, she wasn't alone for long.

B rocketed up towards the same area. Anne Maria looked at him, gasped, then immediately went for the junk pile beside it.

"OH, _NO YOU DON'T, YA FILTHY N_ -bleep!-"

B hopped out straight away, running to the junk pile as well. Carrying an assorted amount of parts, he set them down right next to a slightly beat up ATV.

Anne Maria glared right back, picking up her own parts and plopping them down next to a pristine mini race car.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Might as well go for a _fast_ car! Pretty it up and I'll get to the finish line in style! No one's gonna stop me!

 **B** : *he has a drawing made of his large frame on the ATV. He shrugs*

* * *

Both contestants were underway designing their vehicles when Fang and his crew threw Sam onto the shoreline.

"OW!" he yelled, lying face-down and not moving.

Fang, noticing B's toolbox next to him, ran over and tapped the mechanical wizard on the shoulder.

B looked behind him to see Fang rapidly motioning to his toolbox. He shrugged and nodded.

Fang, wasting no time, found what he needed: A pen, some paper, a keychain necklace, and some tape. He attached his chipped tooth to the keychain, scrawled Sam and Jo's faces onto the sheets of paper, and taped them to his biceps.

B looked confused, more than he had ever had before. Fang wasn't perturbed by this; he tossed what he didn't need back in the box, and sprinted over to a camera crew. One of them was tattooed.

"Oh, uh, hi there, Mr. Sharky…please don't eat me…" he said, nervously.

Fang made motions like calling a phone number. The crew member understood.

"What for?" he asked, tossing his cell phone over to him.

Fang searched through the contacts until he found what he was looking for: a tattoo parlor.

He pressed the "call" button and handed it back to the crew member.

The phone on the other line rang. The crew member looked at Fang, confused.

A muffled voice greeted the crew member on the other line.

"Oh, hello, Eric! Yeah, this shark called your place and I don't really know why…"

Fang motioned to the Sam and Jo faces scrawled on his arms. The crew member's face lit up.

"Oh! This mutated shark guy wants two tattoos of two Total Drama contestants…yes, the show that I told you about before, they're doing a second season now!"

Fang smiled happily, clapping his fins together.

"Yeah, I know, right? I think they, uh… (Fang showed him the chipped tooth) …chipped his tooth straight off. Kind of a badge of honor or pride or some kind of deal?"

Fang vigorously nodded at those last words.

"Yes, Eric, it's weird to me, too! Tell you what? After this season is over in 3 days, I'll bring him down along with some reference photos. I'll let Chris know; he'll eat this weird stuff up! …oh, don't worry, I'll be able to pay for it…"

* * *

 **Fang** : *he kisses his biceps and grins at the camera, proudly showing off his chipped tooth*

 **Camera crew member** : That's the first time I'll _ever_ see a shark ask for a tattoo…

 **Chris, in the distance** : Hey, Johnny? Get out of there! You have work to do!

 **Johnny** : Yes, sir…

* * *

" _Tick, tock, you two! 5 minutes passed, 5 to go!_ "

Anne Maria had turned her race car into a complete pimp ride. She had tried to emulate the auto-rotating hubcap tires, to varied success; one had already fallen off. She was putting a back fin on the aerodynamic car, along with racing stripes.

B, on the other hand, had put rockets on the back of the ATV, and was wiring it to a button in front. He had also diverted the fuel line from the exhaust pipe to the rockets in question; the gasoline would be quite volatile and easy to ignite.

Anne Maria finished her aesthetic update on her car. Hopping in, she turned on the ignition and was off in a flash.

" _And Anne Maria's off! B's got to rely on his 'nitro boost' to get ahead, eh Sam? Sam?_ "

Sam made a moaning noise on the sand.

" _Well, he's still conscious, so eventually he'll have to get up and race to the end! Good luck to the other two!_ "

Staci was next to arrive on the Wawanakwa shoreline. She saw B depart on his ATV, finger on the button.

"Well, guess there's no time like the present!"

She ran over to the vehicles, making sure to step hard on Sam's head.

"Sorry! Anne Maria would've liked me to do that!"

Sam just groaned.

* * *

Brick wasn't too far behind. In the haze, he saw the Wawanakwa shoreline just ahead.

 _Good! I still have a slight chance, unless Sam…_

He looked further ahead. "Oh, no…"

Sam was twitching on the ground, clearly in either pain or distress. Brick doubled his efforts, doing the crawl stroke like he had never crawl stroked before.

"Come on, come on! Nearly there!"

Near the junk pile, Staci looked over her driving options. What was left was an old golf cart, a rusty go-kart, and a tricycle.

She gasped and ran to the junk pile, throwing odds and ends out to get what she needed.

Brick, however, was getting even closer to the shoreline. He noticed Fang and company swimming close by, but they didn't get near.

"Huh, did something happen with them?" he asked to himself.

* * *

 **Brick** : Did Sam get blown up all the way over here or what? What's with the sharks? I'm missing a piece of the puzzle here…

* * *

Staci finally found what she was looking for: a bicycle horn. She hopped on the trike, attached the horn, and pedaled off.

* * *

 **Staci** : Aaaah! I _love_ little tricycles! Ya, my mom gave me one when I was 4 and I used it to ride everywhere all the time! The horn's the same kind I used, too! …huh, now that I think about it, this trike looks _really_ familiar…

* * *

Anne Maria was racing for the finish line on top of Wawanakwa's trademark hill. She looked in her rearview mirror and gasped.

B was gaining ground, more and more with each passing second.

" _OH, NO, YA DON'T!_ "

She cut off B, who bumped into the back of her car, hard.

" _STUPID, FAT, N_ -bleep!- _! GO DIE LIKE THE REST OF 'EM!_ "

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Ya know, I think another reason that I went to Canada so young was 'cuz I had trouble with people of other races…hey, don't blame me! I was raised in the 'hood! Everyone in my circle of friends called those black people n-bleep!-s!

* * *

B was now on Anne Maria's left side, button still over the nitro.

Anne Maria gasped. "No… _NO FRICKIN' WAY! I'M WAY FASTUH THAN YOU'LL EVUH BE!_ "

* * *

 **B** : *he's holding up a diagram showing that a normally aerodynamic car slows down tremendously when a spoiler is put in either the front or back and it doesn't complement the design. He smiles*

* * *

Anne Maria roared angrily. " _THAT'S IT, BUSTUH! NO MO' MR. UGLY N_ -bleep!- _!_ "

She turned hard left; B, not reacting in time, was wrenched right off the road and into the woods.

Anne Maria hopped out of her race car and onto the back of B's ATV. " _TAKE-THAT-YOU-DIRTY-B—_ "

However, Anne Maria's barrage on B's head with each word she spoke was cut short. B, noticing her position, slammed hard on the rocket button.

Unfortunately, instead of shooting him forwards like he had planned, B's rocket idea literally exploded in his face. B and Anne Maria flew in different directions as the fuel line burst into explosive flame, causing B's ride to turn to ash.

Anne Maria stood up straight away. She gasped as the lower half of her jeans also turned to ash.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!" she gasped, covering up her underwear, which was temporarily in full view.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Rrrrrgh! Those were $500 designuh jeans! That n-bleep!-'s gonna pay! Maybe if…no, he's still a pile'a shit!

* * *

Anne Maria gasped as she saw her ride rolling along right towards her.

"Oh Gawd, no!" she yelled, jumping out of the way, just in time.

The vehicle, however, wasn't as lucky. It rattled along down the hill and dropped off of a small cliff.

Anne Maria gasped, still clutching her exposed areas. " _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_ "

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she's hyperventilating* Awright…awright…calm down, Anne Maria…there's still invincibility! *the hyperventilating turns into happy gasps* Yeah! That's it!

* * *

Staci was wheeling along up the Wawanakwa hill, ignorant of anything and everything that had just transpired down below.

"I must say, this has been a _very_ smooth ride!" she said, honking the horn.

Chris and Chef were sipping lemonade up top.

"Chris?" Chef asked him, "how come there's a sudden lack of obstacles in these challenges? People like _her_ (he motioned to Staci) are gonna win at this rate!"

Chris chuckled. "Relax, my dear! At this stage in the game, with the million so close, anyone's true colors will emerge! I mean, look at B and Anne Maria running back towards the path up there!

"The animals were just caged up there. and, heck, the mines were leftovers from previous challenges!"

"Hold that thought!" Chef said, pointing nearby them.

Staci, gasping, panting, and still honking her bike horn incessantly, crossed the finish line at last.

Chris sounded the air horn for the first time. " _AND STACI WI…_ wi…ha…haha… _bwahahahahahahahaha!_ Okay, this is _gold!_ "

Staci, still gasping and panting, collapsed to her side, bike and all.

Chef put a hand on Chris's shoulder. "What's so funny?"

" _Never,_ in the history of this season, would I have seen _you_ getting individual immunity!" Chris said, wiping a tear. "Okay, okay, whew! I'm sorry, but I needed that laugh."

* * *

 **Staci** : *she sighs* Does everyone forget I actually contributed to a team win back in the relay race? Gosh!

* * *

" _Staci wins immunity! You're all on the actual island, good luck getting up here!_ " Chris said.

Brick, who had finally gotten onto the shoreline, groaned. "C'mon, Sam! We gotta catch up!"

With some effort, he flipped Sam over on his back. Sam didn't look good; the cuts and bruises popped out compared to his now pale complexion.

Brick rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "C'mon, we're getting you to the finish…"

With some effort, he lifted Sam and placed him into the go kart. "If anything, you'll have the speed advantage…you good to drive?"

Sam nodded woozily. "Aye aye, King of Hyrule. I wonder what's for dinner?"

Brick smiled weakly. "Yeah, you'll get that dinner…it's at the top of that hill!"

* * *

 **Brick** : If anything happens to me tonight, I might as well leave following my own code. Besides, Sam's got a ticket to use! I can't let that go to waste!

* * *

Brick hopped into the golf cart and turned the ignition. Unfortunately, it wouldn't turn on.

"Huh?" Brick said, turning the key again and again.

No response.

Brick looked at the fuel gauge. "Oh, no wonder, it's at _empty._ Now what?"

* * *

 **Chris** : Hey, the Boat of Losers uses up a _lot_ of our fuel budget! Next season, I might consider getting a new form of elimination…

* * *

Brick got out and disengaged the brake. "C'mon, you…" he muttered, pushing the golf cart up what would be a steep climb. "C'mon, Sam!"

Sam turned the key, slightly happy that it turned over first try. Putting his foot on the gas, Sam was off like a rocket, if the rocket coughed and sputtered every few feet.

Brick groaned and continued forwards.

* * *

 **Brick** : I don't know what the rules are for winning the race. Does it have to be with your vehicle? Does it not? I decided to push it along anyways, Chris has been proven to be _very_ crafty.

* * *

Sam was looking more and more pale with every second of his drive. His eyes drooped.

This turned out to be his ultimate mistake.

With the screeching of metal and a loud yelp, Sam's ride to the top quickly came to an end thanks to swerving off the path and hitting a tree.

Sam pulled his face weakly from the wrecked vehicle. He sniffled slightly; he smelled iron.

"Ohhh…" he groaned, feeling blood trickle into his eye as well.

He collapsed again, feeling weaker than ever.

 _Might as well let Chris eliminate me now…_

"Sam? _Sam! Oh God!_ "

Brick, still straining along, put the brakes on his cart and sprinted to his friend.

"C'mon, Sam, you're not going unconscious today, not on my watch…"

He supported Sam again, half-walking, half-dragging him to the golf cart. Brick sighed as he plopped Sam down into the driver's seat, making sure he was comfortable.

"You good up there? I'm getting you to the finish line, one way or another!"

"Mmm-hmm…"

* * *

Anne Maria was sprinting up the Wawanakwa hill with B on her tail. The former, however, was losing ground due to her burned pants.

"How _dare you!?_ I'll—" Anne Maria said, as B passed her.

B turned back at her and glared.

Anne Maria shrieked loudly and hopped on top of B. " _If you won't go down, I'll let you go down!_ "

B, unperturbed by Anne Maria's assault on his head, continued sprinting to the finish line.

"Well, well, isn't _this_ a turn of events! Aww, is Anne Maria in _wuv_ with our li'l B?"

Anne Maria screamed as loud as she could. It echoed all throughout the island, even going as far as the starting point.

Cars honked at the noise. "Great Scott!" a man in a DeLorean shouted, poking his grizzled old head out. "Do you hear that, Marty?"

"Sure do, Doc!" Marty said, gunning the gas. "Let's get out of here! Going to the future was a _bad_ idea!"

Anne Maria was panting angrily, adrenaline coursing throughout her body.

"What's worse," Chris continued, "is that, since you were behind B, you _technically_ get third! B, second place is pretty great!"

Anne Maria screamed even louder. B, Chef, and Chris covered their ears.

" _This! Isn't! Funny!_ " a bearded man with jet black hair shouted from another vehicle far away. He stomped his foot on the gas, shooting the car forwards.

" _Well, Brick or Sam, one of you is going to be toast tonight!_ " Chris said. _"Anne Maria and B have crossed the finish line, but without their vehicles! Good luck!_ "

Brick groaned. He had a difficult decision to make.

* * *

 **Brick** : Honestly, I'm a man of my word…sure, it'd be easier to support Sam along, but while he's in the golf cart, and especially since I'm behind him, that's a win for him! …given he doesn't go unconscious, of course…

* * *

Brick doubled his efforts to bring his friend up to the finish line.

Sam stirred slightly in his seat. "Whuh…Brick…?"

"Say no more, Sam. I'm getting you to the top, even if it kills me!"

Sam snapped fully awake. "Wait! That's a bad idea! You'll get eliminated!"

Brick smiled through the sweat cascading down his face. "That, Sam, is something I'm completely willing to accept."

* * *

 **Brick** : My reason for winning the million is to pay for my dream fashion school…but now, that plan's all up in smoke. Oh well! As long as Sam gets what he needs, I can leave satisfied.

* * *

An hour passed. Brick was now at the base of the Wawanakwa hill, gasping and panting. Sam had offered to help him push, but Brick refused.

"You'd collapse instantly if you tried that," he told the gamer.

Chris checked his watch. "C'mon, the other guys over here are getting _antsy…_ "

B and Anne Maria gave each other looks, while Staci was fidgeting in her lawn chair.

"Gosh, I've never had so much leg exercise in my entire life!" she said, before reclining backwards, getting comfortable.

Another hour had passed. Staci had fallen asleep, while Anne Maria and B glared at each other from their lawn chairs.

"Jeez, you're wasting daylight!" Chris groaned, tapping at his watch impatiently. "Oh, _finally!_ "

They could see Brick, who was pushing Sam up the hill with every bit of energy he had.

"C'mon, Brick!" Chris groaned, standing by the finish line. "Don't give up now!"

Brick, using the very last burst of energy he had, shoved Sam and the golf cart past the finish line before collapsing.

"And Sam's done it! He's _just_ avoided elimination… _a-gain!_ Brick, buddy, I'm sorry, but you're done, bro."

Brick gave a weak smile at Chris's words. "Worth…it…"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : _Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!_ Of all the times to get rid of tha gamuh, _now_ would be tha best time! F-bleep!- you, Brick the dick! No wonduh I hate your guts!

* * *

The sun was setting as Chris looked at the remaining 4 campers in front of an unlit bonfire.

"Hey, congrats on making the final four!" he said, throwing regular marshmallows to Staci, B, Anne Maria, and Sam. "Enjoy! It's my special treat!"

Brick walked up to the others, carrying his duffel bag and backpack. "So long, everyone! It was an honor serving with you…"

He then glared at Anne Maria. "Save for one."

Chris smiled. "Hey, don't feel left out! Chef's got a Toxic Marshmallow with your name on it!"

Chef, decked in his radiation suit, passed Brick the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom. Brick flinched and backed up, causing the marshmallow to fall into the dirt and sink.

"Hey!" Anne Maria called out to Chris. "Why does _he_ get tha privilege of leavin' with all his stupid crap?!"

Chris's answer was immediate.

" _Heeey_ , after Brick heroically sacrificed himself, I decided to give him an honorable discharge! Brick, you played great, but the Boat of Losers is that-a-way!"

Brick calmly walked onto the boat, breathing in the Wawanakwa air one last time.

"Brick! Wait!"

Sam sprinted over to his friend, who turned around to face him.

"Aww, Sam, look at you! Barely a few hours and you're already looking better!" Brick said, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder.

Sam sighed. "But it should be _me_ on that boat right now! I barely did anything today!"

"Are you kidding?" Brick chuckled. "Listen, Sam, you're probably one of the biggest underdogs I've ever met. Getting the girl, getting this far…you've done a great job for yourself, buddy.

"And, honestly, my only goal now is to see you happy. No matter what."

Sam's eyes filled with tears. "But…but…your million dollars…"

Brick burst out into laughter. "Are you kidding?! Mom and Dad signed me up for this show so that I could 'do the family proud' and 'continue their legacy'! Well, Mom, Dad, everyone out there, there's something I'd like to say…"

Sam wiped his eyes. B stood slightly behind Sam. Anne Maria just glared. Staci shrugged.

Brick took a deep breath. "My name is Brick McArthur, and I…am a homosexual."

Sam gasped. B gave a thumbs up. Anne Maria gnashed her teeth. Staci shrugged again.

Brick breathed a sigh of relief. "Now that _that's_ out of my system…it's been real, Sam. Take care!"

Sam collapsed to his knees as the Boat of Losers chugged out over the horizon. Words failed him.

* * *

 **Sam** : *he's sobbing hysterically* Brick! You were the last one I could fully depend on! *he wipes his eyes and slams his fist into his open hand* That's it! I'm going to win! For Brick, and _especially_ for Dakota!

* * *

B walked over to Sam and gently rubbed his shoulder.

Sam was still looking out at the setting sun on the Wawanakwa waters. "Hey…thanks. I appreciate it, y'know?"

"Oh! Before I forget…Staci, is there anyone you'd like to bring to the spa hotel with you tonight?" Chris said, looking over at the unexpected challenge winner.

Staci looked over at Anne Maria. "Well, I'm _pretty_ sure I know who I want."

She winked at Anne Maria, who was fuming.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : AAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Brick the dick actually likes dick! I bet he turned himself gay aftuh I kissed him! Of course, he couldn't take my hotness! No one can! Only Justin! *she blows a kiss at him* Miss ya, babe!

* * *

"And that's a wrap for this episode!" Chris said, motioning to the cameras. "Next time, our final four will go head to head in an extreme challenge meant to blow your socks off! Who will prevail and who will fail? Find out on Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!"

* * *

(AN: Well, that's, what, 4.5 chapters in about a week or so? I'm on a roll! Also, sorry to any Brick fans and anyone from New Jersey!)

Remaining contestants: Anne Maria, B, Sam, Staci

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

10th: Jo

9th: Dawn

8th: Mal (injury)

-Justin returns-

8th: Beth

7th: Dakota

-merge-

6th: Justin

5th: Brick

Next Up: Eat, Puke, and Be Wary


	11. Eat, Puke, and be Wary

(AN: So, we've only got 3 more chapters to go! I'd _like_ to reach 100k words at the end of this fic, but if I can't, that's okay too! Also, don't forget to send a review! And speculate, too!)

* * *

 **Chris** : Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, the final five contestants went on a 3-tiered race through the air, sea, and land! Staci sabotaged Brick's early challenge lead, a lead he was _not_ getting back again! Sam got attacked by Anne Maria, Fang and his crew, and finally, a tree! Sucks to be Sam! *he chuckles slightly* Anne Maria and B's rivalry flared, while Staci took home some unexpected immunity! In the end, Brick sacrificed himself from the competition to save Sam's hide, earning him a 5th place win! Poor guy, he will be missed! *he salutes the cameras* With only 4 left, will Anne Maria treat B with the respect he rightfully deserves? …the answer to that one is no, but we'll find out further on Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

*cue the theme song*

Episode 11: Eat, Puke, and be Wary

* * *

Sam sighed as he set up his bunk that night. B wasn't ignorant of this fact.

"Well, hey, guess we're sleeping together again, huh?" Sam said, looking away nervously.

B smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

Sam looked back at him. "So, uh, any reason you don't talk there?"

B's smile disappeared faster than his thumb. His eyes lost focus.

"Uh, B?"

B's breathing got faster. He stood up, legs shaking.

"You good there, buddy?"

B, weeping silently, barged out of the loser cabins.

Sam sighed. "Awww…"

* * *

 **Sam** : I dunno why I didn't want to talk to B last night. Well, I mean, I was kinda exhausted, but…you know!

* * *

In the spa hotel, Staci and Anne Maria clanked their smoothie glasses together.

"Ahhh! This is the life!" Staci said, slurping her drink down with a bendy straw.

"You said it!" Anne Maria said, squirting some lime into hers.

The butler came in. "Would the madams like anything else tonight?"

Anne Maria thought about this for a minute. "I don't think so…"

"Very well, madams. Mr. McLean has also told me that your final letters of the season will be arriving tomorrow at breakfast. Please, respond to them the next day, would you? Some of them are getting worried…"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Oh, please! My parents were nevuh worried 'bout me! I mean, they weren't worried aftuh I told them I had a crush on…my friend's dad, was it? Yeah, so at the age of 7, I got really upset cuz all my friend and her dad did was fight and f-bleep!-! Hey, I grew up fast in those times!

* * *

"So, let's talk strategy," Anne Maria said, putting her drink down on the coaster. "Brick the dick's gone, so all that's left is…"

"…B and Sam!" Staci gasped happily. "Ya, we're _so_ close to making the finals!"

* * *

 **Staci** : With only four of us left, my chances of winning just skyrocketed! Honestly, next round, I'm getting rid of Anne Maria. Ya, she's gotten _way_ too mean for my tastes…

 **Chef** : Y'know, with Anne Maria bein' as mean to B as she is, why didn't she call _me_ that throughout the season?! What, does she _respect_ me? Huh? Maybe it's cuz I can beat her up if she steps outta line…*he chuckles evilly*

* * *

"B? _B!_ "

Sam ran to where his bunkmate was. The latter was sitting on a rock, which overlooked the Wawanakwa waters and the moon reflected in it.

"Hey, uh, you okay? Sorry if I pissed ya off back there, heheh…"

B didn't turn around or acknowledge him; he still was looking down.

Sam found another rock next to his acquaintance. "B?"

B was staring angrily at his cassette tape, gripping it with nearly enough force to crush it.

In the moonlight, Sam could see the words scrawled on the top: _My Greatest Failure_.

"B? Is there something you're not telling us?"

B howled in anguish, crushed the cassette, and hurled it out across the water. Sam watched it skip in the moonlight, then sink.

"You, uh, wanna go back?"

B shook his head.

"Alrighty, then! Then I guess I'll stay here…"

B buried his face into Sam's chest, sobbing hysterically.

Sam awkwardly patted B's head. "There…there? It's okay, I guess…"

* * *

 **B** : *he's glaring at the camera. Pulling out his sound recorder, he slams a button repeatedly, repeating a "cha-ching!" sound effect. He points to himself constantly as well*

* * *

Chris was relaxing on the couch at his and Chef's island home. He was testing out his new smartphone, taking photos with the front and rear cameras.

"Happy there, Chris?" Chef asked him.

"You bet! These, uh…'selfies'…that's what the kids call them, right? Anyway, yeah, taking a _lot_ of photos here. Tell Tom I said 'thanks!' when you get a chance, will you?"

"Mm-hmm! Dinner's almost ready, by the way," the chef replied, walking back towards the kitchen.

However, a ringing sound from behind stopped him in his tracks.

"Huh! A _TalkTime_ request…from some unknown person?" Chris asked. "Let's check it out!"

"Wait, Chris, do-!"

But it was too late. Chris had hit the "talk" button.

"Hello? _He-lloooooooooooooooo-ooooooooooooooo!_ Oh-em-gee, I hack-got back in touch with Chris! _Aah!_ "

Sierra's face was now in full view as she turned her camera on. "Chris? Chris! Turn yours on! I want to see your adowable wi'w face!"

It took Chris everything in him to prevent him from puking. "Uh…maybe? If you behave, I might…"

"Aww, poo! Anyways, that's not important right now, _look who's awa-aaaaaaake!_ "

Sierra turned the camera to Cameron's bed. The bespectacled teen was conscious now, and eating some ice cream.

" _This is so cold!_ " he gasped, clutching his temples. " _Mom!_ What's this sensation I'm feeling!?"

"That's brain freeze! I should've told the nurse 'no cold foods', you're not allowed to have them, Cammy-bear!" a voice came from another part of the room.

"That's Camody's mom," Sierra told Chris under her breath. "She's _so_ clingy towards him. I mean, she threatened to call the police if I snuck in after-hours again! Isn't that rude?"

"No, Sierra," Chris sighed, finally turning his camera on. "As…overbearing as she can be…she has…every right…to keep you away from her kid… _especially if_ …you're…endangering…his life."

"Aww, why all the weird pauses, Chris" Sierra giggled. "It's _so_ unbecoming of someone with such hostly charms such as yourself!"

"I'm _doing_ it so that you can get _something_ through that head of yours! Do you seriously think, after two seasons of trying – and failing – I'd let you in to compete? Ha! Fat chance!"

"Aww, who said _any_ thing about competing, Chris? I'm just here to be the newswoman that this show so desperately needs!"

Chris groaned and rubbed his face with his free hand. "Alright, Sierra, what was the purpose of you calling me?"

"Just to say hi," she giggled again. "Oh, and to let you know that my wonderful Cody-Cam is awake again!"

Cameron, who was listening in on everything in the background, looked worried. "Uhhhhh…"

"Actually, Chris, I have a serious, teensy-weensy, question for you…" Sierra said. "Would you put B on the line? I'm _pretty_ sure that B was Cam's only friend on the island until he met me! Hee hee hee!"

" _Hey!_ That's obviously not true!"

Chris stood up. "You know what? I'll allow it! I'll bring you over to him immediately!"

* * *

 **Chris** : Hey, what do I look like here? A monster? _Ha!_ Maybe in some other universe, I'll be so evil that even Mal would squirm!

 **Sierra, from his phone** : Ohmigosh, Chris, I _heard_ that! Wait, are you on the confessional?! _Hi, confessional audience! This is your newswoman, Sierra, reporting to you live from—_

 **Chris** : *he's bolted out the door at this point*

* * *

Sam was having trouble supporting a still silently weeping B.

"Hey…hey, it's okay…" he muttered.

"Hey, B! Someone's on the line for you!" Chris said, running up to them.

B didn't hear him; he was still sobbing.

"Uh, I don't think that this is the best time right now…" Sam said. "I don't know _why_ he's doing this, but—"

"Ooh, is he lamenting his abusive father's actions towards him when he was little?" Sierra said. " _Was he holding the tape?!_ "

"Yeah, it was called 'My Greatest Failure…'" Sam started to say, but was interrupted.

" _AAH!_ I need to let my blog know about this critical update!" Sierra squealed happily.

Chris cringed, as did Cameron on the other line. Sam just scratched his head.

"Sierra, that's extremely sensitive information!" Cameron said. "You should've kept that quiet!"

"Aww, no, it's okay, all for the good of my blog!" Sierra said, clacking away at her phone's keyboard. "Hey, wait, where's your mom?"

"Uhhhh…" Chris said, holding the phone screen back up to his face. "What _time_ is it over there?"

"Visiting hours are _over,_ ma'am!" a gruff voice said, before snatching Sierra and dragging her away.

"Aww, guess this is good-bye anyways! I'll see you tomorrow, Chris!" Sierra giggled. She blew him a kiss and flirtily waved. "Byeeee! Hope you and Chef have some fun f—"

" _Aaaand_ that's enough of that!" Chris said, immediately turning off the _TalkTime_ conversation.

He then composed himself. "So, uh, yeah, I think that'll be put on hold until tomorrow, B. Just wanna make sure you're good."

Sam patted B's shoulder and continued on to the cabin. "Night, Chris!"

* * *

"Hel- _lo,_ gawgeous!"

Anne Maria kissed her nail polish as the butler applied some to her outstretched hand.

"Let's considuh this payback for not lettin' me get a massage and such a while ago…" she said, while Staci nodded.

"Ya, Justin hogged up that for half the night…"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Honestly? It was worth seein' babe get all pretty again! *she bites her lips and fans herself* Mmmm!

* * *

Sam finally heaved the sniffling B onto his bunk, then collapsed onto his own.

 _Whew! That was quite the evening…_

He looked over at his duffel bag, which had a pixelated image of his face on it, like one would see in an 8-bit video game.

 _Heh, Gaming Steve's Gaming Camp. Where I first met Harold and where it all began…_

He opened the top of the bag and dug in underneath his clothes. He pulled out the invincibility ticket, which was still sparkling as golden as it ever had.

 _Might as well keep this on my person…_

* * *

 **Sam** : With Brick gone, it's a little of B and a lot of me at my side! This ticket…*he holds up the ticket*…is the only chance of survival I've really got! Hello, final 3!

* * *

Morning arrived onto the island. Chris was awoken at 7 in the morning by his phone vibrating once more.

"Oh, lord, it's her again…" he groaned.

"Yeah, hello? It's a little too early in the morning for this…"

"Hi, Chris! I wanted to show you how Cameron was doing again!"

Sierra giggled as she pointed the phone camera at Cameron, who was snoring away in his hospital bed.

"Isn't he the _sweetest?_ My blog went wild last night, seeing him all unprotected and alone! Heck, we even made a massive donation to one of his only unblocked websites, _Bloogging Bubble Boy_ _!_ "

Chris yelped. "Okay, that's a _little_ too much information to share, Sierra! I don't need to know what Cameron does off the show!"

"Aww, but Chris, he's such an unprotected angel! I bet he'd be _perfect_ to kiss!"

Chris's feelings of horror and revulsion grew. "Uh…why…"

"Oh, don't be silly! My Total Drama obsession left me without any friends! I mean, Cody and Cam-ody were the only people I fell so deeply in _love_ with on the show!"

"Uh…If I let you talk to B, would that be fine?"

"But Cammy-bear's not awake yet an—"

" _GET THE F_ -bleep!- _OUT OF MY SON'S ROOM THIS INSTANT!_ "

"Aww, that was his _mommy!_ Gotta go, bye!" Sierra giggled again.

Chris shuddered and shook the sleeping Chef awake. " _Why hasn't she seen a therapist yet?!_ "

"Heck if I know, Chris…but I really think you should get B and Cam in touch…heck knows that li'l boy needs more friends…"

Chris heard a _thunk_ as Sierra's phone fell from her grip.

"Oh no! Hey! _Heeee-eeeey!_ Can I _have my phone back pleeee…_ "

Sierra's cries disappeared as she was dragged away. Chris then heard some footsteps, then another voice sounded.

"Ugh, that _wretched_ girl! Stalking my baby incessantly; it's a miracle she didn't taint his mind!"

"Uh, excuse me? Ma'am? This is Chris McLean of Total Drama, and I'd like to ask you a favor…"

"Uh, yes, Mr. McLean, you seem…reasonable. Unlike that _other_ girl…"

"So, your son over there has a friend still on the show. Name's B, short for Beverly…that's kind of a sore point with him, but anyways…would you do me a favor and call back when Cameron wakes up? I think B would like the company."

Cameron's mother thought for a moment. "Very well, Mr. McLean, I'll use my own phone here…"

She held up her own smartphone in her hands.

"Doesn't really matter; B will use mine during the call…" Chris said.

"Oh! Yes, of course…well, Cam _was_ the genius in this household…raised him myself! He doesn't seem to _quite_ understand technology, though…"

"Yes, interesting…anyways, I'll see you, and Cameron, soon."

Chris breathed a heavy sigh of relief as he hung up the phone. "What a morning! Hopefully we can get this resolved soon…"

Chef had rolled over onto his side of the bed, and had his eyes closed. "Mmm- _hmm_."

* * *

Anne Maria awoke, snug in her bed. She looked over and saw Staci working on something.

"Hey, whatcha doin'?" she asked her lackey.

Staci sighed. "If I'm this close to the million bucks, I might as well create an entirely new set of effigies to work with. Ya, some of my old ones, they weren't in the best condition, _or_ were they 100% accurate…

She held up a new, improved, Lightning effigy. "See? Lots better!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Okay, _how_ did she get bettuh photos or refurhrences of these guys? Huh?

 **The butler** : *he's holding an effigy of himself, tickling it and laughing* A night's worth of cell phone Internet access was _more_ than a fair trade, hmm.

 **Staci** : Honestly, I think my voodoo skills have become a _lot_ better…I've been hearing that butler laugh as he's tickling himself all morning…unless…*she gasps* He's got voodoo powers, too!

* * *

"Awright, so, listen, here's my plan for this challenge," Anne Maria said, sitting on Staci's bed, "Gamuh Guy's got one more challenge to get through before he's in the finals.

"Aftuh that, the votes are null and void, and he's been pretty good at scrapin' past advuhsity with that weird strength of his…"

Staci nodded. "Uh huh? Your point being?"

"I need you to either sabotage him or get that ticket off his grubby little hands! With no support behind him, he's bound to have it on him now!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Sorry, Dick tha Brick, but your sacrifice helped me all the more today! Hahaha… _hahahahahahahahaha!_

* * *

Staci nodded slowly. "I…see. What about you?"

"Oh, leave that ta me. I'm gonna get invincibility tonight!"

Staci looked puzzled. "That's a tall order. How are you intending on doing it?"

"Easy! Who's tha one with tha effigies of tha rest of tha campuhs?"

Staci looked down at her works in progress. "Oh. Right!"

* * *

 **Staci** : The word "the" has lost all meaning to me…I'm sorry, I got distracted there...Anyways, what was I saying? Oh, right, I _could_ sabotage Anne Maria last minute, but then what? I'm down an ally and goodbye finale! *she sighs* This is tough!

 **Anne Maria** : She voted off my babe _and_ won immunity! She's a looser cannon than some of tha people I've seen at Joisey bars! Huh…maybe Pops wasn't such a good influence aftuh all…

* * *

Anne Maria looked out the window. "Waitaminnit…what's that?"

She pointed down at Chris, who was wrapped up in a towel. Creeping silently along the spa hotel, he stopped just outside the loser cabin windows.

The camera cut to Chris, who was staring straight at B's bed. He looked at his phone, then the window, and tossed it straight through.

Sam yelped as the shattering of glass woke him up. B did as well, but was forced back down by the phone slamming into his nose.

"Great Suns of Orion!" Sam called, pulling his bed covers closer to himself. "You alright there, B?"

B sat up again, rubbing his nose, but flashing a thumbs up.

"Hey, uh, sorry for the early wake up call, but B, you'll be getting a call from someone you knew very soon! AlsoIgottagetawayfromSierra _BYEEEEEEEEEE!_ " Chris called from outside before sprinting away.

B picked up the phone, confused. However, his confusion soon ended as it buzzed in his hands.

B pressed the "call" button, unsure of what was going on. The callee was simply labeled "Cameron Bubble Boy".

B waved to the camera.

"B? _B!_ Oh, it's so great to finally talk to you again! …or, well, me talking and you doing your thing."

B smiled and looked up to Sam. He motioned him over.

"Oh? You've made some more friends? How about that! Wait, Mom, how long was I out for?"

"You were out for 9 days, dear. He'll be out tomorrow, um…"

"Mom," Cameron said, moving the camera to show his mother. "This is Beverly…or B, as he's preferred."

"Oh, a person with a one-letter name! That's _quite_ rare! How did he get it?"

"Mom, Sierra told you last night…"

"Oh, _her_. I'm sorry, Cammy-bear, but I refuse to remember anything from that twisted girl. Hold on, let me grab your bubble to prevent any more of _her_ germs spreading…"

"Mom, no! It's okay! She didn't touch me at all while she was with you!"

"' _While she was with you._ ' Cameron Corduroy Wilkins, so help me, if she appears once more, I _will_ call the lawyers and give her a restraining order! Hmph!"

Cameron sighed as his mom left the area. "Oh, good, she'll be gone a while. Wait, who's the guy next to you?"

Sam leaned over and awkwardly waved. "Hi! I'm Sam! Heh, B kinda took a shining to me recently…I think!"

B smiled and ruffled Sam's hair. Cameron chuckled.

"Aw, look at you, B! You made another friend! That's more than I can say..."

B gave Cameron a warm smile. The bubble boy understood.

"Aww, don't worry about me! I could've helped the team in other ways if it weren't for that freakshow _Zoey_. What's her problem?"

B shrugged. Sam scratched his head.

"I barely remember Zoey…what happened?"

B held up three fingers. Cameron gasped.

"Wait, so she got eliminated after me! That's…actually highly logical. I don't think _anyone_ liked her."

B nodded at him. Sam chuckled.

Cameron scrunched up his face in thought. "You know, I could take a look at the elimination order right now…onwards to the wiki page for this show!"

Sam looked confused. "We've got a wiki page?"

"Of course! I've perused it slightly ever since Mo…I mean, _I_ signed up for the show. Unfortunately, Mom wouldn't let me look at it fully...something about the other contestants 'should be mysterious…' (he air quoted the last few words). Honestly, if I looked this up earlier, I wouldn't have this problem."

B nodded, motioning Cameron to continue.

He gasped. "No _way!_ Mal got free?! That's insane!"

B sadly nodded again.

"How odd, it also seems like Sam here and Dakota got together! Wow! I wish nothing but the best for the two of you."

Sam smiled. "Hey, thanks! It's not every day you get to go out with the girl of your dreams, huh…"

Cameron looked over at the door nervously. "One last question, for the both of you. What would you do if you won the million dollars?"

B rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Sam, however, immediately spoke.

"Well, I'd split half with Dakota…probably spend my half on video games and things to help my brother out."

"Oh, yeah! I remember that! I should've mentioned…I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your parents."

"Hey, it's cool," Sam said. "My bro's pretty great! Maybe we could all hang out sometime."

"Yeah, if Mom would let me…what about you, B?"

B was hastily drawing a bank vault with the million in it. However, the vault wasn't just an ordinary vault: high tech machinery guarded it, and a laser gate in front of it ensured no one would get in.

"Huh, that makes sense…" Cameron mused. "Wait a minute…NO WAY!? You built a _robot_ of me?!"

B held up two fingers.

"TWO!? B, I'm honored, but…you barely knew me! Why?"

B shrugged his shoulders. Sam awkwardly chuckled.

"Hey, wish I knew that reason, too…"

Cameron gasped as he heard the door opening. "Oh, no! Mom's back! Gotta go, bye!"

The camera shut off. B looked over at Sam, his face registering a far more peaceful expression.

"Huh, didn't know you two had a thing going," Sam said.

B nodded and got out of bed, stretching.

"Heheh, yeah, this would be about the time Chris gave us a challenge, huh?" Sam said.

* * *

 **Sam** : Hey, as long as I've got this ticket here, my final 3 victory is assured!

* * *

Sam and B were at the mess hall, eating Chef's trademark slop.

"Heh, guess some things never change!" Sam said, digging at it uncomfortably.

B just shrugged and scooped another shovelful into his mouth.

Chris walked in. "Good morning, both of you! After your brekky, I've got an ATV and cart ready to transport you to your next challenge!"

B looked outside. Indeed, there was a cart behind Chris's ATV. He motioned to it.

"Hey, not my fault that everyone in the final four is over 200 pounds," Chris said. "That thing's got a weight limit, you know?"

* * *

 **Sam** : Huh, I guess he's right, except…how's _Anne Maria_ , of all people, over 200 pounds?

 **Anne Maria** : *she's spraying on her fake tan and hair spray, as well as a thick layer of makeup* Hey, ya gotta look good fuh tha cameruhs!

* * *

Chris shifted his eyes around the mess hall.

"By the way," he whispered to B, "did you get rid of that phone?"

B shook his head and pulled it out of his pocket to give to him.

Chris winced. "Do something about that! Sierra's going to be all over me next time I see her…"

B immediately sprang into action. He went into the phone settings, turned off the mobile data (which was weak), turned off the Wi-Fi network (named ChrisNet), and pulled out the SIM card.

He crushed the card and gave a thumbs up to Chris.

"Phew! That's quite a relief! Oh yeah! You'll be getting your letters on the ride over. ATV isn't _quite_ quick…"

* * *

Anne Maria and Staci had just finished their breakfast of toast and scrambled eggs. Anne Maria wiped her mouth happily with her napkin.

"Gotta say, luxuhry is pretty sweet!" she said.

The butler came over. "Your letters, madams."

He handed Staci another odd-looking letter. "Oh, great, it's _mom_ again…" she groaned.

Anne Maria looked at her plain letter for a long time. "Oh…"

"Hm?" Staci asked, as she was in the middle of opening her letter.

"It's from my famuhly back in Alberta…they're wondering _why_ I've been goin' against everything they've evuh taught me there…they asked 'is Joisey too in…in…ingr…'"

"'Too ingrained in your blood?'" Staci completed for her.

"Yeah, that! Sorry, just not the shahpest tool sometimes…anyways, they want me to 'straighten up' and 'be less mean to that nice B kid'. Huh, as if!"

Staci had finally opened her letter and was reading it. "Oh, mom, you never do change…"

"What's up?" Anne Maria asked her.

"It's really just a bunch of gobbledygook…she never _was_ the sanest…although there's a healthy smattering of voodoo talk in here!"

"You gonna reply to it?" Anne Maria said, going back to her room to get her McLean brand stationery.

"I think so. Dad can only do so much, you know?"

"Then I'll get yours, too!" Anne Maria said, before the sounds of rustling was heard.

* * *

 **Staci** : Honestly, I should've written her back a few days ago, but…*she sighs* I _had_ to go insane by being the only talking team member!

* * *

Anne Maria plopped Staci's stationery in front of her, before getting straight to work on her own.

"Hey, might as well be ahead of the mailing curve today, right?" she asked her friend.

Staci shrugged, struggling to think of anything to say.

However, Chris's air horn interrupted any thoughts they might have had.

" _Get down here, you two! It's time for today's challenge!_ "

Both females groaned and made their way down.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Eh, I'll finish mine tonight! It's all good!

* * *

Anne Maria and Staci saw B and Sam reading their letters from home.

"Oh, great, we're all stuck togethuh back here…" Anne Maria groaned.

"Well, it's either that or walk all the way to the next challenge. Your call," Chris said from up front.

Anne Maria sighed and took the far corner of the cart. Staci, however, was more receptive to her competition and sat closer to them.

Chris started the trip to the challenge, causing the cart behind him to jostle slightly.

"What are you two reading?" Staci asked B and Sam.

Sam looked up from his letter. "Just something from my bro. He basically told me that he's glad I got the invincibility ticket and how bummed out he is by how Brick gave up the competition for me.

"Oh, and B's got a letter from his mom, heheh."

B let Staci look at his letter.

"Huh…' _B, just know that I'm always looking out for you, wherever you are. You can win this._ '" Staci read. "That's cute!"

She handed the letter back to B, who gave her a warm smile.

* * *

 **Staci** : *she's scratching her head* Okay, so I'm still confused…does B actually have the hots for me or was that during my 'insanity' episode?

* * *

"Well, here we are! The site of your next challenge!"

Chris rode up to 4 cooking areas. Included was a stovetop grill, a salad bowl, and a cutting board.

"So, Chef was feeling kinda…peckish…today, and wanted to try some local island grub! However, he's a little too weak over by the finish line…"

He motioned to Chef, who weakly waved from 3 kilometers out.

"So, here's the deal! You guys are going to have to make some foods using only ingredients found here on the island! Here's the catch: you have to traverse _all_ 3 kilometers to get over to Chef there!

"If you spill your food on the way for any reason, you have to go back and try again! But, once you get there, Chef will try your food and base it on a 1-10 scale! First person to score a perfect 10 today wins immunity!"

Everyone, save for B, groaned.

"You might want to _try_ and make your dishes simple to make in case of an emergency, but, then again, I'm not your _dad_ ," Chris said, glancing over at Anne Maria.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : What? Pops just wasn't a good influence! Mom, though, heh, she raised me through the toughest of times and didn't complain about anythin' I got up to! Although, I heard some strange noises comin' from her bedroom sometimes with some guys she just picked up off tha streets! What's up with that?

* * *

"Anyways…it's time to _get cookin'!_ " Chris called out, blowing on his airhorn.

Anne Maria instantly knew what she wanted to do. _A good suhloin steak with some garnish on the side? Sign me up!_

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Back in Joisey, I remembuh that Pops ate steak _all_ the time! Mom said it was bad for his heart, but hey, he's still alive today, isn't he?

* * *

Anne Maria looked around the immediate area for any animals or cuts of meat. _C'mon, c'mon, wherevuh you are…_

B, on the other hand, was looking at all the tools he had at his disposal. Underneath the table the cutting board was set on, there was a drawer. Inside the drawer was an assortment of cooking implements, like carving knives, whisks, the works. Also, inside was some basic ingredients and condiments, such as mustard, ketchup, pie crusts, and paprika.

B examined his options carefully. An imaginary lightbulb went off in his head.

"And B's off to the cooking races!" Chris called out through his megaphone. "But you better hurry…Chef's getting _rather_ impatient!"

Sam had found his ingredients and was heating them on the stove. Chris walked over to see what he was creating.

"So, uh, Sam, what _are_ you doing here?" he asked.

Sam looked down at his eggs and berries. "Well, this is honestly all I know how to do…"

* * *

 **Sam** : Yeah, cooking's _really_ not my thing. Hey, we gamers need to have our eyes glued to the screen at all times, you know?

* * *

Sam continued cooking through the sweat developing on his face; he wasn't aware that his eggs were starting to burn.

"Uh, Sam? You _might_ want to plate that and hand it over to Chef!" Chris said, coughing through the steam turning to smoke.

Sam grabbed a spatula and struggled to get his eggs off the pan. "Oh, jeez…"

B was now at his own cooking station, taking some leafy fronds and mixing them with similar berries. He grabbed a small bottle of salad dressing and drizzled it over the top.

"Huh, that was quick!" Chris said, as B ran off with his prize.

* * *

 **B** : *he clicks his mouth and makes his usual gun motions*

* * *

B hurried along the 3km stretch. However, what he didn't expect to see was the wildlife.

A raccoon with a prehensile tongue leapt out at him, screaming like a banshee. B gasped and tried to run faster, but it was too late.

B's salad was slurped up by the raccoon, who was just about to get at his face next, when…

"BACK! _BACK! BACK, I SAY!_ You…filthy mongrel!"

Sam slammed his hot pan multiple times on the raccoon's head, leaving several burn marks, as well as physical pain.

"Yeah, that's it!" he called, shaking his pan at the fleeing raccoon, "Samuelkin Dragonborn won't lose to the likes of you!"

B stood up and looked sadly at his empty salad bowl.

"C'mon, don't give up now! Aaaaa- _aaaaaah!_ " Sam yelled, sprinting towards Chef.

* * *

 **B** : *he has a chart looking at Sam's contributions to the season. Still marking the last three challenge wins, and the half mark, he scratches his head in confusion*

* * *

Sam, gasping and panting, finally arrived at Chef's testing table.

"Here…I…am!" he said, slamming his pan down by Chef.

Chef sniffed the pan. "Okay, so there's three things wrong with this dish. One, your eggs are burnt, Two, your berries are poisonous, and three, _you didn't serve it on a damn plate!_ ONE POINT!"

Chef threw the pan away, causing Sam to yelp and run after it.

"You don't have to do that!" Chef called to him. "There's plenty more back at base!"

* * *

 **Chef** : *he sighs and shakes his head* I threw this challenge together to see if anyone had any mettle to belong in the final four! If Brick were here, now, he'd probably make some fine military-grade stuff!

* * *

B was back at work, picking more leaves from the nearby bushes and trees. He then found some nuts nearby on the ground and put those in the salad bowl.

Meanwhile, Anne Maria was still looking around for an animal. _C'mon, I don't have all day here!_

"Hello?"

" _Aaah!_ Jeez, Staci, don't scare me like that!"

"Sorry! It's just…what do you need me to do to sabotage these two?"

"I told you last night! Honestly, I think the best way to get 'em out for good is by distractin' 'em! I'll make my stuff, and you…hmmm…"

Staci looked at her effigy of Sam. "I got it! I'll dig a hole and bind him up in there! B, too!"

Anne Maria smirked. "Well then…get that shovel and rope!"

* * *

 **Staci** : Figuring out the location of the shovel and rope won't be easy. However, I'm _pretty_ sure Chris and Chef have a storage shed somewhere. I mean, how else do they store all the backpacks and little items they use for some of our challenges, right?

* * *

Staci sprinted towards Chris and Chef's living quarters, searching for any garage or basement or attic to find supplies in.

 _If I can start anywhere, might as well start here…_

Anne Maria, in the meantime, found some prey. A small bird was perched upon a branch, chirping happily.

Anne Maria picked up a rock and tested it in her hand. _Aw no you don't!_

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Yeah, it's not _quite_ a steak, but roast bird is awright too sometimes, right?

* * *

The bird looked down at Anne Maria with its 3 eyes.

Anne Maria growled at it. " _THINGS THAT LOOK DIFFUHRENT TO WHAT I NORMALLY SEE SHOULD DIE!_ "

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : It's a simple fact of life! Birds have two eyes, 'coons don't have long tongues, and tan is the darkest shade a person should be! See? Simple!

* * *

Staci went around back. She gasped happily as she saw a storm cellar opening right in front of her.

* * *

 **Staci** : If I knew Chris, he'd definitely have something or some _place_ to save his own hide…score one for me!

* * *

Staci, with some effort, wrenched open the storm cellar. She uneasily started her walk down.

The room below was dark and damp, but Staci changed the former by turning on a light switch.

She gasped at what she saw.

An assortment of odds and ends lay strewn before her. An old tub of Vaseline lay on a cardboard box. A weight-lifting set lay in the middle of the room.

Staci ventured in further, brushing past the several _Paygirl_ and _Hunks Monthly_ magazines lying on the floor. She stepped in something sticky. She groaned.

* * *

 **Staci** : I _think_ I know what that is, and that's honestly disgusting! …well, I mean, I shouldn't have been down there in the first place, but still!

* * *

Staci gasped happily as she found exactly what she was looking for: A coil of white rope, and a medium-sized shovel.

 _Excellent! Time to sow the seeds of misfortune!_

* * *

 **Staci** : Wait…am I starting to think like _Jo?_ *she gasps* No!

* * *

Staci hurried out, with the shovel strapped to her back and the rope strapped to it. She made sure to slowly close the storm door, then ran off back to Anne Maria.

* * *

 **Staci** : Well, that was eventful! Although…*she moves her leg to the point where she can see the sole of her shoe. She gags. *

* * *

Anne Maria gasped as the bird happily swallowed her rock with its frog-like tongue.

"You can't be f-bleep!-ing serious! No way that _everyone_ here has a tongue like that!"

The bird glared at her, eyes slowly starting to glow. Anne Maria yelped as she dodged the enormous laser beams just in time.

"Looks like Anne Maria's having some trouble getting her meal started, huh?" Chris said, walking behind the cooking stations and into the woods to look at her struggle. "Oh, and where _is_ Staci?"

"She's furthuh back!" Anne Maria spluttered. "Don't bothuh lookin' for her! You've got that guy there running back towards Chef!"

She was correct on that assumption; B expertly dodged some small, mutated, lizards on his way to get back to Chef.

"Ooh, I've _gotta_ see this!" Chris said, sprinting away.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Phew! Target off our backs, and Staci's free to do what she likes!

* * *

Staci sprinted back to Anne Maria and gave her a thumbs up.

Anne Maria looked her over. "Awright, checks out. I'm gonna bag myself a…"

But Staci had already read her mind. She had tied a knot around her rope, lassoed around her head, and snagged the neck of a young deer.

"That what you need?" she asked Anne Maria, whose mouth was wide open and whose eyes were as wide as basketballs.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Wh… _how?! How could she do that? How?_

 **Staci** : Blanky-bear was right, the square knot _is_ simple, yet elegant! *she frowns at the confessional camera* Hey, you pick up on a lot when your team tells you to shut up!

* * *

Staci dragged the still writhing deer to her cooking station. She pulled out a large cutting knife.

"Sorry, Bambi, but yo' mom's not here to save you today!" she cackled as the deer had its last few seconds of breath.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she's soaked in blood droplets* Well, whaddaya know! That was surprisingly quick _and_ easy!

* * *

Chef gave B another scathing review of his product.

" _THESE NUTS ARE ACORNS! MOST LIKELY MUTATED ACORNS! AND THE LEAVES ARE STILL THE SAME CRAP AS BEFORE! I CAN'T EAT THIS!_ "

"Don't give up, B!" Sam yelled from behind Chef. He was jumping futilely to get his pan from off a tree branch. "I have faith you'll win this one!"

With one last effort, Sam's pan finally slid off the branch and slammed onto Sam's head.

"Doy!" he groaned, before collapsing.

* * *

 **B** : *he facepalms*

 **Anne Maria** : Well, Sam bein' down fuh the count temporarily made things a _lot_ easiuh!

* * *

B now carried a semi-conscious Sam on his shoulder, pan and all. His salad bowl whacked sporadically on his leg.

In his haste, he ran right past Staci, who was starting to dig the hole.

"Phew! This is rough…" she started to say, but a growl from behind stopped her train of thought.

Staci, slowly, shakily, turned herself around to see a group of bears standing on their hind legs at her.

"N-Nice bears?" Staci said, bashfully.

The sounds of thwacks and scratches filled the forest, along with Staci's shrieks. " _NOOOOOOO!_ I can hardly _bear_ it!"

* * *

 **Staci** : *she's cut up and bruised, with a black eye* 'hardly bear it?' What was I _thinking!_ Oh well, never ask me to be on a comedy show! I'd be way too terrible at it.

* * *

Anne Maria sighed happily as her piece of venison sizzled on the stove. "Just right…"

She had picked some leaves from the bushes on her travels, along with some more suitable nuts. She was going to combine them together to create a side for the venison.

 _All I really need now is a sauce…_

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Yeah, back home in Joisey when I was young, I was kinda the caretakuh of the family, along with mom! Makin' dishes like this might as well be second nature.

* * *

Anne Maria had an idea. Finding a small sprig of garlic in her cupboard, as well as some cilantro, she started to mix them in a bowl.

 _We need somethin' to make it all…liquidy._

Anne Maria's answer was right in front of her. A mutated maggot was slowly slithering along the ground.

Anne Maria swooped it up and squeezed some of its juices into the mixing bowl. "Bon appetit, Chef!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she kisses her hand and makes an "O" with her thumb and index finger* Bellisimo! Heh, yeah, my family was Italian!

* * *

B hurried back to the cooking station, putting Sam down in front of his. The gamer shook his head, clearing his focus.

"Whoa…what happened here? And… _ewwwwwww!_ "

* * *

 **Sam** : Okay, that's equally as gory as a visceral kill in _Born of Blood!_ That's disgusting!

* * *

B stuffed his salad materials in a pie tin, then put the crust over it. He quickly placed it in the oven.

Anne Maria, in the meantime, was putting the finishing touches on her dish. She had arranged the venison in such a way that it was the star of the plate, with her greens and nuts resting comfortably on its side.

B heard a _ding!_ as the oven went off. He put on his oven mitts and pulled the steaming pie from the oven.

Anne Maria gasped as B sprinted back towards Chef. "Oh, _no you don't!_ "

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Huh, I've been sayin' that a lot…but Bevuhly deserves it!

* * *

Anne Maria drizzled her sauce on her dish before sprinting away, eager to win her prize.

Sam groaned, grabbed a pie crust, and rolled it into a shape similar to that of cannoli. He then stuffed some of Anne Maria's leftover meat in it, as well as B's greens. He then poured some of Anne Maria's sauce over the whole concoction and sprinted off.

* * *

 **Sam** : If you can't beat 'em, eh…steal their stuff? Sorry, Dakota! Kinda want to win immunity to get a guaranteed spot in the finals!

* * *

Staci had finished digging her 7-foot deep hole, with the help of the bears.

She gave them a thumbs up as one dragged a rock over and shoved it into the hole, smiling as she heard the _boom_ at the bottom.

* * *

 **Staci** : Huh! Seems like bears are a lot more docile if you know what to do with them!

 **A bear** : *he touches his rope burn and yelps in pain, whimpering*

* * *

Staci looked at Anne Maria running down the woods, with B hot on her heels.

 _Time to do this!_

In the shade of the trees, no one noticed Staci pull out the B effigy, which was still tattered and torn as it was during her insane spell.

Staci smiled devilishly as she quickly yanked B's foot out behind him.

B gasped silently as his other foot gave way, causing him to slam face-first into his sizzling pie.

Sam gasped as he ran past B. "Sorry, B, but I—AAH!"

Sam yelled as Staci led him (via his effigy) in the direction of her pitfall, causing him to flip head over heels down it.

Staci waited…and waited…

 _Three…two…one…_

She balled up her hand into a fist and slammed it hard into the effigy's groin.

" _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_ "

Staci soon tied the Sam effigy up tight against her thigh with the rope, making sure the knot was difficult to find.

* * *

 **Staci** : So, thanks to Blanky-bear, square knots are all I really know! Mom or Dad never taught me anything like that…whoops!

* * *

Staci dove into her own trap, ready for the final step.

" _YOUR TICKET IS MINE, SAM!_ "

Sam was right on top of the rock Staci had put in the hole. He clutched his family jewels, moaning softly in pain. He was gripping onto his invincibility ticket, which had slipped out of his pocket mid-fall.

"Why the two-fold pain, Leonidas? This totally isn't…Sparta…"

Staci yelled loudly as she pounced on Sam, grabbing his ticket.

" _This…is…mine!_ " she gasped, struggling to yank it free out of his grip.

However, with the way she tied up her effigy, moving Sam's hands, much less his arms, was all but impossible.

"Wait…" Staci said, looking back at her elaborate roping trick. " _Nooooooooooooo!_ "

* * *

Anne Maria now sprinted to Chef unopposed.

"Hoo-wee!" Chef gasped, looking at B clutching at his face in pain. "He gonna be alright?"

"Eh, fuhget about him, and try _my_ dish!" Anne Maria said, passing her plate over to Chef.

Chef grabbed a knife and fork, then took a bite of both her side dish and her venison.

His pupils grew to the point where one could mistake them being from a puppy.

He slammed on the buzzer next to him, causing an alarm to go off above their heads, red lights spinning around.

"And Anne Maria takes home immunity!" Chris said, looking back at the other contestants.

B was still clutching his face, while Staci and Sam were nowhere to be seen.

Chris walked over to the hole that Staci dug and saw her on top of Sam, gripping something.

"Hey, lovebirds, I'd hate to break up the fondling ceremony, but Sam's taken and you guys lost! Hope you know who to vote for tonight!" Chris said, chuckling.

* * *

 **B** : *he feels his puffy face and sighs sadly*

 **Anne Maria** : Thanks, Staci! Final three, here I come!

* * *

Dinner was a quiet affair that night. B was just about to leave the mess hall, but Staci tapped his shoulder.

He turned around and looked her quietly, puffy face and all.

"AH! I mean, uh, hi! Um…it's about tonight's vote…can you do me a favor and vote for Sam? He kinda… _did_ …trip you into that mess… _meal!_ Meal you made, hahahaha."

B looked at her, then touched his face. He turned around and left.

Staci sighed. "Well, _that's_ reassuring."

* * *

 **Staci** : If B votes with me to get Sam's ticket out of his hands, we're as good as set for the final three! *she sighs* Sorry, B, guess 4th place is as good as you'll have to do. *she grabs some scissors and starts to cut Sam's effigy free* Nnngh! Unnnngh! Why are these _safety scissors?!_

* * *

Chris stood in front of the four competitors. On his plate were three marshmallows, and Chef responsible for the fourth.

"Well, campers, it's been a pretty swell day…" Chris said, looking at all of them. "Sam, I looked at the votes and it seems like _you_ weren't accounted for! You good there, buddy?"

Sam weakly laughed. "Can't…move…my…arms…"

Chris smiled. "Well, you _would_ be the one getting eliminated with two votes against…"

Staci cut through the last of effigy-Sam's ropes, freeing him. "Yes!"

Sam sighed in relief as he was finally able to move again.

" _Sssh!_ " Chris hissed. "Anyways, Sam, you _would_ be eliminated if it weren't for that invincibility ticket! Yoink!"

He took Sam's ticket and threw it in the fire. It burnt nearly instantly, creating a shower of sparks.

"So, Sam! You're first to get a marshmallow. Next up, our invincibility winner, Anne Maria!"

Sam smiled weakly as he caught his marshmallow. Anne Maria blew a raspberry at B as she caught hers.

"So, tonight's loser, thanks to Anne Maria…issss…" Chris said, as the Total Drama elimination music started to play in the background.

B's partially swollen eyes grew as large as they could. Staci looked relieved.

The elimination music swelled as Chris picked up the final marshmallow from the plate. He took a deep breath and…

"…Staci. Yeah, no more team swaps, no more quitters! You're done. For _good_."

Staci gasped as B caught his marshmallow. "Wait, _what?!_ But…but Anne Maria? _Why!?_ "

"Simple!" Anne Maria scoffed. "I nevuh fuhgot what you did to my babe! Add in the immunity and you're a cannon that's so loose, you, uh… _uhhhh…_ "

"Yeah, the analogies are cool and all, Anne Maria, but they're unnecessary," Chris said. "Oh yeah! Speaking of you, is there anyone you'd like to bring to the spa hotel?"

Anne Maria shrugged. "Is it awright to say 'no one'?"

"Sure! If you want to be a lonely sack of trash! Which, given what you've just done, fits you to a T."

Staci yelped and ducked as the Toxic Marshmallow flew over her head. "Well, guess it's the Dock of Shame for me, then…"

She stood up and looked over everyone. "Bye, everyone! And B, I'm sorry, but my body is _off-limits!_ "

* * *

 **B** : *he looks completely bamboozled*

* * *

No one came to join Staci as she went on the Boat of Losers, save for Chris and Chef.

"Y'know, Staci," Chris said as she got onto the boat, "I would've given you a major penalty for rooting through my stuff and taking the rope _and_ the shovel!"

Staci gasped. "Wait...I thought I covered my tracks!"

"Yeah, no. Found a major, sticky, path going from my male magazines to the confessional area! Put two and two together, and...yeah!"

Staci groaned. "Well, I'm not making it any further, so...bye, I guess..."

As the loser boat chugged out over the horizon, Chris turned to the other three. "Well, congrats, all of you, for making the final three! How do you feel?"

* * *

 **Sam** : Hey, final three! All I need is to win immunity on one more challenge and I'm in! Booyah! *he thinks for a minute* Wait a minute, _did B vote for me?!_

 **B** : *he looks mournfully at the confession cam and sadly kicks up a bit of dust*

 **Anne Maria** : Bye bye, traituh! All I needa do is win immunity one last time and, bam, hello finale! No one's gonna stand in my way, especially that dumb n-bleep!-! I'm glad Staci showed him his place, that's fuh sure!

* * *

"That's a wrap for this episode!" Chris said happily. "Join us next time when the final three become the terrible two! Well, it'll be terrible if Anne Maria is one of them, but anyways…see you next time on Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!"

* * *

(AN: Well, here's your final three! Sorry, potential Staci fans that came from this fic, I had this elimination in mind for a _little_ while, kinda…actually, fun fact, she lasted a bit longer than I had originally planned for her to! And a _lot_ longer than in canon! Did you like what I did to her? Did you not? If yes or no, why? Sit tight, the penultimate chapter will come your way very soon! I plan to finish this fic by the end of February.)

Remaining contestants: Anne Maria, B, Sam

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

10th: Jo

9th: Dawn

8th: Mal (injury)

-Justin returns-

8th: Beth

7th: Dakota (quit)

-merge-

6th: Justin

5th: Brick

4th: Staci

Next Up: The Enchanted Franken-Forest


	12. The Enchanted Franken-forest

(AN: Second final chapter, second final chapter, second final chapter, widdly widdly woo! Let's do this!

* * *

 **Chris** : Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, the final four went on a food foraging expedition for our buddy Chef! Anne Maria needed time to bag her animal, but Staci was all too happy to oblige! Sam struggled to keep the pace, but his invincibility ticket saved him in the end! Anne Maria won immunity, and in a surprising twist, it was Staci who got the Boat of Losers treatment! Our last normal elimination, and our final three! Who will advance? Will Anne Maria get her long-earned comeuppance? Find out on this episode of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

*cue the theme song*

Episode 12: The Enchanted Franken-Forest

* * *

Sam collapsed onto his bed in the loser cabins. "Thanks for having my back, huh, _Bev_?"

B didn't look at him. As a matter of fact, the silent genius was still mournfully looking down at the ground.

"Grovel all you want, B, but I can't really trust you anymore! I'm sorry…"

* * *

 **B** : *he's still looking forlornly at the ground, face slightly less puffy*

 **Sam** : So, seems like I'm a lone wolf now, huh? I mean, unless there's a way for B to get my trust back…which won't be easy!

* * *

Anne Maria scribbled out the last of her letter to her Albertan family. "Ahh, the good life!" she said to herself.

She handed the letter to the butler. "I'm pretty sure you know what to do with this, right?"

The butler smiled and nodded.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : So havin' Staci gone…eh, it's great to finally get some peace 'n quiet, but I dunno, I'm kinda regrettin' my decision…she _probably_ could screw Sam up pretty badly and then, bam! Hel- _lo_ , female finale! Eh.

* * *

Sam was angrily writing out a letter to his brother, while B still sat there. However, as he wrote each word, his anger seemed to lessen slightly.

 _Hey bro,_

 _Hope all's good out here. This'll be my final letter to you this season. Honestly, I've kinda gotten fed up with some people around here. Anne Maria's a total ass, and B threw me under the bus to make me give up the immunity ticket! Ah, look at me, getting all angry like this. That's not me, is it?_

 _How are you? You doing okay? I'm still in it for you, Brick, and Dakota at this point, bro. Honestly, though, one thing I'd also like here is a souvenir to remember my time here! Y'know, a physical object to work with…eh, I'm sure Harold would understand._

 _Hope you're doing well, bro. See you when I either win or lose._

 _Love,_

 _Sam_

* * *

 **Sam** : *he sighs* writing to my bro was a real load off my back. I might want to get things better between B and myself tomorrow. I mean, hey, Staci probably put him up to it, am I right?

* * *

Before too long, morning arrived to the island. At 8:00 that morning, the 2 losers were in the mess hall eating their breakfast.

"Huh," Sam said, picking at a slightly more congealed amount of slop than usual, "maybe Chef's improved his cooking standards, heheh."

B shrugged and shoveled more food into his mouth.

* * *

 **B** : *he makes a muscle with his arm and nods*

* * *

Chris walked into the mess hall. "Good morning! After breakfast, don't forget to give me your letters. Anne Maria's given me hers through the butler, so…yeah!"

Sam immediately grabbed his letter and ran up to Chris. "Here, might as well, right?"

"Hey, that's cool, dude," Chris said, shooting him a smile that twinkled. "Might as well put it through my amazing, wonderful, reliable mail service!"

Sam looked a little more closely at Chris's face. He had sleep crust around his eyelids and one eye twitched. "Uh…you okay?"

"Nah, I'm fine… _tooootally_ fine…heheh, it's not like the fear of Fierr…Sierra…kept me…up…all night…or anything, heheheheheheheh…"

* * *

 **Sam** : Huh, poor Chris. Wasn't expecting him to be this off the walls bonkers. Oh yeah, time to make amends with B…

 **Chris** : *he's holding an all new smartphone, but this one has a bunch of chains and locks on it* Hahahahahaha…she'll _never_ get me now! Gotta make sure to cover all of my tracks! Woo- _hahahahaha!_

* * *

"Hey, B, you gonna…gonna…give me any letters…letter _ing_ …ers?" Chris said, slightly unsteady on his feet.

B smiled and shook his head.

"Well, okay, heart…heartless…less hearty… _jerk!_ Hahahahaha, Sierra will _never_ get at me again!" Chris said before bolting out of the mess hall.

Sam looked at where the host stood just a few seconds prior. "Huh! That's not what I expected."

B stood up and was almost ready to leave the area when Sam stopped him.

"Hey, B! Can we, uh, talk?"

* * *

 **Sam** : If there's anyone I can trust on this show now, it might as well be B. Guy's been pretty great throughout this whole competition!

* * *

Sam sat back down with B across from him.

"So, uh, B, why did you vote for me? Was it Staci? It was Staci, wasn't it?"

B looked away for a moment, but slowly nodded. Sam groaned and clutched his hair.

"Gaah, I knew it! Anne Maria and her are sneakier than the snakes on _Temple Raider 4!_ It's a lose-lose situation here, B! If she wins immunity, we're toast!"

B, eyes wide, nodded vigorously.

"So, here's what I say we do this challenge. Either you or I kinda ride the reins on this one…I mean…uh…what was I trying to say here?"

B silently chuckled and nodded again.

"Hey, B, thanks. You're a lot better than I expected, heheheh."

* * *

 **Sam** : So, I guess this is a friendship finale all the way, huh! Nice!

 **Anne Maria** : Odds are that the gamuh and the n-bleep!- are gonna get together and boot me off the show! All I gotta do is find some way to throw one of 'em off their game!

* * *

Anne Maria walked into the men's bedroom, seeing if she could find anything to sabotage her competition.

Her eyes glistened as she noticed Sam's Game Guy sack.

 _Hello, victory!_

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : No idea why Sam's got that crap hidin' around…huh! Maybe one of his _friends_ *she gags as she says it* brought 'em back!

* * *

Anne Maria half-dragged, half-carried the sack back to Chris and Chef's home. She loudly knocked on the door.

Chef wrenched it open, "Whaddaya want? I was goin' to get some quality shower time with Ch—I mean, none of ya business!"

"Okay, so, I found _these_ (Anne Maria motioned to the Game Guys) near Sam's bed. Isn't he, like, not allowed to have these or somethin'?"

Chef's eyes widened. He bolted into the house, leaving Anne Maria on her own, looking confused.

A few seconds of rummaging sounds later, Chef came back.

"Right! Thank _you_ for givin' me _these_ back…" he said ominously.

He knelt and hissed right in her ear. " _Cracka._ "

Anne Maria's face turned bright red as her anger peaked. " _Hey! No one, but no one's allowed to call me that!"_

Chef picked up the Game Guy sack. "Huh. Maybe _you_ should be the one not callin' B a n-bleep!-!"

He slammed the door in Anne Maria's face. Her rage had subsided, only to be replaced by a state of confusion.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Awright, so, uh… _uhhhhh…_ *she massages her temples* Ugh, this thinkin' _sucks!_ Where are ya, Justin? You'd make things bettuh!

* * *

45 minutes later, Chris sounded the air horn. Anne Maria, who was relaxing outside the spa hotel, snapped to attention, as did Sam and B, who were outside their cabin.

"Good…good morning, all of you! Whoo! Sorry 'bout that!" Chris said, rubbing his eyes. "Kinda lost some sleep on the sleepy fairy train…hahaha!"

Sam and B looked at each other, confused. Anne Maria just scratched her head.

"Uh, we gonna get to tha challenge or what?" she asked a rather loopy Chris.

"Oh…oh yeah! F…follow me, please…"

Within 5 minutes, Chris had led the 3 to the opening of a forest. However, unlike the other forests on the island, this one felt incredibly muggy. What was more, loud roars and shrieks emanated from it.

"Soo…uh…this is the site of your next challenge…" Chris said, struggling to stay awake. "You, uh…gotta get some stuff from in this forest and, uh…uhhh…"

"Uh, Chris? Should Chef come out and do this for us?" Sam asked him.

"Ya know…ya know what? That's…that's an okay idea!" Chris said. "Cheffy-poo! Get…get your cute butt over here…"

Anne Maria gagged. " _Cheffy-poo?_ "

"He…hey, I didn't ask for _your…_ homophobic…sass…C'mon, Chef, daylight's burnin'…tick…tock…"

Chef rode over in the ATV. "What's up, Chris?"

"Do me a favor…run down the challenge, will ya…? I've got some calls to make about, uh…uh…"

"Tomorrow's final challenge?"

"Oh yeah…see yas!"

Chris flopped onto the back of the ATV. Chef rolled his eyes.

"Alright, suckas, this challenge is gonna test your wits and creativity! You gotta go in _that_ forest and find anything interestin'! Only rule is, it's gotta belong to one of the _several_ animals in there!

"Next, you gotta get _out_ of the forest and place _all of your items_ in that basket! I'll be double checkin', no, _triple-checkin'_ , the footage to make sure that nothing's suspicious or out of place…"

Chris yawened and started to close his eyes. "Thank ya Chef…can we go back now…got some sleep to make, calls to get…you know the drill…"

He handed Chef the air horn. The drill instructor blew it long and loud.

"GO, SUCKAS, GO! WE'LL SEE YA LATER!" he said, before hopping on the ATV and roaring away.

Sam and B immediately ran into the challenge area. The former wiped his brow as he was hit hard by the extreme humidity in the forest.

"Welcome to the Enchanted Franken-forest!" a pre-recorded message of Chris said over the loudspeakers. "Here's where almost all of the mutated animals have made their home! We're close to the caverns where the whole radioactive mess began!

"And, speaking of radioactive, it's at an increased level here, so be sharp! This is where Chef gets his Toxic Marshmallows from!"

Sam sighed as he started running to anything close to him.

"Oh yeah, another rule of being here is _don't take any animal for a prize!_ Seriously, they're highly radioactive and _extremely_ dangerous! Things like eggs and such though, those are fair game!

"Heck, I'll even take their poo! Enjoy _that_ thought…heheh, radioactive dookie."

* * *

 **Sam** : Is it just me, or did Chris set up this challenge to be even more of a sadist than he ever was? I mean, this is pretty extreme…more extreme than the extreme _Aldente Must Die_ mode in _Pasta Makes You Cry 5: This Time, the Pasta Eats You!_

* * *

B ducked as a pack of mutated goats flew over his head. They _baa_ ed and _maa_ ed, flying to a perch in a tree.

"You good there, B?" Sam asked, stepping carefully around a radioactive vent in the ground. "Wait…you know, where's Anne Maria?"

Anne Maria was still on the outskirts of the challenge, glaring at what lay inside.

"Okay, no way, no _how_ am I goin' in there! My looks are gonna get severely screwed up!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she applies a third layer of rouge to herself* Evuh since the Justin incident 4 days ago, there's _no_ way I'm lettin' myself get around that level of radiation evuh again! Nuh uh!

* * *

Sam yelped as he barely dodged a steam vent blasting from a hole in the ground.

"Okay, _how_ did this place come to be?!" he cried out, running towards some small cliffs in the distance.

As if on cue, a small jingle played over the loudspeakers, followed by Chris shuffling some cue cards.

"Ugh, which _one_ of these is the right on…oh, here we go! *ahem* Today, we will find out all about how the 'Enchanted Franken-Forest' came to be, as well as finding out some fascinating facts about the flora _and_ the fauna in the area…"

Anne Maria groaned as she sat underneath a tree. "Fuh real, Chris? What a losuh!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : So yeah, I'm not competin' in this challenge! I don't care if this gets me the boot; my looks com first!

* * *

"…the forest came about after Season 1 when Justin blew up the island in a completely failed nuclear bomb test…"

Sam cringed as he started to climb up the small cliffs. "Well, _that's_ something you don't hear every day!"

* * *

 **Sam** : Yeah, seriously, what happened during season 1? Aww, I should've watched it! Or not…I mean, what if it wasn't that good?

* * *

"…fun fact…did you know…the mountain goats here have suddenly gained the ability to fly…and no, don't ask me how that happened, it's toxic radiation…anything is possible…"

Sam slapped himself awake as Chris's lilting voice nearly put him to sleep. "Fo- _cus!_ "

* * *

 **Sam** : Well, looks like it's B and I competing for immunity! Not bad, huh?

* * *

B, in the meanwhile, was hopping over vents and scrambling past weak patches on the ground.

"…fun fact number five…our resident shark, Fang, is our first animal to have tattoos of contestants put on him…after this season, you'll see exactly what I mean…" Chris said in the same soothing voice.

B looked up at another section of small cliffs, similar to Sam's but on the opposite side of the forest.

Sitting right on top of the cliffs was a nest with several baby blue colored eggs on it. B snapped his fingers happily and started to climb.

"…okay, I'm completely out of fun facts for this forest. Time to get the dirt on some of you campers! Consider it repayment for all the crap you guys have gotten into!"

Sam yelped as Chris's voice changed from soothing to excited. "Whoa! That's, uh…not cool!"

"So, let's get started on our first eliminated contestant, Lightning! Did you guys know that Lightning's dad owns a crapton of Super Bowl rings? Yeah, Lightning's originally from _'merica._ "

Chris sighed. "I don't know what's worse: the fact that he's American or the fact that he's besmirching American _and_ Canadian pride by being such a sleazeball!"

B had made it to the top of the cliffs and was ready to grab his eggs. Unfortunately, a blast of hot air near him made him reconsider the decision.

"Also, did you know that Lightning has a necklace of a lightning bolt around his neck?" Chris chuckled as B ran from the mutated goats. "I mean, is that lacking subtlety or _what?!_ "

* * *

Meanwhile, at the end of the challenge, Chef put down his binoculars.

"Alright, Chris, they're gettin' nowhere here. What do you propose?"

Chris didn't hear him. "Yeah…oh, right, the parts…yeah, you're going to Boney Island to set that Chrisiseum up…yeah, I know…uh huh. Thank you, and goodbye!"

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah…kinda?" Chris collapsed into his lawn chair and started snoring away.

Chef rolled his eyes and checked his binoculars again. "Hold it…they're missin' a camper!"

Chef hopped into his ATV and zoomed off. "She's not gonna win by doin' nothin'! Not on my watch!"

* * *

 **Chef** : Might as well intimidate the racist crap outta Anne Maria at this rate! Good thing she respects me more than she does B!

* * *

"…did you know? Cameron's been trapped in his bubble for 16 years due to his overprotective mother! Yeah, she'd _barely_ let him out of the house for a minute, heh. Kept him homeschooled, too! Maybe he'd like meeting Ezekiel…"

"Uh, Chris?" Sam asked, scrambling to the top of his set of cliffs. "Are these meant to distract us?"

The Chris over the PA continued, ignoring Sam's question.

"…and did you know that Cameron's favorite movies are Frankie the French Fry and Adventures at Bendy's? Ha! Lame, right?"

B glared at the pre-recorded voice, shaking his head.

* * *

 **B** : *he's holding up a picture of Cameron. He draws a green circle around him and angrily gives a thumbs up*

* * *

Anne Maria was still lounging under her tree when she heard Chef approach her.

"A- _HA!_ I've gotcha, scrawny chick! You thought you could be _lazy_ this challenge and coast to the finals? What are ya, five, six years old?"

Anne Maria glared at him. "For your information, I have looks to keep up! Remembuh Justin savin' me in the watuh earliuh? That was _more_ than enough for lettin' my secret get out!"

"A secret, hmmm? Well, then…secret _this!_ "

Chef picked up Anne Maria by the scruff of her shirt and her belt loops. Anne Maria struggled to keep any camera views of her butt crack hidden, while Chef tossed her in the forest like a sack of potatoes.

"There ya go, scrawny chick!"

He wrung his hands. "Whoo, she's heavy as a brick!"

Anne Maria screamed as a vent went off close to her face. "Great Gawd, I didn't sign up for this!"

"Join the club!" Sam yelled, as he was picked up by a horde of bipedal lizards. "Huh, what gives here… _AAAAH!_ "

B winced as Sam fell, but had to keep running from the goats, whose fire grew closer and closer with each second.

"Aw, no you don't!" Anne Maria said, face-to-face with a Boney Island beaver. "You're not gettin' tha hair!"

Sam yelped as Anne Maria socked the beaver hard in the face, sending it flying into the cliff. He ran as the cliff collapsed with the impact force, causing the lizards and the beaver to fall into a pool of radiation.

"All in a day's work!" Anne Maria said, but she then shrieked.

"Aah! Okay, _that's_ not normal!"

In the pool, a flurry of tentacles went and snatched up its prize, sending a shower of multi-colored blood into the area. Some droplets fell back in the radioactive pool, which then sizzled out of existence.

"Stay _faar_ away from that one…" Anne Maria said to herself.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *her face makeup is looking partially melted* Awright, this ain't cool! _This_ *she motions all over her face* is why I didn't want to go in there!

* * *

B noticed a steam vent nearby, with a pyre of steam going off at that moment.

He narrowed his eyes and wiped the increasing amount of sweat from his brow. He needed to memorize the timing of those vents.

Anne Maria clutched her temples as she heard B slapping his leg each second. " _GOOD F-_ bleep!- _ING GAWD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_ "

However, B just ignored her. Running around the vent to buy time, he ducked as the flying goats shot another blast of flame at him.

He then noticed the same vent go off again. He quickly calculated his slaps at 45.

Sam, however, sprinted off for another part of the woods. "Okay, _I'm_ outta here!"

* * *

 **Sam** : When in doubt, find a way out! _Souls of Night Terror_ taught me that one, heh. Hey, speaking of which, if I win immunity tonight, I get to play my Game Guys all I want! I mean, I'm not _going_ to invite B over to the hotel…sorry, B!

* * *

"…did you know that Scott's got some kooky family? I mean, his brother is named Rodney, and he's got a cousin that's turned goth! Barely know anything about her, though…"

Sam covered his ears as Chris continued to drone on useless information. _C'mon, I just need something good here!_

Sam noticed that the pathway to Chef was intentionally left clear, save for some steam vents littered here and there. Around him, however, were cliffsides, small, radioactive lakes, and animals as far as he could see.

"Huh," he murmured to himself, "Kinda reminds me of a _Blego_ video game, heheh."

* * *

 **Sam** : Well, why not say that? _Blego_ games usually have a clear objective, but if one goes off the path a little bit, they can find some seriously cool stuff!

* * *

Chef lowered his binoculars once again. "Huh, Gamer kid's on his way to the more… _dangerous_ …part of the forest, heh heh…"

Sam noticed that a section of cliffs cut off, leading to a natural pathway below. However, something seemed off: the pathway led to a large, circular, lake, and there were small plants atop a nest blocking the way.

Sam's face changed to an expression of excitement. "Ooh! Hello, guys, can you do me a favor and get out of my—"

A loud roar was his response. Sam was blasted by hot, stinky breath and spittle flecks.

"Well, never mind _that_ ," he said, looking up at the now-gigantic Venus flytrap that stood before him.

* * *

 **Sam** : Alright, where did Chris get that thing?

 **Chris** : *he yawns* Oh, Sam got Larry…Laaa- _aaaarrry_ , huh? Nice!

* * *

Sam ran for his life as Larry lifted himself off the ground, using his tentacle roots to do so. The smaller plants were next to Larry's head, spitting fire at the gamer.

"Aaaaaah! This better go well!" Sam yelled, dodging all the flame bursts in time.

B, however, had timed his escape well. The steam vent went up 45 seconds after the last, but this time, the mutated goats had gotten caught with it.

"Hey! Did you know that Jo's _never_ kissed a guy?" Chris taunted as B ran back to fetch his eggs. "I mean, is that a real drag or what? Ha!"

Sam yelled as Larry's tentacles and flames barely missed him. Larry, however, wasn't aware that a key prize had escaped from the nest.

Anne Maria gasped as she saw a large, misshapen egg lying on the ground near Larry.

 _Final two, here I come!_

As Anne Maria sprinted along down the pathway, avoiding steam vents as she went, Chris's announcements picked up more steam.

"Hey, did you guys know that Beth once had some really weird braces? Ha! I mean, she told us that in the first episode…but real fact! Beth was originally going to be in Season 1, but was replaced by Ben! Was it a fair trade-off? I don't know!"

Sam yelled as he tucked and rolled past Larry and his/her egg. He sprinted down to the large lake of radioactive waste.

He gasped as he saw a few marshmallows floating around in it, along with some strange creatures.

Chris, over the PA, cleared his throat. "Oh, come on, Chef! Seems like I found a cue card I missed about the Franken-Forest!"

The pre-recorded Chris sighed and reluctantly read. "So, I have a pet there named Larry. She slash he was _such_ a nice guy slash girl. His slash her eggs are so cute."

Sam yelled loudly as a flurry of smaller tentacles engulfed him and pulled him into the not-quite water.

The Chris voice continued to drone on facts about Larry. "I found him slash her a few years ago and forgot him slash her in the radioactive waste...I didn't know that she slash he would be so...gigantic. Aaah."

" _AAAAH! MUTATED JELLYFISH!_ " Sam yelled, struggling to stay afloat, even as a jellyfish latched to his face and zapped him constantly.

"Oh, next clue, Chef? okay…did you know that the only way to really make a jellyfish sting _feel better_ is to pee on it?" Chris said, before making a revolted noise. "Chef, they're 16, not 10! They don't need to know about bodily functions like that!"

Too late, Sam heard his directions, dipped into the radioactive waste, and before long, the surface had grown slightly more yellow.

Sam sloshed out of the lake, sighing happily.

* * *

 **Sam** : Well, no one else was going to pee on me! *he looks at the camera, then laughs* Huh, that is a _weird_ sentence…

* * *

However, the itching that Sam felt didn't quite go away. In fact, it started to get inflamed even worse.

"Okay, _ow! Ow ow ow!_ " he yelled, scratching the spot as best he could under the decreased vision.

Chris chuckled at Chef over the PA system. "Hey, do you think they'll care if the last part was _completely bogus?_ "

Pre-recorded Chef groaned at the pre-recorded Chris. "Then why'd you _put that in?!_ "

"Simple! Wanted to see how gullible they were."

The jellyfish let go of his face, its torment done. However, Sam gasped as he saw a pile of eggs be left behind.

"No _way._ "

* * *

 **Sam** : *he laughs* Man, those eggs are pretty interesting, huh! I mean, look deep into them! *he puts one extremely close to the camera, revealing a Chris head floating in the fluid* Gross! Hahaha!

* * *

B finally picked up his goat eggs and was running to the exit. Chris's voice crackled on the loudspeakers again.

"Alright, so, one last piece of dirt on our eliminated contestants! Did you know that Dakota _really_ has a deep hatred for Sam? I mean, she's kinda dating him out of pity!"

Sam's mouth stood agape, and his hands started shaking in fear.

"No, Dakota…that's…that's not true…" he said quietly, dropping some eggs in the process, which proved to be deadly.

Sam ignored the suffocating Chris heads as he pocketed 5 eggs. Yelling loudly, enraged, he started making his way towards the exit.

" _IMMUNITY IS MINE, CHRIS MCLEAN!_ "

* * *

Chef hurriedly woke Chris up. "C'mon, Chris! The three of 'em are coming right this way! You gotta meet 'em!"

Chris yawned loudly and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah…?"

Chef, angry at the sleep deprivation, splashed some ice-cold water on Chris's face, causing him to yelp and splutter.

"Aah! _Chef! That was a special perm/gel combo!_ "

"Yeah, but these guys are gonna determine the finalists! Come on, stop bein' such a baby!"

Chris hurried over to the basket where the contestants would put their items in.

Chef looked over at Chris. "Also…why did you lie about Dakota's feelin's for Sam? She's all over him, you know that…"

"Simple! Can't have a good couple without some drama! I mean, we kinda needed a Bridgette/Ben 2.0, right?"

" _No!?_ No, we didn't, Chris! That's gonna put an even greater strain on their relationship than if you just left 'em alone! I mean, c'mon! It's their first one! Cut them some slack!"

Sam bolted out of the pathway to the lake, jumping as high as he could onto Larry's nest perch. He vigorously climbed Larry's root tentacles, which led him to the trees above.

As he hopped from sturdy branch to sturdy branch, he noticed B running down below.

"Hey, _B! I'm gonna use you as a springboard! Watch out!_ "

B braced for impact. Sam jumped off a low-hanging branch, landed directly on B's shoulder, and somersaulted in the air several times.

Landing neatly on his feet, Sam bellowed over to Chris and Chef, gently putting 3 eggs into the basket.

" _Sam wins immunity!_ " Chris shouted. "See, Chef? Lying about that little 'factoid' was a good move if it led to this! Happy final 2, Sam!"

* * *

 **Chris** : Okay, _those_ acrobatic moves nearly put _Svetlana_ to shame! Good on you, Sam…good on you!

 **Sam** : Aw yeah, I've still got it! Heheh! Sorry, Anne Maria, but your butt is _toast!_

* * *

"Hey, as a reward for the final immunity challenge, Sam, you get to decide who will join you in the final two tonight! See you then!" Chris said, before walking off.

Anne Maria, who was struggling to move Larry's egg, shrieked loudly. Her shriek led Larry's egg to bust wide open, creating several mini-Venus flytraps, a few of whom had some Chris heads.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Unbelievable! Why, of all people, did _Sam_ win? I mean, how _long_ did Brick tha dick carry his ass to the finale? Aaaaaagh!

* * *

"Now then, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap," Chris said, walking off with the basket.

Chef put two fingers to his eyes, then pointed them at the three contestants. "I'll be checkin' that footage…"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Awright, so maybe if someone screwed up somewhere, that's the _only_ chance I've got at stayin' in the game…*she sighs* and that chance is so small!

* * *

Dinner that night was a silent affair, not helped by one thirds of the cast being nearly mute.

Anne Maria picked at her slop, not caring whether she ate it or not.

Sam, however, shoveled his food into his mouth. "Aw, yeah! Score one for the gamer!"

* * *

 **Sam** : Well, more like score…I dunno, a million? Heheh, anyways, Dakota, I'm winning this million just for you! I love you!

* * *

Anne Maria stabbed her slop with her fork.

"Awright, gamuh, I'm gonna give you the _best_ reasons as to why I should stay over _him_ (she motioned at B)."

Sam gave her a foul look as he chewed on his food. "Proceed…"

"Awright, so, haven't I treated ya fairly since we all made tha merge? Huh? Haven't I?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Well, you continued throwing me under the bus _just_ to get that invincibility ticket, didn't you? You _and_ Staci. Pretty sure you got B in on it, too."

"But that's watuh under the bridge! Besides, _he…_ (she motioned more vigorously to B) _…wanted you gone!_ I don't care about 'friendship' and 'who's more to blame', that wasn't how I was raised!

"Trust me, if you take me to tha finals with ya, I'll letcha win, guaranteed!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : *she gags* tha thought of 'friendship finales' make me wanna puke deep inside, but if I wanna stay on Sam's good side if it means a spot in the finals, right? I mean, hey, never said I was gonna _keep_ that promise…

 **Sam** : Honestly, it's either trust her completely and go lone wolf, or take B in and then it'll be a rather bitter rivalry. Which is better? I dunno!

* * *

Sam glared at her. "I'll see how I feel at the elimination tonight…"

Anne Maria sighed sadly as Sam stood up and walked out of the mess hall.

"See ya soon, Gram and Gramps..."

* * *

Chris stood in front of them with two marshmallows. Chef was decked in his usual suit beside him, Toxic Marshmallow glowing.

"So, Sam, how do you feel about making the finals and having your competitor's fate in your own hands?" Chris asked him.

Sam chuckled once again. "Pretty good, Chris! Although, I think for _one person…_ (he looked over at Anne Maria menacingly)…it's going to suck big time!"

"Sounds good to me! However, before we hand these bad boys out and Sam determines the fate of a competitor, I have a shocking announcement to make!

"Sam, as a matter of fact, did _not_ complete the challenge!"

B and Anne Maria gasped. "No wonduh he was gettin' so cocky!" Anne Maria yelled, leaping up and pointing her finger accusingly at him. " _HA!_ "

"Sam! Could you stand up and turn out your pockets, _please?_ " Chris asked.

Sam mournfully stood up and did so. Everything that happened next seemed to be in slow-motion, or it might've been the cameras in post.

Sam's two eggs that he left in his pockets fell from them and onto the ground, splattering open and revealing the suffocating Chris heads inside.

"Oh- _kay! Chef! You didn't tell me that_ _ **this**_ _is what he left behind!_ _ **My babies!**_ " Chris said, sinking to the ground and sobbing.

Chef looked over at the sobbing host. "Uhhhh, Chris…did you actually…"

" _This was the result of boredom over the win—_ I mean _, a year's worth of scientific research!_ " Chris howled, watching his progeny take their last gasps of life.

Sam looked away in shame. "I just wanted a souvenir in case I got the boot tonight! The island's a dangerous, but cool, place! _I'm sorry…_ "

"Sam! Do you know what happens when you tarnish my good name _and_ cheat your way to a challenge win?"

Sam looked over at Chris, still as sad as ever. "What?"

* * *

Sam was now bobbing on the Boat of Losers. He sighed, looking even more dejected.

"Yeah!" Chris said. "Enjoy your _not_ million dollars, murderer!"

"Chris?" Chef said, still decked in his suit, tongs holding the Toxic Marshmallow, "do you _really_ think this was justified? I mean, at _least_ let him be eliminated by his fellow competitors!"

"I _really_ don't care anymore, Chef! Oh, and this is totally _not_ having my ego bruised thanks to paranoia that may or may not be caused by Sierra! See you, Sam! Well, see you _never,_ hahahaha!"

"Hey, uh, Sam, I _was_ gonna mention about you sneakin' your game systems out of our place, but, uh…not a good time for that," Chef said under his breath, intentionally dropping the Toxic Marshmallow into the water.

It fell in with a small _splash_ , then shortly after it fell in, the area started to sizzle.

Sam sighed sadly. "Sorry for blowing it, you guys. But if you were me, and you lasted so long on this kickey, bitey place, you'd want something to remember it by, too, right? I mean, I got two eggs: one for me, and one for my _true love_."

Chris tossed the final two marshmallows at B and Anne Maria. "Hold on, not _quite_ done with you two yet," he said, as the Boat of Losers started to chug out over the Wawanakwa waters.

"In honor of making the final two, you guys can pick _two_ helpers for your final challenge!"

B immediately pointed at the Boat of Losers.

Chef facepalmed. "You seriously want the murderer of my kids? Ugh, _fine!_ Chef! _CHEF!_ Come back here!"

Chef heard Chris's shouts just in time. He turned the boat around and docked it.

"So, Sam, you might be done with the competition, but _not_ done with the island! B's chosen you to be one of his two helpers!" Chris said, feigning a smile as best he could.

Sam sadly stepped off the boat, then trudged over to B. "Well, I guess if you want a guy who'll let you down…you picked the right guy…"

* * *

 **B** : *he shrugs and nods at a crude drawing of Sam*

* * *

"So, B, who'll be your second helper?" Chris said, looking at him.

B put fingers over his eyes to simulate round glasses.

"Alright, uh…you talking about Cameron over there?" Chris asked, as Chef got off the Boat of Losers, whistling jauntily behind him.

B snapped his fingers happily and nodded vigorously.

"Alright! Sounds like a good plan, B! Which, might I add, you're _full of._ " Chris glared at Sam at the last two words, causing him to sink forward in shame further.

"Anne Maria! Who will _your_ two helpers be?"

"Justin and Vito!" she gasped happily.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : So, I'll have all dis man candy to myself, then tha million's mine! Win-win for me!

* * *

"Uhhh…hate to rain on your parade there, but Mal's out of commission and Justin's _incredibly_ difficult to get in contact with…so, choose again!" Chris said.

Anne Maria groaned. "Fine, I'll go with Jo and, uh…Scott…"

Sam cringed slightly, while B looked at her in confusion.

"Huh…okay…" Chris said. "That _should_ be a bit easier to do! I'll get in touch with them and we'll have a happy day off tomorrow with your helpers! My treat!"

* * *

 **Chris** : Huh, I never realized that we had a _full_ day off. Heck, this is only day 12 out of 14! Kinda want to get all the days I can on this island before things go _really_ south!

* * *

"So, I think that's a wrap for this episode," Chris said, looking at the cameras. "In two days, it'll all come to an end! B and Anne Maria definitely have some tough times ahead! Find out who will reign victorious and who will—"

"YOU'RE GOING DOWN!" Anne Maria shrieked to B. "I'M THE BEST COMPETITUH EVUH, AND YOU'RE JUST A N-bleep! TURD FLOATING AROUND IN THA TOILET, WAITING TA BE FLUSHED!"

"Huh, flushed!" Chris said, eyes brightening. "Now _that's_ a way to have some people get the boot…maybe next season…*ahem* anyways, everything comes to a head here on the finale of Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!"

* * *

(AN: Sorry, Sam fans! I was debating whether to keep him in for the finals or not, but in the end, I wanted a different-team finale again, just like in Season 1. Also, I kept thinking about his elimination in All-Stars, how much I hated it, and whether I could do it somewhat better…I hate All-Stars, but I keep thinking about it…is this Stockholm syndrome?)

Remaining competitors: Anne Maria, B

Anne Maria's helpers: Jo, Scott

B's helpers: Cameron, Sam

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

10th: Jo

9th: Dawn

8th: Mal (injury)

-Justin returns-

8th: Beth

7th: Dakota

-merge-

6th: Justin

5th: Brick

4th: Staci

3rd: Sam (disqualified)

Last up: Beauty and the Brain! The Final Showdown!

(Last rule of business! You guys get to vote and see who wins, just like in season 1! Leave a review _or_ a PM saying on who you want to see win! I'm giving you a week, aka, until February 18th! Last chapter will be out by the end of the month, guaranteed!)


	13. Beauty and the Brain! The Final Showdown

(AN: This is it, gang! The winner of Season 2 issssss…)

* * *

 **Chris** : Last time on our penultimate episode of Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, our final 3 had one last scavenger hunt designed to test their wits and thinking on their feet! Anne Maria initially didn't compete, but a firm shove *the camera cuts to Anne Maria getting thrown in by Chef* brought her to her senses! In the end, Sam won immunity, but due to a technicality _and_ murdering my next generation, he was the next to get on the Boat of Losers! However, B and Anne Maria picked their helpers, and Sam came back to work with B! Now, Cameron, Jo, and Scott are coming to help out, and these final two show a great amount of clout! It'll all come to a head in this epic conclusion to Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!

*cue the theme song*

Episode 13: Beauty and the Brain! The Final Showdown!

* * *

"Whaddaya _mean_ Cameron can't come?!"

Chris awoke to hear Chef yelling angrily on the phone.

"Ughhhh, Chef! C'mon, I want to get some shut-eye!"

"Chris, it's only 11 at night! Most people would still be awake at this hour, right? Hey, there's time zones to think about, too!" Chef said, ignoring the yakking on the other line.

Chris sleepily rolled his eyes. "Fiii- _iiiine_ ," he groaned. "But promise me we'll have a good night's sleep together _after_ those calls are done."

"That's a promise! Oh, I'm sorry about that, I was just talkin' to the host of the show!"

Meanwhile, Sam, B, and Anne Maria were all at the spa hotel that night (Chris allowed the final two and any available helpers to go in as a reward for making it thus far).

Sam was on his bed, looking more and more dejected by the minute. B came up to him, offering him a freshly baked sticky bun.

"Uhh…no thanks, B, I'd rather just sit here and wallow in my misery," Sam said to himself, quietly.

* * *

 **Sam** : *he slaps his forehead repeatedly* Ugh, stupid! If I didn't get that idea to _keep_ the two Chris head jellyfish eggs, then B and I would be finalists! Instead, here I am…just wondering how I'll screw up next…

* * *

Chef angrily slammed the receiver down. "C'mon! B wanted this to happen! I mean, hey, the _rest_ of the competitors said 'yes' to returning right away!"

Chris sleepily opened an eye. "Didn't Scott say he'd…"

"Bring some family? Yes! But that's fine! We can handle a few more!"

Chris sighed. "Well, might as well go over and tell B the bad news…"

"Guess you're right, Chris, I mean, I have something else I gotta do, too…huh?"

Cameron's home number showed up in the Caller ID area. Chef picked the receiver up.

"Yes, hello?"

A small paused followed, but then…

"Yeah, sure, I'll put you on speaker."

Chef hit the speaker button and put down the receiver of the phone.

"Tell 'im your plan, Cam."

"Hi, Chris! Uh…do you know where Chef can safely pick me up? I _really_ want to help B win this challenge, but Mom's being a _little_ uptight again…"

"Boy, I'll say…" Chef mumbled under his breath.

Chris yawned and sat up in bed. "Okay, so Chef's got a small shuttle bus that can take him to some parts of Ontario. Are you nearby us?"

"Oh, yes! Mom said that being on the show was 'okay'; we're about 10 minutes away from the Muskoka area, she could always come pick me up if something went wrong!"

"Great! I say early tomorrow morning, Chef'll come get you. So, you might want to get some sleep…"

"…and wake up and leave before Mom does! Great idea, Chris! Thanks!"

"Not a problem! I'd say around…6 tomorrow morning would be a good time to leave, sooo…"

"That's not a problem at all, Chris! If I went to sleep right now, I'd get a maximum of 7 hours of sleep, plus or minus any rest I get on the bus or the boat ride over, and presto! I'm fully rested _and_ ready to help B win!"

Chris yawned again. "Sounds good, Cam! Sleep tight!"

"Oh, I will, Chris! Goodnight!"

Chef sighed as he ended the call. "Cam's a good kid…"

"Yeah, just got cut before his time…" Chris mused.

Chef stood up, picking up Sam's Game Guy bag. "Well, I've got one last loose end to tie up here…"

"Go right ahead, Chef."

* * *

Anne Maria happily took a long gulp of her sparkling grape juice.

"Ahhh, final two! No thanks to you, failuh gamuh!" she said, giggling derisively at the guy's sleeping room.

Sam heard her from his bed. He sank further into his covers and sighed sadly.

B, who was sleeping next to him, gave him a small nod.

"Thanks, B…I guess…" Sam said, giving a small smile.

* * *

 **Sam** : Honestly, I would've preferred going home and playing games with Harold and my bro. Unfortunately…*he sniffles slightly* I'm _pretty_ sure that bro saw me lose…as did Dakota…

* * *

Chef slammed open the spa hotel door, barging up the stairs. Anne Maria gagged slightly as she saw the sack he was carrying.

" _Really?_ Give the gamuh his crap back? Why can't his cheatin' ass get the punishment it rightfully des—"

" _You_ should shut it! He's no longer a competitor, so he's gettin' his stuff back!" Chef said, tossing the sack at Sam's bed.

" _OW_ " Sam groaned, rubbing his head. He looked down and saw his Game Guy collection right beside him.

* * *

 **Sam** : *he's playing his game, bleeps and bloops abound, but shuts his Game Guy, sighing sadly* It says a lot when I _don't_ want to play games…*he slumps forwards sadly*

 **Anne Maria** : Aw, _yeah!_ Breaking the gamuh's spirit, that's pretty great! I think Vito's gonna be _so_ proud of me…or Justin! Miss ya both, babes!

* * *

A loud airhorn woke the 3 campers next morning.

" _HEY, ALL OF YOU! COME DOWN TO THE DOCK OF SHAME TO MEET YOUR HELPERS!_ "

Anne Maria groaned as she flipped off her eyemask. "Aw, great, least it wasn't those stinkin' bleeps and bloops keepin' me awake…"

Within 15 minutes, the 3 were down by the Dock of Shame, waiting for the rest of the helpers to arrive.

"Uh, Chris, when did they say they'd be here?" Sam said, looking around anxiously.

"Aww, relax, big guy! It's only 7 in the morning! They'll be here any minute!" Chris said, slapping Sam hard on the back.

"Oh! Here they come now!"

Chef was bringing the Boat of Losers into shore, but with a few more than 3 other helpers in tow.

"Uh, Chris?" Anne Maria asked, quirking her eyebrow. "Who're _those_?"

"Oh, just Scott's family! Yeah, he's kinda gotta (he air quoted) 'babysit' these guys," Chris said, escorting Jo and one of Scott's family members off of the boat.

"Introduce the extended peanut gallery, Scott!" Chris announced, as soon as everyone had gotten off the boat.

"Oh, sure! Okay, so, I'm sure all of you know that I had to look after some family…guys, this is Rodney…"

Rodney was a giant young adult, towering over the rest of the competitors, although B came close to matching his height.

"Uh… _uhh-hhh…_ " he stammered, shaking and sweating slightly.

"Oh, don't mind him," Scott chuckled. "He's a shy guy! He'll come around eventu—Rodney?"

Rodney bolted immediately, slamming through the communal washrooms, leaving a large Rodney-shaped hole in its wake.

Scott sighed. "Remind me to get a hold of him later…anyways, this is my cousin, Crimson!"

Anne Maria had been glowering at the other contestant for a while now, and finally, the rest took a good look at her.

Crimson stared at the other competitors, blinking slowly and slightly unnaturally. Her hair was white in front, but darker further back. Her pale face was accentuated by crimson eyeliner and lipstick, and was set in a blank expression. Her clothing was also crimson, from choker to minidress; chains lined the bottom of it. Below that was a set of fishnet stockings leading to extremely high boots, which partially extended past her knees. Completing the ensemble was a pair of crimson opera gloves.

Scott chuckled nervously. "Don't worry, guys…she won't bite…"

"Not since your cat bit the pet bull once, several years ago…" Crimson said, in a wispy, distant voice. "I made sure to give it it's retribution, as it so deserved…"

Scott cringed slightly. "I thought you weren't going to talk about that!"

"Well, you and the cat were asking for it…I remember when you teased me several times when we were younger…"

Crimson's voice trailed off, and she pulled out a smartphone from her dress pocket.

"Ennui would like this place…" she murmured to no one, slowly tapping each letter on her keyboard with one finger.

* * *

 **Crimson** : *she's still slowly tapping away at her phone* Ennui and I met when we locked eyes in the darkest corner of our classroom earlier this year…we're waiting for a competition to open up where we're both able to compete together…competing against each other…it just…*she sighs* I don't want to think about it.

* * *

"So, yeah!" Chris said, as Jo, Cameron, and Scott went to their respective helpers, "you're helping these finalists today _and_ tomorrow, starting…now!"

He blew the air horn excitedly. No one moved.

"Oh, _great,_ Chris blows it yet again," Jo chuckled. "What _are_ we doing, anyways?"

"You're going to create any form of weaponry and/or armor as your heart desires," Chris replied. "You can get back to it anytime you like today! Only stipulation is that the completed stuff has to be in _these_ boxes by sundown…"

Chris motioned to Chef, who was dropping off piles of green military-grade boxes.

"…or, you could spend some time with your friends and family... (Chris looked over at Scott and gave him a sly grin) …but hey, it's your funeral."

* * *

 **Scott** : *he groans* Okay, so _why_ me, Anne Maria? I don't have a shred of evil in my body! Heck, I needed something to do while Mom was at her second waitressing job, Dad got another invite to an Army social, and Crimson's family…my grandparents and older sister, Albertha…were out! I mean, what's there to do at home? The T.V. has a _possum_ n it! And I'm not even sure if it's dead!

 **Jo** : Huh, so Anne Maria trusts me enough to help her? Big deal! Maybe if I try enough to stay on her good side, she'll… _pass me…_ *she winks at the camera*…a chunk of the million!

 **Crimson** : *she's still slowly typing away at her smartphone* This island feels like a post-apocalyptic future, but the fauna's still alive and thriving…this confessional smells like mold. *she inhales* Toxic mold. *she sighs* Nice.

* * *

"You'll be creating your tools using assorted piles of junk you'll find scattered throughout the island," Chris said, as a pile slammed down next to him.

"Yeah, these are from the 3-stage race a few episodes ago," Chris continued, motioning to Chef to remove the net from the helicopter, which he did. "Considering not many of you _used_ those parts, we considered them fair game."

Cameron shuddered as he saw the scraps of metal tower high above him, many with sharp edges and corners.

* * *

 **Cameron** : So, uh, basically, I've never touched anything _really_ sharp before. Mom always gave me rusty safety scissors to cut things out with, as well as thick paper with the corners rounded. *he sighs* Always looking out for me.

* * *

"Aaaaand… _begin!_ " Chris said, blowing the air horn. "…or not. Your call."

B immediately ran to the pile, seeing if he could find anything useful to make.

Anne Maria walked away, but Jo stayed behind.

"All in, maggots!" she said, finding a metal pipe and wielding it. "Hello, victory!"

* * *

 **Jo** : So, being the _amazing_ gymnast that I am, might as well go simple and have my body do the rest. Hi- _ya!_ *she slams her leg through the confessional wall, making a bigger hole where the first, smaller hole she made used to be. She awkwardly chuckles* Uh…whoops!

 **Scott** : So why _did_ Anne Maria bring me back to help her, especially with the person who stabbed me in the back? I'm not villainous, and I wouldn't help her anyways if I was! Lady's too Brick-obsessed, last I saw…I mean, hey, I didn't see the rest of Season 2…

 **Jo** : I saw the rest of Season 2, _and_ Season 1, too! My only question is: whatever happened to Playa des Losers, exactly? I don't get it!

* * *

Scott, however, was calling through the Rodney-shaped hole.

"Rodney? _Rodney!_ Get out here! I know you're scared, but you can't hide in there forever! Besides, it _stinks_."

"N…nu…nu-uh, bro! I'm…I…too scared!"

Scott groaned. "Rodney, is this how you'd want the other 14-year-olds at school to think of you?"

" _Yes…_ "

"Aww, c'mon, man. I know it's tough socializing at school after Mom got that second job, but it's good for you! I mean, hey, it's tough for me, too!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" Scott said. "Trust me, I don't know anything about the tech…nech…necklology they use over there…heheh, I probably sound like a _real_ doofus."

Rodney chuckled slightly. "It's okay, Scott, I can help."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah! I know some things about technology; they have a program over at school now!"

"Oh? That's pretty neat, heheheh. Why didn't you tell me about that?"

"Eh, you were either busy or sleepin', Scott. I mean, hey…I never told you about my experiences with some girls!"

"Aww, come on out, and we'll talk about it!"

Rodney opened the stall door a little too eagerly, breaking it off its hinges and causing it to collapse on the ground. "Oops!"

"Don't worry about it, this place is crustier than the crust on the ol' pig trough!"

Scott placed his arm around Rodney's shoulder, as did the latter.

They walked back to the pile, their sibling love for each other rekindled.

* * *

 **Rodney** : *he laughs* Why was I scared about a silly camera! I mean, hey, I'm more afraid of girls than I am these guys…*he playfully pokes the camera and laughs again*

* * *

Meanwhile, B was fiddling around with the smartphone he acquired from Chris. He was adding additional buttons to it, as well as trying to make everything fit within its small space.

"Uh, B? What are you doing?" Cameron asked, dropping some loose pieces of scrap near him. "This is all I can find."

* * *

 **Cameron** : *he adjusts his glasses* Well, all I can lift, anyways. I never was the strongest contestant. More _smart_ and less…uh…okay, I was never good with street smarts, either. All I know is what's found in a book!

* * *

Jo mused at the pile of scrap for a while. "Hmmm…Scott needs something good…"

Her eyes brightened. "To the mines!"

* * *

 **Jo** : Of course! There's always cool stuff down in a mineshaft! Maybe I'll find something extra for Scott and me. I mean, hey, there was a hidden _Justin_ down there, right?

* * *

Within a few minutes, Jo was scrambling down the mineshaft into what used to be Justin's abode.

"Pee- _yew._ "

Jo held her nose and stepped on the remains of Staci's effigy project. "Wha?"

She picked up the tattered remains of Mal, Mike, and the rest. The stuffing was leaking out and they were soaking wet.

"Huh. Must be some unidentified radioactive goop…moving on!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Chef was screwing in some loose bolts on B's old Cam-bot.

"So, ready to run those preliminary tests?"

The robot beeped.

* * *

 **Chef** : Yeah, we're gettin' a helper robot for next season! Didn' want to install a voice chip for it though, that stuff's expensive! Also, if you knew _who_ was in there, you wouldn't want it talkin' either!

* * *

Jo tossed up an old radioactivity device out of the mine. "Dang! That's all there was! Oh well, might as well see if Anne Maria can do something with it…"

* * *

 **Jo** : Huh, this thing seems pretty battered and… _used_ , you know? *she looks at the back* 'Property of Cody?' *her eyes widen* Ohhhhh…

* * *

Jo hurried back to Anne Maria, who was fanning herself in front of the spa hotel, sunglasses on.

"C'mon, I'm trying to help you here! Why are you blowing your chances at the million by being a lazy ass?" she groaned, holding the radiation detection device out to Anne Maria.

"Eh," Anne Maria said, spraying her pouf, "I don't care. I know exactly how I'm gonna take the dumb n-bleep!- down! Piece 'a cake!"

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Extruh strength spray! Puhfect for tha hair _and_ tha face! I mean, hey, how else did my hair get so strong? *she pulls out another spray can and reads it* 'For perm emuhgencies only.' Can't go wrong with that! *she sprays her face, hair, and body*

* * *

Jo hurried back to the pile, where Scott was brandishing a wooden baseball bat.

"Whoa, there, buddy!" she said, dodging a swing. "I'm just here to give someone this…"

She held out the machine to anyone who might've been interested. "Anyone? Huh?"

Scott looked at it, confused. Rodney scratched his head, looking up from his tablet.

"That thing looks complicated, even for me."

" _Hey!_ No family help allowed, _Scott!_ " Chris said, walking up to the teams. "Rodney, you can join LazyHair and Crimson over at the spa hotel! Chef'll bring you over to the site of the final challenge tomorrow morning, to _spectate._ "

* * *

Crimson, in the meantime, was standing in front of the butler.

"Is there anything I can help you with, ma'am?" he asked her.

"This hotel has too many positive vibes…" Crimson said. "I…I don't think…I can handle it."

The butler stared at her.

Crimson blinked back.

"…allow me to get you a cinnamon roll, ma'am?"

* * *

 **Crimson** : *she's slowly chewing on the cinnamon roll* the sugar and sweetness inside this warm confection would warm my heart, but…*her eyes slightly widen* I…nearly showed emotion. I'm sorry…

* * *

B snatched up the radioactivity meter, fixing it as quickly as he could.

"Hey, Jo!" Scott groaned. "Isn't that sabotage?"

"It's not _sabotage_ if our finalist doesn't care!" Jo snickered.

* * *

 **Jo** : Trust me, if Anne Maria and I went on another season, her ass is grass! Guaranteed! I bet Justin would have a few choice words…hahahaha, I can't believe he was just a silent hunk!

* * *

Cameron stared in awe as B held up the fully fixed device.

"Okay, _that_ is quick! Like, quicker than me-building-a-Lil' Builders-kit quick!"

Jo and Scott stared at him. Cameron groaned.

"Yeah, I know. Feel free to laugh."

* * *

 **Cameron** : Honestly, I'd like another shot at the million in another season. If Zoey wasn't so harsh and I didn't get eliminated due to injury, how far would I have gone? Hmm…

* * *

B held the radioactivity device at Sam, who was still standing in the same spot, looking dejected.

"Oh, what's that, B? Gonna see how much of a toxic influence I am?" Sam said, hearing crackles emanate from the device. "It's okay…I won't get in your way…"

B snapped his fingers. Grabbing several devices, he started to set Sam up for victory.

Cameron looked at him. "Okay, _now_ what?!"

* * *

 **Cameron** : I'd like to say I understand B, but even his thoughts elude my grasp sometimes! Aah, B, _why?_

* * *

An hour passed. Jo and Scott left to go to the spa hotel, satisfied with their limited resources. B, however, was searching wildly for a helmet for Sam.

"Uh, B, you don't have to do all this for me…" Sam said, pulling out a Game Guy. "If you don't mind me, I think I'm going to go back to the hotel and just play games…you know, try to forget…heheh…heh…"

B pointed at Sam, then the ground, and sprinted off.

"Uh, I don't think you're going anywhere, heheh…" Cameron said sheepishly.

Sam groaned.

* * *

 **Sam** : So, honestly, I'm wondering what B has in mind with this…*he holds up a small suitcase which says 'DO NOT OPEN UNTIL CHALLENGE BEGINS, SAM'* Well, guess I'll listen, heheheh.

* * *

Cameron held up the radioactivity device at Sam. He gasped as he saw the gamer and his suitcase both emitting crackling noises.

"Okay, uh, Sam, you're literally a radioactive waste mine! …oh wait, it's just a _really_ low rating. Hopefully nothing bad enough to mutate you, heheh."

* * *

 **Sam** : *he shrugs* Well, guess peeing in that radioactive pool wasn't the _best_ idea, but hey, what would you do if you were in my situation, huh? *he looks at the sting on his stomach, which is looking inflamed* Ooh, boy, that's gonna be tough explaining _that_ to Dakota, huh?

* * *

Jo angrily paced the interior of the spa hotel.

"Explain yourself!" she yelled at Anne Maria, who was still putting on her special spray. "What's your game plan? How can we help you? At this rate, Scott and I might as well help _B_ win!"

"Simple! Stay outta my way and you won't lose!" Anne Maria said, ignoring the spray filling the room, leaving Scott gagging and choking in the background. "Besides, I gotta choose _my_ weapon by sundown!"

"Yeah, so?" Jo said, holding up her metal pipe. "If you think that I need more modifications, just say so! Scott, eh, he's fine."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, traitor…" Scott said, rubbing the front of his neck. "Ugh…"

Crimson just blinked slowly at the three of them. "The vibes are getting darker here. I like that."

* * *

 **Scott** : Yeah, Crimson's a _little_ weird, but when I heard about her and Ennui, well, it's like they're made for each other! I asked her if she wanted to sign up for the show, but she declined. Hey, Albertha and our grandparents will do her just fine! I mean, her parents aren't really around anymore…

* * *

B hurried over to the Wawanakwa shores near Boney Island. He slapped his face as he saw another pile on the latter's shoreline in the distance.

* * *

 **B** : *he angrily starts drawing diagrams for a boat*

* * *

Cameron and Sam sat at their places for two more hours, waiting for B to return with anything.

"Aaagh, this sun… _so hot!_ " Cameron gasped, pulling at his hoodie.

"You can say that again…" Sam murmured, too obsessed with gaming to pay anything much thought.

* * *

 **Cameron** : Yeah, mom didn't let me go _outside_ much either, if that wasn't obvious…look at me, I'm getting slightly red! *he touches his hand* OW!

* * *

B, now having constructed a small rowboat that could support his weight, paddled over to Boney Island. He gasped as he arrived on the shoreline a few minutes later.

In the fog of the island, B swore he could see a large, imposing stadium in the distance. He rubbed his eyes in an effort to see again.

The same imposing stadium met his vision when he put his hands down.

B's eyes widened in awe and slight terror.

* * *

 **B** : *he's scrawling notes on another piece of paper, speculating on what the stadium is all about*

* * *

B rooted through the Boney Island pile, looking for a helmet he could use. He gasped happily as, deep in the wreckage, he pulled out an old pilot's helmet.

Within 15 minutes, B had returned to his helpers, both who were sweating to high heaven.

"B…Need water… _now!_ " Cameron gasped.

B immediately dropped his helmet, picked up Cameron, and ran to the spa hotel, plopping him in a lawn chair in front with an umbrella up top.

Cameron sighed happily. "Thanks, B…"

B wrenched open the door and ran upstairs to the butler. He was still staring at Crimson, who was slowly blinking back at him like always.

"Yes, sir?" The butler finally turned as B repeatedly slapped his hand on the counter.

B pantomimed a drink being poured into an empty glass, but the other two motions he made eluded the butler.

"…sir?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow in confusion.

"He wants to make a drink to save his friend in the glasses. With ice."

The butler jumped as Crimson spoke beside him. "Oop! Yes, very well, sir! Right away!"

* * *

 **Crimson** : The big one has a dark and troubled past, but fights on with courage and skill…also, he doesn't talk much. *she gives a small smile* Nice.

* * *

B hurried down the stairs with some soda, making sure not to spill it. Running outside, he gave it to Cameron, who drank it happily.

"Aaaah, tha…wha… _what is this feeling?!_ " Cameron yelled, as he experienced carbonated soda for the very first time.

* * *

 **Cameron** : *he's hyperventilating, but the breathings are slowing down* Hooo…hoo, boy, that's…that was, huh! Not bad! *he looks down at his soda* Wait a minute, _grape flavor?_ Very funny, guys! *he sighs* Mom always told me to stay away from the _bad_ shows growing up…

* * *

B hurried back to Sam, who was fanning himself with his hand.

"There ya go…did something useful for once…haaaa…too…hot…"

B looked at Sam's Game Guy, then at the helmet. He rubbed his chin, deep in thought.

"Huh, you're thinking of something with my games? Uh, I mean, I've got a whole bag upstairs in my room, heheh…" Sam said, chuckling slightly.

B nodded and ran back to the spa hotel.

* * *

 **Sam** : Huh, hopefully B doesn't wear himself out by tomorrow…I mean, hey, I'm rooting for the guy to win…

* * *

B ran into the spa hotel, pausing slightly to wave to Cameron, who was still sipping his drink. He ran up the stairs again and into the men's bedrooms, looking for Sam's Game Guy bag.

His mouth dropped open as he saw Rodney jamming away on one of the systems.

"Oh, hey! Heheh, sorry 'bout that, I just wanted to find out what this stuff's all about…" Rodney said, a little sheepishly.

B grabbed the sack beside Rodney and ran out.

Rodney scratched his head.

"Gee, doesn't seem to talk much, huh?"

* * *

 **Rodney** : Scott said I should sign up for the show! That's a great idea! Honestly, I could possibly be the first successful person in this family! I mean, hey, I kinda want to go to technical school! *he holds up his tablet triumphantly* I mean, hey, I won this for winning the "Farmer's Technology" contest! It's pretty cool! I can even connect to the Internet! *he taps away happily on it*

* * *

B went to the butler and ordered another soda for Sam (albeit through pantomime). He hurried out back to his helper, giving him the drink in which he so desperately needed.

"Ahhh, thanks, B! You're a good guy!" Sam said, looking at his sack. So, what do you need, exactly?"

B rooted around for certain Game Guys and games for it. He finally pulled out an old one that hadn't been used for many years.

"Oh, hey, that's my original one from when I was 11!" Sam chuckled. "Sure, you can use that…I mean, I've got the newest Game Guy systems, but I hold onto that one for the memories…ahhh…good times…"

B attached the Game Guy to the helmet as Sam reminisced on old times long gone. He made sure to put the cartridge slot in an easy-to-access location. He then started to mess around with the suitcase and radioactivity device, gasping happily as he heard a small _ding!_

"So, uh, B, uh…" Sam started to say, before B slammed the helmet on his head, inserted _Alien Fighters from Outer Space 9_ and turned the helmet on.

Sam gasped as the environment from the alien fighting game came to life in front of his very eyes. " _Whoa…_ "

* * *

 **Sam** : I don't believe it! A virtual reality helmet! No way, B, this is awesome! Hahaha, yeah!

* * *

B, his work done, took Cameron's contribution of parts and ran over to the spa hotel.

The nerd was still sipping his drink, wincing at every sip he attempted.

"Oh, hi, B! What's up? Did you finish with Sam?"

B nodded, took out a tape measure, and started to take Cameron's measurements.

"Huh," Cam said, as B started pulling out parts from the pile. "You're not a major blueprint guy, are you?"

* * *

 **B** : *he taps his head and smiles*

* * *

The sun sank lower and lower as B continued building Cameron's suit. The latter looked anxiously as he checked the time on B's modified smartphone.

"Okay, so the sunset's at 7:00 tonight, and it's 5:30…you _might_ want to hurry up here…" he said.

"Wait, _what? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME WHEN THA SUNSET WAS?!_ "

"We _did_ , Helmet Head! _You_ didn't listen!"

Anne Maria slammed open the spa hotel door and stormed off to a pile of materials somewhere on the island.

B glared at her as she strutted past, and she did likewise.

"That's _quite_ the level of animosity going on there, huh?" Cameron asked, sipping his soda unflinchingly.

"Nice puhple drink, other n-bleep!-!" Anne Maria said, shooting a glare back at him.

Cameron looked over at B, then the drink. "Oh… _ohhhh…_ "

* * *

 **Cameron** : Did _she_ tell the butler up there to make this for me? Ohhh, she's going all sorts of _down!_ *he slams his fist onto his empty drinking glass, shattering it* _OWWWW!_ I'M BLEEDING! MOMMY!

* * *

With a final _click_ , B finished putting Cameron's armor in another suitcase.

"Oh, wow, thank you!" Cameron said as B gave him a smile and a nod.

B stood up, brushed off his shorts, and went to the boxes that Chris laid out. Attached to them was a note.

 _Only one piece of equipment is to be put in per box._

B facepalmed and put his smartphone in one box, Sam's suitcase and helmet in another, and Cameron's suitcase in the third.

Chef strode up as B was closing the boxes. "Hey, thanks, kid! Now, we gotta wait for the other one to get her crap out here…"

" _HEY YOU TWO LOSUHS! GET OUT HERE! YOU GOT SOME WORKIN' TO DO!_ "

In the distance, B could see Jo and Scott leave the spa hotel, sprinting towards where he was.

Anne Maria sauntered up to him and Chef, carrying some brass knuckles.

"All the bettuh to beat yo' n-bleep!- ass up, eh, _Bev?_ " she snarled at him.

"Hey, he's done a _lot_ better than yo' cracka ass has done, _Anna_."

Anne Maria's eye angrily twitched as Chef's words resonated with her.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Cracka, okay, that's one thing, but when they start messin' with my name, all bets are off!

* * *

Jo dumped her metal pipe into one of the boxes, while Anne Maria and Scott put their weapons in their own respective boxes.

Chef grinned and pressed a button on a remote. A robot came up to them, beeping incessantly.

"Hey, B, _this_ l'il guy might look familiar!" Chef said, as the robot picked up the crates.

B rubbed his eyes, unsure of what he had seen.

"Hey, that looks like your old Cam-bot!" Jo chuckled. "Aww, but there might be a _guy_ inside, huh?"

"None of yo' business!" Chef said, glaring at Anne Maria as she walked off. "Now, get some sleep! And no dinner! You'll see why tomorrow…heheheh…"

* * *

The sun had finally set over Wawanakwa. Crimson and Rodney were eating a luxury dinner made special by the butler. Sam watched on in envy.

"Aw, c'mon, you guys, I haven't had a bite yet!" he said, reaching out before getting his hand slapped by the butler.

"Non-competitors _only_ ," he said sternly.

* * *

 **Sam** : Aww, but I don't think many of us have had _anything_ to eat today!

 **Anne Maria** : *she snickers* Thankfully, I had my stuff ages ago! I'll be set for tomorrow, just you see! I mean...*her eyes widen* Did I?

* * *

Cameron looked over at B, who was rubbing his stomach.

"Yeah, I don't blame you," he said to his buddy. "But Chris and Chef said 'no dinner'."

B looked over at him and nodded silently.

"You ready for tomorrow?"

B shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, that's how I feel, too…I mean, hey! What's the worst that can happen?"

B pointed at Cameron's bandaged hand.

"Oh, yeah…"

* * *

 **Cameron** : Well, hey, with all the antiseptic and bandaging, this hand barely hurts anymore! *he slowly looks over at his other hand, which is starting to peel* AAAAH! I'M DYING!

* * *

Before too long, the contestants and their helpers were fast asleep, unsure of the morning ahead.

At the crack of dawn, Crimson and Rodney were shaken awake by Chris.

" _Pssst! Guys! Gotta get going, the boat's here with everyone else!_ " he said.

Before too long, the family members were on a fancy yacht, chugging out towards Boney Island for the final challenge.

Two hours later, Chris woke the other 6 with a shrill air horn.

" _GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE! YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO BONEY ISLAND TODAY! TIME'S TICKING!_ "

The 6 contestants (save B and Jo) grumbled and groaned as they got ready.

" _C'MON, GANG! BOAT'S A-WAITING!_ "

* * *

 **Jo** : Aw yeah, look who got a good night's sleep! Now, all I need is some grub in my tummy and I'm good to go!

* * *

The finalists and helpers lined up on the Wawanakwa docks. Sam flinched as he saw several more planks splash into the water.

"Good morning, all of you!" Chris said, motioning to the water. "We're going to Boney Island today!

"And, if any of you were wondering around your breakfast, it'll all make sense in due time…hang on, gotta change!"

Chris sprinted away. B, Cameron, and Sam looked at where he went, confused.

* * *

 **Sam** : Ohhh, gamer's gotta eat! *his stomach rumbles* This won't be good…

* * *

Within minutes, the Boat of Losers had arrived. Chef honked the horn, signaling the contestants to get on.

Cameron looked ahead nervously as the boat chugged along to their destination. His hand throbbed.

 _So, what's to say we're not going to die during this challenge?_

* * *

 **Cameron** : Those weapons and armor _really_ have me on edge…I mean, hopefully B's got a backup plan for me, but…

* * *

Sam was looking at Chef's new getup. The chef was wearing a toga and was wearing a golden olive tiara on his head.

"Uhhh, Chef, what—" he started, but Chef's shout shot him down.

"NONE OF YA DAMN BUSINESS!"

The boat arrived on Boney Island and the competitors got off. In the distance, everyone heard triumphant music playing, interspersed with cheers.

"Hey, it's your fans!" Chef said, motioning to the stadium. "Let's go meet 'em!"

Jo led the pack, half sprinting at times, as they all made their way to the stadium.

"Oh yeah! Thank you! Thank you! Tha…wha?" she said, running into the stadium, taking some bows, but she soon stopped.

In front of her were the rest of the eliminated contestants, as well as Scott's family.

Chris chuckled and pushed the music player behind him.

* * *

 **Jo** : You can't be serious! _These_ are the 'crowds of adoring fans' I were promised? Screw you, McLean! Screw you times infinity!

* * *

" _Psst, how did Chris get here ahead of us?_ " Cameron whispered through the music playing, but no one heard.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your finalists!" Chris called through the megaphone, the sound reverberating throughout.

Everyone looked around to get a gauge of their surroundings. The round stadium was empty, adorned only by weak wooden walls.

"Welcome to the site of your final challenge: the Chrisiseum!" Chris yelled happily through the microphone.

"It's time to _DUEL TO THE DEATH!_ "

Behind him, he hit a sound button. Instantly, a cheering crowd rang out through the stadium, echoing slightly.

* * *

 **Cameron** : I appreciate Chris's efforts, but this is _obviously_ fake…hey, maybe the final challenge won't be so bad after all!

* * *

Chris waited for the fake sounds to die down.

"So, I bet you're wondering, ' _hey, Chris, where's our breakfast, nyeeeeh?_ ' Good news! It's here in this stadium!"

Everyone breathed sighs of relief and small whoops of joy.

"But, here's the bad news…they're all in the same crates as your weapons and armor!"

Everyone, save for B, groaned.

"Yup! That's the breaks of the Chrisiseum! Hey, wanna hear the _worst_ part of all?"

"NO!" everyone but B shouted.

"You gotta get those crates from the paws, jaws, and claws of the mutated animals featured on the show!" Chris said. " _BEGIN!_ "

A blare of the airhorn and artificial audience cheering came next, followed by a slight rumbling.

Cameron looked around shiftily. "Oh boy…"

Around them, 6 small circles rose from below the stadium and went above the ground. On top of them were Larry, Fang, some mutated gophers, bipedal lizards and flying goats, a nest full of laser-shooting birds, and a pack of rodents, including squirrels, raccoons, and an irate Boney Island beaver.

Cameron cringed as he saw everything. "Oh- _kay,_ this I didn't sign up for!"

B hastily looked around the arena. He needed a better vantage point.

Anne Maria, however, was ahead of him.

"C'mon, c'mon! I need you to _stay still!_ " she hissed, gripping Jo's hair.

"Aaagh! Okay, jeez! Not my fault you're so heavy!" Jo grunted back.

A swift kick to the shoulder was her only response. "Ow!"

Cameron, on the other hand, ran and hid behind one of the raised circular platforms.

* * *

 **Cameron** : No way am I going to become someone's lunch! I mean, look at me! I'm all bones!

* * *

B hurried to a platform, looking at the nest above it. A bird fluttered over, blinking its 3 eyes at him.

"Aaaaaa- _aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!_ " Sam roared, slamming hard into the platform-turned-pillar. The birds atop it fluttered out of the nest, peeping and squawking angrily.

"Oh, no…" Sam groaned, as the birds started to charge up their laser eyes.

Sam yelled and ran from the birds and their lasers as Cameron shimmied up the pillar, albeit with difficulty.

"Nnnngh! B! I see 3 boxes up here!" he said, reaching out for one.

"OH, _NO YA DON'T!_ "

Cameron yelped as Anne Maria's shoes landed suddenly right in front of him.

"Thanks fuh tha lift, Jo!" she snapped at her helper, to which the latter rolled her eyes.

"Now, let's see what's in here…"

She opened a box. "F-bleep!-, just a suitcase fuh 'Cameron'!"

She threw the suitcase far, far away. Cameron gasped.

" _NO!_ That's not suppose to ha—"

B, however, sprinted over to where the suitcase was going to land and caught it expertly.

"Nice going, B!" Cameron called out, as Anne Maria opened up the other two boxes.

"Awright, one's empty, and one's got a protein bar! Waste 'a time, let's keep goin'!" she said, hopping down onto Sam's body.

"Thanks fuh the landin', gamuh!" she snickered, as Sam rolled on the floor, moaning in pain.

In the audience, Dakota gasped. "SAM! _NOOO!_ "

"Oh, _finally,_ a cis white male gets his comeuppance…why didn't B pick _you,_ Lightning?" Zoey snapped, glaring at the bandaged sports star.

"B couldn't notice greatness if it hit him straight on the head!" Lightning said, pulling part of his face bandages down. "Sha-bam!"

* * *

 **Zoey** : *she groans and rolls her eyes* I was _so_ close to rooting for the all PoC team! But no, B had to be _such_ a good team player and get the ugly, cis white male on his side! You know what? As much as it pains me to say this, I'm rooting for Anne Maria! She's racist, but at least she sticks to her morals!

* * *

The robot rolled up the ramp, drinks in hand, beeping all the way.

"Thanks," Zoey snapped, snatching her macchiato. "Is it low-fat, all cream, whipped, stirred, non-sugar, just like I asked?"

The robot just stood there, silent.

"…I'll take that as a 'yes'," Zoey snapped. "Away with you!"

"Uhhh…what about my protein shake?" Lightning asked, pulling his mouth bandages down again.

The robot threw Lightning's drink at him. Lightning yelled as the drink burst open on him, cascading white dollops of protein and milkshake all over him.

"AAAH! I'M HIT! I'M HIT!" he said, lapping up the drink as best he could. "Protein! Neeeeeed!"

The robot wheeled on upwards, to where Staci, Brick, and Beth sat.

"Oh, thanks," the former said, taking her water. "I appreciate that…"

"Do you appreciate Anne Maria stabbing you in the back?" Beth snapped at her. "I mean, she's gotten _way_ worse since Mal left and _especially_ since Justin arrived!"

"Well, as long as _I'm_ not down there…" Staci said, motioning to the 6 competitors running wildly around the stadium, "…then it's a win-win for me! Right?"

"Go, Sam!" Brick called out, ignoring everything that had just transpired.

* * *

 **Brick** : Sam might've lost, but he's still number one on my squadron! Hey, if he makes it to another season, I'm right behind him all the way! …not like that!

* * *

The robot slowly wheeled over to a corner of the stadium bleachers, where Dawn was talking to a clearly uncomfortable Crimson and Rodney.

"Your auras!" she gasped happily. "They're so…perky!"

"Please stop…" Crimson said, slowly putting her arms up to keep Dawn away. "You're creeping _me_ out, and that's saying something…"

"She's kinda right, ya know…" Rodney muttered under his breath.

* * *

 **Rodney** : I did it! _I did it!_ I finally spoke to a girl! _YES!_

* * *

The robot slowly rolled up to Dawn, eyeing her.

Crimson slowly pointed at the robot, and Dawn turned around.

"Oh, hello! Do you have the drink that I ordered?" she asked, sweetly.

The robot dropped the last remaining drink, causing it to burst open and spill all over the floor.

Dawn looked at it. "Oh well! It's easy to make, and it's not harming the wildlife! I'll wait until you can get another one!"

The robot beeped and rubbed its head area, seemingly disgruntled.

Dawn gave a cheery wave as the robot left, still beeping. She then looked back at Rodney and Crimson, who were still giving her weird looks.

"What? It's just soy."

* * *

 **Dawn** : Aww, that robot's such a klutz! I honestly wonder how it works…my auras don't really detect much through mechanical methods, you know…that's not nature's way!

* * *

Down below, B threw the suitcase to Cameron. He nodded as Cameron caught it, read the sign in front (DO NOT OPEN UNTIL THE CHALLENGE, CAMERON) and opened the suitcase.

Bolts of electricity spread through the arena. Jo and Anne Maria dodged them, while Scott passed them, running for his life from the fire-breathing goats.

Cameron gasped as a series of _beeps_ sounded all over his body, and different parts attached themselves to him.

Before too long, Cameron's suit was complete. Its coloration and design made it look much like the human inside, and its blue robotic eyes glowed brightly.

" _Let's go kick some butt,"_ the robot said, through Cameron relaying it in a voice chip.

* * *

 **Cameron** : I don't believe it! That suit is _awesome!_ All it needs is a name! Hmm…would Iron-Cam work?

* * *

" _Welcome, Cameron Corduroy Wilkins,_ " the cool female voice in the robot said. " _I am here to guide you and to heal any injuries…_ "

Cameron gasped as a small robotic knife tore through his bandages, another took them away, and a third sprayed healing salve on it.

" _Injuries are now healed. Would you like a tutorial?_ " the female voice said.

Cameron nodded.

" _Very well, then. Target acquired._ "

A homing sight locked onto Anne Maria, who was running for the nearest empty pillar.

" _Please squeeze each hand to use your weaponry,_ " the robot said.

Cameron started with his healed left hand. He gasped as a laser erupted from the robotic cannon on the outside, shooting straight and true…and bouncing against Anne Maria's back.

" _Target armor at 100%,_ " the voice said. _"Please try your right hand._ "

Cameron did so, and gasped again. A flurry of missiles shot out and blew up around Anne Maria…only for her to appear unfazed as the smoke cleared.

" _Target armor still at 100%,_ " the voice said again. " _Sensors indicate a thick, invisible armor protecting target from several attacks. An all-out assault is recommended._ "

"What?! I can't do that!" Cameron yelled at it.

" _Very well,_ " the voice replied. " _I will now show you your evasive maneuvers._ "

* * *

 **Cameron** : Okay, _how_ did B set something like this up in only a few hours? _How?!_ It doesn't make any logical sense! Well, I mean, it's _really_ _cool_ , but none of it makes sense!

* * *

" _All you need to do is think of yourself escaping or hiding, and the suit will take care of the rest,_ " the cool female voice said. _"However, it doesn't happen automatically; it will only come when you are in sufficient danger._ "

Cameron nodded, and looked out of his eyes again. He gasped as he saw the pillar he shot at start to collapse, with Anne Maria bolting out of the way in time.

 _I need to get out of here, now!_

Cameron gasped as he was immediately launched straight up into the air, hovering in place.

" _Evasion systems are the focus of this model,_ " the voice said. " _The creator of this device put your safety and health at the forefront. Therefore, the evasiveness and defensive capabilities of this model are at their fullest potential._ "

Cameron sniffled happily as a tear came to his eye. "Thanks, B!"

* * *

 **Cameron** : You know, I probably should relax a little with B's designs. He knows what he's doing! I mean, if I were in the finals, I'd do something similar…

* * *

B caught one of the boxes as it fell. Sam, however, wasn't as lucky.

"AAAAAAGH!" he yelled, as the mutated gophers on top of the falling pillar launched themselves at him.

Cameron thought for a minute, still hovering, as Sam ran from his prey.

" _Would you like a recommendation?_ " the female voice asked.

"No, thank you! I need to start being more independent…" Cameron said, still thinking.

He squeezed his left hand several times, moving the cannon around after each squeeze. For each left-hand squeeze, he squeezed his right hand.

Sam gasped as a missile caught the gopher chasing him, causing it to fly into the air, screaming. The other missiles flew off in the general directions of the rest of the prey.

Cameron's lasers, however, shot for the bottoms of the rest of the pillars.

B hid behind an empty radioactive canister on the edge of the arena, as did Scott. The former wiped his brow as the pillars fell into the center of the arena, causing the prey and the boxes to become scattered.

Anne Maria immediately seized one. She groaned as she saw a metal pipe in it.

"Here ya are, stringbean!" she said, hurling it at Jo.

Jo expertly caught it. "Hey, thanks!"

* * *

 **Jo** : Booyah! Time to bust some heads! _Preferably_ that bubble boy's! I-I mean, not because I'm racist or anything! I just...uh...pop? Bubble...boy? _Yaaaaay..._ *she gives a weak fist pump*

* * *

Jo was immediately grabbed in the arm by one of Larry's tentacles.

"Oh, no you don't! Take _that!_ " she said, whacking him/her hard with her pipe.

Larry flinched slightly, then roared loudly. The plants beside his/her head spat out copious amounts of fire.

"Hey!" Chris said. "Don't hurt my baby!"

"Too bad, McLean! It's a duel to the death, someone's gotta die!" Jo said. "Oh hey, sharky! Why do you have a paper drawing of me?"

Fang flexed his muscle with her portrait on it. He showed off his chipped tooth, then grinned at her.

"Hey, if you respect me that much, can't you take a bite out of _him?_ " Jo asked, pointing at Larry.

Fang nodded and latched on to Larry's dirt mound. The latter roared, swatting at the former with his/her tentacle hands.

"Oh, come on!" Chris said, exasperated. "This is cruel and unusual punishment!"

"What's _cruel_ and _unusual,_ McLean, is that you're seriously having us fight to the 'death!'" Jo snapped back, sprinting towards another box. "A- _ha!_ "

Inside this box was a PB&J sandwich.

"Time for my breakfast!" Jo said, scarfing it down in no time flat.

* * *

 **Jo** : Aw yeah, it's go time…or, might as well be _Jo_ time! Hahaha! Hahaha…ha…why aren't you laughing?

* * *

Jo hurried off to find some more boxes. Scott, however, noticed a box had landed at his feet.

"Hel- _lo_ , there!" he said, opening it. "Aww, a suitcase for Sam? C'mon!"

* * *

 **Scott** : So, there I was, at a crossroads. Do I help my finalist succeed? _Or,_ do I help throw the challenge and let the better guy win? Hmmm…

* * *

"Hey, Sam, catch!"

Sam noticed his suitcase whirling towards him. He yelped as it popped open near him, then shielded his eyes as the electrical surges flew.

Anne Maria stared at Scott, mouth agape. " _NO. F-bleep!-ING. WAY! HOW DARE YOU?_ "

* * *

 **Scott** : I had to! I was still so full of guilt at costing our team the challenge during the ice fort competition! *he sighs* B, I hope that was worth it.

* * *

Sam's outfit flew towards him in pieces, similar to Cameron's. Scott yelped as the helmet he was holding flew out of his hands, as if a strong magnet was pulling it towards the gamer.

"Aw, yeah!" Sam said happily, as his outfit lit up around him.

Sam looked similar to a CGI motion capture stuntman in his suit, with the fabric of the suit conforming to his body. The VR helmet was lit up in a similar shade of blue to Cameron's, but Sam's grin was on full display.

" _Welcome, Sam,_ " a male, robotic voice said to him. " _Please insert cartridge._ "

Sam gasped happily as an array of Game Guy cartridges whirled around his head. "Let's go for _Hyper Force Warriors 10: This Time, There's Aliens!_ "

" _Affirmative._ "

With a flash of light, Sam's suit disappeared, as did the gamer. Everyone present gasped as they saw what had replaced it.

A dripping, drooling, monster stood in front of them, being holographically produced through Sam's technology. It emitted a loud roar and sprinted towards the bipedal lizards.

Jo scratched her head. "Uh, Chris? Is this allowed?"

"Yep!" Chris said, playing dramatic music through the player. "It's B's creation, after all!"

Jo glared at Anne Maria. "Why didn't _you_ give _us_ your super special awesome spray there, huh?"

"Cuz, dirtbag, I'm gonna take home tha million! _ME!_ I'm gonna show tha whole world that girls are better than guys, once and for all!"

" _Ugh,_ _ **finally**_ _, someone who makes sense on this crappy show!_ " Zoey yelled from the distant stands.

The monster-Sam slammed into the bipedal lizards, punching one clear out of the stadium and over the horizon.

" _Awwww, yeaaaaaah,_ " the alien-Sam hissed. Its voice was a conglomeration of the source game as well as Sam's normal voice.

Iron-Cam still hovered overhead, arms limp.

* * *

 **Cameron** : No _way!_ That's seriously awesome! Good on you, B! And Sam, here's to a solid victory!

* * *

Alien-Sam had the lizard locked in a grapple, with both sides barely giving an inch. Jo hurried over and slammed the former upside the head.

"Sorry! But I gotta help Anne Maria!" she said, as alien-Sam flinched and turned around angrily.

Alien-Sam threw the bipedal lizard out of the stadium effortlessly, the latter slamming straight through the wall.

Jo backed away slowly. "Hey…buddy, uh…you want to let me out of here alive? Heheh…"

Alien-Sam launched himself onto Jo with a roar. He pinned her down and started smashing her body relentlessly.

" _THISSSSSSSSSSS…ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…FOOOOOOOOOR…ALLLLLLLLLLLLL…THEEEEEEEEEE…CRAAAAAAAAAP…YOOOOOUUUUU…PUUUUUUUUT…MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…THROOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUGH…YOOOOOUUUUUUU…DUUUUUUUUMB…_ _ **BIIIIIIIITCH!**_ " alien-Sam roared, punching her hard with each word.

Jo groaned as each blow had a major effect on her body. "Aaagh… _aaaagh!_ Hey! That's…not… _cool!_ "

Jo wrenched herself out of alien-Sam's hold and began her counterstrike.

"Who…carried…you…to…the…final…three!?" Jo snapped back, smacking Sam hard over the head with her pipe in between each word.

Alien-Sam grabbed Jo's pipe with one hand, bending it effortlessly.

"Bad move, bub."

He hurled Jo through the stadium wall, using the pipe as leverage. Jo groaned as she skidded outside the boundary, feeling her bruises and bumps.

"Ah, man, he's _way_ more threatening than I thought…" she murmured to herself, but her thoughts were rudely interrupted.

Alien-Sam powered down as Jo screamed past everyone, being chased by the bipedal lizard, who was battered and bruised.

"Alright!" Sam said, switching cartridges. "Time to go hero!"

Another glow of energy resounded in the stadium as Sam changed forms again. This time, he turned into a gleaming silver knight.

"I am Norbert, king of Oscillabur!" Sam shouted to the world. "Fear my vorpal blade!"

In the stands, everyone facepalmed, save for Dakota.

"Go Sam!" she said, clapping her hands happily.

* * *

 **Dakota** : Well, I like him better _now…_ but that assault on Jo…was that a little too much? Hmmm…

* * *

Norbert-Sam started slashing away at Larry, who was reaching in to grab him.

"You will be vanquished, vile scourge!" he said, successfully slicing Larry's tentacle leg.

Larry screamed in anguish, toppling onto his/her side. Fang, taking advantage of this, hopped up and started gnawing on the plants beside him/her.

"No, no, _no!_ " Chris cried out, slumping over his section of the stadium. "Not cool, Sam! Not cool!"

"Norbert takes on _all_ challengers!" Norbert-Sam called out, racing towards Anne Maria.

Anne Maria tossed aside another empty box. " _OH, NO YA DON'T!_ " she called out again, dashing towards her new opponent.

"Stupid-sweaty-dirty-grubby-gamuh!" she snapped, smashing at Norbert-Sam with each punctuated word.

"Ow…ow… _ow!_ Norbert has been vanquished!" Norbert-Sam shouted, before collapsing before Anne Maria's feet.

"Good!" the latter said, strutting to another box and opening it. "Oh! Double-good!"

Inside were her brass knuckles.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : With my spray and my pure fury, _no one's_ gettin' past me! _NO ONE! I HAVE JOISEY RAGE!_ Well, technically, my dad got his anguh from Brooklyn, so…Brooklyn rage?

* * *

Norbert-Sam groaned from his defeat point. "Ohhh…Norbert won't lose!"

Anne Maria cackled as she put her brass knuckles on. "Oh, yeah, he will!"

Norbert-Sam started to glow white. Anne Maria smirked.

 _Seems like his powuh's wearin' down!_

"Norbert…is… _ALMIGHTY AND INVINCIBLE!_ " Norbert-Sam called out, before a massive power explosion engulfed the arena.

Everyone shielded their eyes as the light blinded them.

Scott, however, was the first to uncover his. He gasped.

"Oh- _kay..._ this…this _has_ to be a joke…"

Norbert-Sam now towered before all of them. He had ditched his armor and had traded it for a cape, a shield, and an even-bigger sword.

* * *

 **Sam** : *he chuckles* Hey, Norbert's the final boss in _Mighty Morphing Slayers 5!_ He's _tough!_ First stage is easy, second stage is _really_ annoying save for one trick. After that, well…

* * *

Anne Maria glared at her new foe. "C'mon, that's _cheatin'! Chriiiiissss!_ "

"Aww! Don't care! Maybe he'll give you the beatdown you deserve for your racist comments towards our _other_ finalist," Chris said, looking over at B.

The latter was sprinting over to some more unopened boxes, looking for anything that could help him. He tossed aside an energy bar, Scott's wooden bat, and an empty box as he searched.

Cameron, however, was still hovering over the arena, looking at the newly formed Sam.

"Uhhh…can I get down, please?" he asked his voice.

Instantly, Cameron's rockets stopped firing. He yelled as he fell down, down, down…but the rockets activated just as he was about to land.

" _Safety autopilot activated,_ " the voice said, as Cameron breathed a sigh of relief.

Iron-Cam stood up, dusted himself off, and started letting off more and more missiles.

The birds peeped angrily at him, readying its eye lasers, but its offensive strike was neutered.

Cameron smiled slightly as the birds fell to the ground, singed and still peeping.

Anne Maria, however, roared as she raced toward's Norbert-Sam's massive foot.

" _DIE, YOU DUMB, DIRTY, GAMUH!_ " she howled, as her opponent readied for battle.

"Take on… _MY INVINCIBLE MIRACLE STRIKE!_ " Norbert-Sam yelled, with the sword glowing brightly.

He then plunged the sword deep into the earth, causing a cataclysmic event.

The wave of light that exuded from the blade caused the entire stadium to be blasted apart, blowing away the animals and some audience members.

As soon as the strike began, it ended. Everyone in the audience groaned as they picked themselves up amongst the stadium wreckage.

Chris shook his head vigorously. "Okay, I wasn't expecting _that!_ Not cool, Sam! Not cool!"

Anne Maria, however, was only mildly singed for being so close to the blast. "Awright, game on!" she shrieked, sprinting towards Norbert-Sam, knuckles ready to strike.

Scott, however, flipped the empty radioactive barrel off him. "Ow! That's different! …huh."

* * *

 **Scott** : Who knew Sam had this much potential in him? I underestimated him!

* * *

B pulled himself to his feet, ready to begin searching again.

Cameron, however, was pinned under some rubble.

"Okay…uh, guys?" he said through his voice chip, straining slightly to move. "Little help here?"

His rockets fired off again and again, to no avail.

" _Apologies,_ " Cameron's female helper said. " _it seems like the obstacle above us is too heavy to move._ "

Cameron groaned. "Well, guess I gotta wait…"

B tossed aside two more boxes containing a canister of orange juice and some cold cuts. He gasped happily as the third and final missing box he opened contained his smartphone.

Jo, in the distance, groaned, holding her arm. "Well, looks like _this_ thing isn't gonna work now…"

* * *

 **Jo** : *she's sporting a black eye and her left arm is in a sling* Huh! Sam's got a lot more potential than I thought! Good work, kid! Glad my strategies have been put to good use!

* * *

B pressed and held his smartphone's power button for 5 seconds. The phone's screen powered on and immediately launched into action.

Anne Maria looked over at her duel with Sam and screamed. " _ALL THREE OF YOU? I'LL KILL YOU NEXT, N-bleep!-!_ "

The smartphone started to expand, extend, and cover B's body as he transformed into his own mechanical form. The robot was blue and had a red top, similar to B's own outfit. It had massive arms and fists, along with stocky legs.

" _Welcome, B, how may I assist you today?_ " a more coherent male robot voice greeted his owner.

B thought of some things he could do, causing some shocks to exit his brain and into the robot's controls.

" _Affirmative. Offensive form, activated._ "

The robotic form slimmed down slightly, with its arms getting bulkier and its legs more suited for running short distances.

B leaned forward, his eyes narrowing.

" _Affirmative. Target locked on, prepare to engage._ "

Meanwhile, Scott happily munched on popcorn given to him by the server robot. "Mmm, conflict!"

* * *

 **Scott** : Might as well withdraw myself from this challenge! I think Sam, B, and Cameron have this in the bag! Heheh, you're toast, Anne Maria!

* * *

Sparks flew as Anne Maria's knuckles met repeatedly with Norbert-Sam's massive sword.

"Come-on-come-on-come-on!" Anne Maria snapped, her rage growing with each punch she threw. " _DIE!_ "

She used one fist to block Norbert-Sam's sword strike, but used the other hand to propel herself onto his hand.

B's robot swung and missed Anne Maria as she started running up Norbert-Sam's arm. The former's punch hit the latter's sword, causing a loud clang to ring around the arena.

Anne Maria growled and readied her fists as she hopped off Norbert-Sam's shoulder, dodging his shield hand, and punched him square in his massive nose.

Norbert-Sam winced visibly as his shield cut into his shoulder, causing a shower of virtual blood to pour out of it.

B dodged just in time as the virtual blood splattered heavily on the ground.

Anne Maria continued pounding on Norbert-Sam's face, causing the latter to start falling…falling…falling…until he crashed onto the ground.

Scott yelped as Norbert-Sam's sword hand barely missed him. "Okay, _I gotta get outta here!_ "

* * *

 **Scott** : All bets are off! With Sam being insane, these animals, and Anne Maria kicking ass out there, there's no more room for me! C'mon, family, we're leav- _iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!_ *he slams open the door and sprints out*

* * *

Rodney groaned as he got to his feet. "Aw, man, what the heck _was_ that?"

Crimson, however, was still sitting in her seat, chewing on some popcorn. "Revenge."

* * *

 **Crimson** : The dark-hearted person has a complexion to match. She's just letting out her anger on those she feels have wronged her in the past. *she eats another piece of popcorn* This will make for good TV.

* * *

Norbert-Sam collapsed onto the ground, skin cracking, before it all vanished, leaving Sam moaning on the ground in pain.

"A- _ha!_ " Anne Maria said, lifting her knuckles up, ready to strike again. "Time to take you o- _OOF!_ "

B lunged at her, shoving her out of the way of Sam and into a pin.

"Come…on…get…the…f-bleep!-…off!" Anne Maria hissed, straining against her opponent.

B just doubled his efforts on her.

What happened next, no one could possibly expect.

Pillars of light and energy shot up into the air near Sam. His body soon was enveloped in light, which started to form into another being.

Anne Maria freed herself from B's grip, mouth wide open. "Oh- _kay_ , _THIS_ is impossible!" she said, still stunned.

* * *

 **Sam** : Yeah, dodge the final boss's strikes, smash him in the face, bam, he's done! However, the third phase…I never got to beat! Spirit Norbert is _stupidly_ powerful!

* * *

Spirit Norbert-Sam was stark and silent. He had given up his sword and shield, and was using his own raw power.

Anne Maria gritted her teeth, to the point where some blood trickled out of her gums and down her mouth. " _I'VE HAD ENOUGH!_ "

Spirit Norbert-Sam raised his hand and launched a massive beam of raw energy at Anne Maria. The force of this blast caused the ground to turn into a crater, and his opponent to scream.

B tackled Anne Maria as Spirit Norbert-Sam's assault ended, launching a flurry of punches at his opponent.

However, B's attack was interrupted as Anne Maria thrust her fist straight up and into his chest.

Spirit Norbert-Sam lunged forward, readying his fist for a powerful punch. Anne Maria dodged out of the way, causing the former to punch B's robot hard.

B was thrown backwards, slamming hard into the ground repeatedly, bouncing his way to a stop. His suit suffered some damage, sparks flying.

Anne Maria looked at the both of them and snickered.

* * *

 **Anne Maria** : Might as well let 'em go against each othuh and win the million that way! Thanks, brain, you've done it again! *she knocks on her head, making a hollow sound*

* * *

" _Damage levels moderate,_ " B's computer voice said. " _Would you like me to switch modes?_ "

B nodded, his thoughts transmitting into the robot's circuitry.

" _Understood. Fusion with Iron-Cam underway._ "

A vast majority of B's robot shed itself from its maker, leaving B with some wires and his single-piece "boots" and "gloves". B kicked the robot into gear, causing it to rocket off to Cameron.

Cameron gasped as he saw B's robot ready to merge with his own, and was in awe as his robot opened to accept its new partner.

The scraping of metal-on-metal ensued, which Anne Maria wasn't ignorant of.

" _YOU'RE FIRST ON MY DEATH LIST, N-bleep!-!_ " she howled, sprinting past Spirit Norbert-Sam's second punch.

The newly created Iron-Cam 2.0 smashed the rubble away from him effortlessly.

" _Hello, Cameron!_ " a fusion of both B and Cameron's voices said to the latter. " _Defenses, offenses, and speed are now tripled! Target locked!_ "

Cameron squeezed both of his fists, screaming loudly as his thoughts filled the robot's circuitry, sending out a multitude of powerful lasers, homing missiles, and a wave of powerful heat.

Anne Maria screeched as the trio of weaponry smashed head-on into her, causing some slight nicks and bumps to appear on her.

The dust cleared. Anne Maria growled, looking at her now chipped brass knuckles, as well as her slightly bloody fingers.

"THAT'S IT!" she screeched, pouncing on Iron-Cam 2.0. "YOU'RE GONNA PAY, DIRTY N-bleep!-!"

Cameron was ready to fly out of the way, but Anne Maria was too quick. She growled as she dug into Iron Cam 2.0's armor, causing sparks to shoot out and its rockets to falter.

"I'll break ya outta there if it's the last thing I do!" she snapped. "You'll be so bloody and beat when I'm done with ya, they'll mistake ya for a slave!"

Her pupils narrowed to slits and her eyeballs started to look more bloodshot.

"Yes… _yes…_ I'll sell all ya dirty n-bleep!-s back to Africa when I win the million! You'll all want to come back, but I won't letcha! NEVER. _NEVER!_ "

Cameron strained as Anne Maria dug one of her hands in deeper, the other ready to smash him into the dirt.

"C'mon!" he said, as his interior started to spark and his internal monitors started to flicker in and out. "I need a fix here!"

" _Damage increasing,_ " the duo of voices said, although it was starting to sound strained. " _Ejection necessary. Final offense tantamount._ "

" _B! SAM! YOU GOTTA HELP ME!_ " Iron-Cam 2.0 shouted through its faltering voice chip.

Spirit Norbert-Sam was already mounting its next attack. Pulling one of his hands back as one would a bow string, he was ready to launch a giant arrow, using his other hand as the base for the tip.

B tapped his feet together quickly, causing a small rocket burst to propel him upwards, landing on top of Spirit Norbert-Sam's makeshift arrow.

Anne Maria heard the crackle of energy and looked behind her. Her eyes widened. "No. _WAY!_ That crap's _solid?!_ "

She gasped as she felt her embedded hand heat up severely. "Aahh…AAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The crackling energy from Iron-Cam 2.0 increased to the point where Anne Maria was engulfed in it. The back opened, expelling Cameron away from the impending attack.

Cameron yelled as he fell to the ground, but breathed a sigh of relief as Zoey caught him.

"Hey, tha…oh God, no," he said, before being dropped suddenly to the ground.

"Consider that repayment for that relay race accident, I guess," the hipster snarled at him. " _But_ , that is only because you are a PoC minority…and I will _always_ help those oppressed."

Cameron sighed. "Gee. Thanks."

High up above, Iron-Cam 2.0's electrical output caused a vortex to appear in front of it and Anne Maria.

" _Energy levels depleting for final attack,_ " the duo of voices called out to the general area. " _Two-pronged attack is advised._ _Fire when ready, Sam._ "

Spirit Norbert-Sam immediately let his massive arrow loose, with B riding on top of it. He braced himself against the wind, tapping his feet a second or two before impact.

Anne Maria could barely see from her electrical onslaught, but she heard the announcement. "Wait… _wait, no. No…stop…STOP!_ "

She was too late; the arrow shot straight into the vortex.

B propelled himself higher as a shockwave spread across Boney Island, followed by an immensely loud _crack._

The explosion of energy and flames was enormous, going down the straight path the arrow would have continued. B wiped his brow as the explosion barely missed his feet, choosing to go along the x-and-y axes.

Anne Maria screamed and hit the ground hard with a loud " _OOF!_ " She attempted to scramble to her feet, but B launched himself straight at her, arm raised.

Chris uncovered his eyes from the explosion. "Looks like Anne Maria's down! And B's just about to go in for the kill!"

However, no one else could hear it; the explosion had left all of them with a temporary ringing in their ears.

All, however, save for Scott, Crimson, and Rodney. The trio were swimming back madly, Crimson riding on top of Rodney to keep dry.

"C'mon, guys!" Scott called, gasping for air. "I felt that explosion!"

B spoke for the third time as he landed on top of Anne Maria, ignoring the small cracks and pops of her bones breaking as he did so.

This time, however, he yelled.

B yelled long and loud as he started to beat down on Anne Maria's face. This was the woman who had made him feel inferior, made him feel ashamed of something he couldn't change.

His yell grew louder as his mind flashed to images of his father. His father, who had bestowed the name he had so hated ("C'mon, I wanted it to be a cute girl! Your name's Beverly!") and tried to shake off for years. His father, who had verbally, physically, and emotionally abused him and his mother for so long. His father, the one who had made him feel unloved, unwanted, and unwelcomed. His father, who had led to his own son refusing to talk to him, or anyone else, for the rest of the former's time at the house. His father, who had been arrested on domestic abuse charges and would be killed in a prison riot the year after.

Each and every one of B's punches landed with a sickening _thud_ , and Anne Maria's face and body became more and more bruised and battered.

Spirit Norbert-Sam, however, just stood where he launched his arrow, electricity crackling all around him. He tried to step forwards, but with a _whoosh_ , his spiritual form disappeared, leaving Sam to fall onto the ground painfully.

"Ohhh…what did I miss?" he groaned, his suit crackling loudly before shutting down.

Cameron looked in amazement as B landed blow after blow on the one who had hurt him deeper than any wound.

Chris was grinning. Chef nodded in assent.

The robot rolled up, beeping, and holding a bag of popcorn.

"No thanks, I'm good," Chris said, holding up his palm and shaking his head.

The robot rolled a little closer, beeping again.

" _He's good, Mal._ " Chef's voice was little more than a hissing whisper.

The robot rolled away quickly, beeping all the while.

B roared louder than he had ever had, smashing Anne Maria with his opposite fist; his right hand's robotic part had broken.

Anne Maria groaned and grunted underneath. "Ya…ya think…that's…supposed'ta… _HURT?!_ "

She smashed B's jaw hard with a brass knuckle aided uppercut. The genius was thrown onto his back, clutching his mouth in pain.

Anne Maria wrenched B's other robotic parts from his body. "Now you're at a disadvantage, n-bleep!-!" she said, cackling.

B opened an eye and saw his assailant raise her fist at him, ready to strike.

However, his fears were for naught.

Anne Maria screamed as Fang launched himself at her, gnashing at any square inch of her body that he could.

Larry was right behind the mutated shark, limping on his/her stump of a leg. Closely following was a mutated gopher. A Boney Island beaver ran behind the trio, screaming as it dove into its cavern home.

Anne Maria struggled with Fang's powerful body, grappling for control. However, she didn't notice the flames until too late…

Larry's tertiary plants breathed their biggest blast of fire yet, engulfing her in a blazing inferno.

Anne Maria shrieked and swatted at herself to fan the fire, but it was no good.

Fang, noticing this opportunity, gave her a vicious uppercut, causing her to fly up into the air and slam hard into the ground.

B shook his head and got ready for round two, but the gopher was way ahead of him.

The three animals finally descended on Anne Maria, who was vigorously rolling around, putting out the flames.

"Ooh, looks like Anne Maria's invited herself into a heap of trouble!" Chris said, chuckling. "Guess she should've played dead like the others!"

" _GRAAAAAAH! SHUT! THA! F-bleep!-! UP!_ "

Anne Maria socked the gopher hard in the chest, causing it to scream in fear and flee. Next, she matched Fang's assault blow-for-blow, before hitting him in the chest with a roundhouse kick.

"I've had _ENOUGH! ALL OF YA'S GONNA DIE!_ " she gasped, readying herself for round 2 with Fang.

* * *

Sam, however, was still lying on the ground, exhausted.

" _SAM!_ " Dakota called out, sprinting over to him.

"Oh, hey, Dakota, did we win?" Sam asked, as the former spoilt diva cradled his chin in her hands.

"Not yet, no…" she murmured, "but B's getting close! I can feel it!"

* * *

Anna Maria clashed with Fang's powerful arms again and again. _Only him and tha plant left, and I'm home free! C'mon!_

"Looks like Anne Maria's going for broke with her endurance! However, with her special makeup gone, her real complexion is on display for the world to see!" Chris said happily.

Anne Maria paused for a moment, which proved to be her mistake. "Wait, wha-?"

Fang punched her face hard, causing her to reel back, recoiling in pain. " _AAAAAGH!_ "

Anne Maria balled her hands up tighter this time, causing her nails to dig into her palms, drawing blood. Her blotchy, pale face was contorted into nothing but pure rage, and her hair had lost all its volume and pep.

" _I'LL KILL YOU! ALL OF YOU!_ " she howled, punching Fang repeatedly with her brass knuckles.

Fang winced repeatedly as his punches failed to connect against Anne Maria's second wind, and winced further as all of hers did.

With one final roundhouse kick, Anne Maria threw Fang a good distance. Growling at her, Fang nursed his bruises and stalked off back into the water.

"One more!" Anne Maria said, too fueled by rage to scream about her ruined looks.

She jumped up onto Larry's dirt mound, made much easier due to the stump leg making the platform easier to reach.

"Don't hurt him more than you already have!" Chris cried out in exasperation, but it was too late.

Anne Maria wrenched the fire-breathing plants out from their 'roots', causing Larry to roar loudly and a spurt of green blood to shoot out.

"Ew…" she murmured, but quickly resumed her beatdown.

She maneuvered herself behind Larry and grabbed his/her thick stem, straining to pull it.

" _You're…dead…too!_ " she gasped, sweat cascading down her beaten, bloody, blotchy face.

Larry roared, smacking her repeatedly with his/her tentacles. Chris winced as he heard each one.

"Okay, _okay,_ Larry! Larry! Buddy! That's enough! I'll get you back to a safe place! Papa Chris _promises_."

He walked up to Larry and scratched the bottom of his/her Venus Flytrap jaw, causing his pet to stomp his/her foot happily.

"There you go, Larry! See, I gotcha…c'mon, let's let _the contestants_ finish this up, okay?"

Larry nodded and limped out towards the water. Chris sighed happily as he saw his pet bob out towards Camp Wawanakwa.

"I love that guy," he said to himself.

"We noticed," Chef grumbled under his breath.

Anne Maria had hardly noticed her brass knuckles were badly chipped and ready to break off her hands. All she could see was the similarly angry opponent standing in front of her.

"No…you won't win…you can't win…" she panted, sweat cascading down every square inch of her body.

B glared right back at her, looking less battered and bruised, but still exhausted all the same.

Anne Maria roared, sprinting at her opponent with her last ounce of strength, ready to end it all with one decisive blow.

B, however, had thought ahead. He tapped his feet together, causing his re-attached boots to rocket him forward.

Anne Maria's eyes widened in disbelief as B hit her as hard as he could, one last time, with his re-attached robotic hand.

The punch was immense. It slammed deep into Anne Maria's cheek, causing her to lose several teeth, her skin to wiggle around like jelly, and for her to recoil backwards from the force.

B stood and glared as his opponent went down, twitching slightly on the ground.

Chris looked down at Anne Maria. "Huh. Seems like she's not gonna get up _too_ easily from that…all that's left is to pin her down for a 3-count, B, and you've won the challenge!"

B nodded, silent as ever.

* * *

" _Hurry, Crimson, hurry!_ People's _lives_ are at stake here!"

"Hello, police? There's been an emergency…yes, there was a wicked explosion over on some small island…oh, somewhere in this 'Camp Wawanakwa' area…yes, it does sound fake…no, I don't care…"

" _Give me that!_ " Scott yelled, wrenching Crimson's smartphone away from her. "Yes, hello? I'm Scott from the 'Total Drama' series…yeah, the _famous_ one…anyways, there's been some really dangerous activity going on Camp Wawanakwa lately…where is it? It's, uh…"

"It's in Muskoka!" Rodney said happily, tapping away on his tablet.

"Yeah, Muskoka, Ontario! Thanks, Rodney! Yeah, there's been this crazy season, with mutated animals, some sadistic contestants, and honestly, a lot of us are fearing for our lives right now!"

Crimson slowly blinked at him. "Can I have that back, please?"

"…yeah? Yeah, okay. Okay, good! Great! Thanks!"

Scott handed Crimson her phone back. "So, they'll be here with a boat and heli…weli…"

"Helicopter team? Awesome!" Rodney said, looking up from his tablet.

"I know, right?!" Scott said, chuckling. "You're going down, Chris…"

* * *

 **Scott** : Listen, I'm not doing it because I'm _evil_ , I'm doing it because I don't want anyone to get really injured anymore! This season has become _way_ too da— *a knock on the door interrupts him* Uh, yeah, hello?

 **A policeman, from outside** : _Jerry,_ _he's keeping kids locked up in the outhouse where they're losing their minds! Find him and lock him up!_

* * *

B glared at his robotic fist, then at his opponent. With one more yell, he rocketed himself up and elbow dropped himself, right on top of Anne Maria.

Chris winced as he heard the sickening _crunch!_ "Ooh, someone's going home in a body cast tonight! Anyways…"

B brought his metallic fist back, ready to end everything.

" _ONE!_ " Chris called out.

B punched Anne Maria squarely in her temple.

" _TWO!_ "

B smashed Anne Maria's kidney area this time.

" _THREE!_ "

B, with one more mighty yell, hit Anne Maria as hard as he could in her nose, grinning as he heard a loud, satisfying _crunch_.

The robotic arm split lengthwise, its two halves lying in the pool of blood cascading down Anne Maria's face.

" _THAT'S IT!_ " Chris announced, throwing his arms up in the air. " _B HAS FINALLY WON THE MILLION DO-_ "

" _Chris McLean, you are under arrest for destruction of wildlife, property, and endangering the health of minors!_ "

A loud whirring sound came from overhead, followed by a _honk_ of a boat horn.

Chris gasped. "Wait, _what?!_ We _literally_ just finished the finale here!"

Scott was grinning at the host, leaning against the bow railing of the boat. "Sorry, Chris, looks like your sadistic reign is over!"

Rodney just stood there and shrugged. Crimson waved, not looking up from her smartphone.

Chris struggled to form words, glaring at Scott. "Okay, wh—HOW? _WHY?!_ "

"Simple! I couldn't stand to see the destruction of my family _and_ these contestants! After seeing what happened to your two finalists, I'm pretty sure the cops are on my side…"

Chris gasped as an officer handcuffed him from behind. "C'mon, McLean. Do you have anyone else that can conclude this season? We need to get you guys _off_ of here…"

Chef nodded. "Can do!"

Chris grumbled as the officer escorted him to the ship. "F-bleep!- you, Scott!"

"Hey, sorry! I couldn't take it anymore! Besides, look at Anne Maria! Look at Jo!"

Jo was still clutching her broken arm, struggling to see out of her swollen eye. "Whelp, _this_ was a change of events!"

" _CHEF!_ " Chris called, struggling not to go inside the ship. " _DO THE HONORS FOR ME! MCLEAN, OUT!_ "

He was forcefully shoved into the boat, followed by the officer closing and locking up the door.

Another officer strode up to Chef. "You're not getting off the hook that easily. What is it you do here?"

Chef was holding the million-dollar briefcase. "Well, I cook, clean, and take care of these kids! I feed 'em crap, but that's what Chris told me to do! Scout's honor!"

The officer looked Chef up and down suspiciously. "I _see…_ can I have your word that this island will be cleaned and detoxified by next year?"

"Of course! I have _just_ the guy for the job…"

He held up his remote and pushed the button. The robot rolled up swiftly, beeping incessantly once again.

"Here he is! I'm sure with a good look-over, he'll be more than capable for the job…"

The officer did, nodding. "Very well, then. I'll say both of you are up to task."

"Sir, yes sir!" Chef said, saluting.

From inside the boat, some loud thumps and unidentifiable yells could be heard.

"What's that, Chris?" Chef said, putting his hand next to his ear to hear better, "you hate me for sellin' you out? Well, consider it _revenge_ for _f-bleep!-ing your animal experiments!_ That's nasty!"

The officer's eyes widened. "Add a charge of bestiality to that, Jerry!" he called to the other officer, who was marshalling the contestants onto the police boat.

B was just about to go on the boat, but Chef put a hand on his shoulder.

"Here you are, B. Honestly, I'm glad it was me givin' this to ya, as opposed to, well…" Chef said quietly, handing him the briefcase.

B quickly wrapped Chef in a big hug, tears flowing down his cheeks.

"Hey, _hey,_ c'mon, now…" Chef muttered, awkwardly patting the winner's back. "It's cool…it's…"

The other contestants watched as Chef let loose a few tears himself.

"So, B!" Beth said, as he let go of Chef, wiping his eyes. "What are you going to do with the million?"

B opened the chest and immediately gave a massive wad to Sam. He nodded at him.

"Wait, wha…" Sam said, taking his chunk. "B, this is easily 20 grand! Are you sure?"

B nodded again, digging through the briefcase.

Cameron gasped as he got a share of $20,000. "No _way,_ B! You don't have to do this, just for me…"

Zoey rolled her eyes, grumbling. "I think I should've gotten a _little_ for supporting you PoC," she muttered to herself.

Jo chuckled as she saw Sam sort his money out. "Hey, not bad, Sam! I'm proud of ya! But hey! Where's a little of the money for the gal that let him _get_ that share? Huh? _Huuuh?_ "

B pulled out a Canadian $20, shrugged, and handed it over to her.

Jo scowled as she glared at the money. " _Really? That's all I'm worth to you?!_ Unreal!"

Lightning chuckled, pulling his mouth bandages down. "Sha-ha ha, sucker! Now you know what it's like to be the Lightning!"

"No I don't!" Jo snapped at him, glaring.

B rooted through his briefcase and gave Dawn $10,000.

"Oh, B!" she said, gasping happily. "You didn't have to do this for me…"

B gave her the finger-gun/mouth click routine.

"Oh!" Dawn said, turning to Beth. "Where's Justin? I wanted to see what his aura was like now that he's gotten…better…"

"Does it look like I give a crap anymore?!" Beth yelled out furiously. "I mean, look at this mess! He was trapped down there for a year, and did _anyone_ go and help him? _NO!_ Given what he did, I'd rather he be dead, but I'm just _happy_ he's out of all of our hair!"

Jerry glared at the room Chris was stuck in. " _Add in neglect of minors, Tom!_ "

"Uhhhh…you _really_ shouldn't do that…" Chef called out to the pair of officers from the Boney Island shoreline.

"Anyways, good luck, all of you scrawny kids! This guy and I… (he pushed the button again, causing the robot to beep up along next to him) …will make sure this island will be as good as new in a year!"

With a loud _honk_ , the boat took all the contestants off Wawanakwa, a major crisis coming to its conclusion.

"Well, looks like that's a wrap for this season!" Chef said, chuckling.

"Be sure to catch us next season…if we ever even have one…I should ask Chris to get some of the _old guard_ back…hmm…maybe compete with the new ones!"

Chef's eyes flickered with light and he slammed his fist down. " _That's it!_ A heroes vs. villains season! Ah, Chef, you've got some new tricks in that ol' dog mind!"

The robot beeped incessantly next to him.

"So, yeah!" Chef said, waving at the cameras. "If Chris gets out of jail and the next season gets greenlit, be sure to see all of your favorite contestants from the past two seasons here on Camp Wawanakwa! But, for now, this ends Total…Drama…"

The robot beeped even louder next to him, slamming into Chef's side.

" _WILL YOU CUT THAT CRAP OUT?! GET TO WORK!_ "

* * *

(AN: And that's a wrap for Season 2! I hope you liked it! And I apologize profusely if this chapter got _way_ too wacky way too fast. I wanted the all-out brawl, but I wanted to put the helpers in there, too. Add in B's genius and mechanical skills, and, well…

Anyways, fun factoid time! Firstly, if you don't know who Crimson is, which I'm sure a few of you _might_ not know…guys, go watch Ridonculous Race. Right now. It's _so_ good, even though there's some problems in it…but I digress! [and before you ask, _no_ , I'm not going to do a re-write of that season, it's fine as it is…save for some eliminations that don't mean much, but _anyways!_ ]

Fun factoid number 2! Sam's entire Norbert shtick is something I, uh…got wholesale from the _Bleach_ manga. Look up the character Gerard [Gerald? Japan's got some Romanization issues…] Valkyrie. Basically, a Norse God that absolutely refuses to die. Except he did…in a _really_ anticlimactic fashion that I don't want to talk about… _anyways!_ His final form in the manga looks really freaking cool and I had to incorporate it somehow. Look him up, he's got zero character, but I love his design so much. It's simple, but it works!

Lastly, be sure to be subscribed to me as an author! I have something special planned involving the next season coming at the end of February! Don't miss it!)

14th: Lightning

13th: Cameron (injury)

12th: Zoey

11th: Scott

10th: Jo

9th: Dawn

8th: Mal

-Justin returns-

8th: Beth

7th: Dakota (quit)

-merge-

6th: Justin

5th: Brick

4th: Staci

3rd: Sam (disqualified)

2nd: Anne Maria

1st: B

(Author's PostNote: Hope you enjoyed this season! I tried hard to improve where I failed in season 1. Let me know if you liked it, if you didn't like it, what could be improved, and what could be nixed. Thanks again for all the support! See you in Season 3!)


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